{"id":1240,"date":"2009-02-24T08:04:00","date_gmt":"2009-02-24T13:04:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.yousuckatcraigslist.com\/?p=1240"},"modified":"2009-05-06T18:37:19","modified_gmt":"2009-05-06T21:37:19","slug":"vol-221-the-80s-called-and-they-dont-want-you-back","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.yousuckatcraigslist.com\/?p=1240","title":{"rendered":"YSaC, Vol. 221: The 80s called, and they don’t want you back."},"content":{"rendered":"

This one’s behind a cut because it’s really, really, really<\/em> long. Really. In fact, I’m not going to recommend that you read the whole thing — I’m not sure anyone could without having their brain melt — but I’m going to recommend that you at least scan the whole thing. You may find yourself unable to turn away from the train wreck. <\/p>\n

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Hey anyone remember the slinky song? – 33<\/h2>\n
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The names abilio people just call me bill , let me tell you about myself, im a goofy creative person who comes up with corny ideas like this one I thought up, remember that old Reeses commercial \u201cHow do you eat your Reeses\u201d? Well I came up with my own tv ad for it . Have Reese Witherspoon(the actress) holding a large spoon and then say,\u00a8 How do you eat your Reeses?Witherspoon\u00a8 Get it !! well I told you it was corny lol. Anyways my other goofy idea which is much better and if I have the time I would like to get it published is my own cartoon, I call it Violent Violet the Crayon gone bad. It\u2019s a cross between the sopranos and flinstones .You see in my cartoon emotions represent the colors of the crayons I have characters such as green envy ,purple passion(violent violets girlfriend) anger management(hes the red crayon) etc. My first episode is titled dare to draw first blood.<\/p>\n

Heres a joke I created ,\u00a8 what did judge judy say after screwing the jury?\u201d It\u00a6s a well-hung jury\u201d stupid.<\/p>\n

Okay heres another . I work in a pharmacy so one day I was asked to do a delivery for mr. Johnson. So I grabbed his prescriptions and headed down to his apartment. I knocked on his door and a 70-year old senior citizen answers the door ,\u201dMr.Johnson\u201d I say,\u201dheres your prescriptions\u00a8 Mr.Johnson replies , thanks sonny boy\u00a8 he grabs the bag peeks in the bag and says,\u00a8 hey young man wheres my Viagra prescription?,cant you people do anything right, Hows a guy like myself suppose to do for fun besides playing bingo and doing crosswords all day? So I say ,\u00a8 Sorry about that Mr.Johnson , no hard feelings tonight\u00a8 laugh track here . Some more one liners that I invented,\u00a8 I had sex only once,and that\u00a6s because I believed that old saying my parents use to tell me,\u00a8 If you do it right the first time you don\u00a6t have to come and do it over again.\u00a8 Also I came up with some ideas for t-shirts, remember the hamburger helper commercial that had the little talking hand , well put him on a blank t-shirt and have the saying,\u00a8 never bite the hand that\u00a6s feed\u2019s you\u00a8 another idea is just to have this saying on a t-shirt,\u00a8 Im anal retentive, in other words Im a perfect asshole!!!!. Heres some more old jokes that need work anyways here it goes, \u201c I\u2019m going to write a book on famous people who use Viagra\u2026It\u2019s going to be a pop-up book!!!!. Ever hear about the girl with the big nose?.. her nose was so big, she was giving blowjob\u2019s sideways. Hey whats the worst feeling a woman can have?… She\u2019s about the have the best orgasm of her life and all of a sudden the batteries go dead. Heres one that I need to seriously rework hey some people like it,\u201d<\/p>\n

Hey did you know a sex toy company is coming out with a twisted version of play-doh?.. Its called play-dildoh. Hey heres a real put down you can use if people ever make fun of how you look,\u201d hey my dog gets more compliments from men\/women than you do! .. heres one last one , an elderly couple are at the museum , they come up to the statue of david, and the wife starts admiring it, saying how lovely and great it is.. well the husband starts getting jealous because his wife seems to be giving more attention and compliments to the statue than he has everhad had from his wife , so he says\u201d So whats so great about the statue?.. whats it got that I don\u2019t have?\u201d.. the wife replies with a grin on her face,\u201d For one thing hes always hard!!\u201d.. also I don\u2019t know if I thought of this before but heres another idea for tootsie rolls pop commercial, have someone sucking on a tootsie roll pop and then say,\u201d theres a sucker born ever minute\u2026 on a toostsie roll pop. \u201cif a priest commits a crime ,is it considered a white collar crime?\u201d. If a person in a wheelchair does a comedy routine, is it still stand up?\u201d. Okay I know I should keep my day job, but hey I tried my best to okay now to the serious stuff.<\/p>\n

