This is behind a cut because it’s long. Trust me, it’s worth it though!<\/p>\n
\nAll the tenants I interview aren’t good enough<\/h2>\n
\n
\nAvailable Immediately \u2013 Broadway and Commercial \u2013 Showing Saturday and Sunday \u2013 Email for directions and additional information.<\/p>\nWhat kind of apartment is it?<\/p>\n
\u2022\tOne bedroom basement apartment with separate entrance
\n\u2022\tTastefully decorated with modern d\u00e9cor
\n\u2022\tApproximately 650 square feet
\n\u2022\tThere is even a window! Security bars installed for your safety and to prevent unauthorized activity
\n\u2022\tClosed circuit camera installed for security and safety. One in your suite, one at the entrance, and one in the exercise yard<\/p>\nRent:
\n\u2022\t$480.00 per month
\n\u2022\tFirst month\u2019s rent + \u00bd month security deposit due at move in
\n\u2022\tSmall pet allowed with approval and payment of additional \u00bd month pet damage deposit
\n\u2022\tOne year lease permitted, option to renew lease at end of the term with no increase in rent
\n\u2022\tLANDLORD\u2019S SPECIAL! Move in before January 1st and don\u2019t pay for the remainder of December! That\u2019s significant savings.<\/p>\nIncluded in the rent:<\/p>\n
\u2022\tElectricity
\n\u2022 Heat \u2013 Maintained at 21 degrees with lock box to prevent unauthorized tampering. Additional heating available for $20.00 per extra degree of heating per month. You may not use your oven to heat the apartment. If you do, you will be fined $50.00 per occurrence.
\n\u2022 Air conditioning \u2013 Maintained at 25 degrees during the summer with lock box to prevent extra cooling from being dispensed. Additional cooling for sale for $20.00 per degree of cooling requested per month.
\n\u2022\t25″ Zenith color television set with basic cable service – INCLUDED IN RENT!
\n\u2022\tWireless internet (with content filter applied to block forbidden\/immoral websites) – INCLUDED IN RENT!
\n\u2022 Provision of coin laundry services – You will have your own personal coin laundry washer and dryer machines. Washers and dryers are paid using a token system. Tokens can be purchased through the landlord. Washer tokens cost $4.15 each and dryer tokens cost $3.60 each. You are not allowed to use foreign currency or slugs in the washer and dryer. Violators will be fined $100.00 per \tinfraction.<\/p>\nAbout us: (Landlords)<\/p>\n
We are conservative, bible believing, God-fearing, born again, evangelical Christians. We interpret the bible literally in every way possible. We live a strict moral code and observe God\u2019s laws in our everyday life. My wife stays at home and teaches our home-schooled children. I work as a pastor at a local congregation and am active in the faith community.<\/p>\n
About you: (Tenant)<\/p>\n
\u2022\tYou are employed
\n\u2022\tYou do not participate in lascivious deviant sexual behavior
\n\u2022\tYou do not choose alternative lifestyles as your lifestyle
\n\u2022\tYou do not have any criminal history
\n\u2022\tYou must have excellent character references
\n\u2022\tYou do not smoke, drink or take drugs. Mandatory drug screening required.<\/p>\nAdditional Rules\/Conditions:<\/p>\n
CLEANLINESS: You are responsible for the cleanliness and orderliness of your apartment. Beds are to be made before leaving your suite, countertops must be wiped down, and you must remove all trash. Upon inspection, if the tenant’s basement suite is not clean, the cost of cleaning services plus a fine of $100.00 will be levied.
\nLIGHTS: The lights in your basement suite and in the day room are not to be tampered with. If a light needs repair, report the condition to the Landlord.
\nWAKE-UP: Wake up will be at 5:30am each morning. All ceiling lights in the suite will be turned on automatically.
\nLIGHTS OUT: Ceiling lights in the suite will be turned off at 11:30pm.
\nCONTRABAND: The following items are considered contraband \u2013 alcohol, illegal drugs, tobacco, weapons, lock picking equipment. If any contraband is discovered to be in your possession, you will be subject to a minimum $1,000.00 fine. In addition, your items will be confiscated permanently. Second offense \u2013 you will be evicted without notice. A bailiff will escort you and your belongings off the premises. Your security deposit will not be returned.
\nSMOKING: The basement suite is non-smoking. Anyone in possession of tobacco products of any kind or any lighter or matches, will have their contraband items confiscated and will be fined $100.00.
\nINSPECTIONS: The Landlord will conduct unannounced inspections to ensure that these rules and regulations are being followed.
\nVISITATION: Visitation periods will be on Saturdays and Sundays from 1:00 p.m. until 3:00 p.m. All visitors and their vehicles are subject to search while on landlord property. Refusal to allow a search can result in their being barred from all future visitation privileges. All visitors must sign the Visitor’s Log. Unauthorized visitors will be escorted from the property, and the tenant will be fined $250.00.
\nI.D. BRACELETS: Each tenant will be issued an I.D. bracelet with his\/her photograph. It must be worn at all times. If you lose your I.D. bracelet or it is broken, you will be required to purchase a new one at
\nthe nominal cost of $5.00.
\nEXERCISE YARD: The tenant will have access to the exercise yard in the area to the back of the property for 2 hours per day from 4:00 pm to 6:00 pm. The tenant is not allowed to bring any personal property to the exercise yard. Once the tenant leaves the exercise yard on a particular day, he or she may not return. No boisterous behavior is allowed in the exercise yard. There is no smoking allowed in the exercise yard. Minimum fine for exercise yard infractions is $50.00.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<\/p>\n
\nWow. Just … wow. I actually don’t even know what to say about this. My snark fails me in the face of extreme Control Freak Disorder.<\/p>\n
This was posted as an ad in a Canadian city. Let’s assume that this is legitimate and not some elaborate joke or a troll. (I’m not convinced that it is legitimate — it’s got just enough crazy that it could be real, but just enough so that it could be someone trying to rile people up.) <\/p>\n
Anyway, assuming it is real, I can’t decide what I’m most horrified by — the fact that it appears the landlord has control over the lights and the tenant doesn’t, or the fact that the landlord wants to make the tenant wear an ID bracelet — is there a chance the landlord’s going to forget what the tenant looks like?<\/p>\n
Visitation periods?<\/p>\n
Unannounced inspections?<\/p>\n
$7.75 for a load of laundry??<\/p>\n
Wow. I can’t imagine<\/em> why they’re having trouble finding a tenant.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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