YSaC, Vol. 1491: Anyone who says differently is selling something.
ur – w4m
Driving me insane…is this the plan from the start? I don’t know if I’m crazy or if you are trying to make me go crazy… I just want the truth. I dnt want anymore lies. You are like the questions of the universe…creation etc. That if you contemplate too long you feel a sense of fear and madness come over you. A question not yet to know the answer to. I just feel crazy thinking maybe…just maybe… My intuition has told me all along the answer to your riddles. I love you…but I love him…which I have no idea if he is the same person. I know most ppl won’t understand this. Maybe even no one. But I just have to let it out. What would you want from me if it is true, and why would you want anything from me when I am aware there is another. You can’t do this to me. Your dragging me under. But yet I can’t last without at least the fantasy that you felt it too. love is pain, love is madness. Don’t take me for granted. I have waited an eternity for you. I cannot wait much longer. I’m not even so sure I’m within your grasp anymore. The heart can only take so much. A person can only tolerate so much pain before their body blocks it out. If you really loved me you would not make me wait. Your time is running shorter than you may know. I will always love you but I have begun to accept defeat. If you are but a friend that will have to be enough. For I have not a blade Sharp enough to stab another. I will not cause pain for my gain…when my gain itself is but a question.
Reading this post, I am faced with pretty much just one question: Which ironic hipster skinny-jeans wearing pretentious indie band are these lyrics from? The Killers? The Strokes? Interpol? Fun? Your favorite band I haven’t insulted yet? Probably that one.
(Edit: When I asked drmk for suggestions for pretentious hipster bands, she replied “Let me look at my iTunes.”)
Thanks, Lyle!
This must be transcribed from the Twilight Cliffs-Notes audiobook.
You’d expect more overdone descriptions of What’sHisName’s eyes if that were the case.
Well, in Twilight-proper, yes. But in the not-first book, Pants falls in love with V-shaped abs-boy, who happens to be a dog. But then Sparkles runs away and Pants forgets how to human and starts jumping off cliffs and getting into motorcycle accidents and spent a month doing nothing but staring at the sky out her window.
This is clearly from her in-love-with-a-dog-yet-longing-for-Sparkles phase.
And while we’re on the horritragickillmenow that passes for a novel…
I have seen precisely 4.5 seconds of the first Twi-movie. I think it was the scene where vamp-boy is in the woods and expressionless-idiot chick is finding out his ability to move at lightning speed for the first time. He stands on a rock and looks down at her, says something cryptic like – “I use Pantene” – and sparkles in the sun.
Honestly, I think I threw up in my mouth a little. It was so inane, but worse, the dude who plays vamp-boy is so incredibly skinnyugly I couldn’t imagine him ever having a date with any girl – no matter how stupid she is.
I remember thinking it was lucky for him he had that mind-trick thing that vamps are known for.
I also remember feeling like all humanity is doomed if this is what we consider ‘entertainment’.
AMEN! Thankfully I am Twilight-free! Not the book nor the film have crossed my eyes, uh vision…oh you know what I mean!
I have read all the books and watched all the movies, mostly because I don’t want to be one of those hypocritical folks who ridicule the series without experiencing the suckage for themselves. As a bonus I’m never without riffable material for the Library since there are reams and reams of terrible Twilight fanfics out there.
Robert Pattinson (dude who plays vamp-boy) is actually kind of cute when he’s not done up in his Disco Corpse makeup, and has made no secret that he absolutely hates the character and the source material.
Should probably clarify that I don’t think C” “J is a hypocrite, since 4.5 seconds is about three seconds longer than it normally takes to discover how badly the series sucks. I’m just really through.
ghostie – are you thorough too? 😉
Blast you, spell-check! Why did you knot know what I meant?
EDIT: :headdesk:
I could fix that, but I’m not going to.
All that, just to find a knife sharpening service? Or a hit man. Hmmmm.
I have a sharpie
But are you feeling stabby?
Spark’ don’ read nun dem pecil enhancing email? Is is “he” really a w4m?
That has to be the worst cover of “You Just Keep Me Hanging On” ever.
My goal for this week is to find a way to legitimately work the line “For I have not a blade Sharp enough to stab another” into a conversation.
