YSaC, Vol 1465: I Smoke Crack Rocks.

2013 March 8

Sinks, stone table top, lamps ex.


You can have all the items for free just haul the stuff away and a small pile of sticks in yard and a table top. Most of it was bought at Good Will yesterday. If interested Call ###-###-####. Call only

This has to be some sort of bizarre psychology experiment. I can’t think of any reason you’d go buy a whole bunch of crap at Goodwill just so you could post it on Craigslist the very next day. Some graduate student is clearly writing their dissertation:

“The Sociological Implications of an Invitation for Transportation of Relocated Items From Philanthropic Institutions via Electronic Communications: A Case Study of the Microeconomics of Furniture Displayed at Insufficient Resolution for Accurate Identification.”

Abstract: By observing the response to deployment of assorted items secured from a low-cost provider of goods to typically lower socioeconomic status individuals, the willingness to perform menial haulage in exchange for various goods was observed. The level of incentive required for each assortment of goods was qualitatively compared and used to establish a baseline economic valuation of various collections of items versus the transportation difficulty of same. Subjects were recruited via an electronic communication system. (IRB approval #589402) Results were statistically analyzed via parametric regression to establish high order correlational efficacy. Also, a pile of sticks.

Grateful acknowledgement is made to the principal investigator of this study, Kim.

55 Responses leave one →
  1. 2013 March 8

    Notice the last thing listed?

    It’s ‘ex’.

    Sparky has cleverly hidden his/her ex in the pile.

    Sometimes, it’s the only way to get rid of a Stage 5 Clinger.

    Sparky is a genius, dammit, a genius.

    Adores: 28
    • 2013 March 8

      Sparky has been performing the very complicated “Remove Ex” spell from Aunt Abigail’s Grimore, but it looks like he might be short a few toilets.

      Adores: 13
  2. 2013 March 8
    Laru permalink

    But CONSENT dammit! Did Sparky properly consent his subjects to this experiment? Or was consent implied by the picking up of the test materials? And is that sufficient consent, ie, were the subjects accurately aware of their risk when picking up test materials from the local crackhead?

    Adores: 3
    • 2013 March 8
      DigitalAxis permalink

      I’m more concerned with the implication that DigitalAxis et al. (2011) was wrong about the socioeconomic apple turnover rates associated with “a small pile of sticks in yard”. Your burrito logic is clearly faulty, you need a larger sample and more gerbets before I will accept this work.

      Adores: 2
  3. 2013 March 8

    I am so jealous of Sparky – the Goodwill store I go to very rarely has sinks, toilets, or small piles of sticks.

    Adores: 10
    • 2013 March 8

      I wish I could have donated my ex to the thrift store.

      Adores: 7
      • 2013 March 8

        Maybe you did, and Sparky wound up with him/her/it. If that’s the case, do NOT take Sparky up on his offer here.

        Adores: 2
      • 2013 March 8

        The Ex Donation Process

        Step 1. Obtain large carpet and roll of duck tape

        Step 2. Roll ex in said large carpet (butter optional) and secure with duck tape

        Step 3. ???

        Step 4. Leave carpet outside donation center before they open.

        Adores: 8
        • 2013 March 8

          Butter is definitely not an option there. In case you haven’t heard, it’s illegal to shoot your ex across the room, and you know you will be the prime suspect.

          Adores: 2
        • 2013 March 8
          Irregular Fractal permalink

          What do you mean? I used to do butter shots with my ex all the time-

          Perhaps I’ve said too much.

          Adores: 3
      • 2013 March 8
        Tankerbell permalink

        I tried donating my ex to Goodwill. Turns out they had no use for him, either.

        Adores: 7
        • 2013 March 8
          tigprincess permalink

          TB: – Mine too! were they evil Twins?

          Adores: 1
  4. 2013 March 8
    DigitalAxis permalink

    Hey, algebra students! I know how to find eX! Sparky has it.

    Adores: 5
  5. 2013 March 8

    /tangentially – I’m kinda diggin’ the rockin’ powder blue sink. I love retro shit. /endtangentiallyshit

    Adores: 8
    • 2013 March 8

      C” “J, you read my mind! The first thing I thought was “I want the blue one for my hall bathroom!”

