YSaC, Vol. 1471: ACTION MOVIE
ACTION MOVIE SCREENPLAY writer
We want to make an action movie. We have gear, actors- just no idea what our story should be. We need a story/screenplay for an action feature (about 90min).
OK, I know JUST how to help you out. Mad Libs! Just pick one of the choices for each option below, and you'll have a GREAT movie, I guarantee!
INTERIOR (office/secret lair/pasta factory/Hoboken), DAY
JACK, a former (policeman/space marine/secret agent/vacuum cleaner repairman) is happily married and trying to put his past behind him. He has a new job as an (accountant/ice cream truck driver/copy editor/galley slave) and 2.5 children, DAVID, SUSAN, and EDW.
I sure am glad I have escaped my dark past!
Suddenly, JACK is attacked by (terrorists/aliens/a bear/Abe Vigoda) who kidnap his children, murder his goldfish, and force him to watch reruns of (Three's Company/Manimal/My Mother the Car/Misfits of Science). Escaping, he is forced to partner with (a woman/a cute little kid/an ugly old dog/a dinosaur/a leprechaun.)
I sure do hate working with you!
JACK and PARTNER experience a series of ACTION PACKED SET PIECES. MANY THINGS explode. These things include, but are not limited to (a building/a bridge/The Queen Elizabeth II/Queen Elizabeth II/Hoboken). They learn a valuable lesson about FRIENDSHIP and WORKING TOGETHER.
I sure do respect you, and enjoy working with you!
Suddenly, PARTNER is killed in a touching moment of pathos in our otherwise frenetic movie. PARTNER is killed by (an explosion/a computer virus/halitosis/ennui).
JACK (looking at crane mounted camera (you folks DO have a crane, right?)):
Finally it is time for the CLIMACTIC SHOWDOWN in which it is revealed all along that the true bad guy is really (The Illuminati/"Weird Al" Yankovic/Those guys from the Bartles and James commercials/Zombie Adlai Stevenson).
Now I shall destroy you! Release the shark!
THE SHARK eats JACK
Om nom nom.
All seems lost when through a startling Deus Ex Machina, PARTNER is revealed to still be alive.
PARTNER slices open THE SHARK and rescues JACK. JACK goes on a killing rampage which ends with a final exchange of (swordplay/gunfire/threatening legal documents/housewarming gifts) with the BAD GUY.
Much better catch phrase!
The BAD GUY dies. The CHILDREN are reunited with JACK, although EDW will need years of therapy.
You can just ship me my Oscar when it comes in. Thanks for the post, Stephanie!