YSaC, Vol. 1428: Put your head on my shoulder.

2013 January 16
by drmk

Lp Vinyl Records, Lotion


25 easy listening lp vinyl records

10 bottles of hotel lotion, never opened or used

Looks like that big night at the Shady Arms Motel and Storm Door Company didn’t go quite as Sparky had planned. He’s probably getting rid of the records because he can’t stand to sit around with the dark, soulless eyes of Paul Anka judging him.

Thanks, Kim!

[Note from drmk: In other exciting news, Wil Wheaton tweeted yesterday using a #CatMath hashtag. Okay, he was probably referring to something else, but given that we've had our own Cat Math meme here for years, in my mind this is where he got it from. Hi Wil!]

31 Responses leave one →
  1. 2013 January 16

    No, not Paul Anka. Sparky isn’t that classy. This is 101 Strings covering Elvis Presley.

    It puts the lotion on its skin.

    Adores: 7
    • 2013 January 16

      … or else it hears light jazz again.

      Adores: 12
      • 2013 January 16

        Put the lotion in the jacket!

        Adores: 3
        • 2013 January 16

          Is that anything like putting the lime in the coconut?

          Adores: 5
        • 2013 January 16

          You’re such a silly woman.

          Adores: 3
        • 2013 January 16
          CapnMac permalink

          Skyrockets in flight?

          Adores: 2
  2. 2013 January 16
    DigitalAxis permalink

    Protip: When seducing, never confuse latex with vinyl.

    Adores: 8
  3. 2013 January 16

    I guess the lotion cannon idea didn’t work out as well as the butter one.

    Adores: 10
    • 2013 January 16

      The sequel is rarely as good as the original.

      Adores: 4
  4. 2013 January 16
    Ralph permalink

    I love every movement, there’s nothing like LP,
    It doesn’t need improvement, it’s much too nice to MP3;
    Scratchy discs in motion are all that I adore;
    No unused hotel lotion could make me love it more.

    Adores: 3
  5. 2013 January 16

    Ahhh…”Lotion”…that crazy jazz band from the 1960′s. I remember visiting the Cafe Hotel once and listening to those guys when they were just beatniks in lousy berets.

    Since then, they’ve had such hits as:

    “Baskets, the Pit, and You”

    “Moonlight and Murder”

    And much more..to many too list.

    I wonder if they’ll play teh “40-Watt” any time soon.

    Adores: 8
  6. 2013 January 16
    HamCan permalink

    It’s not the Vinyl of your LP, it’s the motion of the lotion…

    Adores: 11
  7. 2013 January 16
    Tankerbell permalink

    25 LPs and 10 bottles of lotion? Didn’t Sparky see the warning on the bottle about seeing a doctor if quiet T-shirt time lasts more than 4 hours?

    Adores: 2
  8. 2013 January 16
    tigprincess permalink

    Yah! hotel lotion? If I rub it on to something will it turn into a hotel? I’ve got a spare house from Monopoly. This way no more accommodation costs – take the lotion and the Monopoly house anywhere in the world, find a suitable location, a surreptitious rub and Voila! instant hotel.

    Adores: 2
    • 2013 January 16

      During the winter, hotels can become chafed and need lotion. At this time of the year, hotels near me are becoming so chafed that extra zeroes are appearing in their rates.

      Adores: 3
    • 2013 January 16

      :cut to Sparky being led away in handcuffs:

      But officers, she said I could erect it anywhere as long as I used the lotion!

      Adores: 9
    • 2013 January 16
      HamCan permalink

      If you’ve got lotion I’ll turn in to a hotel…
      *winkwinknudgenudge*

      Adores: 3
    • 2013 January 16
      CapnMac permalink

      So, you’d not want to apply “hotel lotion” directly to the forehead, then, correct?

      Adores: 5
  9. 2013 January 16
    mud "static noise" slicker permalink

    Hotel Lotion

    The title of the rare 1977 Eagles easy-listening bootleg double vinyl album w/poster.

    Track List:

    1. Hotel Lotion
    2. Neutrogena Kid in Town
    3. Life In The Supple Lane
    4. Wasted T-Shit Time
    5. Wasted T-Shit Time (reprise)
    6. Victim Of Self-Love
    7. Pretty Hotel Maids All In A Row
    8. Try And Love Again (no really, try!)
    9. The Last Resort I Stayed At Didn’t Have Lotion

    Adores: 11
    • 2013 January 16

      Isn’t that the one with the bedazzled cow skull on the cover?

      Adores: 2
      • 2013 January 16
        mud "static noise" slicker permalink

        You’re mixing that up with Georgia O’Keeffe’s brief dabble in the music industry back in the 80s. Her I Paint Covert Lady Bits I See In Nature album was sort of a homáge to Madonna’s desperately-seeking-Susan days and full-blown Cindy “girls-just-wanna-have-fun” Lauper mania.

        Luckily for her she died a few years later; alas so too did her burgeoning singing career.

        Adores: 5
    • 2013 January 16

      Honestly, I preferred their “Hell is All Lubed Up” reunion tour to anything they did in the 70s.

      Adores: 4
      • 2013 January 16
        mud "static noise" slicker permalink

        I hear Bacontini was a big fan of “Tequila Sunrise.”
        :)

        Adores: 2
        • 2013 January 16

          I thought Tequila Sunrise was Bacontini’s stripper name? Or are we not supposed to talk about that?

          Adores: 4
        • 2013 January 16

          *checks files*

          It’s stamped Super Top Secret, Don’t Nobody Read This, I’m-a Warning Youse.

          So no, no reason not to talk about it,.

          Adores: 2
  10. 2013 January 16
    Tankerbell permalink

    Mem’ries… of the airport Comfort Inn
    Scratchy, sometimes skipping mem’ries…
    of that thing I did.
    Battered Ellllll-Peeeeeees,
    by the Partridge Fam-i-leeeeeee,
    Scared I would run out of lotion,
    for that thing I did.
    Can it be that it was all so simple then?
    Or did I hallucinate again?
    If the cops would let me do it all again
    Tell me, would I? Could I?
    Mem’ries, may be pitiful and yet
    What’s too sordid to remember
    I simply cannot forget
    So it’s the taser
    I will remember
    Whenever I remember…
    The way I was…
    The way I was…

    Adores: 10
    • 2013 January 16

      *holds up phone showing photo of a lighter*

      That one always gets me, Tank girl. I especially love the obo solo.

      Adores: 6
  11. 2013 January 16
    LimeLolly permalink

    Who snagged my ad from the personals section?

    Er… I mean, that’s pretty funny stuff.

    Adores: 8
  12. 2013 January 16

    Wow, look at all the fingerprints on these LPs. I think Sparky should have listed them as Greasy Listening.

    Adores: 3
  13. 2013 January 17
    SilvaNoir permalink

    I’m still using the CatMath mousepad :)

    Adores: 3
  14. 2013 January 17

    C blah blah blah J, I bet you thought I forgot about you! Nope, I didn’t forget about just you! I forgot about the whole darn box! Punchity Punch Punch!

    Good Morning, Sleazy Listening Fans!

    Adores: 1

Leave a Reply

Note: You can use basic XHTML in your comments. Your email address will never be published.

Subscribe to this comment feed via RSS