YSaC, Vol. 1461: Burnaby, burn

2013 March 4

$1000 / 2br – 950ft² – two bad room BURNABY


-tow bedroom
-bright &clean laminate floor
-bus#135 129 160
-student or working people
-including hydro washer dryer cable wireless internet
-deposit is$500.
location is [name] st & [name].

BAD Burnaby! BAD! Go to your bad room and get down with your bad self!

A lot of rental ads on Craigslist go above and beyond to make their place sound fantastic. This one doesn’t quite take that approach. For example, it sounds as though this apartment is where the #135, #129, and #160 buses get towed to. It doesn’t matter how nice the laminate floor is if there’s a bus graveyard there. Either that, or the apartment itself is a bus stop, since there seem to be students and working people around.

Also, I remember back in 1992 wondering how long it was going to be before companies making fax machines, copiers, scanners and printers figured out that each machine was essentially using the same technology and that they could make all-in-one machines. Now I’m wondering how long it will be before my washer and dryer are also my television, computer, and modem.

27 Responses leave one →
  1. 2013 March 4

    I could use a hydro washer, the hydro here is pretty badly polluted!

    Adores: 3
    • 2013 March 4
      Ralph permalink

      [corey] This listing is written in Canadain; “hydro” refers to electricity from BC Hydro, the provincial power company. Burnaby is a suburb of Vancouver. [/corey]

      I’m more concerned about the tow bedroom; flax fibers don’t have much rigidity.

      That’s one bad room, but what’s the other? The ad is unclear whether it’s made of a bus, student, or working people.

      Adores: 3
      • 2013 March 4
        CapnMac permalink

        A “tow bedroom”? So, this is a travel trailer.
        Parked next to a laundromat.
        With cable internet, which is wireless as Ms Qwytr what owns the laundry don’t allow no unwashed connection to the bad bedroom.

        Adores: 4
        • 2013 March 4
          Irregular Fractal permalink

          I prefer kowtowing in the bedroom-

          Goodnight everybody!

          Adores: 1
      • 2013 March 4
        J-dog permalink

        The Canadians. They walk among us…

        Adores: 2
  2. 2013 March 4

    You’ve been a bad room! Go to your … um ….

    Adores: 12
  3. 2013 March 4
    tigprincess permalink

    Hey Sparky that sounds just the place for me … just tow, sorry, two questions
    1. Is there a kitchen? and more importantly
    2. Is there a bathroom -’cos I’m so fed up with using the facilities at bus stops

    Adores: 6
  4. 2013 March 4

    Sparky is quite the entrepreneur here, renting out towed buses as living spaces. Unfortunately $500 a month is too much for a bad room. But at least the dryer comes with its own cable. I misplaced my dryer cable months ago and finding a replacement is impossible.

    Adores: 4
    • 2013 March 4
      Demon Duck of Doom permalink

      Let me know if you find it. My dryer could use a jump start.

      Adores: 4
    • 2013 March 4

      Not only that, it’s a wireless cable. Wonders never cease!

      Adores: 4
      • 2013 March 4

        But how does Sparky keep the Internet from falling out of the computer/router/washer/waffle maker/etc?

        Adores: 6
        • 2013 March 4
          DigitalAxis permalink

          Internet Adhesive. It’s a paste made of old ground-up AOL Free Trial CDs.

          Adores: 6
        • 2013 March 4

          Good to know those things are good for something.

          Adores: 2
  5. 2013 March 4

    Not since “Can I have 50 pounds to mend the shed” has McTeagle released such an emotionally powerful piece of pottery.

    Adores: 8
    • 2013 March 4
      NotALara permalink

      I’m right on my uppers.
      I can pay you back.
      When this postal order comes.
      From Australia.
      Honestly…HOPE the bladder trouble’s getting better.
      Love,
      Ewan?

      Adores: 4
  6. 2013 March 4
    DigitalAxis permalink

    Using my degree in specious burrito logic, I have deduced that the apartment is the #135 bus to Burnaby ITSELF, the bedrooms are the seats above the wheel wells that no one ever wants, the washer is the windshield wiper, the dryer and A/C are internal and probably plugged by gum, the hydraulics are for wheelchairs, and the only thing the cable will do is stop the bus at the next stop. Assuming your bedroom was no longer being towed, of course.

    As for wireless internet, well, it’s the 21st century; EVERYONE has wireless internet. That was my main problem with “The Hobbit”. Why didn’t they just text each other like normal people?

    Adores: 8
    • 2013 March 4

      About ninety-five percent of the “drama” in modern films could be solved via texting or a quick Google search. The rest is a dream sequence.

      Adores: 6
  7. 2013 March 4
    Demon Duck of Doom permalink

    Disco bus inferno.

    Adores: 5
  8. 2013 March 4
    NotALara permalink

    Perhaps it’s in a restaurant, and the new prospective tenant will be required to bus tables #135, 129 and 160 nightly to earn his room and board. And wash the dishes with the hydro washer. That’s why Sparky is looking for working people.

    Adores: 6
    • 2013 March 4

      That wouldn’t work for me, I’m hydrophobic. I have a fear of washing dishes.

      Adores: 5
  9. 2013 March 4

    And so began Burnaby Jones’ other career – that of landlord/bus driver.

    Adores: 4
  10. 2013 March 4
    Irregular Fractal permalink

    Bus Graveyard is the name of my The Who cover band.

    Adores: 6
    • 2013 March 4
      CapnMac permalink

      Happy Birthday band battler!

      Adores: 4
  11. 2013 March 4
    DigitalAxis permalink

    I see
    the bad room right here
    I see
    troubles on the way.
    I see
    hobos and bus tokens
    I see
    a bus towed today.

    Don’t go around the city
    It’s bound to take your dimes
    There’s a bathroom on the right.

    Adores: 9
  12. 2013 March 4
    PhantomBanker permalink

    Tow, tow, tow your room
    Gently down #129
    Verily laminate wireless internet
    Working people fine!

    Adores: 4
  13. 2013 March 5

    Dave! Tow in a row! Punchity Punch Punch! And you should get back there today, but the Web Bosses wouldn’t like it. So there’s that.

    Good Morning, How is Burnaby Made?

    Adores: 0
  14. 2013 March 12
    Kevmeistah permalink

    950ft to the 2nd power? By my estimation, that apartment is over 900,000 sq ft! You may get 2 Bad rooms, but there’s a whole boatload of good area left to work with even with the thre buses!

    Adores: 0

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