YSaC, Vol. 1366: Scrapping the bottom of the barrel
2012 October 22
wanting a scraping partner – $1
wanting a female friend to scrap with me and live at my house she will have everything she needs over the last ten years i have found a million dollars worth of things this is 4 real call me ### ### #### jeff
OK, Sparky – let’s clear something up: Have you misspelled “scrape” or “scrapping?” And if you want someone to “scrap” with you, does that mean scrapbooking, or sparring? Because it makes a big difference. Once we’ve settled that, we’re going to have to figure out who can help you collect this female you’re looking for…
FEMALE_PERSONAL_Collection_Agency_Service
FEMALE PERSONAL Collection Agency Service
Huh. I guess they’d do. I’ll bet they’ve got BINDERS full of – well, you know.
Thanks, Jodi and also Jodi!
I cannot shake the idea that “scrap” is an auto-correct fail for a sparkii attempt to spell “steal.” . . .
By scrapping, Sparky means collecting scrap metal and selling it. But a million dollars worth? I doubt that’s 4 real.
It’s 4 real. Sparky means Zimbabwean dollars.
[currency corey]
Zimbabwean dollars have increased in value lately–as novelty collector’s items.
The Bank of Zimbabwe no longer accepts them. The currency most use is Central African Franc or US dollars or Euros.
Some discussion about issuing a world record for largest-denomination currency quite likely being trafficking in misery.
There is an entire Wiki article on Zimbabwean currency which devolves into steep math with the sad spiral of hyperinflation.
[/corey]
*scratches thru junk drawer*
Damn! I think I threw away my Zimbabwean dollars just last week!
Scrap with me. I want to be your partner.
Can’t you see? You’ll make a million dollars.
Need directions? Call Female Collection.
Scrap with me.
I’ve had worse earworms. 8) I guess I can scrap by with this one.
Oh man, Dave. I recognized the tune by the first line. When I had my first slow dance to that song I don’t remember the words being quite the same, but admittedly it has been 40 years or so. Maybe I should have gotten the stars out of my ears as well as my eyes.
How many females do you need to acquire before it is considered a collection?
Three.
I think the guidelines go something like this;
1 – 2 = “I like this.”
3 – 50 = “I collect this.”
51 – 500 = “I am a serious collector.”
>500 = I have a problem.”
“>500 = I have a problem.”
There is a city in Texas with a collection of over 500 women.
Houston, you have a problem.
If I buy only a few more books, manga, and comic books I will go from “serious collector” to “I have a problem”. At least they are neatly organized in boxes and on shelves?
Or I could go ahead and declare myself a library.
…and Fox, Oregon likes this.
[waves magick wand] You are a library! <poof of smoke–sshhh, this is a library; with hint of smell of well-kept paper and leather bindings>
Millions of dollars worth of things! Specifically, the street value of his last few roommate’s vital organs.
There’s a reason they call it Scrapple.
“jeff” a/k/a Mike Tyson.
So if the prospective female is 19, then she will have everything she needs since she was 9.
Do teenage females need more than their adult counterparts?
I think the bigger deal here is the retroactive promises made. Does Sparky have a time machine?
Is Sparky’s poor grammar and sentence construction the result of brain damage from exposure to temporal anomalies, or simply because xe is from the year 2525, where Lower Modern English is a sadly-neglected elective option at the brain programming booth, and English never had the appropriate tense structures to handle recursive futures anyway?
True, that past-imperfect future dative case is so very hard to have will learned.
Having been a teenage girl who is now an adult female? Yes. I no longer require rides to the mall, pizza-parties on my birthday, or help with homework.
[snatches up birthday list]But, Godiva chocolates and spa visits are still good to collect, yes?
Okay, you’re poundpoundpound poundpoundpound poundpoundpoundpound jeff.
I apologize for that everybody, but it had to be done.
One, no more pounding on people in the lounge, please.
Bu-Bu-But it’s Jeff!
*eyes water up*
*screams at jeff* Mama Windy always did like you best!
*casts eyes toward Windrose*
*eyes bounce a couple of times then roll up to Mama Windy’s feet*
Mama Windy says, “…”
If you’re going to act like scrap, go sit in the yard, *shakes head sadly* *rattle, rattle*
I prefer poundpoundpound cake
[muses]Hmmm, 3-pound cake or five-pound-bass . . .
It’s not pound cake unless you have a female friend to help with scraping the frosting off.
I have been told to go pound sand–is that like cake?
The first rule of Pound Club is ####################.
El Bee El Bee El Bee El Bee El Bee El Bee El Bee El Bee El Bee El Bee El Bee El Bee El Bee El Bee El Bee El Bee El Bee El Bee El Bee El Bee.
or
libra libra libra libra libra libra libra libra libra libra libra libra libra libra libra libra libra libra libra libra.
A rule by any other name would weigh as much.
Just a warning – do NOT make pithy comments about any of the female personal collection agencies you’ll get if you call that service. They’re already bitter about their rates being 70% of a male personal collection agency, and they know how to make you cough up.
I don’t understand. Does the Collection Agency Service collect 30% less FEMALE PERSONALS than they do MALE PERSONALS? Or are there two competing Collection Agency Services and the rate of collecting FEMALE PERSONALS is 70% of the rate of collecting MALE PERSONALS? Maybe FEMALE PERSONALS are more difficult to collect. Maybe the collectors at the Collection Agency Service that collect FEMALE PERSONALS work slower. Maybe it’s the Fratellis. Or is the going rate for FEMALE PERSONALS 70% of the going rate for MALE PERSONALS? Maybe someone can spend millions of taxpayer dollars to study this.
And, what of the f4f collection agencies?
And during October when we are all supposed to be concentrating on second base (and coordinating fucia/magenta)
This one time, at band camp, I had this friend, she was female, and this one day, we were late, so we ran, and I fell down, and I scraped my knee, and my friend said, “Are you okay??”, and I said, “It hurts”, and she said, “How can I help?”, and I looked at her like she wasn’t even from this planet, and she said like, “What?”, and I said, “Well..”, and she said, “I’m not going to fall down too, and scrape my knee”, so I guess I should have an unrealistic expectations tag too.
And this one time, at band camp, I wanted some FEMALE, PERSONAL Service…
…And Sparky and Scrappy and their million dollars worth of things live happily ever after.
So every ten years Sparky recycles his partner?
You know how it is; your old model starts getting cranky and doesn’t want to work properly, so you just trade it in for a new one.
And wears them as a cape.
I was good to go scraping (or even scrapping – I have a mean left hook) with Sparky until I got to “and live at my house”. No, Sparky, no. Can you imagine living in a junk yard? That would be worse than my present abode!
I’ve been just scraping by for years and years. I still haven’t made a million anythings to give to a needy female in the last ten years.
(well, maybe, but I’m not going there)
Four Weekend Snarkers sitting in a box.
One taught the ferret to undo the locks.
Out came the Snarkers, and what did they do?
Went back to snark another day with you!
Dave, Ducky, Lou, and Me!
Punchity Punch Punch!
Good Morning, Metal Man!