YSaC, Vol. 1392: Kiss From a Rose… Near a Monkey

2012 November 27

FREE 2 PM TODAY -_______________10 single men at the zoo with roses – 3050


2 PM TODAY -_______________10 single men at the zoo with roses
NEAR THE MONKEY TREES
JUST WALK UP TO ONE AND GET YOUR MAN WITH A ROSE

Why does this put me in the mind of Monty Python’s albatross sketch?

“Man with a Rose! Get one while they last!”
“One diet soda, please.”
“I haven’t GOT diet soda. I’ve got a man with a rose!”
“Can I get him in grape?”
“Course you can’t get him in grape! He’s a bloody man with a rose!”





“How much?”

Thanks for the surreallity, JGW!

49 Responses leave one →
  1. 2012 November 27

    Of course, you have to get there early before all the good ones are gone; you don’t want to be stuck with the fella with the mismatched eyes and funny leg who smells like cabbages and Metamucil.

    Adores: 10
    • 2012 November 27
      wanda permalink

      I’d rather have the monkey, thanks.

      Adores: 5
      • 2012 November 27
        DigitalAxis permalink

        You’ll have to wait until 3 PM for a monkey. Personally, I’m hoping to snag a zebra at the 4:00 blue light special.

        Adores: 6
        • 2012 November 27
          DigitalAxis permalink

          Or there’s the 6 PM not.a.lion

          Adores: 9
      • 2012 November 27
        wanda permalink

        Does he come with a steak?

        Adores: 4
        • 2012 November 27

          Well, he does get pretty excited about it, but not THAT excited.

          Edit: Yeah, I’ll be in the corner today as well as in the box.

          Adores: 9
        • 2012 November 27

          I’m psychic!

          Adores: 4
  2. 2012 November 27

    They had that at Petsmart last weekend, but I had to fill out a form and have someone inspect my house before I could get one.

    Adores: 10
    • 2012 November 27
      wanda permalink

      I hope you had one big tick bath ready!

      Adores: 4
  3. 2012 November 27

    I hope they make it easy to tell the men apart from the monkeys.

    Adores: 4
  4. 2012 November 27
    Not-a-[censored] Lion permalink

    A man by any other name would still smell…

    Especially next to the poo flingers.

    Adores: 6
    • 2012 November 27

      Poo Flingers was IF’s Foo Fighters cover band that didn’t do so well.

      Adores: 6
      • 2012 November 27
        Irregular Fractal permalink

        We’re trying to convert over to a The Monkees/GWAR crossover act.

        Adores: 7
  5. 2012 November 27
    P-Rex permalink

    FREE 2 PM TODAY -_______________10 single men at the zoo with rises – 3050

    ——————————————————————————–

    2 PM TODAY -_______________10 single men at the zoo with rises
    NEAR THE MONKEY TREES
    JUST WALK UP TO ONE AND GET YOUR MAN WITH A RISE

    There, fixed it for you. Hehe

    Adores: 6
  6. 2012 November 27
    Irregular Fractal permalink

    You just know that the monkeys were standing there looking at these 10 guys holding roses making awkward conversation with one another and shuffling nervously, thinking: And we’re the ones who are less evolved?

    Adores: 14
    • 2012 November 27
      mud "static noise" slicker permalink

      And then their next thought is, “Let’s fling some poo!”

      Adores: 7
      • 2012 November 27

        Well, naturally that was their next thought. After all, they were lonely, desperate men who had to resort to standing in a line with others in front of a cage full of primates who just ate, slept, shat, and shenaniganed all day long, and for any that were mate-less the people who brought them food also brought them mates! Of course the rose bearers devolved from desperation to poo flinging!

        Adores: 2
  7. 2012 November 27
    DigitalAxis permalink

    The zoo will definitely increase their attendance that way, but I’m not sure if it’ll be enough to pay for the ensuing anti-pimping trial.

    Adores: 6
    • 2012 November 27
      wanda permalink

      Pimping? Wait…we have to pay the silly men with roses? I’ll buy him a Del’s lemonade. And get him a souvenir plastic monkey. This is my final offer.

      Adores: 9
      • 2012 November 27

        Women don’t pay the men with roses; I mean, they already have roses, why do they want more? The pimping charge comes from women paying the zoo entry fee and an exorbitant exit fee if they’re carrying a rose or the hand of a man with a rose on the way out.

        Adores: 1
  8. 2012 November 27
    LimeLolly permalink

    Whose idea was this? I’d rather pick the one holding the foot-long meatball sammich. Give me something I can use…like a cast-iron skillet, or a blue tarp. Seriously, do you know what roses cost these days?

