YSaC, Vol. 1479: I’ll just put my feet on the table, then.

2013 March 28

Living room furniture set – $100


– Set includes full size couch, love seat, single chair and coffee table
– All in great condition
– Contact for details
– includes good company
– Matt you’re a gem.

At first glance, this ad is doing so well. They have successfully identified a couch, a love seat, and a chair. (Granted, they avoid the dreaded ottoman despite there being one in the picture, but who can blame them, really?) But on closer inspection, we end up noticing the assiduously placed (and aptly named) Matt. Matt apparently comes with the living room set.

Is this something people actually want these days? Does a supposedly* naked man add some kind of gravitas to a furniture arrangement of which I am unaware? Are my friends mocking me because I don’t have someone ass-end-up on my living room floor?** Should I rent a Matt for parties and soirées so that my social standing remains intact?

Thanks, Arwynne!

*I’m not convinced he’s actually naked; it looks to me like he’s wearing tights or shorts that simulate nakedness. Although that would imply that there is such a thing, and that someone would own and wear them, and that brings up a whole different set of questions in my brain, so it might actually be easier to think that he IS naked. Although, …. oh dear. This is a circular argument that I’m never going to get out of.

**Well, not today, anyway. We call that Tuesday.

25 Responses leave one →
  1. 2013 March 28

    I don’t think he’s wearing simulated-nakedness shorts; upon close examination it looks like Matt has a farmer’s tan on his legs, probably from wearing normal shorts. [/nakedmatt]

    Now I have to go scrub my eyes with steel wool.

    Adores: 7
    • 2013 March 28

      Or he’s wearing these:
      http://blackmilkclothing.com/products/muscles-leggings

      Hmmm. Does this piriformis make my butt look big?

      Adores: 3
      • 2013 March 28
        tigprincess permalink

        Rebecca- EEWWEEE!! No No NO !!

        ** my Not.A.Lion likes the guide to where to bite **

        Adores: 1
        • 2013 March 28
          lilyleftthevalley permalink

          At first I thought the matt had tanned legs from bermuda shorts, but the color was a bit too…spray tan.

          Thinking no one would do that, even someone with an inclination to be seen naked in a CL image, I reconsidered and have decided that matt’s day job is grapestomping. That explains the really dirty feet, because his feet were still wet when he stepped out of the grape-stomping tub.

          Adores: 0
  2. 2013 March 28

    So I take it “love seat” is a euphemism for the naked guy’s ass?

    Adores: 9
  3. 2013 March 28

    I see that after raging out here on YSaC, Matt likes to kick back, strip down, and hide under the love seat just like anyone else.

    Adores: 7
  4. 2013 March 28
    Ralph permalink

    What’s the big deal about having a floor matt in front of a sofa made by a good company? That way you don’t have to take off your muddy boots. I wore a hole in a good rug once because I didn’t have a matt.

    Adores: 7
    • 2013 March 28

      Was it a black hole? Because that would be assinine.

      Adores: 5
    • 2013 March 28
      CapnMac permalink

      You dropped these: [matte][/matte] <G>

      Adores: 1
  5. 2013 March 28
    camille permalink

    Some tasteful slipcovers would definitely improve this room.

    Adores: 5
    • 2013 March 28
      CapnMac permalink

      Heck of a way to start a Thursday, Hoping there’s a g-string (which, one hopes–if only for the sake of the carpet–is not a Born Naked cover band).

      Adores: 2
  6. 2013 March 28

    I’d always envisioned the corner as having a more open plan.

    Adores: 6
  7. 2013 March 28
    CindyB permalink

    Matt looks more like a mannequin. A female one, at that. But if you really believe you’ll get an entire room of furniture for a hundred bucks with no strings attached, then you’re already familiar with dummies….

    Adores: 2
    • 2013 March 28
      CapnMac permalink

      A bit early to be forcing gender identities upon the nonreflectopr0n, isn’t it?

      Adores: 0
  8. 2013 March 28
    Irregular Fractal permalink

    It’s the perfect set, except for the coffee table. But I think I can fix that.

    Adores: 5
    • 2013 March 28
      MissMommyNiceNice permalink

      Ah, you beat me to it!

      Adores: 1
  9. 2013 March 28
    MissMommyNiceNice permalink

    Naked man ottoman you’re doing it wrong.

    Adores: 3
  10. 2013 March 28
    SpaceBug permalink

    Indoor parking for my bike!

    Adores: 10
  11. 2013 March 28
    Grumpy Grammy permalink

    “Includes good company. Matt, you’re a gem” says to me that Matt is the good company and if I take the furniture, I have to take the good company, Matt, with it. Ummm, no thanks!

    Adores: 2
  12. 2013 March 28
    CapnMac permalink

    “Includes good company”?

    So, this living room suite is, what, $100 the hour, or $500 for the whole night?

    Or is this a way to unload Solyndra or Shearson-Lehman or Enron? Why, I’d rather have a nak– er, dang it . . .

    (Wonder what Matt is photographing under the couch–snakes, aunties, what?)

    Adores: 1
  13. 2013 March 28
    limelolly permalink

    Matt you’re a gem.

    Considering that gems are dug out of the ground… *considers picture, grabs loupe*

    Yep, what I thought, there’s a deep crack in it that gem.

    Adores: 1
    • 2013 March 28
      CapnMac permalink

      [jedi anti-horking mind thingie]”That is not a gem you are looking at!”[/jedi flees]

      Adores: 1
  14. 2013 March 28
    PhantomBanker permalink

    I’m thinking that Sparky did not have a camera handy to take a picture, so he asked his good friend Matt to do so. Matt, having that boyish, frat-brother sense of humor that he does, took all the pictures with a naked person.

    [sarcastic Sparky]Gee, thanks Matt for giving me a bunch of pseudo-reflectopron for my Craigslist pics. You know, you’re a real gem for that.[/sS]

    Adores: 0
  15. 2013 March 29

    Dave, at least you are never lonely in the baux, what with the ferret tribe and all. And you keep busy cleaning up after them. 8) Punchity Punch Punch!

    Good Morning, Ass-tute Decorators!

    Adores: 0

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