You Suck at Craigslist

Category: personals

  • YSaC, Vol. 251: Iw4mW,B IV: Pick one extreme, plz. Kthx.

    Wheres my bed buddy at? – w4m – 21

    It’s amazing how much thought i’ve put into this little post, so here goes.

    You’re right … it’s astounding. It’s almost as though you’ve thought about it at all.

    On the other extreme, there’s this, sent in by Kati:

    Cowboy Take Me Away… far away – 21 (Here)

    hmmm… Well, my dream man is:

    at least 6′ tall, not fat but not anorexic either (preferably semi-muscular), drives a truck (preferably a chevy).. if it’s not a chevy, it’s ok.. but I will make fun of you everyday, especially if you ever have the misfortune of breaking down. country music is a must (at least half the time). you don’t have to own a gun, but be able to shoot one. –not an alcoholic– DOESN’T OWN ANY PINK SHIRTS —THIS IS A DEALBREAKER!!! I WILL BURN IT. please at least believe in God. i won’t have you talkin trash about every country song that uses God’s name when I’m listening to it. (i don’t go to church a lot either) Trash-talking just annoys me. I don’t believe in abortion… (sorry… actually, no.. i’m not sorry) If we’re arguing and you ever have the balls to hit me first, I will make sure you don’t have the balls to do it again. However, if I hit you first(which i’ve never done in my life), hit me back… What the hell are you thinking?! You’re just gonna sit there and let me beat your ass???!!! Are you a man or not? hmmm Don’t have any diseases (just in case i ever do get around to doing that with you). You must be able to go to Wal Mart with me, even if it’s just to stand in the hunting/fishing section the whole time I do the shopping. Have a decent job (there shouldn’t be any question about this if you’re plannin on keepin that pretty truck of your’s). I know it’s branded across your little redneck heart, but PLEASE try not to say “Gitterdone” everytime someone says anything. Please don’t dip either (eww). I prefer non-smokers, but this is negotiable since obviously 90% of people in GA are dumb and want cancer. You need to like four-wheelers, mud boggin, kids, obviously trucks, going out occasionally, and the fact that i like t-shirts and jeans. You must own boots; if you don’t own any, I’ll know you’re fakin’.

    ok… well, I think I might be done. Who knows? I could be forgetting something. But, it doesn’t matter, does it because the man I’m looking for (if he does in fact exist) probably doesn’t know how to use a computer. ..so he will never even see this ad. … at least I provided ya’ll with some entertainment for a minute… If you do think you’re this guy, don’t be over 30. Email me, and I’ll reply. People who don’t think you’re this guy but just wanna bitch because I’m too picky. Please don’t email me. That just annoys me, and this is what I’ve wanted since I was 14 years old. Hey, if he’s out there, why shouldn’t I find him?

    I don’t think she’s thought about her fantasy man at all, do you? I mean, it’s not like anyone who responds is going to be compared to an imaginary standard that they’re going to fail to live up to in one way or another.

    What do you think is up with the pink shirt thing? For me, a man secure enough in his masculinity to wear pink is kind of hot.

  • YSaC, Vol. 250: Iw4mW,B III: They start early these days.

    I will begin by saying please since I have posted a picture of myself – w4m – 21

    I will begin by saying please since I have posted a picture of myself if you have not then sorry I am not interested as I will not respond to any inquires unless you have a pic. o now a little something about myself I am a women that just wants to have fun and enjoy life with someone. I enjoy the outdoors expecially in the spring and summer. The beach is where I go to relax nothing better then sitting with someone by the water listening to the waves in the night, along with a nice bottle of wine. I also love going to the pool and relaxing in the sun with a good book and my music playing. I am a sports nut so would like to find someone that enjoys them as much as I do. I a a very a simple women that wants to enjoy life with that special person. I love cuddling on the couch and watching a good movie. I am a very afficated person and would like to find someone that can make me laugh and enjoy having fun. I am very lucky and have 2 wonderful daughter and 3 granddaughters that are very important to me. Not into all that game playing and drama that goes on now a days. I am not looking for someone to take care of me as I can do that for myself. I want someone that is my equal. Loves to laugh so looking if you have a good sense of humour that is great. There are so many thing I have not seen or done would like to find someone to explore all these things with me. Please since I have posted a picture if you have not then sorry I am not interested.

    …. aaaaannnnd, you guessed it — there was no picture posted with the ad.

    Plus, I’m having some math issues: if she’s claiming she’s 21 and has “2 wonderful daughter and 3 granddaughters” …

    Wednesday bonus ad! (more…)

  • YSaC, Vol. 249: Iw4mW,B II: Aphasia edition

    Very serious, deep-thinker, educated and ready to discuss the – w4m – 21

    Very serious, deep-thinker, educated and ready to discuss the

    I am too! OMG, we’re like very serious, deep-thinking, educated twins! So what do you think about the

    [Sent in by Wendy — thanks!]

  • YSaC, Vol. 248: It’s w4m week, bitches!

    A reminder (and plea), folks: if you think the ad you’re sending me might get flagged for removal, copy and paste the ad into your email! If you can include pictures, even better. Quite a few of the w4m ads that folks sent in disappeared between the time they were sent in and the time I got to them.

