YSaC, Vol. 1434: O men.

2013 January 24

We’ve been revisiting a few old favorite memes here at You Suck at Craigslist this week, so I thought I would trot out one more, just for nostalgia’s sake.

Suede atamin – $10


One corner is missing some stuffing.
Call xxxxxxxxxx

If you’re going to go into detail about one corner, shouldn’t you also mention that the entire thing looks as though it’s been peed upon by a tyrannosaurus?

Newer Ashley’s living room set!!! – $300


Newer couch and chair with odd omen! Asking $300 obo Tan in color great condition! xxx-xxxx brand is Ashley’s furniture!!

Newer than what? The carpet? That places it anywhere from 1982 forward. The carpet is an odd omen, indeed. It heralds the arrival of King Sparky the Colorblind.

Thanks, Lia and Megan!

37 Responses leave one →
  1. 2013 January 24
    penguin permalink

    Sparky #2 got the furniture brand wrong. It is actually from the circa 1976 Damien line.

    Adores: 9
  2. 2013 January 24

    That omen looks more green to me, kind of a sublime green.

    Adores: 3
    • 2013 January 24
      Lizzi permalink

      It does look green…like it got left out in the backyard for 3months and mold started growing on it….what a deal!

      Adores: 5
      • 2013 January 24
        Tankerbell permalink

        That must’ve been when the T-rex peed on it.

        Adores: 5
  3. 2013 January 24

    It took me five whole minutes to figure out what an “atamin” was. The picture certainly didn’t help.

    Adores: 12
    • 2013 January 24

      For a second I thought Sparky was selling some kind of supplement – “Atamin! Now with added Odd Omens!”

      Adores: 11
      • 2013 January 24
        CapnMac permalink

        [with all due apologies to Jeff Foxworthy:]

        Using Atamin may cause side effects.
        Side effects may include: nausea, vomiting, water weight gain, lower back pain, receding hairline, eczema, seporiasoriasis, itching, chafing clothing, liver spots, blood clots, ringworm, excessive body odor, uneven tire wear, pyorrhea, gonorrhea, diarrhea, halitosis, scoliosis, loss of bladder control, hammertoe, the shanks, missing stuffing, low sperm count, warped floors, cluttered drawers, hunchback, heart attack, low resale value on your home; odd omens; athlete’s foot, head lice, clubfoot, MS, MD, VD, fleas, anxiety, sleeplessness, drowsiness, poor gas mileage, tooth decay, parvo, warts, unibrow, lazy eye, fruit flies, chest pains, clogged drains, hemorrhoids, dry heaving and furniture dysfunction.

        Adores: 19
        • 2013 January 24

          Thankfully, I don’t have to worry about the low sperm count. And I’ve experienced some of the rest in some form or another low these many decades of life have I lived. But, unibrow?!?!?

          NEVER!!!

          I’m quite well known for my beautiful brows. 🙂

          Adores: 7
    • 2013 January 24
      One Moving Violation permalink

      Looks like a misspelling of Attamink. I took a whole load of food to a mink farm once, but it wasn’t made by Purinaâ„¢.

      You know, Attacat is not gender specific, but Attaboy is. I wonder what Purinaâ„¢ has against girl doggies.

      Adores: 5
  4. 2013 January 24

    One corner of Sparky’s head is clearly missing some stuffing.

    Adores: 8
  5. 2013 January 24

    Speaking of odd omens, I think there’s a penguin on my TV.

    Adores: 10
    • 2013 January 24
      DigitalAxis permalink

      …that was the news. It is now 6 o’clock, time for the penguin on top of your television to explode.

      Adores: 3
  6. 2013 January 24
    camille permalink

    It’s funny that no one saw the end of the Odd Omen Empire coming…

    Adores: 11
    • 2013 January 24

      Once Greece started missing some stuffing, Sultan Ashley III should have seen the end coming.

      Adores: 3
    • 2013 January 24
      Demon Duck of Doom permalink

      Oddly enough, even Mustafa Kemal Atamin was caught off guard.

      Adores: 5
      • 2013 January 24
        CapnMac permalink

        Along with all of his pets named “Abdul”

        Adores: 3
  7. 2013 January 24
    HamCan permalink

    Odd Omens

    By: Nostradumbass

    Near the nacho and with two tables

    There will be atamins the like of which was never green,

    Family with Not.A.Lion, trucks put upon by bees,

    Crying to the great essence of UPEM for relief.

