YSaC, Vol. 1455: Do you take Samsonex for that?
2013 February 22
Looking for Amateurs
Artistic shoot requires 1 -2 woman who are comfortable in wearing Bikinis as we cover them in oil. 1 – 2 hours max. You may keep the finished project for your resume and demo reals. Apply today!You must be a US resident
You must nut be allergic to oil, or suitcase
You must not have any tattoos that depict the crucifixion of Jesus Christ
You must be at least 30 days since you were last in jail
Based on these restrictions, just try to imagine the last person they had respond to this ad. “Sorry, I’m allergic to suitcases. It developed while I was in jail until yesterday afternoon for being an illegal immigrant. They make my tattoo of the crucifixion swell.”
Thanks, Emily!
Craig’s List is the perfect place to find professional Amateurs.
*looks at calendar on wall*
Dammit. So close.
Sigh….
Same here. Damn my allergies to fanny packs and Vasoline! I never get to have any fun.
This has “early James Bond movie” written all over it.
Dave, I believe you misspelled ‘every’.
I’m nut allergic to peanut oil.
“it rubs the oil into its skin…”
Sorry, I’m allergic to nutcase.
“Artistic shoot”, huh? This is Craigslist code for “someone’s got some very specific kinks”? And possibly one extremely specific tattoo turn-off?
Ooh, I think I can do this one:
1. U.S. Resident – check;
2. Nut – check;
3. No allergies to luggage of any kind, and my profound allergy to buttery carpet shouldn’t be an issue here, right?
4. No tattoos depicting the crucifixion of Jesus Christ – check (Clothespin Jeebus is OK, right?)
5. Never been in jail – is that OK, or is having been jailed more than 30 days ago an absolute requirement?
Q:
Wait, why are they worried about suitcase allergies?
A:
Because their sneezing might alert the border police to their presence in said suitcases.
Has to be an Amateur because so many professionals can’t pass their strict criteria. I mean, not allergic to suitcase, c’mon, who isn’t?
I have a tattoo of the crucifixion of Tupac, does that count? How about if it’s not on me, personally? And all I’m putting together is a demo fake; can I use the demo real for that too?
I have a tattoo of Jesus Ramirez wearing an oily bikini and carrying a suitcase full of nuts. He’s technically not a US citizen, but has managed to avoid La Migra for over 30 days. Are we still good?
I have a tattoo of a cabbage dancing on a suitcase with a walnut wearing a bikini. Does it count if it’s a cruciferous vegetable?
You must nut be allergic to being buried in a shallow grave in the desert
What if it’s a tattoo of the Last Supper? So long as there were no duffel bags to trigger any allergies, I’m sure Sparks here would be amenable to that.
BTW: I hope using the words “nut” and “oil” in the same line wasn’t some kind of Freudian slip.
Ghostie, my dear, I am always in awe when you are in the baux. Punchity Punch Punch!
Good Morning, Undocumented Allergy-suffering Ex-cons!
That is the strangest set of requirements I’ve ever seen. Why would it matter if they were in jail in the past month at the time of the shoot? It’s just pictures, not a recurring role in a tv show. So odd!