YSaC, Vol. 1369: Tell me who to eat with, sleep with.

2012 October 25

Some of you may remember our all time favorite YouTube video based on a YSaC post based on a terrible spambot attempt to place a personal ad on Craigslist. If not, go watch it now. In fact, even if you DO remember it, go watch it now. It’s that funny. We’ll wait. Actually, I think I may just go watch it myself.

(1 minute and 9 seconds later)

OK, so THIS ad isn’t quite the same. Sparky here is probably a real person. But he doesn’t quite grasp how to go about using whatever service he’s employing to post his ad.

$400 Need Roommate for 2 Bedroom townhome!


About me and my place
I just transfered jobs here.
Room Rent will include all utilities and the place is fully furnished minus the room for rent

So it’s fully furnished, except for the bits where you might actually want furniture. This is obviously some NEW definition of “fully furnished” with which I was previously unfamiliar.

Just contact me with any other questions!
I get up 6am – 8am. I go to bed 10pm – 12am. I eat almost anything.

So hide your shoes!

My level of cleanliness is best described as clean. I rarely have overnight guests. I party occasionally.

I live in a 1 person male only household. Age 31 – 31.

Wait – is that 31 MINUS 31? I don’t want to share an apartment with a newborn!

My work schedule is best described as “professional (9-5)”. My professional occupation is other.

I hear there’s good money in “other.” The problem is that the only degree program is at the University of Elsewhere. (But not on the main campus.)

I do not have any pets.
The apartment have residence features air conditioning, deck or patio, wood floors,
carpet, storage, parking, laundry, dishwasher. Your room is unfurnished. It features phone jack, cable tv jack, private closet. Fees: to move in – 400, parking – $0.00. Total cost of utilities – $0.00.

I should get a private closet. I’m tired of all those people watching me while I’m hunting for my one tie that doesn’t clash with a green shirt.

I am looking for
i prefer only living with females and have for the past 10 out of 13 years Pets are ok but you will have to pay the property management a $200 non refundable fee and clear the pet with them first
My roommate preferences
I am looking for roommates between the ages of 18 and 34. I don’t mind if my roommates smoke outside only. I don’t mind if my roommates have a pet cat, a pet dog.
My interests
My favorite pastime is movies, games, bars, gym. My favorite band is too many to list. My favorite book is internet.

Johanna, who sent this in, observes that HER favorite book is internet too!

My favorite TV show is too many to list. My favorite film is too many to list.

plz Answer my questions here:::::::

At this point in the ad was a link to the FRONT PAGE of a roommate sharing website, with no indication whatsoever of how to find the page for this particular Sparky or their miraculous Taj Mahal of apartments.

do you have steady ine ?

According to Uncle Internet, INE most likely refers to the Portuguese national statistics bureau.

No. I do not have one of those.

are you clean ?

I am clean at the moment, but I’m planning on working out tomorrow morning. If I got dirty, would I then have to move out?

what type of lifestyle do you lead ?

Don’t drink, don’t smoke.

what do you do ?

Subtle innuendos follow…

are you easy going ?

Say – that’s not the next line of the song!

Thanks, Johanna!

28 Responses leave one →
  1. 2012 October 25
    CapnMac permalink

    Sounds like someone was using cut-n-paste–but, I’m really paying more attention to the Secondhand Chickens album Ghostie loaned me . . .
    [humming to: bawkbabababa bawk bauk, BAWK!]

    Adores: 3
  2. 2012 October 25

    I used to watch Too Many to List too, but then it got moved to Wednesdays and that’s the day my turnip-waxing club meets so I had to give it up. The plot’s kind of hard to follow, anyway; I don’t think they ever explained the thing with the aardvark and the lemon meringue pie.

    Adores: 13
    • 2012 October 25
      camille permalink

      Yeah, they explained that better in the book, but it looks like Sparky hasn’t read the book.

      Adores: 9
    • 2012 October 25

      Oooh..ghostie! You stopped watching one episode too soon!

      The aardvark and the lemon meringue pie.

      ****WARNING: SPOILER ALERT****

      The blind butler, Bensonmum, did it.

      Adores: 7
    • 2012 October 25
      Demon Duck of Doom permalink

      It turns out the aardvark was a red herring. And the lemon meringue pie was actually a walk-in refrigerator.

      Adores: 8
    • 2012 October 25
      CapnMac permalink

      and the lemon meringue pie

      Oooohhhhh, “pie”–that explains so very much, I was thinking “…Lemon Curry?”

