YSaC, Vol. 1446: Kiss With A Fist
I punched u in the back – m4w – 26
I though u were my ex girlfriend and u were standing with ur back to me with another guy. It made me mad to see you with some1, afterwards u yelped and he turned around and I ran I knew it wasn’t her. Im sorry.
Let’s say, hypothetically speaking, that you were the sort of person who would punch your ex girlfriend if you saw her with another guy.
You’re an ass.
OK, with that obvious point out of the way, here’s a quick question – if this girl was with a boyfriend, what are the odds she’s regularly reading “m4w” posts in the “missed connections” section of Craigslist?
Yep – you’re also an idiot.
Also, you can’t spell. Or use punctuation. So for your ex-girlfriend’s sake, I certainly hope your general ineptitude at everything also includes your “punching things” skills.
Jerk.
Thanks for the post, Natalie!
But he is sincerely sorry! He’s a sorry, idiotic, asinine jerk!
I agree; Sparky is a sorry individual. And I mean that sincerely.
I second that emotion.
Yep, we know he is sorry, now if he’ll just apologize…
I too am sorry, sorry that our society has no mechanism that would teach Sparky that battery is not an appropriate response to failed relationships. That, when that mechanism fails, such folk are found specialized housing amongst others with similarly poor control of their aggressions.
But, I’ve been having a less-good Monday for about 8-9 hours so far, some of which is related to [profanity] engaged in battery as a form of communication. I may be feeling less-charitable than normal.
In the spirit of “Valentine’s Season,” I think it will look much prettier and read much better set up as poetry.
I Punched U In The Back
m4w
–
26
I though u were my ex girlfriend
and
u were standing
with ur back to me
with
another guy.
It made me mad to see you
with
some1,
afterwards u yelped
and he turned around
and
I ran
I knew
it wasn’t her.
Im sorry.
And I ran.
I ran so far away.
I just ran.
I ran all night and day.
I couldn’t get away…
My hair looks like that guy’s today. Sigh. Monday.
I don’t know if it was intended, but as I read Mudsy’s poetry version, all I could hear in my head was the Shat…
*sigh*
It was supposed to be e.e. cummings.
I knew I should have canned all the upper-case lettering.
Damn you, Shatner!!!!!
i read it as e.e. cummings.
eerie guardless as to case.
thanks for the memories.
[ poetry Corey ] It’s actually got a little William Carlos Williams vibe to it too – it reminds me of “This Is Just To Say” [ / poetry Corey ]
…and a bit of Rod McKuen….
Maybe even some Rod Serling…
Chillax, Mudsy. Who doesn’t like to start the week with a good, healthy Shat?
I’m sure Shatner likes to hold on to his as long as possible.
So many entendres, so little
stomachdesirewherewithalltimegag-reflex.I cannot begin to imagine why she isn’t still with such a fine specimen of manhood. Maybe he’ll meet somebody nice in the public defender’s office or the anger-management class.
Maybe Sparky “Roundhouse” McSingleton and the hospital emergency room Lothario should hook up, Dave. Think of the turnover…
Edit:
*waves down the line at IF and DDD*
I should read all the comments first before posting.
(checks box)
We few, we happy few, we band of sisters and brothers.
You say punching women in the back will make them love you? Man, was I ever doing it wrong in college. Thanks, Sparky’s three remaining brain cells!
Don’t forget the most important step, dragging them back to your cave by their hair so they can make you delicious sammiches.
Or the Bobbit meathod, turn you into a delicious sammich.
:snerk:
Meat ho(o)d.
Oh right, sammiches. I thought they were supposed to cook the bison and sabre-toothed tiger you punched to death.
Sparky learned this behavior when he was very young, when his dad would take him places and punch random women who, when seen from the back, looked like the wife who had divorced him and left him to raise Sparky on his own. Tragically, Sparky’s dad learned this from his own father as well. Sparky comes from a long line of ex-lover-look-alike-from-behind-punchers.
In German, that really is all one word.
In semaphore it looks like the Macarena.