      Now I’m sad that I don’t have a powder blue sink 🙁

      Adores: 7
  6. 2013 March 8

    Wow, he bought everything but the kitchen si–… No wait he bought that too.

    Adores: 6
    • 2013 March 8

      That’s the roundish one towards the back left with the built-in water cooler, right?

      Adores: 1
      • 2013 March 8
        mud "static noise" slicker permalink

        No, that’s the dog’s* water bowl.

        *he’s not too bright

        Adores: 1
  7. 2013 March 8

    I’ll gladly pay you yesterday for a pile of sticks today.

    Adores: 12
  8. 2013 March 8
    camille permalink

    Clearly Sparky participates in Good Will Hunting, the catch-and-release version.

    Adores: 8
    • 2013 March 8
      Demon Duck of Doom permalink

      So the ex is Matt Damon?

      Adores: 2
      • 2013 March 8
        camille permalink

        Damn it, my local thrift stores never have Matt Damon.

        Adores: 6
  9. 2013 March 8

    The inclusion of an IRB approval number gave me a small nerdgasm.

    On the other hand, I can think of few things as heinous as having to go through a full IRB review.

    Adores: 5
  10. 2013 March 8
    mud "static noise" slicker permalink

    Good Will Hunting

    Sticks and stones
    May break my bones
    But sinks will never herd me.

    Adores: 6
    • 2013 March 8

      But sinks will never herd me.

      It’s the bathtubs you want to watch out for – they’re the Border Collies of the plumbing world.

      Adores: 11
  11. 2013 March 8
    Kim permalink

    I really wish my actual dissertation had been this awesome.

    Adores: 4
    • 2013 March 8
      Dan permalink

      I should be working on mine instead of checking up on the site.

      Adores: 2
      • 2013 March 8

        Don’t they just weigh them and grade you based on how many pounds it is?

        Adores: 5
        • 2013 March 8

          The hardest part about my dissertation was getting past the margin lady. Seriously, there was a woman who measured the margins of EVERY. SINGLE. PAGE of my dissertation as I sat and watched her. The worst part was that I knew that about 3/4 of the way through, there was a full-page graph that definitely exceeded her template by just a little bit. When she got to that page, she measured it, re-measured it, re-re-measured it, looked at me, re-re-re-measured it, and looked at me again. Then she slowly flipped it over onto the “acceptable” pile. The joy I felt at that moment exceeded the joy I felt when my advisor told me I’d passed my defense.

          Adores: 16
  12. 2013 March 8

    Sweet baby Clothespin Jeebus! I was just browsing through my local CL free section and this exact ad – same picture and wording – was posted there on the 5th. It’s listed as being in a nearby town, but according to Google the phone number given has a Georgia area code. (I don’t live anywhere near Georgia.) I’m quite familiar with the local Goodwill stores and they never sell used plumbing fixtures. Methinks Sparky might be up to something.

    Adores: 4
    • 2013 March 8

      Yep…Sparky, the Thief, just wanted the old copper pipes. However, being Sparky, he didn’t know how to uncouple said pipes from the sinks….so…..

      Adores: 0
      • 2013 March 8

        I’m curious as to how the small pile of sticks factors into his nefarious scheme.

        Adores: 1
        • 2013 March 8

          It’s a Rube Goldberg social machine. In order to dispose of a small pile of sticks, buy old sinks at Goodwill and give them away on Craigslist, ex et era.

          Adores: 3
        • 2013 March 8
          Demon Duck of Doom permalink

          The pile of carrots nearby may be a clue.

          Adores: 4
        • 2013 March 8

          “The pile of carrots nearby may be a clue.”

          No Duck, that’s clearly a red herring.

          Adores: 4
        • 2013 March 8

          kc, we may not be the sharpest sinks in the yard, but we can tell a fish from a pile of carrots.

          Adores: 9
    • 2013 March 8
      Bombdude permalink

      [corey] Sparky probably has a cell phone from Georgia, where he was thrown out of he used to live… [/corey]

      At least you know where to go to get the new bathroom sink… 😉

      Adores: 2
  13. 2013 March 8
    Demon Duck of Doom permalink

    Sparky is all that and a pile of sticks.

