YSaC, Vol. 1460: Apteri? Apteryxsses? Apteryxiae?

2013 March 1

Well, it’s time to wrap up “posts mostly not about recliners” week here at YSaC. I hope you enjoyed the not-recliner-containingness of most but not all of the posts this week. Next week – posts not about apteryxes!

will take your unwanted fish turles etc


hello i will take your unwanted fish turles frogs etc for free and if your getting rid of the tank too looking for guppies patty cilids frogs red slider turles etc please call me at ########## thanks and have a wonderful day

Well, I’ll just point out that if anyone here has a brand new set of water skis that they don’t want, I’ll be happy to take them. Also the boat, if you’re getting rid of that as well. However, if you have any unwanted apteryxes, Sparky here probably wants them.

Thanks for the post, JW!

34 Responses leave one →
  1. 2013 March 1
    DigitalAxis permalink

    No, I’m not getting rid of the tank. How else am I going to invade Poland?

    Adores: 21
    • 2013 March 1
      Dan permalink

      Too soon, man. Too soon.

      Adores: 4
    • 2013 March 1

      Invading Poland? Man, I did Nazi that coming.

      Adores: 13
    • 2013 March 1

      :puts on hipster beret:

      Invading Poland is so last century.

      Adores: 5
      • 2013 March 1
        mud "static noise" slicker permalink

        Q: How many tanks does it take to invade Poland?

        A: None*.

        *Oh, I kid Poland. :D

        Adores: 2
        • 2013 March 1

          I think you’re thinking of France, my dear.

          Adores: 3
        • 2013 March 1
          mud "static noise" slicker permalink

          I think they use baguettes over there.

          Adores: 2
        • 2013 March 1

          I think the preferred method of invading France is to just threaten them with a bar of soap.

          Adores: 5
      • 2013 March 1
        SpaceBug permalink

        What did the stripper say to Bronisław Komorowski?

        I never met a Pole I didn’t like.

        Adores: 1
  2. 2013 March 1
    Ralph permalink

    Knick-knacks and patty sacks; give a frog a home; Sparky is a trolling gnome?

    Adores: 11
  3. 2013 March 1

    One Sparky wants to take your stuff for free. Another wants you to be his maid (and provide certain other services) and won’t charge you for the honor. Is this a great time to be alive, or what?

    Adores: 5
    • 2013 March 1

      I don’t know about you, buy my faith in huge manatees is thoroughly restored.

      Adores: 7
      • 2013 March 1
        CapnMac permalink

        Dunno, my faith in hue manatees is beyond the pale.

        Adores: 4
  4. 2013 March 1

    Sparky, have you ever seen the show, Hoarders? Do you have dead turtles in your freezer? When was the last time you took the trash out of the house?

    Adores: 3
  5. 2013 March 1

    *gasps*

    I’m in the bawks again today! That’s two in a row! I didn’t inadvertently just start a zombiacolypse did I?

    Adores: 3
  6. 2013 March 1

    Unwanted Fish Turtles is IF’s The Mutants emo cover band.

    Adores: 1
    • 2013 March 1

      It’s also a failed spinoff of a kids’ show that was extremely popular in the nineties.

      Adores: 3
    • 2013 March 1
      CapnMac permalink

      And Unwanted Fish Turles is a Byrds tribute band.

      Adores: 1
  7. 2013 March 1
    Irregular Fractal permalink

    Sparky, I have a Dr. William James holding for you on Line 1. Something about an old lady who would like to employ your services…

    Adores: 2
  8. 2013 March 1
    tigprincess permalink

    *Looks through cupboard for old fish turles, finds fish tureen and fish kettle…..* Hey, Sparky … will these do?

    Adores: 3
  9. 2013 March 1
    camille permalink

    I got rid of a guppy once. His name was Roger and he was evil. He killed the other guppies in the tank one by one, by nibbling on their fins until they couldn’t swim anymore. So I took him back to the pet store and they fed him to the red shark.

    Absolutely true story. Sorry there’s no punch line.

    Adores: 4
    • 2013 March 1
      mud "static noise" slicker permalink

      Did you name him Jeffrey Damner?

      Adores: 1
      • 2013 March 1
        camille permalink

        No, I thought Roger the Killer Guppy was a pretty good name on its own. And this was many years pre-Jeffrey Dahmer.

        Adores: 1
  10. 2013 March 1

    *typing Craigslist ad*

    Oh, man, this is the best idea I’ve ever had. I’ll have loads of free seafood in no time.

    …Unless they catch on and want to charge me for their delicious pets. Hmm, let’s see. “and if your getting rid of the tank too.”

    They’ll never suspect a thing!

    Adores: 4
    • 2013 March 1
      mud "static noise" slicker permalink

      I’ll contribute one SpongeBob SquarePants undersea decorative pineapple aerator and one squirrel.

      Adores: 2
      • 2013 March 1

        *Tiny diving suit sold seperately.

        Adores: 3
  11. 2013 March 1

    Needed – unwanted national budget.

    Certain country seems to have hired governing body with lack of 4th-grade math skills. If your country has an extra national budget it no longer needs, please consider giving away.*

    Also, if you happen to have buckets full of unwanted common sense, we sure could use some.

    If you can’t part with these things for free, said hired governing body will soon be out of a job – be aware though, if you take them, your country’s average ego will at least double while average IQ may be reduced to half its level. We recommend limiting them to test subjects for medical research.

    (*Unfortunately, as country in need is now starting budget cuts that prevent most government employees from traveling for work, we’ll need you to come deliver – paying your own travel expenses, of course.)

    Adores: 7
  12. 2013 March 1
    CraigsLister permalink

    will take your unwanted fish turles etc.

    Take my wife,
    please.

    Adores: 5
  13. 2013 March 1
    Demon Duck of Doom permalink

    Give me your turles, your frogs,
    Your patty cilids absolutely free,
    The wretched refuse of your teeming tank,
    Send these, and also the tank, to me.

    kthxbai

    Adores: 16
    • 2013 March 1

      :lights tiny duck-sized torch:

      Adores: 2
  14. 2013 March 1
    LurkRealClose permalink

    Oh, man! Now I’m really craving some fish turles and frogs etc. Good thing its lunch time.

    Adores: 1
  15. 2013 March 1
    Philip Glass permalink

    i got a green turle for sale! take it for free! i got a green turle for sale! take it for free! i got a green turle for sale! take it for free! i got a green turle for sale! take it for free! i got a green turle for sale! take it for free! i got a green turle for sale! take it for free! i got a green turle for sale! take it for free! i got a green turle for sale! take it for free! i got a green turle for sale! take it for free! i got a green turle for sale! take it for free! i got a green turle for sale! take it for free! i got a green turle for sale! take it for free!

    Adores: 2
  16. 2013 March 1
    One Moving Violation permalink

    Yes, I have no fish.
    Yes, I have no turles.
    Yes, I have no frogs.
    Yes, I have no guppies.
    Yes, I have no patties or Pattys.
    Yes, I have no cilids or plastic lids or metal lids or glass lids.
    Yes, I have no internet since yesterday so I can’t read todays post.*

    *Yes, I don’t know how I ever got here.

    *stops sending YSaC brain waves out into the ether of the air*

    Adores: 3
  17. 2013 March 2

    camille, you and CJ make YSaC a class act! Punchity Punch Punch!

    Good Morning, Rat Packers!

    Adores: 0

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