YSaC, Vol. 1388: 50 Shades of YSaC

2012 November 21

on my own – 43

Hi down to earth guy here who is looking for a women who may be in the same boat as myself I have been on my own for a long time and would love to feel the wrath of someone in my bed now and then as it can be very lonely I would like to discover sex again just be good friends and not hurt anyone I am nothing special just myself if you would like to chat or want to know more please drop by and say hi

You want to feel the wrath of someone in bed? I think we have JUST the person:

That’s right – the Mistress of DOUBLE PAIN!

“You WILL learn to break up run on sentences!”
“You WILL learn to use punctuation!”
“You WILL learn to display self-respect in a personal ad! But not with me, worm!”

Thanks for the link, Carina!

22 Responses leave one →
  1. 2012 November 21

    He posted a personal on Craigslist.
    Said, “I’m nothing special; on my own I exist.
    Come join me in my bed this fall.
    Love without anger isn’t love at all.”

    Adores: 8
  2. 2012 November 21
    One Moving Violation permalink

    Down to earth guy? You can’t come up with a better superhero name than that? And your quest is to discover sex again in a boat? I don’t think Queen Isabella is going to involve herself in this. Too many othe people have discovered sex already. Like someone might try to discover bad spelling in a craigslist ad. It has already been done. Now stop this madness before you feel the wrath of someones righteous snark.

    Adores: 8
    • 2012 November 21

      I think Down to Earth Guy is slightly better than Nothing Special Man.

      Adores: 9
      • 2012 November 21
        wanda permalink

        At least he is On His Own Man. As opposed to Attached to His Mother’s Apron Strings Man.
        Because I have stories to tell…

        (But that does not entice me to drop by and say “hi”)

        Adores: 5
    • 2012 November 21
      Tankerbell permalink

      Down to Earth Man’s superpower is clearly not thinking up code words. “Hi”? You will give more information to a “women” who drops by, but only if she knows the super-secret code phrase “hi”?

      On further reflection, though, I cannot think of a supervillainess who ever slinked her way up to James Bond and said simply “hi”. It’s actually fairly diabolical. Well played, DTE Man. Well played.

      Adores: 2
  3. 2012 November 21

    This is, like, the WORST radio ad copy for Life of Pi.

    Adores: 8
    • 2012 November 21
      Irregular Fractal permalink

      No kidding, right? They cut the man-on-not.a.lion action out of the final edit.

      Adores: 4
  4. 2012 November 21
    Ralph permalink

    Mine eyes see allegory in the cunning of the bored;
    He has sampled all the brothels where the apes of wrath reward.
    He has loosed the awful grammar of his terrible discord,
    His couth is felching on.

    Adores: 19
  5. 2012 November 21

    I think this guy’s problem is he’s searching for a very specific subset of a species that he probably made up. The species of “a women”, as far as I know, is unknown to science. So he’s looking for a mythical creature who’s willing to be in a friends-with-benefits-and-whips-and-chains relationship with a guy whose self worth is quite low. If such a mythical creature did exist, you’d think she’d be attracted to politicians, actors, self-published authors, or other megalomaniacs.

    Either that or this guy’s looking for a set of conjoined twins so he can be both gettin’ some and being tortured simultaneously.

    Adores: 5
  6. 2012 November 21
    NotMyName permalink

    I don’t know about you, but wrath? Yeah, no thanks. Maybe something a little less…wrathful.

    EDIT: New thought: I think he meant lust in bed. Not wrath. Not envy. Not greed. Lust.

    Adores: 6
    • 2012 November 21
      LimeLolly permalink

      All deadly sins… who knew that it was so dangerous to be in bed?

      Like a bad fortune cookie…in bed.

      Adores: 4
  7. 2012 November 21

    Or maybe he meant sloth.

    Adores: 2
    • 2012 November 21

      Or gluttony.

      Wait… eww.

      Adores: 2
    • 2012 November 21

      I like to take things slow, but a sloth? I don’t know about that.

      Adores: 2
      • 2012 November 21
        Tankerbell permalink

        That’s a different section of Craigslist entirely. And it costs more. For the distemper shots, mostly.

        Adores: 2
        • 2012 November 21

          And the flea dip.

          Adores: 2
  8. 2012 November 21

    Fido, how do you spell warmth?

    Woof, woof, woof, wooof woof, yip.

    W-r-a-t-h. Thanks, Fido, good doggie!

    Adores: 4
    • 2012 November 21
      CapnMac permalink

      Wreath? Ode to relationships long buried?

      Writ? One too many Restraining Orders?

      Writhe? –nope, not going there–

      Wright? Lovewright, bedwright, boatwright? Probably not the skilled crafts Spark’ really needs . . .

      Wythe? Bricking Spark’ in sounds a plan . . .

      Wait, Spark’ is a Stargate Atlantis fan and wants Wraith CosPlay?

      Adores: 2
  9. 2012 November 21
    Tankerbell permalink

    No punctuation, a grand total of one capital letter, and I am supposed to seek him out. Besides the obvious lack of self esteem, I think the reason Sparkanova here is alone in his boat is sheer laziness. I suspect only the Mistress of Double Pain can motivate him enough to make it work.

    Adores: 3
  10. 2012 November 21
    kelli permalink

    I was hoping for a picture of Irene Adler.

    Adores: 1
  11. 2012 November 22

    Dear Supreme Being, today I am thankful for TacoMagic! Punchity Punch Punch!

    Good Morning, Man who fell to Earth!

    Adores: 0

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