    Adores: 9
    • 2012 November 27

      :asks Uncle Google:

      Holy Moses! That’s a new vacuum cleaner!

      Adores: 5
    • 2012 November 27
      funky "ass-noodles" monkey permalink

      Heh. “Holding the foot-long meatball sammich.” Heh heh. Snerk.

      Me ears were burning, so I check YSaC and the topic is monkeys! Who’d a thunk it?

      Adores: 4
  9. 2012 November 27
    Demon Duck of Doom permalink

    This is only because the Humane Society stopped accepting stray florists.

    Adores: 10
    • 2012 November 27
      wanda permalink

      Remember to have your florists spayed and neutered.

      Adores: 8
      • 2012 November 27
        Irregular Fractal permalink

        Nothing worse than a pack of feral florists. I chase them out of my backyard a whole lot this time of year.

        Adores: 8
        • 2012 November 27
          wanda permalink

          I hate stepping in their “tasteful arrangement” droppings.

          Adores: 7
        • 2012 November 27
          LimeLolly permalink

          IF, have you tried spreading mothballs in the yard? With a slingshot?

          Adores: 3
        • 2012 November 27
          CapnMac permalink

          Those may not be “meatballs” if from near the simian exhibit . . .

          Adores: 2
        • 2012 November 27
          DigitalAxis permalink

          And the flower-arranging Gregorian Monks were the worst. Yeesh. Remember, kids: Only you can prevent florist friars.

          Adores: 18
        • 2012 November 27
          CapnMac permalink

          Dammit. Jim. I’m DeForrest, not a simian!

          Adores: 6
      • 2012 November 27
        Demon Duck of Doom permalink

        Spayed and neutered??? I’ve been having mine sprayed and glittered. D’oh!

        Adores: 9
        • 2012 November 27
          tankerbell permalink

          That’s effective, too, D3. It just makes them attractive to florists of the same gender, which will also help control the feral florist population.

          Adores: 5
        • 2012 November 28
          Ziaheart permalink

          Don’t forget to spay their neuters, too.

          Adores: 1
  10. 2012 November 27
    Grumpy Grammy permalink

    A rose by any other name shall smell as………though it were being held by a desperate, grungy sparky standing between a monkey and a not.a.lion.

    Adores: 6
    • 2012 November 27

      We’re not desperate. We’re just, um, exploring new options. Or something.

      Adores: 6
      • 2012 November 27
        tankerbell permalink

        Did you know that, in the same way a group of baboons is called a congress, a group of sparkies-holding-roses is called a Senate.*

        *This may not be true.

        Adores: 5
  11. 2012 November 27
    camille permalink

    1. I prefer my men without floral adornment. Call me old fashioned. I don’t like couches with roses on them either.

    2. I also prefer my men to be a little bit selective and not wander off with the first person who walks up to them.

    3. As we already know, there are not any monkeys.

    Adores: 4
    • 2012 November 27
      funky "ass-noodles" monkey permalink

      Ah. Thanks for the mammaries, Camille. That was a good day.

      Adores: 3
  12. 2012 November 27
    Ralph permalink

    Only you can pervert florist desires.

    Adores: 10
    • 2012 November 27
      LimeLolly permalink

      I know. *brushes imaginary speck off blouse*

      It’s a gift. Everyone likes to talk about their arrangements.

      Adores: 2
      • 2012 November 27

        O/T – L-squared, I just noticed that the top search term on my personal blog is “limelolly on you suck at craigslist”. Have you been stalking yourself on the Intertubez lately?

        Adores: 2
        • 2012 November 27
          LimeLolly permalink

          I was lost. Every brick looks the same… and I was hiding from the cats.

          Adores: 5
        • 2012 November 27

          The giant, shaved,vampyre cats?

          Adores: 1
        • 2012 November 27
          tankerbell permalink

          I just finished that book, Windy! LOVED it.

          Adores: 1
        • 2012 November 27

          OH, don’t tell me how it ends! I’m about half-way through it. 8) LOL Tank Girl, you read all three books, didn’t you? Did you find yourself talking like Abby and whatnot?

          Adores: 0
  13. 2012 November 27
    One Moving Violation permalink

    If I had anticipated this reaction, I would have brought lilacs instead.

    Adores: 3
  14. 2012 November 28

    So it’s me again. Punchity Punch Punch. Ow.

    Good morning, Florist Friars!

    Adores: 1

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