    Adores: 2
  14. 2013 March 8
    CraigsLister permalink

    Sinks, stone table top, lamps ex.
    ——————————————————————————–

    You can have all the items for free just haul the stuff away and a table top.

    sheesh, the crap i gotta do jus’ for a bit o’ kindlin’

    Adores: 2
  15. 2013 March 8
    Ralph permalink

    People buy extra clothes and get rid of the ones they don’t want; why not sinks? If you forgot the necessary dimensions, it may be easier to get several and try them on, rather than returning to the store hoping some other clueless Sparky hasn’t scarfed them up first.

    The garbage can could be useful, but unfortunately it appears to come with garbage. Why isn’t there a separate category for that on craigslist? It could make searching a lot easier.

    Adores: 1
    • 2013 March 8

      Just like picking out a pair of shoes.

      “Honey, does the bathroom look better like this or :two hours later: like this?”

      Adores: 10
      • 2013 March 8
        Demon Duck of Doom permalink

        Be honest, does this toilet make my ass look big?

        Adores: 7
  16. 2013 March 8
    DigitalAxis permalink

    On today’s episode of “Money Laundering The Hard Way”, Vito “Sparky” diNovelli attempts to launder the money his brother Luigi extorted from the city’s pogo stick repair fund. Tune in to see what Luigi does when Vito returns with no money whatsoever!

    Adores: 1
  17. 2013 March 8

    For anyone who’s wondering about the title, it’s a contest to see who can fit inappropriate phrases into peer-reviewed publications:

    http://chronicle.com/blogs/tweed/the-ph-d-challenge-names-a-winner/27965

    Adores: 2
    • 2013 March 8
      DigitalAxis permalink

      True story: My PhD advisor took pride in using the phrase “hot naked brown dwarf” as often as possible during his early scientific talks. I think it became a drinking game with his friends.

      Adores: 3
      • 2013 March 8

        I had a collection of graduate students in one class who were all good friends, and developed a game in which they used to try to work certain predetermined phrases into the classroom discussion as naturally as possible and try to slip them by me. I twigged to the game pretty early on and would call them out on it whenever I could, like when they tried to work the phrase “bros before hos” into a discussion of midcentury modernism.

        Adores: 5
    • 2013 March 8
      tigprincess permalink

      Llama nun – Really? I am a peer reviewer for a journal I launched last century. I was wondering why there seemed to be the same phrases / cr*ap in each paper. Now I know! Thanks for the heads up (as they say). xx

      Adores: 0
  18. 2013 March 8
    Tankerbell permalink

    A small pile of STYX?!!??!!! I freaking love Styx! I’m from the 80’s and even now, Tommy Shaw is on my Freebie Five. I wish it was a big, heaping, steaming MOUNTAIN of Styx, but I’ll take whatever ya got. I remember..
    Wait, what?
    Oh. Nevermind.
    But now that I’m thinking about Tommy Shaw, I’ll be in mah bunk. With mah ipod.

    Adores: 0
  19. 2013 March 8
    PhantomBanker permalink

    Assuming “ex.” really means “etc.”, I’m wondering what else he has that falls into the “etc.” designation. I’m glad he left such a clear digital image to illustrate…

    Oh, wait, never mind…

    BTW what is that between the sinks? Is that a bidet? So, looks like we gots one of them high-fallutin’ Sparkys that shops at them fancy-schmancy Goodwills.

    Adores: 1
  20. 2013 March 8
    tigprincess permalink

    Sparky is evidencing the thorough approach selling, often known as the shower and bidet approach, or in the colloquial ‘top down and bottom up’.

    Adores: 1
  21. 2013 March 9

    Dave, please make sure you round up the entire ferret tribe when you leave today. You remember what happened last time? I promise not to mention it again, as long as the ferrets exit in a clam and orderly fashion. Punchity Punch Punch!

    Good Morning, Bob the Builder!

    Adores: 0
    • 2013 March 9
      Demon Duck of Doom permalink

      I’ve seen clams exit, and they’re not that orderly.

      Adores: 1

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