{"id":1722,"date":"2009-04-23T08:27:51","date_gmt":"2009-04-23T11:27:51","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.yousuckatcraigslist.com\/?p=1722"},"modified":"2011-05-19T12:32:38","modified_gmt":"2011-05-19T16:32:38","slug":"ysac-vol-280-its-not-just-craigslist-apparently","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.yousuckatcraigslist.com\/?p=1722","title":{"rendered":"YSaC, Vol. 280: It’s not just Craigslist, apparently …"},"content":{"rendered":"

… people suck at other online classifieds, too. Witness this post on Kijiji, a Canadian classifieds:<\/p>\n

\n\n\n\n
<\/td>\n\n
\n
\n

GREAT DEAL, MUST SELL ASAP<\/h1>\n
Price: \t\t\t$250.00<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

<\/td>\n

<\/p>\n
Ad ID: <\/strong> 1xxxxxxx<\/div>\n

Visits: <\/strong>226 \t\t\t\t\t<\/td>\n

<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n
<\/strong><\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n

14 YEAR OLD DEAF WHITE CAT. SPAYED AND SHOTS ARE UP TO DATE. 2 DIFFERENT COLOR EYES. WARNING: ONLY LIKES TO BE PET ON THE HEAD, DO NOT TOUCH HER BODY.\u00a0 GREAT DEAL, ONLY SELLING BECAUSE I DON’T LIKE HER AS MUCH AS I USED TO. VERY SMART AND SNEAKY CAT, WOULD BE A GREAT ADDITION TO SINGLE MEN’S HOMES. SHE IS VERY POLITE.\u00a0GIVE HER A CHANCE. ALSO YOU CAN RENAME HER BECAUSE SHE IS DEAF.\u00a0 ONLY REPLY IF YOU WILL FEED HER SOFT STUFF.
\n\"280f\"<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

*bangs head against computer*<\/p>\n

Apparently this person is used to shouting at their deaf cat — that would explain the all-caps posting. As for the rest of it … apparently the cat is very polite AND very sneaky. She’s politely sneaky. Unless you touch her body, in which case she apparently turns into a whirling dervish of epic proportions.<\/p>\n

And does this person really think they’re going to get $250 for a 14-year-old cat? And that that’s a “great deal”? At that age, their warranty has pretty much expired. Yeah, sure, cats can live into their 20s sometimes, but that’s the exception. At 14, you’re pretty much dealing with a geriatric cat. (Suddenly, in my head, the cat has the voice of Abe Simpson.)<\/p>\n

There’s a bit of a disconnect between “MUST SELL!” and “Only selling because I don’t like her as much as I used to.” I mean, both are asshat-worthy, but tell a different story.<\/p>\n

You know, I don’t like my brother as much as I used to, either. I wonder if I could sell him? Oh, but he’s not deaf, so you couldn’t rename him. And he doesn’t eat only soft stuff.*<\/p>\n

*Full disclosure: I don’t actually have<\/em> a brother, but if I did, I’m sure this guy would seriously consider selling him.<\/p>\n

Meanwhile, over in the motherland, England has a website called gumtree.com, which contained this post:
\n<\/p>\n

\n

Looking for platonic friendship (prefibaly couples) for interesting debates etc. Age: 47<\/h2>\n

Location: West Yorkshire
\nThe Wife!
\nMy personality is now that of a front fastening, backward fitting one. With a bilateral defect of some sort running through the middle left centre of my concussed mind. Which in effect leads me to thinking I’m rather erratic and a slightly confused individual.<\/p>\n

A pendulum swinger perhaps? Painfully shy to extrovert in 60 seconds! A little to the right. No, sorry left. Oops! I meant right. No left, or was that a right? Dam! Anyway you’ve just missed me.
\nSeeking friends of a distinctive nature for a platonic friendship, and imaginary company…lol<\/p>\n

