YSaC, Vol. 1381: Can’t even speak about it

2012 November 12

IN NEED OF A JOB !


My name is Kayla I am 19 years old. I have a high school deplomia. Im very computer literate and well organized. Im interested in administrative or an office career. Yes thats right Im looking for a long tern career insteaed of a job! Ive been told I have a bubbly personalitly. Im very well with working as a team or on my own. Im willing to learn anything. Im looking for morning shift Monday-Friday an preferably in the ######## area but some surronding areas are okay. If you are interested in getting ahold of me you can email me at the above address and I will get back to you with my resume. Thank you for taking the time and reading my post I look forward to hearing from you

Thank you,
Kayla

It’s a good thing Kayla here is computer literate… because she doesn’t quite qualify for the regular kind. Also, how many H.R. directors really spend their time poking around on Craigslist on the off chance that someone who has posted a desperate plea for employment might fill their requirements better than a random homeless person pulled off the median strip across from their nearest Waffle House?

On the other hand, “Deplomia” is a great Rhianna song.

Thanks for the link, Jessica!

32 Responses leave one →
  1. 2012 November 12
    Ralph permalink

    Sorry Sparkie, but even a short tern career instead of a job requires a college degree, and there’s no such thing as a “morning shift” in wildlife biology. No boobies are eligible.

    Adores: 6
    • 2012 November 12
      Rebecca permalink

      But maybe if you could sparrow a minute you’d find she’s just the gull for the job.

      Adores: 7
      • 2012 November 12
        DigitalAxis permalink

        And hey, since when was crowing about your achievements on Craigslist a crime?

        Adores: 6
        • 2012 November 12
          LonePaladin permalink

          My tern!

          Isn’t pride a cardinal sin?

          Adores: 6
      • 2012 November 12

        You have to admit, “Kayla, CEO” has a nice wren to it.

        Adores: 3
        • 2012 November 12

          The way she crows about her achievements, I’m sure all the big companies will be flocking to her. It won’t be long before she is able to build up quite a nest egg.

          Adores: 8
        • 2012 November 12

          Riiiiiiiight…and who’s gull-ible enough to give her a job?

          Adores: 4
      • 2012 November 12

        I think she would make aviary good employee.

        Adores: 5
        • 2012 November 12

          But remember, she’s not looking for job, she’s looking for a carrier. Preferably one where she doesn’t have to work all jay.

          Adores: 3
        • 2012 November 12
          Ralph permalink

          Since she has a bubbly personalitly make sure she takes a drug test; you don’t want her to leave no tern unstoned.

          Adores: 6
      • 2012 November 12
        mud "static noise" slicker permalink

        Sometimes, you people give me the batshit crazies.

        Adores: 8
        • 2012 November 12

          She’ll be great on the phone where she just has to parrot the same greeting over and over.

          Adores: 5
        • 2012 November 12
          Irregular Fractal permalink

          Why would you want to pigeonhole her like that? She needs room to fly.

          Adores: 3
  2. 2012 November 12

    My name is David I am 50 years old. Im very computer literate and well organized in particular I am a whiz at using speling and gramer check. My family came here from Deplomia please don’t be prejudiced against Deplomian-Americans.

    Adores: 12
  3. 2012 November 12
    DigitalAxis permalink

    Itching extensions? Aching weave? Tingling toupee? These are just a few of the warning signs of Deplioma. But fortunately, the folks at GlaxoMerckPfizer have a solution for this debilitating social disgrace: Walletol! Demand it from your doctor today!

    Adores: 13
    • 2012 November 12
      Dan permalink

      That’s just generic Naplonene.

      Adores: 4
      • 2012 November 12
        mud "static noise" slicker permalink

        Is Naplonene that ice cream that’s part strawberry, vanilla, chocolate, and regret?

        Adores: 9
        • 2012 November 12
          Irregular Fractal permalink

          I like the kind with the chocolate horses and bayonets in it.

          Adores: 5
        • 2012 November 12
          mud "static noise" slicker permalink

          That’s called Ben & Jerry’s Romney’s Navy and I think it’s got nuts and ground seahorses in it.

          Adores: 1
      • 2012 November 12
        ArtsyComputerGeek permalink

        Yeah but it’s not as good as the original.

        Adores: 1
  4. 2012 November 12

    Im very well with working as a team

    I have been diagnosed with “the most boring case of dissociative identity disorder ever.”

    Adores: 7
    • 2012 November 12
      mud "static noise" slicker permalink

      ….that’s A-Team*.

      *pity the fool

      Adores: 8
      • 2012 November 12
        Irregular Fractal permalink

        This would actually work pretty well, since I think just about every woman that was a part of the team in that show ended up biting it.

        Adores: 1
  5. 2012 November 12

    Let’s jump 10 years into the future and visit Kayla in her new career: She is 29, has 3 kids, uses her deplomia as a paperweight, and works as a team. “You want fries with that?”

    Adores: 3
    • 2012 November 12
      DigitalAxis permalink

      Oh ye of little faith. Who’s to say she won’t end up at a multinotional carportation?

      Adores: 6
    • 2012 November 12
      kelli permalink

      Windy, I have read things from people in management and higher positions that were not even as well written as Kayla’s plea for employment.

      Adores: 5
  6. 2012 November 12
    CapnMac permalink

    Dear CL,
    I am 52, have a degree and three decades’ proven professional experience; I am literate in English, and have a passing knowledge of Last, Spanish, German, and French.
    All in an industry that has seen a post-Recession “improvement” from 33-35% to 28-26% unemployment, so, please, please, wizard CL, find me a job.

    Wilt hep iffn I talks al dumlike?
    i r gud @ maths 2.
    oktxbye

    Adores: 4
  7. 2012 November 12
    Tankerbell permalink

    Im willing to learn anything.

    Ok, Kayla. Start with use of the apostrophe. Uh-POS-truh-fee. Look up what it is, learn how to use it, and then try again.

    Adores: 5
  8. 2012 November 12
    Kaziganthi permalink

    My name is Kayla
    I live on the second floor
    I have a high school deplomia
    yes I think you’ve seen me before
    Im very computer literate and well organized
    Im interested in administrative or an office career

    Just don’t ask me what it was
    Just don’t ask me what it was
    Just don’t ask me what it was

    Im looking for a long tern career
    I have a bubbly personalitly
    Im very well with working as a team
    Im willing to learn anything
    Im looking for morning shift
    preferably in the ######## area

    You just don’t argue anymore
    You just don’t argue anymore
    You just don’t argue anymore

    My name is Kayla
    I am 19 years old

    Adores: 10
  9. 2012 November 13

    D/DM, so good to have you back in the Snark Lounge! Punchity Punch Punch!

    Good Morning, Hannibal Smith!

    Adores: 2
    • 2012 November 13
      Irregular Fractal permalink

      I love it when a plan comes together.

      Adores: 2
  10. 2012 November 20
    NotMyName permalink

    You have a bubbly personalitly? My personalitly is all wrong. My mind’s constantly in the gutter, I annoy people to no end, and make fun of people for the tiniest grammar errors. I guess could could say my personalitly is….male.

    Adores: 0

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