YSaC, Vol. 1400: Same as it ever was.
Anything
Will trade different items for different other items. They cannot be the same item.
“Hey Will!”
“Yeah, Paw?”
“Go trade some of them items we’ve got lyin’ around.”
“OK. What should I trade them for?”
“I dunno. Other items?”
“Other items, like, different from the first items?”
“I guess.”
“What if they’re the same?”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, what if the different items are the same item?”
“Well, they couldn’t be, could they?”
“What if they’re different items, but the same item?”
“How is that even possible?”
“Well, they could be the same ITEM, but different items, see?”
“No.”
“Well, what if I had one item, and YOU had one item, but they were the same item?”
“Well, they couldn’t be the same item, could they? I mean, if I had one, that would be different from the one you had, right?”
“Well, yes, you’d have one, and I’d have one, but what if they were the same?”
“How could they be the same if I had one and you had one? There’d only be one item then.”
“Now I’m confused.”
“Never mind, just go put an ad on Craigslist.”
Thanks for the ontological catastrophe, Mandy!
I’d trade anything
For you, dear, anything,
For you mean everything to me.
Would you trade an item?
Anything.
For a different item?
Anything.
A different other item?
Anything.
For the exact same item?
Let’s not get carried away.
YSaC on Broadway! Awesome!
Sparky: you mean like, Markis Parker trokers for 3 lacawates valtrus-suka, because, y’know, ninjas?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1f-kfRREA8M
Ontological Catastrophe is my Airborne Toxic Event cover band.
Yes we have no anythings!
We have no anythings todaaaaaaaaaaay!
I have all the items I need, but I could really use some stuff or maybe a few things.
Do you still have your buckets of hell that everyone gives you?
I have this idea for Christmas presents and I need more hell to add.
Just got some fresh this morning! (Our fax machine is broken – which is, of course, my fault.)
Mmm… fresh hell is the best!
Would you accept empty cardboard boxes crushed by a toddler? I’ll add a six month old, half gallon of berry ice cream that has freezer burn. Barely used. Okay, okay… I’ll throw in the crumbs that have been ruthlessly crushed into the seams of the backseat of my car, but it’s really hard to separate them out from the wrappers and toys, so I hope you have a decent separator.
I have an indecent separator. *waggles eyebrows*
I’m downsizing; I have a houseful of items. The only items I will trade for are monetary items. Loonies, toonies and 5 dollar billies. Anyone?
‘How bout Ukranian Kopeks?
Gold kruggerands?
I have some Belorussian rubles.
I can pay you $150 trillion spot cash. It’s the final series of Zimbabwean currency, but still.
That Zimbabwean currency has collector value, near $10 per note–enough that Zimbabwe made it illegal to sell their discontinued currency for novelty value.
If you’re looking for loonies, you’ve come to the right site.
This is probably code for a weed deal.
I would like to trade my emotional baggage for a coffee table and a set of four studded tires. Throw in a blender, and you can have the leftover emotional scarring as well.
Will you send your guilt this way for a margarita machine, only used once? I’m a collector.
Sure… it comes with passive-aggressive tendencies though, so you might need some heavy duty chains with padlocks. Maybe a taser…
But if both items are different, that makes them both the same. The only way they could be different is if one of them was different and the other was the same. But then the second item would be both the same and different, thereby canceling itself out. And without the second item, the first item would no longer be different, so………….. (doing the math)……… dog waffles.
D3, I think you broke my brain.
I’m just going to go cower in the corner and sing, One of these things is not like the other.
I have a slightly used adult child I’d like to trade for a good hunting dog. Must send photo of dog.
Ooh, ooh! I hadn’t thought of that! I’ll trade my slightly used adult child for a microwave with working monitor, the inner workings of a toilet, an autographed photo of Dick Cheney with Dennis Rodman, and some obos. Not firm, though, I like my obos al dente.
First woman: I got some socks for my husband.
Second woman: Dammit, I wish I could trade mine for something useful!
Take note of the use of the word “different” here. It is a canon of statutory construction that you must give meaning to every word in a statute. If we apply that canon here, Sparky doesn’t just want any item. He is not interested in trading items unless they are “different” . So for example, I imagine that if I brought Sparkatollah the slightly singed cat or the nonfunctional string of lights from yesterday, he may well eschew them because they are not “different” enough for him. Instead, I will be offering a haunted ormwar and a cheese longe featuring dead auntie-juice stains.
Is this my beautiful House?
No, it is not my Beautiful House.
It is for trade, but only ere some diff’r’nt Be
And, in Being, let if be Quickly done!
Ere the spot, the nae diff’r’nt Spot
Ne’er to go away–Out! Out! Dam’t Spot!
For, Lo, what’s that that Dawns in the East?
Dare it be West?
Nae, for Brutus is an Honourable Man.
Anything you can trade, I can trade different.
I can trade anything different than you.
This old hat?
Here’s a gnat.
Bumblebees?
For CDs.
My pet rock?
Tube of caulk.
Bar of soap?
Canteloupe.
Kindle Fire?
Spool of wire.
Folding chair?
Underwear.
Loaf of bread?
Bobblehead.
Mixing bowls?
Dr. Scholls.
Hunting knife?
Take my wife…
*somebody please stop me*
Let’s see, I have an S.E.P. device*, but you must be careful of indifference.
I have a knysche, but you have to remember not to touch it until you are ready to use it.
I have a russet potato, but the reddish part isn’t working to well.
I have a fingernail file and the file cabinet it came in.
I have a radish and the horse it rode in on.
I have two cans. One is a pelican and the other is a very colorful bird.
Are these items different enough?
*S.E.P. = Somebody Else’s Problem.
ALL YOUR SAME ARE BELONG TO US
Could I trade a truck full of wasps for your truck full of bees?
Only if you drive the wasp truck. Bees be upon me, wasps be unto you.
ghostie, hope your “friend’s” electrical burns weren’t very serious. Punchity Punch Punch!
Good Morning, Sanford and Son!