YSaC, Vol. 594: The chair recognizes the motion to table.
Kitchen TABLE 3 chairs – $35 – $35
Kitchen TABLE 3 chairs – $35
WOOD
only AND 3 CHAIRS that are all wood
VERY GOOD CONDITION
NO WOBBLES good set
The chairs & table do NOT have spots the lens on the camera did
(borrowed camera)
42″ Across and 30″ High (Round)ligit offers only I am here to sell my table and not join some get rich club thank you!
Please don’t spam me or i will report you!
It’s nice to know there are fans of the site out there. Clearly this person has read some of our many posts featuring pictures of things other than the thing being sold. They wish for there to be no confusion. They want to be sure you aren’t confused by all the other items in the picture which are not kitchen tables, but which you might inadvertently mistake for kitchen tables. Just because there’s a large, obvious table in the center of the picture, some unsuspecting viewer might decide that some OTHER item in the picture is actually the kitchen table for sale. They are also worried that said hypothetical viewer may not have checked our table identification guide.
So they fixed it. Thank goodness. It’s amazing what you can accomplish with state of the art photo editing these days.
Also, is it just me, or does that chair look like the seat is about twelve inches off the floor?
Thanks for the link, Yvie!
Actually that’s kind of a nice table. For $35, I’d definately take it for free. And I even like the color.
Please tell me I’m not the only one who didn’t notice the white scribblies all over the table picture, at least not at first?
Nope. Only you. I know a good eye doctor.
Well, darn.
I blame a critical lack of carbonated beverages in this household.
Don’t worry, I didn’t notice it either… And I had already started drinking my carbonated/caffeinated beverage….
The setting as well as the photography could use some work because it looks like a basement for hostages. I keep looking around for Patty Hearst (even behind the white scribbles). I guess the SLA’s kidnappings aren’t bringing in the income like they used to and they’re forced to sell their own furniture right out from under themselves (and the hostages).
DeAr LOlA:
wE HavE yOUR taBlE aNd cHAiR SEt. LEaVe $35 in NoN conSeCUtIve BIllS bY thE MIntY SheLL beForE 2pM ToDAy Or yOu wIll NEVeR sEe tHeM AgAin. comE AlONe, aND dO NOt ALeRt ThE poLicE; wE aRe WatCHiNg.
LoVE,
ThE NaPPeRS
Dear Nappers,
The joke is on you. They are IKEA. Plus the chairs are janky and held together by Elmer’s wood glue; I needed new ones anyway.
Heh,
Lola
PS: Nice semicolon.
Those semicolons are spontaneously jumping into more and more of my writings. Surprisingly, they occasionally jump into the right spot; of the sentence from time to… damnit all!
(I also like how when my brain hits a misplaced semicolon it comes to a screeching halt for a brief instant. Totally disrupts my; thought process.)
“Do not use semicolons. They are transvestite hermaphrodites representing absolutely nothing. All they do is show you’ve been to college.”
–Kurt Vonnegut
I love Vonnegut; however, I must respectfully disagree.
*(giggle)*
Lola likes Taco-multiple-mM’s semicolon.
And it keeps jumping up.
Sometimes in the right spot.
*(more giggling)*
Lately I’ve been using semicolons more as well. I blame it on The Oatmeal’s comic on semicolon use.
Jackie – That site is awesome, I’m adding it to my list of favorites.
Taco, that had to HURT to write.
My fingers still ache, yes.
Reading it when people do it on purpose (not here, where it was meant ironically) makes me want to gouge my eyes out. I’d rather read poorly constructed or spelled writing.
A similar thing happens when I see “u”, “ur”, or “2” used in a sentence. I tend to stop reading immediately after I read the second occurance of those.
Then people whine about me not reading their garbled mess and I have to lay a grammatical smackdown, usually starting with “It is entirely unnecessary to shorten a freaking 3 letter word; especailly when it’s right next to several much larger words. I don’t need perfect spelling and grammar, as not even I have that, but an attemp… an attempt is all I ask.”
We all have a little Isaac in us.
Then u must hate the way Prince writes:
I wood die 4 u!
… and ladies, if you want a Little Isaac in you, just let me know.
(No! No! Bad monk! Stop that!)
As for the way Prince writes:
Animals strike curious poses when I have to read textspeak, but frankly I really dig the songs.
You better set Taco “straight” then Isaac.
Ladies need only apply!
I think Isaac just channeled the spirit of Bacontini.
