YSaC, Vol. 1382: Not. A. …. I give up.

2012 November 13

LEOPARD STOLE – $10


great leopard stole great for matching in bedroom or living room
in great shape and wood work if interested please call lacey xxx-xxx-xxxx

 

Wrong. And wrong. And just …. no. Always remember the second rule of decorating: “Never use cheetah print on furniture if you live in a state that has a vowel in it.”

But it’s great for matching, so let me find some other leopard print furniture to match it with …

Ethan Allen Leopard Bench Padded Top Nice! – $150


You are looking at an Ethan Allen Bench/Coffee Table/Ottamon up for sale. This is pretty much brand new Excellent Condition. Substantial Piece to Any Room! Firm on Price at $150 its a great deal. 17″ Tall, 50″ Wide, 20″ Deep. Thanks for Looking and Happy Bidding!

Ottamon isn’t the best (worst?) misspelling we’ve seen of that particular meme, but I am entertained by the implication that they’ll accept any bids (on Craigslist) as long as it’s $150.

You know, I think I’m on to something here. I’m going to re-do my entire house in Early Leopard. I’ve already got the stool and the ottoman; now all I need is a sofa!

Beautiful leopard print sofa and loveseat – $250


Beautiful leopard print sofa and loveseat in great condition…Need to get rid of it asap…Please email if interested. Will accept lower offers if reasonable.

Martha Stewart, eat your heart out. My leopard living room suite is complete.

Thanks, amadajo, Lyle, and Karen!

41 Responses leave one →
  1. 2012 November 13

    Not.a.leopard not.a.stole.

    [faux Corey] Leopard Stole was Mink Stole’s sister, who performed in one direct-to-video movie and then disappeared from the public eye. [/faux Corey]

    Adores: 6
    • 2012 November 13
      Irregular Fractal permalink

      Mink Stole… didn’t she used to appear at that club on the parkway?

      Perhaps I’ve said too much.

      Adores: 6
      • 2012 November 13

        No, IF. You’re thinking of Faux Armoire with the big doors on top and the small drawer on the bottom.

        Adores: 6
  2. 2012 November 13
    mud "static noise" slicker permalink

    Everything leopard and yet a leopard wouldn’t recognize his own mama.

    You can just smell the musk wafting from the deep recesses of the Chester Cheetah furniture; like an early morning sultry mist bubbling from the surface of the Everglades. Smells like Victim-ry!!

    ::We’re Ethan Allen’s King Kong Kollection and we approve of this message::

    Adores: 9
  3. 2012 November 13
    Rebecca permalink

    Wait , what? Happy bidding??? Sparky the Second is having a cell-phone-in-the-freezer kind of day, I think.

    Adores: 7
  4. 2012 November 13

    great leopard stole great

    This post was so very close to being one of the best Dr. Seuss Craigslist ads ever.

    Adores: 9
  5. 2012 November 13
    telegramsamo permalink

    Swanky.

    Adores: 7
    • 2012 November 13

      tele, your W key has been switched with your K key, I think.

      Adores: 8
      • 2012 November 13
        mud "static noise" slicker permalink

        Awww…I see what you did there Windy. But I thought it was their T key that got switched.

        Adores: 3
      • 2012 November 13

        tele, your W key has been switched with your K key, I think.

        Skanwy?

        Adores: 8
        • 2012 November 13
          SilvaNoir permalink

          hawnted weopard! vewy skanwy!

          Adores: 2
  6. 2012 November 13
    Ralph permalink

    I’m not sure what the leopard stole, but the stool sample in the picture doesn’t match anything in my house.

    The Bench/Coffee Table/Ottamon may work for two out of those three, but a padded top and coffee are a bad combination, despite the pre-existing stains.

    And the sofa and loveseat look more like a bleached zebra than a leopard; I don’t think leopards come in 50 shades of gray.

    The other problem is that things like this from craigslist are likely to breed, and then you end up with a huge leopard colony. Please spay and neuter your furniture.

    Adores: 14
    • 2012 November 13
      CapnMac permalink

      Ralph is wise.
      But his speelchek has added an “o”; and replaced “per” with “pard” . . .

      Adores: 2
  7. 2012 November 13
    LimeLolly permalink

    So…. the leopard ‘stole’ $10? Good luck getting that back. Unless Leopard is the name of your labrador retriever, in which case… it will all come out in the end. Happy Searching!

    Adores: 8
    • 2012 November 13
      Irregular Fractal permalink

      I think they hyena was a witness, but he just sat there and laughed.

      Adores: 5
    • 2012 November 13
      Demon Duck of Doom permalink

      A leopard stole my dingo!

      Adores: 3
  8. 2012 November 13
    Grumpy Grammy permalink

    Where I grew up, a stole (noun) was worn around the shoulders for warmth. And I think my grandma had a leopard one of those once upon a time. But it would be really uncomfortable to wear this particular stole!

    Adores: 8
    • 2012 November 13
      One Moving Violation permalink

      Like an albatross.

      Adores: 4
      • 2012 November 13
        CapnMac permalink

        “Chocky-ice?”
        “No, frigate-bird. ALBATROSS!”

        Adores: 5
        • 2012 November 13

          Mmm, crunchy frog.

