YSaC, Vol. 1404: Time is on my side.
Pioneer CDJ-Ashley processor – – $100
Date:Like new
Ashley processor
2types availPioneer CDJ 400
Shure cordless mic system
PLEASE LEAVE PHONE NUMBER IF INTERESTED
Will accept best offers by 3pm today
Normally we take out the date and time on ads we post, but here these pieces of information play a critical role. You see, Sparky is willing to accept bids for these pieces of equipment (for which he has specified a price of $100) as long as you are able to jump in your time machine, travel back in time, and submit your bid at least four minutes before he posted the ad. So technically, if you’re interested in these items, you can still bid on them even if he’s already sold them — because as long as you travel back in time and have a high enough bid, you already own them.
Wait, my brain hurts. I blame Bianchi Sound for submitting this.
Darn, I should have bought this when I had a chance.
What’s that in Gallifreyan currency?
I blame Bianchi for just about anything, unless One is available. By the way, global warming? Bianchi Sound. Obama’s second term? Bianchi Sound. Dogs and cats, living together? Yup. B.S.
Why do I always make myself assailable?
Edit: How do I spell this?
T – H – I – S
Two out of three ain’t bad.
Stop shaming me!
You mean — my suspiciously tight jeans –Bianchi? Not Oreo?
Gosh, this takes me back…or is it forward? That’s the trouble with time travel, you never can tell.
That doesn’t look like a Tardis. Does it come with a doctor?
Passive-aggressive teenage Sparky was unwilling to complete the mandated sale of the equipment “just gathering dust and taking up space” in mom’s linen closet. While sitting on the good white couch, eating Cheetos and drinking the LAST diet coke, he hatched a brilliant plan . . .
If Sparky is trying to set a trap for the Doctor, he’d be better off baiting it with a funny hat or a banana.
Or a stalk of celery
Oh! These are selling for -$100! I could really use a nice lump of cash like that to take one of these Ashley Pioneers of his hands. But, I gotta get in before the deadline!
Lets see here, I think it’s a jump to the left…
AHHH! A pelvic thrust in the TacoThong!
:scrubs eyes with steel wool:
But backwards in time, you’ll be giving him the Ashley Pioneer and GETTING $100.
Anyway, this is a terrible idea. Richard Fenyman showed that antimatter is equivalent to normal matter under time reversal, and we all know what happens when antimatter (you going backwards in time) touches matter. And if you managed to go back in time and get the Ashley Pioneer before 3 PM, you’ll have violated the laws of cause and effect, and linked two parallel universes by your decision (in our universe) to go back in time to get the Ashley Pioneer (in the other universe).
So: one count of creating enough antimatter to destroy the planet, one count of violating causality, and one count of recklessly endangering the multiverse. As a card-carrying astrophysicist (4 of Diamonds) I’m going to have to bring you down to the station for this.
Actually, time travel is possible. (This very point in time is traveling farther into the past as I type this. In relative terms, we travel through time.) In fact, it is done by everyone. However, we all travel through time at the same rate of speed, so we all remain in the present. The trick then, is to be able to change the rate of speed we travel through time.(By the way, having a stopwatch surgically attached to your brain won’t work. Nor will putting a dimmer switch on your digital clock.)
So, take it away, Eric the time traveler!
If you really do indeed want it, all you have to do is go back further in time and make an even BETTER offer.
Digi, I didn’t build the time machine for personal gain!
But… what other uses ARE there?
Hmm, my Omega 13 won’t be able to get me there, unless…
Wait right here, I’ll be back with my Binford tools and crank that thing up times 19. That ought to do it. What can possibly go wrong?
Do you know how much a candy bar costs?
‘Bout a hundred dollars.
Do you know how much one of those new compact cars costs?
‘Bout a hundred dollars.
Do you know how much one of those Pioneer CDJ-Ashley processors cost?
‘Bout a hundred dollars.
It’s a 1982 DeLorean DMC-12. Doc lets me drive slow on the driveway. But not on Monday, definitely not on Monday.
I’d like to buy the option. I think we can get Aaron Paul as Marty McBabbit.
K-Mart sucks!
Great Scott!
Unless we’re still talking about the Doctor, then I’d prefer a great Scot.
How about great Scotch? Drink enough and you’ll THINK you travelled through time.
I had a ticket for a trip to the twentieth century , but the time travel machine was made of transparent aluminum, and I couldn’t find it.
Now that I’ve bought the processor, I need to get back… to the future!
I hate anything called Ashley. They tend to have the maturity level of a 15 year old girl.
Ashley makes some damn fine Flux Capacitors. Or they will, someday.
[audio equipment corey]
The pro audio equipment brand is spelled “Ashly”. You can just barely see in the blurry photo. It’s just that Sparky has made the quintessential Sparky mistake of misspelling the brand name clearly marked on the item in front of him.
[/audio equipment corey]