YSaC, Vol. 1462: If you peel away the skin

2013 March 5

Ted sends this:

you kill it i skin it


you kill it i skin it and make fur pelts i can skin aything even family pets if u’d like

Anything, huh? OK, I’m trying to think of the absolute worst thing to bring this guy. I’m torn between an entire box of gnats, or just one of these cuddly little guys:

What do YOU think?

39 Responses leave one →
  1. 2013 March 5

    A honey badger. But I’m not going to kill it, Sparky will just have to wait for it to die of old age.

    Adores: 3
  2. 2013 March 5

    Baux Business: PhantomBanker is in the baux for two reasons. 1. The phrase “Verily laminate wireless internet” and 2. If PB could show up earlier, This probably wouldn’t be his or her first time in there!

    Adores: 0
    • 2013 March 6
      PhantomBanker permalink

      With Baby PB on the way, Mrs. PB and I need to relearn all these songs from our childhood.

      Thanks for the baux-y!

      Adores: 1
  3. 2013 March 5

    A paramecium, but only if Sparky can mount it so that it’s rearing up and snarling at the viewer.

    Adores: 3
    • 2013 March 5

      And wearing a tiny sombrero.

      Adores: 6
    • 2013 March 5
      DigitalAxis permalink

      I only have a single mecium; will that do?

      Adores: 2
      • 2013 March 5
        Bombdude permalink

        I thought that was a mecia?

        Adores: 1
  4. 2013 March 5

    :collects dried worms from sidewalks, drops bucketful on Sparky’s workbench:

    Get cracking, boy.

    Adores: 3
  5. 2013 March 5

    Something with an exoskeleton. Let’s see him skin that.

    Adores: 2
  6. 2013 March 5

    A barrel of hagfish… and people actually do skin those.

    Adores: 3
  7. 2013 March 5
    Irregular Fractal permalink

    Dear Sparky,

    I have need for your services, just as soon as I can wrangle the infernal beast. Can I keep you on retainer?

    Capt. A.

    Adores: 5
    • 2013 March 6
      PhantomBanker permalink

      We should test him with this Balrog I caught…

      -Gandalf

      Adores: 4
  8. 2013 March 5
    CindyB permalink

    Family pets? I don’t know which is more disturbing, the “I’ll skin it” part or the “you kill it” part.

    Adores: 8
    • 2013 March 5

      Both are about equal in the Yikes department.

      Adores: 2
    • 2013 March 5
      wanda permalink

      Oh! Our family pets. I thought he was offering up his own.

      Adores: 6
      • 2013 March 5

        I’ve got a tank full of snails, one cat who is a master of hiding, one who has so much fur I’m not even sure she has skin, and one who randomly bites all the people (even those she likes.)

        Good luck with that, Sparky.

        Adores: 1
        • 2013 March 5
          Demon Duck of Doom permalink

          Oooh, snails, yes! I’ve been dying for a snailskin coat.

          Adores: 3
      • 2013 March 5
        Windrose permalink

        Wanda! Welcome back to the fold!

        Adores: 0
        • 2013 March 5
          Bombdude permalink

          Fold?!? Is it laundry day?!?!

          *runs away*

          Adores: 0
  9. 2013 March 5
    Lou Stool permalink

    Maybe a grizzly bear, but one that s only hibernating.

    Adores: 2
  10. 2013 March 5
    Irregular Fractal permalink

    I’m sending him my 1998 version of Winamp. I never could get that thing skinned properly.

    Adores: 12
  11. 2013 March 5
    camille permalink

    A zomb

    Adores: 4
  12. 2013 March 5
    SilvaNoir permalink

    an onion

    Adores: 5
    • 2013 March 5
      wanda permalink

      I would like a peach fuzz jacket! Pronto! I killed “u” a bushel, kind sparky.

      Adores: 4
      • 2013 March 5

        Get a reversible jacket – peach on one side, nectarine on the other. Perfect for all occasions!

        Adores: 7
  13. 2013 March 5
    penguin permalink

    But wouldn’t it be difficult to get gnats to put lotion on themselves?

    Adores: 8
    • 2013 March 5

      Pour lots of lotion downt the sides of a well. Drop gnats to the bottom of said well. They climb up, through said lotion. Voila. Gnats put lotion on themselves inadvertently. Of course then you have to collect lotioned-up gnats.

      Adores: 2
      • 2013 March 5
        Bombdude permalink

        Or you just cover the well with lexan and sell tickets:

        “Naked gnat lotion wall climbing”.

        No? I thought you guys said there were pervs spectators for anything!

        Adores: 5
      • 2013 March 5
        Demon Duck of Doom permalink

        Lotioned-Up Gnats is IF’s Flock of Seagulls cover band.

        Adores: 7
  14. 2013 March 5

    How about a tardigrade?

    Adores: 3
    • 2013 March 5

      You can get a TARDIS upgrade?!?

      :looks at menu:

      I’ll have the number ten, with 3D glasses.

      Adores: 5
  15. 2013 March 5
    Ralph permalink

    Sparky needs to contract with Joe’s Morgue: “You stab ‘em, we slab ‘em.”

    He’s also a Robert Redford wannabe.

    Also see this at about 00:21 — “Possum?”
    “Got a better idea?”
    “A nice, big, fluffy souffle.”
    “All right. you shoot it and you skin it.”

    Adores: 1
  16. 2013 March 5
    DigitalAxis permalink

    A water droplet! Good luck with that.

    Adores: 1
  17. 2013 March 5
    Bombdude permalink

    OK sparky, I want my pet skinned. I want it for my desk at work. Don’t mess it up, it’s the only one I have…

    Adores: 1
  18. 2013 March 6
    PhantomBanker permalink

    Puppy-Faced Saddleback Caterpillar
    Credit: Gerald J. Lenhard | Louisiana State University

    The saddleback caterpillar (Acharia stimulea, formerly Sibine stimulea) looks like a colorful cross between a Chinese parade dragon and a Scottish terrier. It’s the larva of the saddleback caterpillar moth and is native to eastern North America. Although it may look cute enough to pet, watch out — its spikes, called “urticating hairs,” are full of venom and deliver a painful sting.

    Adores: 2
  19. 2013 March 6
    PhantomBanker permalink

    I wonder which of the many ways to skin a cat he uses…

    Adores: 1
  20. 2013 March 6
    PhantomBanker permalink

    Two words: Chuck Testa

    Adores: 2
  21. 2013 March 6

    Mr. PB, since this is your first time, I will be gentle! Here’s your card, and here’s a very gentle Punchity Punch Punch!

    Good Morning, Big Lame Hunters!

    Adores: 0

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