          Adores: 3
        • 2012 November 13
          CapnMac permalink

          “Spring Surprise?” [constable in background: "Owwww!"]

          Adores: 1
  9. 2012 November 13

    Sparky rarely gets his history right. The Ottamons lived in harmony with nature and had leopards running tame through-out their villages. Then Missionaries moved in and told them that leopards were savage beasts. So they put them in the zoos. The San Diego Zoo Safari Park still has a colony of Missionaries established back in the day.

    Adores: 11
    • 2012 November 13
      101dachshunds permalink

      I think someone should raise some money to take Sparkys (Sparkies?) to the zoo. Perhaps a guide could take them around to the various exhibits and point out the different types of leopards and the names that they are commonly called by.

      Adores: 3
      • 2012 November 13
        CapnMac permalink

        (My preference is the collective term “sparkii” singular or plural, and presumptively lower-case to reinforce that said state is not one to aspire to, nor warrant Proper Noun status–and is significantly shorter than “oxygen-wasting useless blobs of non-sapient protoplasm robbing a pond of needful scum whose only apparent purpose seems to be slowing the flow of Entropy to absolute zero, but only a little”.)

        Adores: 0
        • 2012 November 13
          101dachshunds permalink

          Indeed. sparkii it shall be. It does seem to be a waste of motion to hit the shift key.

          Adores: 1
  10. 2012 November 13
    Demon Duck of Doom permalink

    I guess Kitty had better keep looking.

    Adores: 3
  11. 2012 November 13
    Tankerbell permalink

    Greeaaaat. You’ve created a room suitable only for Chester Cheetah to use for pimping out Kartrashians.

    Adores: 6
    • 2012 November 13
      CapnMac permalink

      Perhaps on Bejor, the tigger are spotted and the leapords are stripe-ed . . . ?
      <inaudible aside>
      Er, what?
      Ohhhh, Kardassians; that’s different, never mind.

      Adores: 1
  12. 2012 November 13
    CapnMac permalink

    [matte]U ppl! I swere! Iz obvious what theys meant; yuz add “e” to make the vowely thing change; iz not the’re fault nobodys dun tolt dem its speelt “stuul”–y’know, the Gozarian!
    duh!
    [/matte]

    Adores: 2
  13. 2012 November 13
    CapnMac permalink

    Bonus points for the leopard-cheetah distinction.
    Leopard spots are typically brown and form rings of 4 to 5 spots widest upon the back and flanks, and smaller down the extremities.

    Jaguar and ocelots have a tri-tonal spot which is brown in the center, and darker around the edges, if memory serves.

    Adores: 2
    • 2012 November 13
      101dachshunds permalink

      Tiger spots and zebra spots are similar in that they are dark in color and VERY elongated. However you can tell the difference by observing the feet. If they have uneven toes then they are zebras. If they have paws then they are tigers. If the makers of the furniture would just go to that little bit of extra trouble to put the proper feet on the pieces then all this confusion would resolve itself.

      Adores: 4
      • 2012 November 13
        One Moving Violation permalink

        …or you can listen to the noise they make when you sit on them.

        Adores: 4
  14. 2012 November 13
    CapnMac permalink

    Once again, Zuhl had managed to prise open the door across the dimensions into the human’s realm. The Keymaster and the Gatekeeper were joined, all was set for the Destruction of All that was Light & Good.
    Per the ancient tradition, the mortals were allowed to choose the form of The Destructor.

    Sadly, thus did Zuhl become trapped in a cheetah-print stole, and the world was saved.

    Sort of.

    Adores: 5
  15. 2012 November 13
    DigitalAxis permalink

    Leopard stole WHAT? Don’t leave me hanging here, Sparky. This police report isn’t going to file itself.

    Adores: 1
  16. 2012 November 13
    Lara permalink

    So…according to the link Cheetahs have solid spots, Leopards have rosette spots, and therefore, the non-solid spots on the stole are Cheetah spots? Is this cat math? Big Cat Math?

    Adores: 1
    • 2012 November 13
      CapnMac permalink

      Hmm, so is our dear Lara lohbstah at $15.95/#–cookable in one of 3-4 ways; or a tasty bit of mudbug, $2.69/# and delectable in numerous ways . . . ?
      She’s a wee thing, probably only 5-6 stone, and that, dripping wet with a couple buckets of civets.

      We have a lime-green gecko; why not a crimson crustacean?

      Adores: 0
      • 2012 November 13
        CapnMac permalink

        Oops, wrong Lara–color me embarrassed.

        Adores: 1
        • 2012 November 14

          Not.A.Lara?

          Adores: 1
        • 2012 November 14
          Not.A.Lara. permalink

          Eek! I forgot there was already Lara. I have lurked here for years but only posted once in a plaid moon.

          Not. A. Lara. it be!

          (….aaaand Gravatar randomly picks a different of my icons!)

          Adores: 1
        • 2012 November 14

          Kitty!

          Adores: 1
  17. 2012 November 14

    Dr. Digi, as smart as can be,
    Sitting in the box with his Ph.D.
    Snarking to the left
    And snarking to the right.
    Snarking in the Snark Lounge all through the night!

    See, much too lame for your honor. Punchity Punch Punch!

    Good Morning, Crocodile Dummee!

    Adores: 1

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