Besides being a weird little man(im 5 10, 180 lbs) Im also a very flexible person who doesnt mind horseback riding, going to the aquarium\/museum,the opera, staying at home watching a movie , playing chess or board games. hoping to meet someone who always keeps an open mind to whatever crazy idea that i come up with. i like doing a lot of things, as i believe everything new that i learn , will only make me a better person and less ignorant. i like working out ,chess, cooking,flying,reading,ufc,watching old tv shows etc. of course im always looking for new things to try, i love the knowledge and experience that comes with trying something new. hey maybe you can teach something new and i can teach you something new.<\/p>\n

Im a thoughtful person who always thinks of others before himself. If I was in a relationship and I was reading the Sunday paper and happened to stumble upon a coupon for my partners favorite make-up , I would cut it out attach it to a sticky note and write,\u00a8 thought I would save you money babe\u00a8 and put it in her purse.I guess I get satisfaction in helping others without getting anything in return. That feeling that you get from making someone happy , is worth more to me than money or any material goods.I also take pleasure in cheering people up, hey if my partner had a bad day or feeling under the weather, i would probably give her a nice massage and feed her fresh strawberries dipped in hot dark chocolate. Money and material possessions are fleeting but the lasting memory of helping or making someone feel better is forever. I think honesty is my best trait, being honest is so much easier, why go to the trouble of lying, when in the end it catches up with you. What ive just said is charming but means nothing if I cant put it to action. I rather do than talk, here\u2019s an example for ya ladies: would you rather date a guy who can charm you too death but does not keep his words.. basically he\u2019s all talk and no action or would you rather date a mime. Sure you\u2019ll have communication problems in a relationship with a mime , but at least his actions speak louder than his words.( bad joke I know just trying to make a point). Anyone can talk but Few keep their words, I really hate people like that.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m also a type of person who likes to keep things fresh. I like to keep my partner on their tip toes. I like to keep them guessing on what I\u2019m going to do next. One of the secrets to a good relationship is not to let it get stale. Many couples fall into a routine,doing the same thing\u2019s over and over again. It\u2019s like at the beginning the guy does everything he can to get the girl but once he gets her, he get\u2019s uncreative and does the same thing over and over again. Hey relationships and life are about variety. Personally I\u2019m not the guy that would follow the standard procedure aka where the guy gets a girl flowers and chocolates. Personally I would come up with a more creative idea such as mystery grab bag, which is a hallmark gift bag filled with such goodies such a chocolates,a lottery ticket,a pez dispenser,make up kit,a good book etc. Yeah I like to separate myself from the herd , don\u2019t get me wrong there\u2019s nothing wrong with giving a girl flowers and chocolates, but to me it sounds redundant and over used.<\/p>\n

Anyways hoping to meet someone where we cant start out as buddies as I believe when you date someone expectations are high, you put to much pressure on date. I believe getting to know someone over a long period time (as friends) can tell if your right for each other. Hey when you go on date you or you date may have had a bad day and that may leave an undesirable impression. Anyways sorry im not good at this writing thing but if your interested feel free to write back. Oh yeah one more thing heres my list of favorite movies,tv shows, board games ,video games and other gibberish.<\/p>\n

Favorite movies: platoon, sniper, napoleon dynamite,clerks(1 and 2),breakfast club,fast times at ridgemonte high, Harold and kumar, bill and ted excellent adventure,a very brady sequel adventure,transformers the movie,anger management,not another teen movie, karate kid 1,2, rocky III, rocky balboa, home alone 1 and 2, problem child 1 and 2,chucky, nightmare on elm street (all of them),searching for bobby fischer,ferris buellers day off,the crow, ghostbusters,E.T., star wars(all of them), star trek(all movies) the lost boys,goonies,the outsiders,back to the future(1 and 2),a very brady sequel.last of the Mohicans,lord of the flies,stand by me,Goodwill hunting,searching for bobby fischer, Indiana jones,little nicky,Brewster millions,billy Madison,enter the dragon,dodgeball,hitch,therock,ratatouille and gremlins( all 3 movies).<\/p>\n

Favorite childhood shows and current favorites; kung fu,sledgehammer,bewitched,zoobilee zoo,gomer pyle,adventures of pete and pete,saved by the bell,the transformers,king of queens, the honeymooners,Seinfeld,the Bernie mac show smurfs,transformers,gi joe,get along gang,pacman, the shirt-tales, force five, Mindfreaks,starblazers,voltron,beavis and butthead, Webster, punky Brewster,different strokes, all in the family, baby looney tunes, batman:animated adventures, teenwolf,snorks,doug,rugrats,spongebob,malcom in the middle,smallville, Garfield and friends,rugrats,supernatural,everbody loves Raymond, Johny zero, last comic standing( seasons 2 and 3),the littles,Alvin and the chipmunks, heathcliff,wait till your father gets home, mr.belvidere,home improvement,dennis the menace,little archie, yogibear,flinstones,aqua hunger teen force, reno911,chappelle show, you cant do that on television, heman and the masters of the universe,gobots,ducktales,silver spoons, chip and dale, the Charlie brown show,alf, fat albert,the munsters,leave it to beaver, spiderman and his amazing friends,bewitched,teenage mutant ninja turtles, Kirby, dragonball z, battle of the planets,muppet babies, the muppets,Richie rich, angel,buffy the vampire slayer,stargate, family ties,wonder years,the highlander,airwolf,hey Arnold,knightrider,family guy,facts of life,happy days,Baywatch, parker lewis cant lose,brady bunch, life goes on,tour of duty,thundercats,alice,golden girls,Sanford and son,happy days,one day at time,facts of life,the fall guy,welcome back kotter, threes company,perfect strangers,mask,ghostbuster,growing pains,I love lucy,whos the boss,small wonder,Kirby,dragonball z,avatar,alf,quantum leap,Laverne and Shirley,simpsons,I think I should stop now cause ive got like a 100 more shows lol.<\/p>\n

