YSaC, Vol. 1441: Jesus built my hotrod.

2013 February 4

Brand NEW Hooked on Jesus black longed sleeved shirt, in a box – $16


Hooked on Jesus black longed sleeved shirt.
Size: Medium
Image Size: 12×12
$16.00 each

If you need some shits don’t pay the extra .99 cents and shipping on the web sites
as the heading says its brand new never been worn just been took out of the box to count
i have 10 including this so if you need all 10 there yours for $16 each
Or let me know what you have lets see if its worth trading.
thank you for looking

There’s a couple of things wrong with this ad. For one, it’s the return of the t-shit, which is always a favorite.

Then there’s the fact that someone has ten of these shirts, and thinks someone else might want all ten. I shudder to think about what someone would want ten of these t-shirts for, although regular readers will also remember the famous t-shirt that spawned the euphemism “t-shirt time,” which this shirt would surely be a bad choice for.

Also: is there something slightly wrong about having the word Jesus pierced by a sharp metal object in the graphic?

Just me?

Okay then, carry on.

Thanks to JW for submitting this one; I think it’s well past time that we started a JW tag!

41 Responses leave one →
  1. 2013 February 4

    We could use the bedazzled deer hooves for a t-shit that said Hooked on YSaC! We’ll make dozens of dollars!

    Adores: 8
    • 2013 February 4
      Tankerbell permalink

      Gotta work Clothespin Jesus in there somehow…

      Adores: 8
      • 2013 February 4

        I’m sensing another Great Schism approaching: Whom besides the Llamanun (BBUH) do you take as your savior? Clothespin Jebus or Spice Christ?

        Adores: 4
  2. 2013 February 4
    HamCan permalink

    Well, I suppose that’s better than hooking for Jesus…

    Adores: 15
    • 2013 February 4
      limelolly permalink

      I regret to inform you that “Hookers for Jesus” is actually a group of crocheters.

      Adores: 10
      • 2013 February 4
        HamCan permalink

        Is that what the kids are calling it these days?

        Adores: 5
        • 2013 February 4
          J-dog permalink

          On first read I thought it said “crocheteers”. Gotta get new glasses…

          Adores: 6
      • 2013 February 4
        Lizzi permalink

        Seriously? They didn’t give that group name a second thought?

        Adores: 3
        • 2013 February 4
          limelolly permalink

          Unless it’s the Las Vegas group… then they really ‘are’ hookers.

          The group I knew of, is mostly geriatric ladies crocheting blankets for kids in hospitals and shelters. I guess they liked the name.

          Adores: 3
        • 2013 February 5

          Yep, the Happy Hookers have done some work with Project Linus – the group I donate my crocheted blankets to – and the one time I met a member she was this adorable little blue-haired lady with mad crochet skillz.

          Adores: 1
      • 2013 February 4
        One Moving Violation permalink

        Are they crotchety crocheters?

        Adores: 5
  3. 2013 February 4

    Hooked on Jesus worked for me.

    Adores: 14
    • 2013 February 4
      Tankerbell permalink

      Me too! At first, I couldn’t catch anything. But now, with this new Hooked on Jesus bait, I’m catching so many fish I can feed this entire random hungry crowd that seems to have formed behind me! What’s more, I’m catching loaves of bread for them, too!

      Adores: 12
  4. 2013 February 4

    *celestial phone rings*

    “Jesus’ office, St. Peter speaking.”

    “Where is he?”

    “Oh, hello Sir…umm…he’s well, he’s in production.”

    “Production? Production? That’s my domain, mister!!”

    “Please, sir, don’t smite the messenger here. I’m just telling you that he’s in production…but it’s not what you think. He’s making t-shirts. You know, to try and create some buzz with the hip, young, crowd.”

    “Oh..dear…Me…what’s he done now?”

    “Well, sir…maybe you should come look for yourself. I think he’s only run about 10 of them so far.”

    *later that day……*

    “Hello, Craigslist? Yes, I’d like to place an ad. My name? God. G – O – D. That’s right. G…O…what? No, this isn’t a joke. Just, never mind the name for now…I just want to sell some shitty t-shirts my Son made.”

    Adores: 17
  5. 2013 February 4
    Ralph permalink

    “You know, before I found the Lord, I was all messed up on drugs. Now that I’ve found the Lord, I’m all messed up on the Lord.” — Cheech and Chong

    Throw them back.

    Adores: 9
  6. 2013 February 4

    If I “need some shits” I just go eat at Taco Bell.

    Adores: 8
  7. 2013 February 4

    Ahem. What about the original T-shit?

    Adores: 8
    • 2013 February 4

      The post I linked to links to that!

      Adores: 7
      • 2013 February 4

        I didn’t go deep enough in the post-ception.