    Adores: 13
    • 2013 January 24
      Tankerbell permalink

      Odd Thomas sees dead people and “then, by God, he does something about it.” Odd Omen sees living people and tries to sell them crappy used furniture.

      Adores: 9
      • 2013 January 24
        Bombdude permalink

        On a completely YSaC unrelated note… New Odd book out in June!!!

        Adores: 3
  8. 2013 January 24
    Brer Fox permalink

    “Asking $300 obo Tan in color”

    Where do you go to get Tan oboes?

    Adores: 5
    • 2013 January 24
      CapnMac permalink

      Down Aisle three, next to the contrary bassoons;
      but before the tenor piccolo de gallo, Sin in hue.

      Adores: 10
  9. 2013 January 24
    Lizzi permalink

    “Odd omen” and “peed on by a tyrannosaurus” made me spit my water out. Still haven’t learned to not drink or consume while reading this. My inhumanity to myself.

    Adores: 6
    • 2013 January 24
      CapnMac permalink

      Using Atamin can help prevent expected nasal enema. Docent levels vary. Slide effect may occur.

      Adores: 8
    • 2013 January 24

      Most of us have had to learn that lesson repeatedly.

      Adores: 4
    • 2013 January 24
      Bombdude permalink

      I’ve actually learned to use it to my advantage. On those days when I am dealing with a cold/stuffy head/sniffles stuff, I drop a couple of Alka Seltzer cold medicine tabs (plop plop, fizz fizz) into a glass of water and read YSaC while I drink it. I either get the cold medicine in my system, or I power wash my sinuses with fizzy stuff.

      Either way, I can breathe easier…

      Win/Win!!!

      Adores: 10
  10. 2013 January 24

    Odd O’Men was sad. He had repeatedly tried, and failed, to join the League of Justice and the X-Men..the last one he wanted most of all.

    He thought it might not matter that he couldn’t conjure storms, vanish into thin air, or produce razor-sharp appendages in less time than it took to say “jack robinson”.

    He was odd…dammit! Odd like…well, like an odd person is.

    How many times had people said, “You, my friend, are very odd.”?

    Hundreds.

    Why, then, wasn’t being odd enough? Was he destined to go through life just this side of greatness because of this distinction?

    Odd pondered these things as he collated and stapled files, all alone in his cubicle, trusty red stapler at his side. Just let that jackass of a boss move his desk one more time. He’d show them that Odd was a man to be reckoned with!

    Adores: 12
    • 2013 January 24
      DigitalAxis permalink

      He may not have gotten into the League of Justice or the X-Men, but at least he got Even.

      Adores: 6
  11. 2013 January 24
    Tankerbell permalink

    Ashley looked around her empty trailer and sighed. “Every damn time. Every single damn time. That is the last time I hire an iguana sitter from Craigslist. I cannot keep buying new furniture.”

    Adores: 8
  12. 2013 January 24
    kelli permalink

    I like the old Ashley better. The newer one has horrible taste in furniture. She doesn’t taste so great out of furniture either.

    Adores: 9
  13. 2013 January 24
    Ralph permalink

    Blessed be Thou, Lord of the Furniture, who stuffeth the cushions. Omen.

    And Mary Kate has better taste.

    Adores: 7
  14. 2013 January 24
    Demon Duck of Doom permalink

    I’ve never seen an odd omen in obo tan, but Otter Man has a zabuton that color.

    Adores: 5
  15. 2013 January 24
    tigprincess permalink

    If you look very closely at the stain on the first atamin it starts to look like the image of Genghis Kemel – he who must be worshipped. Sorry I suede that.

    Adores: 4
    • 2013 January 24
      Windrose permalink

      That suede made me blue, so shoo!

      Adores: 2
  16. 2013 January 24
    CraigsLister permalink

    ataturk
    suede his feet
    upon atamin
    ending ottoman

    Adores: 4
  17. 2013 January 25

    Hammy, One, we replaced the coffee in the box with new instant Atamin! I’m sure you won’t notice any difference. Our lawyers are standing by.

    Punchity Punch Punch!

    Good Morning, Olsen Twins fan!

    Adores: 2

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