Favorite board games: operation,life, battleship,chess,chutes and ladders,hungry hungry hippo, mouse trap and of course chess!!!.<\/p>\n

Favorite music bands: skid row( 18 and life), def leppard, toto,motley crue,poison,guns and roses,bon jovi,warrant, van halen, Madonna, new kids on the block(just joking )whitesnake,nirvana, Duran Duran,pink floyd.<\/p>\n

Best song: ordinary world(duran duran),Africa(toto). House of fire(Alice Cooper)<\/p>\n

Best tv show theme song: welcome back kotter, adventures of pete and pete,dukes of hazard.<\/p>\n

Favorite sport: tetherball and dodgeball lol<\/p>\n

Favorite wrestlers : curt henning,randy savage,raven,Hulk Hogan, owen hart,kurt angle,the rock.<\/p>\n

Favorite cereals:cocoa pebbles,cocoa puffs, count chocula,golden grams,apple jacks.<\/p>\n

Favorite gum: bazooka joe grape, great tasting gum, comes with a a comic and tells your fortune ,what can ask more from a gum. lol<\/p>\n

Favorite movie and tv characters: Bruce lee,master,Quinn Mallory,Po,Gizmo,gonzo,slimer(ghostbusters)fozzie bear,gargamel,archie bunker, boom boom Washington,juan Epstein,alf, AC slater,ferris bueller, zach morris,angel,spongebob,Charlie brown,Duncan mcleod brainysmurf,spiderman,macgyver,Donald duck,Winnie the pooh,tigger,jughead jones, sam and dean Winchester(supernatural) lex luthor(smallville), green arrow ,Michael knight(smallville),jeff spicolli,batman, randall (clerks)kara(smallville),destro,cobra commander, white shadow,major blood,pete and pete,endless mike,batman,roscoe Coltrane,orko,daisy dukes.<\/p>\n

Favorite transformers: starscream,galvatron,megatron,stunticons,aerialbots,dinobots,combaticons,omega supreme,shockwave,soundwave,cyclonus,rumble.<\/p>\n

Favorite romantic things to do: I know this gonna sound lame, but I think cuddling up with someone on a couch with a cup of hot chocolate , watching a movie or Saturday cartoons together is romantic, otherwise nothing beats a walk on the beach followed with a picnic,or a hot air ballon ride. Oh yeah this might not be so romantic but it would be cool to go to a magic workshop with someone and learn to to do magic together. You know practice with each other.<\/p>\n

All time favorite video games: animal crossing( this game totally cracks me up \ud83d\ude42
\nMike tysons punch out,Zelda,castlevania, super mario3, tecmo bowl,san andreas,tekken 5,Grand theft auto 4.<\/p>\n

By the way does anyone remember lasertag and photon?<\/p>\n

Also does anyone remember collecting garbagepail kids?<\/p>\n

Also does anyone remember teddy ruxpin?<\/p>\n

Hey anyone have or had the smurfs pvc\u2019s?( the little plastic smurfs) I remember playing with them and along with the transformers,gi joe,he-man toys , they rocked!!!!!!!!!<\/p>\n

Slinkys also kick ass!!!<\/p>\n

Smurfs or snorks?<\/p>\n

Vinny Barbarino or Fonzie?<\/p>\n

Bo Duke or Luke Duke?<\/p>\n

Kitt or General Lee?<\/p>\n

Anyone ever solve Rubicks cube?…. I know obviously theres a trick to it \u2026 the only trick I know is peeling off the stickers and placing them back on..lol!<\/p>\n

Who do you think got higher SAT scores Samuel \u201cScreech\u201d Powers or Steve Urkel?<\/p>\n

Anyone besides me wants to see NBC bring back Alf?… I have all the seasons on dvd and I tell you he\u2019s one frickin funny dude?<\/p>\n

Oh one more thing did anyone remember trying to break dance back in the day? \u2026 I remember getting an empty cardboard box and trying to spin on my head all while listening to a big stereo system.\u2026 lol<\/p>\n

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