        Could have saved myself 30 minutes of looking through old posts to find that.

        Adores: 7
    • 2013 February 4

      Taco, even my admin powers won’t overcome the blog’s belief that I am cheating if I give you a door. But yes, you are the original and the dozens of dollars are yours as well. 8)

      Adores: 6
  8. 2013 February 4
    DigitalAxis permalink

    Protestant Christianity, lacking a pantheon of gods or saints, had to rely on a single Jesus to fulfill all requirements: Apostolic Jesus, Forgiveness Jesus, Christmas-and-Easter Jesus, Monster Truck Jesus, Fishing Jesus, Hunting Jesus, Administrative Secretary Jesus, Lawn Care Jesús, Roofer!!!Roofer!!!Roofer!!! Jesus, Buddy Christ…

    Adores: 11
    • 2013 February 4

      And in those rebellious years: Jess.

      That’s when he was the lead drummer for The Young Gods.

      Adores: 8
    • 2013 February 4
      camille permalink

      I am totally founding Jews for Roofer!!!Roofer!!!Roofer!!! Jesus

      Adores: 7
    • 2013 February 4
      DigitalAxis permalink

      How could I have forgotten Spice Christ, Clothespin Jesus, and Cheezus? He moves in mysterious ways. Most recently, to a three-room condo in Englewood, Colorado.

      Adores: 4
  9. 2013 February 4

    What sort of bait do you suppose He uses?

    Adores: 6
    • 2013 February 4
      Not-a-[censored] Lion permalink

      The worms go in, the worms go out. Jesus uses them to catch trout.

      And what you see is what you get. Sometimes he uses a fishing net.

      Adores: 9
  10. 2013 February 4
    Brer Fox permalink

    Fox rocks in box and stalks in socks and gawks and mocks at sparky talks.

    Look, I’m Trinity.

    Adores: 8
    • 2013 February 4
      Not-a-[censored] Lion permalink

      just been took out of the box to count

      One, just one. Now put me back, I’m not a shit, I don’t even wear one.

      Adores: 8
  11. 2013 February 4
    One Moving Violation permalink

    longed sleeved shirt, in a box

    I’ve always longed for a sleeved shirt, in a box. All those times of saying, “Nothin’ up my sleeve! *Rrrrrrriiiip!* Presto! No doubt about it, I gotta get me another longed sleeved shirt.” has left me sleeveless…in Seattle.

    Adores: 9
    • 2013 February 4

      Ahh, that was you bare-armed and shivering in the cold this morning!

      Adores: 5
  12. 2013 February 4
    One Moving Violation permalink

    Shits aside, would the image size be measured in cubits?

    Adores: 7
  13. 2013 February 4

    Ministry FTW! You guys continue to amaze me. Thank you.

    Adores: 5
  14. 2013 February 4
    CapnMac permalink

    Seems like I remember a great deal of ramble-rousing (and at least the one movie in Aramaic) on what bait to use to tempt jebus. If we invert the situation, and contemplate just what one is expecting to catch using jebus as bait–well, that likely results in plagues of clothespins, mistletoe, libidinous swans and the like . . .

    In a sense of pastoral fairness, we must give our vending Spark’ credit for not offering the T’s at $16 each or the whole box for $200.

    But, it has been a less-good morning–was taken aback to notice many near-to-hand items limned in red, only to realize that was an alergic reaction and not one of demonic perception. Silly Lucy.

    Adores: 5
  15. 2013 February 4
    Tankerbell permalink

    Why do I suspect Sparky stole this box of T-shits from bible camp?

    Adores: 7
  16. 2013 February 4
    limelolly permalink

    Jesus hooked me this I know
    For the bloodstains tell me so.

    Adores: 12
    • 2013 February 4
      Tankerbell permalink

      Jesus hooked me, Lord
      Kumbaya
      In the eye, my Lord
      Kumbaya
      Smite his ass, my Lord
      Kumbaya
      Ouch, Lord, Kumbaya

      Adores: 14
      • 2013 February 4
        Lizzi permalink

        “Smite his ass” is now what I’m going to yell when someone kills me in Halo! So many doors for that phrase!

        Adores: 4
        • 2013 February 4
          Windrose permalink

          What have you got against all those poor donkeys?

          Adores: 3
      • 2013 February 4
        Lizzi permalink

        Their…shows? I don’t know, I’m not witty.

        Adores: 4
  17. 2013 February 4
    penguin permalink

    These will be perfect for the groupies of the Hootie & the Blowfish Christian cover-band: Jonah & the Blowholes.

    Adores: 6
  18. 2013 February 5

    Brer Fox, Brer Fox, Brer Fox, Punchity Punch Punch!

    Good Morning, t-shit enthusiasts!

    Adores: 1

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