      Adores: 1
  3. 2012 October 25

    Internet is one of my favorite books, too. The movie adaptation, inexplicably retitled Too Many to List, left out one of the most interesting subplots and weakened the ending. The TV series was just unwatchable; did the writers either know or care what the antihero was getting at with his three questions?

    Adores: 8
    • 2012 October 25
      Rebecca permalink

      The air speed velocity of an unladen swallow?

      Which, by the way, is the name of my all-Baroque cover band.

      Adores: 5
      • 2012 October 25
        Brer Fox permalink

        I’m always baroque. I can’t cover the cost of anything, especially a band.

        Adores: 2
    • 2012 October 25
      CapnMac permalink

      So I was being charitable in thinking that by being paid, the the screenwriters reduced the number of less-than competent waitstaff in the LA basin?

      (The true subtext of sparkii inhumanity to the sapient really comes out in the Director’s Cut dvd, though.)

      Adores: 1
  4. 2012 October 25

    My favorite pastime is also movies, games, bars, gym. Or as we call it in my area, MGBG (pronounced “Mig-Big” or “Mug-Bug”, depending upon whom you ask). Only tourists and posers pronounce it by spelling out the letters, “Emm-Gee-Bee-Gee.”

    Adores: 8
  5. 2012 October 25

    HUGE Doors for the Adam Ant reference, there, Dan! 8)

    And sounds to me like Sparky is really looking for someone to put a hat on his badger, if you know what I mean.

    Adores: 5
  6. 2012 October 25
    DigitalAxis permalink

    What do you do?
    65-75 mph, depending on traffic conditions.

    Adores: 5
    • 2012 October 25
      Demon Duck of Doom permalink

      Coincidentally, that is also what Jesus would do.

      Adores: 8
  7. 2012 October 25
    Brer Fox permalink

    I eat almost anything.

    So, no more science projects growing in the back of the fridge?

    Adores: 1
  8. 2012 October 25
    P-Rex permalink

    My favorite band is too many to list. My favorite TV show is too many to list. My favorite film is too many to list.

    Sparky’s obsession is too many to list.

    Adores: 2
    • 2012 October 25
      CapnMac permalink

      That’s probably just the sort of bias that Kemal Ataturk had to put up with after naming all his companion animals (including the arachnids) “Abdul”

      Adores: 1
  9. 2012 October 25
    Demon Duck of Doom permalink

    do you have steady ine ?

    a) I have an annoying whine. Will that do?

    b) No, but I have knotty pine.

    c) Sorry, I gave up after Atlas Shrugged.

    Adores: 7
    • 2012 October 25
      Kaziganthi permalink

      I thought ine was opposite of audi. You know belly button type…

      Adores: 2
      • 2012 October 25
        CapnMac permalink

        No, you’re thinking of the american war hero, Outie Murphy.

        Adores: 2
  10. 2012 October 25
    P-Rex permalink

    1) do you have steady ine ?

    a) ine? If by ine you mean vine, then not exactly. Twine? No, not that either. If you mean devine line, then yeah, I got ine coming out my ass.

    2) are you clean ?

    a) Squeaky, like a mouse.

    3) what type of lifestyle do you lead ?

    a) I’m basically a domestic nomad.

    4) what do you do ?

    a) Like any good outfielder, I catch flies.

    5) are you easy going ?

    a) Yes, and I’m easy coming too.

    So if you need me for anything I’ll just be hanging around in the corner.

    Adores: 4
  11. 2012 October 25
    Ralph permalink

    Hey, hey, so I guess I’m doin’ ine?
    Because you’re mine, I walk the ine?

    Adores: 5
  12. 2012 October 25
    LimeLolly permalink

    The only way this ad could have been capped off as creepier, is if he specified that said female needed to be a certain ‘size’ in clothes because secretly he wants to share her wardrobe.

    Adores: 2
    • 2012 October 25
      CapnMac permalink

      Or skin . . .

      Adores: 0
      • 2012 October 25
        Kaziganthi permalink

        It puts the lotion in the basket…

        Adores: 2
        • 2012 October 25

          Kazi! 8) Good to see you again.

          Adores: 0
  13. 2012 October 26

    Oh Capn, Our Capn, From your pedestal look down.
    The Sparkies gather round us like a herd of rabid clown.
    Oh Capn, Dear Capn, elucidate us, do!
    What makes the Sparky lack the brains of a can of Mountain Dew?

    Punchity Punch Punch!

    Good Morning, Ine, Ine, Ine!

    Adores: 0

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