    Actually, it’s a good idea all around — when my job/life gets in the way, sometimes I don’t get to look at listings until a couple of days later, and things do disappear off of Craigslist in that time. (Yes, I have to work! Believe it or not, this ad-free site does not support me in the manner to which I desire to become accustomed. I don’t even have a lucrative book contract. I know, I know … there is no justice in this world.)

    Anyway, by the time I got to this one, the ad had been flagged; luckily, Emily had included the text in her email … but sadly, not the picture. Emily’s vivid description helps fill in the mental image, though.

    I want to hear from a romantic man.. – 30

    some words that describe me are witty, sporty, optimistic, and single.
    I am quite sweet, FEMALETRAITS2, FEMALETRAITS3, and FEMALETRAITS4.  I have an hourglass figure, a beautiful face, and a beautiful personality to match!  I am searching for a person who cares what I have to tell them.  Please be sensitive, drama-free and sure of what you are looking for in a woman. If you like what you’ve read then just contactl me and we’ll go from there.

    Emily says, “How could any man pass her up? She’s looking for romance, that’s why she’s wearing eyeliner like a 14-year-old who hasn’t figured out the difference between slutty and sexy. And, don’t forget, she possesses not only FEMALETRAITS2 and FEMALETRAITS3, she’s also surprisingly, refreshingly FEMALETRAITS4. If I were a man, I’d “contactl” her right now.”

    You know, I can never get the database merge function in Word to work either. (I always end up sending things to FIRSTNAME LASTNAME in CITY, ST.) I’d never have thought about failing to use database merge correctly to spam Craigslist with fake w4m ads. I guess that’s why I don’t earn the big bucks — I have a lack of vision on how to fail.

    Edited to add: Since I queued this one up, there have been articles on Reddit (among others) about this very topic … apparently the Database Merge Fail Scenario is exactly what has been happening! If you do a google search for craigslist +femaletrait2, you get a whole pile of results, tons of which point to deleted/flagged Craigslist posts (or those posts aggregated to other sites) from the same stupid spammer.

    I’m very, very amused.

  • YSaC, Vol. 239: It’s definitely the second circle.

    looking for women – 45

    i am single mail 45 yrs old looking for a friend/lover/solmat . am a social drinker open minded like to mike popple laugh and horney ass hell !!! can you take care of it grils ??? xoxo

    239

    Allyson sends this one in, saying, “I don’t remember Dante writing about it in the Inferno, but “Horney ass hell” sounds like a pretty horrible one to me.”

    Please make your own South Park movie reference here. I’ll wait.

    As for looking for a solmat, I found one here, here, and here.

  • YSaC, Vol. 236: Taking one for the Team (Mobile?).

    Very Different but very cute guy available for fun or dating – 22

    Hey, “I am the gay friend”, and yes he could easily find a girl/lady and does. But, he gave me a chance to look around for him because of some stuff we talked about.

    He is:
    6’2 short blond hair, blue eyes, big arms, nice chest, nice back muscles. (Yeah, Ha ha ha okay so I check him out..lol do you blame me?)

    Personality:
    He is a self assured, motor cycle riding (sport bike), average guy, He respects women, and takes up for his friends as needed. (he has for me)

    He and I talked:
    not too long ago after I had gone out of my way to help him out (not money) more then once. He said “You know your one of those people you know you can count on. Is there anything I can do for you – no gay shit-!” I laughed and we talked for a while. I had shared I was curious about a few things:
    1. I woke up once to another friend and his girl having mad passionet sex- it actually effected me. ( I was not interested at all in girls before that Point) as well as I am not sure I am now. I am “ha ha” bi-curious towards girls I guess. — So I asked if I could watch sometime because he described to me before how he had enjoy different things with women.

    2. I was curious about how he looked Naked. I said “I know I cant have you, but really wouldnt mind seeing you.

    He told me “I could never just show you by myself, it would just seem to werid to me. I also would enjoy helping you determine in you were bi -with women- but could not do a 3 some with you.”

    I was fine with both of those.

    So I am seeking a girl/lady from 18 to 39 (he has dated up to 39 – she was hot – and thats from a gay dood..lol)

    HERE IS THE DEAL/ OPTIONS:
    1. He is willing to just let a girl get him worked up and take it out for him (he said he couldnt get hard with just me in the room etc). or

    2. He is willing (he might be scared) to let me watch him and a girl/lady have passionet sex. Providing they are willing. The one girl I knew, was afraid her breast were too small. No matter how much I tried to explain i was gay and didnt care…that it was more about seeing the passion and the fun..

    He is willing to DATE or Do a Special sexual night. He really doesnt do one night stands but if you together want to do this project he would.

    So I laughed and said “Imagin if you two hit it off, and got married…some day down the road we would sit and laugh out how you met”

    So requirments;
    That you be 18-to-39 (some older exceptions could be made)
    He prefers white, or assian or similar
    You must send picture, and I am working on getting a good dressed one of him.

    Note: I do not plan to join, I wouldnt want to offend him..unless he changed his mind. So do not worry about that. Also I am not looking to change him, so I am not looking for someone to con him into letting me do stuff to him. He is my friend and I intend to keep it that way.

    Okay, let me get this right. You’re trying to find a woman who will sleep with your straight friend while you watch, so that you can simultaneously see your good friend naked AND determine whether or not you might be attracted to women.

    What could possibly go wrong?

    And how could you have possibly explained that in any more concise of a fashion? I’m sure it couldn’t have been done in, say, 37 words and a single sentence.