In morse code its:
… .–. .- .-. -.- -.– / .-.. . .- .-. -. . -.. / – …. .. … / -… . …. .- …- .. — .-. / .– …. . -. / …. . / .– .- … / …- . .-. -.– / -.– — ..- -. –. –..– / .– …. . -. / …. .. … / -.. .- -.. / .– — ..- .-.. -.. / – .- -.- . / …. .. — / .–. .-.. .- -.-. . … / .- -. -.. / .–. ..- -. -.-. …. / .-. .- -. -.. — — / .– — — . -. / .– …. — –..– / .– …. . -. / … . . -. / ..-. .-. — — / – …. . / -… .- -.-. -.- –..– / .-.. — — -.- . -.. / .-.. .. -.- . / – …. . / .– .. ..-. . / .– …. — / …. .- -.. / -.. .. …- — .-. -.-. . -.. / …. .. — / .- -. -.. / .-.. . ..-. – / …. .. — / – — / .-. .- .. … . / … .–. .- .-. -.- -.– / — -. / …. .. … / — .– -. .-.-.- / – .-. .- –. .. -.-. .- .-.. .-.. -.– –..– / … .–. .- .-. -.- -.– / … / -.. .- -.. / .-.. . .- .-. -. . -.. / – …. .. … / ..-. .-. — — / …. .. … / — .– -. / ..-. .- – …. . .-. / .- … / .– . .-.. .-.. .-.-.- / … .–. .- .-. -.- -.– / -.-. — — . … / ..-. .-. — — / .- / .-.. — -. –. / .-.. .. -. . / — ..-. / . -..- -….- .-.. — …- . .-. -….- .-.. — — -.- -….- .- .-.. .. -.- . -….- ..-. .-. — — -….- -… . …. .. -. -.. -….- .–. ..- -. -.-. …. . .-. … .-.-.-
:snaps fingers:
It’s got a catchy beat and you can dance to it.
I used to have a “hand” fast enough to key that out.
Sigh.
Never got enough “ear” to pick/transcribe Morse, though, not at the speed 10-12 lines of gibberish and a plea for reactive vigilantism would require.
Sigh
I had a fast hand too. Used to call me Morse Code mudsy….
😀
I actually trained and certified at 24 wpm sending, and 20 wpm receiving. Talk about time wasted and useless skills nowadays…
Although it may see a revival after the Zombpacalypse…
Sadly, such skills require a second survivor with similar skills.
No one plots like Sparky, takes cheap shots like Sparky…
It’s the best that Chris Brown can do….don’t be a hater.
likes to kidney-punch girls at nightspots like Sparky
All the spectators there are exasperated;
My what a
guydouche, that sparkyyyyy.Today on Lessons from Morons, we will learn how to violate five instances of common sense, four logical fallacies, three ethical principals, and two restraining orders, in one Craigslist posting.
and a partridge in a pear tree?
That wasn’t me, I don’t know who told you it was me, and you can’t prove it anyway. Just wait until your next punch!
Wait now…. by posting in m4w, is Sparky hoping that this not.an.ex-girlfriend might be charmed and intrigued enough by his battery technique to consider becoming his future ex-girlfriend?
I can’t imagine why Sparks has an ex-girlfriend. He’s so even-tempered.
And he seems so charming and polite.
I think he’s almost there, he just needs a little support. Maybe he could get the that guy with the dying wife from the ER as his wingman.
I was thinking of that guy too. What do you want to bet his wife’s ER visit was back-punch-related?
Yelped is such a curious turn of phrase here.
Are we sure this guy’s ex wasn’t possessed by Zuul? I might be able to justify his actions a bit better if that was the case.
Maybe.
I found “yelped” to be a strange word to use, also. I would have used “screamed obscenities and pepper-sprayed me”.
Perhaps this is an experiential portmanteau, where “yelp” refers to being beaten with a paper copy of the Yellow Pages.
This, rather than the sense of giving bad reviews online via yp/yelp.
Yelp:
Verb:
To repeatedly shoot with a .44 magnum: “He punched me in the back, so I yelped his ass”.
I’m never going to look at that app the same way again, Hammy.
If you think of your ex as a bitch, “yelped” seems oddly appropriate.
In Zuulese, that is almost exactly what “yelped” translates to.
Although, ‘pepper-sprayed’ and ‘tased’ appear to be interchangeable.
Let me yelp you with that…
I knew it wasn’t her and I knew it was Mike Tyson. I haven’t stooped running since I’m typing on my phone while running so tired please see this say u forgive me and more important say Mike’s not mad.
Wow. What an asshat. It’s so comforting to know that some day randomly while standing in line with my husband, maybe waiting to buy tickets at the movie theater on date night, I could be punched by an ass who has mistaken me for his ex. Thrilling.
Must be a new trend former friend of mine did the same last week, his ex showed up to the arranged spot to pick up their daughter, she showed up with a new bloke former friend got really annoyed and hit his ex. To sum it up one broken jaw, one arrest and former friend could lose his visiting rights for daughter.
The world will always have really stupid asshats out there
Now now, there’s no need to be harsh. For all we know, Sparky’s age might have been a typo; he might really be a six-year-old boy who just wanted to tell his ex-girlfriend that he still like-likes her, even if not quite enough to pull on her pigtails during math class. I mean, that would certainly explain the spelling.
*in the huddle* Okay, I pass it to limelolly, who passes it to Dave, who passes it to the ferrets, who pass it to Smedley, who passes it to Digi. Ready? Break! Punchity Punch Punch!
Good Morning, Hopeful Romantics!