Once you get past my coma image you will find me to be a ‘very passionate’, sometimes secretive and a very intense individual to say the least!<\/p>\n

Meet me somewhere between here and there! But defiantly not in the middle.<\/p>\n

The Husband!
\nTesting! Testing! 123\u2026\u2026.. darling is this thing switched on?
\nThis is planet Earth I assume\u2026\u2026..please do forgive me as I turned Left at Pluto and not Right as instructed by my prat-nav. Lol. Coughs in a rather loud and unusual manner before being rudely interrupted by the editor (the wife).
\n\u201cWhat the heck are you talking about you silly pratt!\u201d \u201cJust try and be serious here so people reading our small concise profile will have a better understanding of what we are trying to say!\u201d
\nHusband\u2019s voice: \u201cSorry dear!\u201d I was trying to break the bad news to the earth creatures in a mild and gentle manner.\u201d (Bang!)
\nThe space craft that they were both traveling in comes to a grinding thud, as it hits the solid concrete floor in the middle of a local Whacky Warehouse. The shiny metal hatch of the small craft slowly starts to open, allowing the aliens to exit the craft into their new and undiscovered world.
\nAs they climb down from the now crumpled craft. Charley Chalk (the clown) is standing and looking dumb struck as ever. As he try\u2019s to make sense of what just happened. \u201cWhat the devil is going on here!\u201d Say\u2019s Charlie Chalk. Are you two dummies or what?\u201d
\nAliens: \u201cSorry we on a crash course to Alpha Centuri 9 and decided crash here instead.\u201d
\nAn alarm clock is heard buzzing!\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026Bloomin heck is that the time I\u2019d better hand you back to front to the wife! \u2026..Ay?
\n*********************************************************
\nNow to the serious stuff!
\nWe are seeking other couples for PLATONIC friendship only!
\nwe are also interested in meeting people with a very out of the ordanary life style E.G. Recluses, people with unusual phobias, loners, and people that are generally like us. With one foot in this world and one foot out. We do not like the norm as far as everyday life goes either. Please understand that we will take people as we find them and treat them with all due respect at all time even when having fun. Thankyou!
\n\"280g\"\"280h\"\n<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

They look like a perfectly normal couple, except for those drapes that are engaged in a life-or-death struggle with the wallpaper and OH MY GOD WHAT IS THAT CREATURE THEY HAVE STUFFED ON THEIR WALL? Is that a vole? A capybara? A weasel? Why would you stuff a weasel and put it on your wall? <\/p>\n

So rest assured, folks, it’s not just the USA that’s doomed, it’s humanity in general. That makes me feel better<\/del> worse<\/del> like going to have a nap. <\/p>\n

Thanks to Robyn for the Canadian kitty and Henry in London for the alien couple!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

… people suck at other online classifieds, too. Witness this post on Kijiji, a Canadian classifieds: GREAT DEAL, MUST SELL ASAP Price: $250.00 Ad ID: 1xxxxxxx Visits: 226 14 YEAR OLD DEAF WHITE CAT. SPAYED AND SHOTS ARE UP TO DATE. 2 DIFFERENT COLOR EYES. WARNING: ONLY LIKES TO BE PET ON THE HEAD, DO […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[17,62],"tags":[58,38,25,34,43],"class_list":["post-1722","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-personals","category-pets","tag-asshat","tag-humanity-is-doomed","tag-maybe-its-just-me","tag-trying-too-hard","tag-unrealistic-expectations"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.yousuckatcraigslist.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1722","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.yousuckatcraigslist.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.yousuckatcraigslist.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.yousuckatcraigslist.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.yousuckatcraigslist.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1722"}],"version-history":[{"count":6,"href":"http:\/\/www.yousuckatcraigslist.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1722\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1884,"href":"http:\/\/www.yousuckatcraigslist.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1722\/revisions\/1884"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.yousuckatcraigslist.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1722"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.yousuckatcraigslist.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1722"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.yousuckatcraigslist.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1722"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}