“Could we reschedule the status meeting? For I have not a blade Sharp enough to stab another.”
“Could I place you on hold for a moment? For I have not a blade Sharp enough to stab another.”
“Here, hold my beer a sec. For I have not a blade Sharp enough to stab another.”
“I’m sorry, I can only deny your application for assistance, for I have not a blade Sharp enough to stab another. Come back tomorrow, it might be your lucky day.”
Oh foul fate, that brought these scurrilous naves hither,
I beseech thee, go and find an officer of the Law,
for I have not a blade sharp enough to stab another
and my sword-swinging arm doth creak and vex
its protestations, for I am too old for this sh*t.
Cap’n, is that you?
no.
I work at a school. I feel like trying this would be a bad idea somehow…
Oh hell no! We say go for it! Right, kids?
Right! 8)
Really, Sparkles? You hide it so well.
Hey Joe! where you goin’ with that knife in yore hand? Hey Joe! where you goin’ with that knife in yore hand? I’m goin’ down to stab my ole lady, caught her messin’ round in another van.
If I didn’t know better, I’d think someone got ahold of one of my notebooks from my Depressed and Tortured Artist phase in high school and decided to post random passages on CraigsList.
I’m sure my 16 year old self I had a few diary entries like this one (with doodles of dragons on the side)
I wrote mine in a homemade cipher, just in case anyone
botheredtried to read it.Iambic pentameter in Latin–but it dulls the blade very quickly
I have no problem believing that you would write journal entries in iambic pentameter, Cap’n, but there would likely be some other languages sprinkled in among the Latin.
ah, that was the days of my youth, ere I were blue, blau, azure, azul, or 青.
That, and, at the time, I mostly only knew swearwords and profanity in other languages (sometime not knowing that they were off-color).
My German vocabulary was good, but German is not a nice language for pentameter–reads like keroac in German, just one word on a line . . .
Dave – for a split second I read that as homemade cider and I thought invisible ink, how angst ridden were you?
It’s time to play “Guess the recipient”!
The above missive was cryptically penned to appeal to:
a.) Pamela, Queen of the Lackwates Valtes-Sukra
b.) Pamela, Barista at Salvatore’s
c.) Agent Q13 (message encodes: He’s begun to talk. Meet me in Istanbul)
d.) The current host of “Whose line is it anyway?”
e.) EMI records
f.) Man’s inhumanity to man
(eep. I like all of those bands except for The Strokes)
I love The Killers. Not funny, Dan.
The plan is to always, always, always know where you towel is.
And the answer?
Why 42, of course.
Death and Destruction,
Ford
I ran this through my Teenage Drama Queen Translation Module, and here’s my synopsis:
Teenage Girl has crush on Unattainable Boy. Girl has been getting cryptic anonymous messages and has convinced herself they might be from Unattainable Boy. They’re not.
Someone needs to suggest to Sparkette this thing called email or the USPS. You might focus your intended recipient a bit better.
Love means never having to say I wrote a Craigslist ad….
*&(%$#@ scales! I knew they were lying!
“Driving me insane….”
Are we there yet?
This really lacks the subtlety of standing in the street holding boom box above your head. For shame.
No one respects the classics anymore.
John Cusack. **swoon**
Excuse me. Ima go that way, very fast.
tl:dr
was out strolling across a fiord one day when one of the local matadors came out of his tree house and flung a load of old scimitars and guillotines out that he’d got cluttering up his wine cellar and apparently rather a large proportion of them landed on w4n causing [her] to snuff it without much more ado.
And there was much rejoicing.
After failing, yet once again, to sell her one-of-a-kind, hand made denture holder, Sparkette writes a letter to Craigslist with a thinly veiled threat of taking her business over to ebay.
It’s as if someone took the lyrics to every big hipster emo-band hit of the last decade, put them into a Blendtec, and this was the resulting pile of dust and smoke.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to round up 4 disaffected youth from the local coffee shop, get them some instruments, and set this to music. You can say that you knew me when.
But what will the band’s name be?!?
Sharpe enuf 2 stab an other
(Note: hipstracious spelling required)
The Sunday Crew: Windrose, ghostcat, Dave and Ferret Tribe: Punchity Punch Punch!
Good Morning, Forks, WA!