{"id":2903,"date":"2009-08-21T09:19:19","date_gmt":"2009-08-21T13:19:19","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.yousuckatcraigslist.com\/?p=2903"},"modified":"2009-08-21T09:45:02","modified_gmt":"2009-08-21T13:45:02","slug":"ysac-vol-400-birds-of-paradise","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.yousuckatcraigslist.com\/?p=2903","title":{"rendered":"YSaC, Vol. 400: Birds of paradise?"},"content":{"rendered":"
\n

looking for a A-bird or two<\/h2>\n
\n

I am looking for an Attack Bird or a pair of Attack Birds to watch my home while I am at work. I have bad allergies and cannot have an attack dog or cat so I thought a bird would be my next best choice.
\nMaybe an attack snake but I dont think you can train those like a bird? If you can please let me know.<\/p>\n

thanks Thomas<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

I’ll get to the bird thing in a minute; I’m kind of stuck on the concept of an attack cat<\/em>. I mean, I’ve known some mean cats in my time, but short of having a panther in your living room, I’m not entirely sure that a cat will fulfill the function this fellow is looking for. I have two cats — yes, I’m halfway to crazy cat lady — and if someone they didn’t know came into the house, their reaction would be to think, “Are YOU going to feed me?” while they fell on the floor and exposed their soft floofy underbellies to the intruder.<\/p>\n

Okay, the bird thing. An attack<\/em> bird. That you can train. Hmmm. Well, let’s see what we’ve got out there, shall we? <\/p>\n


\nJessica sent this one in from the online classifieds section of what appears to be a local television station:<\/p>\n

$35.00<\/span> Frills PIGNEOS $ for both, 4 ring neck dove 25.00 FOR ALL<\/span><\/p>\n

FOR BABEIS RING NECK DOVE\/ 2 babeis frills pigneos<\/div>\n
FOR SALE 4 RING NECK DOVE THEy ARE 1 MONTH OLD.<\/div>\n<\/blockquote>\n

I’ve seen some pretty vicious pigeons in my time, but I don’t know about PIGNEOS. And doves — doves are the international symbol of home SECURITy, aren’t THEy? That’s why they release doves at weddings — to keep the bride and groom safe. *nods wisely*<\/p>\n

Okay, okay. Pigeons and doves aren’t your idea of home security systems. Fine.<\/p>\n

\n

cockatwo<\/span><\/h2>\n
\n

we .would like. a rehoming fee of 100.00 with cage.and other ? please call xxx-xxx-xxxx or xxx-xxx-xxxx sarah<\/p>\n

\"400a\"\"400b\"<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

I. would like. to know what is up.with the random punctuation ? Anyway, cockatwos are attack birds, right? Eh, forget it. I keep hearing the word “cockatwo” in Mae West’s voice. “I like myself a cockatwo … or three, or four.” For some reason it then morphs into Groucho Marx’s voice, and that’s just weird.<\/p>\n

Luckily, I think we might have a solution to Thomas’s problem, although it was under the Lost & Found section:<\/p>\n

\n

Red Tail Hawk Kills Another Pet<\/h2>\n
\n

Another one of our pets was killed by the Red Tail Hawk last week. I found her two feet and some intestines, that was all that was left.
\nI woke up this morning to find the hawk waiting to kill another one of our pets or the neighbors.
\nSad to have to live under such constant fear of being attacked by these birds. Always having to worry about any of the aniamls going outside or even the kids playing outside is so dangerus. The bird doesn’t have a nest near here, but they are here everyday to hunt and kill what ever they like. It is never ending. Some days there are 7-8 in the air, over our house wating to gang up on one of the pets. So sad we and all of our neighbors can not live in peace. We are all under attack everyday!!!
\nThe Federal Goverment doesn’t care about the People or their pets. Just pay your TAXES!!!!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Okay, Sir\/Madam, I’m very sorry that your pets are being killed by a hawk.<\/p>\n

I’m also very sorry that the hawks are now waiting to kill your neigbors.<\/p>\n

But, since you seem to know where to find birds of prey that Wikipedia (the arbiter of all knowledge!) claims are easily trainable, I think Thomas would like to have a word with you; I think the two of you could come to a mutually satisfactory conclusion.<\/p>\n

See? We at YSAC are all<\/em> about helping.*<\/p>\n

Thanks to Vicki, Jessica, Krisha, and Isabel for the posts!<\/p>\n

*This may not actually be true.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

looking for a A-bird or two I am looking for an Attack Bird or a pair of Attack Birds to watch my home while I am at work. I have bad allergies and cannot have an attack dog or cat so I thought a bird would be my next best choice. Maybe an attack snake […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[73,62],"tags":[25,61,14,52,9,11],"class_list":["post-2903","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-lost-found","category-pets","tag-maybe-its-just-me","tag-punctuationally-challenged","tag-serendipity","tag-this-can-only-end-badly","tag-unclear-on-the-concept","tag-wtf"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.yousuckatcraigslist.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2903","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.yousuckatcraigslist.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.yousuckatcraigslist.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.yousuckatcraigslist.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.yousuckatcraigslist.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2903"}],"version-history":[{"count":6,"href":"http:\/\/www.yousuckatcraigslist.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2903\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2958,"href":"http:\/\/www.yousuckatcraigslist.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2903\/revisions\/2958"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.yousuckatcraigslist.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2903"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.yousuckatcraigslist.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2903"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.yousuckatcraigslist.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2903"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}