YSaC, Vol. 1440: I hear Bernie Madoff is good with kids.
Elizabeth sends this one, and was kind enough to write the commentary herself, too. This is great – I can go back to lying on the couch eating Funyuns.*
Nanny wanted
I need a nanny for right now on Mondays tru Fridays and some weekends. You would need to pick my two children.This position will turn into a full time position in the next 3-4 months. I would like someone who is , cpr and first aid certificates and someone who has no issue with dealing with a child with very mild . You must have no drug history, criminal background, . You can email your resume
“I need a nanny for right now on Mondays tru Fridays and some weekends.”
Spelling skills not required.
“You would need to pick my two children.”
Because they are not already picked. You must pick them for me.
“I would like someone who is , cpr and first aid certificates and someone who has no issue with dealing with a child with very mild .”
**Very mild WHAT?**
“You must have no drug history, criminal background, .”
So no drug history, but must have a criminal background? (I guess they’re looking for WHITE collar criminals to babysit their as yet unselected children with mild cases of )
*Note: Funyuns not recommended for internal use. If Funyuns are accidentally ingested, contact a physician immediately.
Excellent, very mild children are my specialty!
And they’re excellent with Guacamole!
Mashing up avocados is one of the things kids of that age are good at.
Ok, so let’s say they ARE CPR. We still haven’t answered the vital question: Man or Astro-Man?
“Is CPR”… is that some kind of new Platonic ideal?
“Justice, Beauty, Truth, and The Heimlich Maneuver”
Dear Sparky:
I myself suffered from very mild randomly-deleted-words syndrome as a child, so I think that I would be a good nanny for your children.
I’m sure she’ll be very.
I’m not so sure. What if she , or has an ? We’d have to use a to get out the .
It’s a good thing Sparky is looking for someone who is, imaginary nannies can be difficult to train properly and nearly always end up running off with the invisible silver.
You’re not kidding! My last one faked her own death of leukemia to avoid imaginary drug dealers.
Imaginary nannies aren’t so difficult to train properly in Orlando.
A Child with Very Mild is IF’s Destiny’s Child cover band.
Sweet, this is my post! Well, it’s not my post on Craigslist, thankfully, but it is the one that I submitted.
I’d really like to know what the child had a very mild case OF!
Ahem [koff]
I wish it to be known [koffkoff]
That I is, and this is my Is, and it is , [koffkoff]
I also [koff] have a theory on brontosaurae [koff]
Bacontini not tink you understand how getting de children work. You see, when a fatty beverage and a large poker table-top love each other very much, dey have what dey call de “Shotgun wedding” wit de angry parents.
Den, dey go to de furniture outlet warehouse and pick out de barstools. You notice dat dey do dat part demselves.
Simple as dat.
*dials parents’ number*
“Mom? You lied to me!!! I knew all that yucky stuff couldn’t be right. An imaginary pork-infused cocktail told me the truth. You’re twisted, Mom. You don’t really make Dad do that stuff, do you?”
So it starts out as “Mondays tru Fridays and some weekends”, and THEN it turns into a “full time position”? I hope they’re offering a live-in room for the nanny. Or at least a magical floating umbrella to make the daily commute easier.
It’s Sparky-sucks-at-Craigs-a-listic-text-work-is-atrocious!
Somehow I cannot get that this would be an excellent Mr Bean sketch out of my head, what with confusing au pair with Ow! Pear-shaped wobblywobbly, pratt-fall, sight-gag, single word “is.”
Only Mike Palin has to jump in and object to stealing his line.
I think you need a nap, Cap’n. And a brownie. (The delicious dessert, not the mythical creature or junior Girl Scout varieties.)
I majored in Funyuns my first year in college.
I majored in fermented malt beverages. Wish I would’ve known you in college, Mudsy.
We’d have commanded a wide berth every time we burped, eh?
And this would be different from today because…?
So… now I have ‘The Perfect Nanny’ earworm. Joy.
It’s really too bad there’s no Nanny McPhee for parents. Sigh.
hmmmm maybe the mild parts means the children are only mildly ripe and that is why it starts as a weekly and some weekends job, and after they are fully ripe the nanny picks them hey presto full time job
Fortunately the local elementary school has a wide assortment of sizes, shapes and colors to choose from. I’d recommend staying away from the ones with severe.
I’d tell her to attach one of those car antenna smiley faces on to their heads so that they’re easier to pick out.
It’s good that Sparkmom wants a nanny who is. Child Protective Services gets really cranky when they learn you left your kids with an imaginary one. She also apparently would like to become certified in CPR and first aid. Also laudable. I see nothing wrong here.
Sorry, I can’t resume until I pick a child with very mild, tits aside.
Ralph, Chris Hansen on line one for you.
I only work fals Fridays, not tru ones.
Questions; Part 2:
What does she mean by the children are mild? Are they mildly entertaining? Mild-mannered? Mildly minty? Mildly asthmatic?
Why do I have to pick your children for you? Can you not count to two? Are you indecisive? Are you just too busy to be bothered with such a chore? Do I get paid more if I pick two good ones and less if I pick two bad ones?
What’s wrong with Funyons? Are you not a fan of delicious flavor?
End of silly and ridiculous questions.
I just got over this Funyons kick. I have a feeling I’ll be revisiting that obsession shortly.
Perhaps the children are low in tar.
Surgeon General’s warning: Remember, just because they are low in tar does not make them safer. Quitting children now greatly reduces serious risks to your health.
If a . is a “she”; does that make a “d’acclamation” a “he”?
“Mondays tru Fridays and some weekends … This position will turn into a full time position in the next 3-4 months.”
Monday through Friday and some weekends isn’t already full-time and then some?? Is this person looking for someone to keep the kids 24/7? Sheesh!
kelli, I think we all need emergency plans to have our browsers and search history cleared in the event of an untimely Punchity Punch Punch!
Good Morning, Nanny McFees!