@Taco: I will never buy anything that is “4 Sale”, just out of principle. Even in school I wouldn’t vote for anyone who was running “4” whatever office.
As to your point about abbreviating 3 letter words, some comedian (too early to remember) has a great bit about abbreviating the two letter word “at” with “@”.
I really fought the urge to write 2 early 2 remember.
/semicorey out
@ Lola
I think you proved Vonnegut’s point.
*I love Vonnegut. However, I must respectfully disagree.*
Bianchi,
I did that on purpose, which you may have guessed. 😉
Bianchi, I always wanted to have a bunch of stickers made up that read NOW! and put them on signs that say End Construction or something like that. I also would have liked little th stickers to put on 4 sale or 4 office posters. 8)
Many years ago I had a friend take a picture of me pretending to hold an “END CONSTRUCTION” sign. I think I was making a peace sign or doing something similar to make it clear that I was protesting. I wish I knew what drawer or shoebox that was in. It would make a great avatar.
Great minds…
I also have one of me pretending to hitchhike next to a “Do Not Pick Up Hitchhikers” sign near a prison in Texas. Probably lucky I wasn’t shot taking that one…
My mom and I took each other’s pictures in front of a sign outside a small town in Nevada near the Utah border. You know, the kind that say “Welcome to…” and have the town’s name in big letters?
The town’s name is Virgin.
Bianchi:
That was YOU, I drove past?!?!
No kidding, in Lancaster County Pennsylvania you’ll find towns named Bird in Hand, Virginville, Intercourse, and Blue Ball.
Maryland, on the other hand, is Boring.
The table and chairs don’t really go with my decor, but the scribbles do. How much do you want for them?
Aww man, I was going to put in an offer on the scribbles. I guess I’ll have to settle on the spots. Do you think he’d accept some rare cereals for them?
He TOLD you, the spots aren’t his! They came with the camera he borrowed! Go ask his friend if you want the spots so bad!
I thought he just said that the tables and chairs didn’t own the spots. I guess I should have realized that was silly. I mean, who ever heard of a chair owning anything?
Hey, wait a minute, there are two chairs in that second picture. Which one do you think he’s selling? Great now I’m all confused. I really wish these posters would take steps to not post such confusing pictures.
I mean seriously, how are we supposed to know which of those two chairs he’s selling? Either of those two could easily be the wooden chair that matches that table. Talk about laziness on the seller’s part.
I like the red one on the left. I wonder if I could take it for free?
I really want to know what happened to the “other” chair. Chairs always come in even numbers. Maybe it’s another cat math thing and there are really only two chairs or maybe four — I’m confused.
BYW – (2 letter word abbreviation!!!!) Bad spiling is my pet peeve. Do some computers come without spell checkers?
Yes, it would seem so; much in the same way that many cars seem to be equiped with broken cruise controls.
The site is now operating under CatMath. I count five comments as I type this – Taco, Illogical, me, Camille, and Taco, but it says “4 Responses.” Wish I could screen-capture for proof. I love it.
Were these photos taken in one of the detention rooms in the movie Hostel? Because I’m almost positive that table would definitely wobble under the weight of a chainsaw and leg irons despite the attempt by the squiggles to hold it steady.
And I’m betting those spots on the lens of the camera were made by blood spatter (borrowed camera, indeed!) and not by a photographer with a sneezing condition.
Don’t spam me or you might end up on the talking end of my trusty hacksaw!
Well, that would at least explain why he couldn’t just clean the camera lens off. I hear blood is a terrible mess to get off of things.
We’re just lucky he was between victims when he took the picture. Nothing obscures a picture of a chair more than having a victim strapped to it.
Not even a motorcycle?
Or maybe a deer!
Shampoo works pretty well for getting blood out of fabric. I haven’t tested it with Luminol though, so there could still be evidence even though there’s no visible blood.
My chairs wobble but they don’t fall down.
That’s because they’re made out of Weebles and not WOOD!
I think I have found the male side of my brain in Graham.
Mine do too! I can’t figure out why.
Probably because he ate it.
I like the way they say “Please don’t spam me or i will report you!” The “please” is a nice touch, but it doesn’t make up for the dimwitted belief that CL can do anything about the spam.
That’s why I like my hacksaw threat so much better Lola. It cuts [pun!] to the chase and eliminates the middle school rat-out factor.
I favor a sharpened size 10 knitting needle. Less blood to clean up.
*hit with a spam-taser*
“Please don’t spam me bro’!”
I much prefer a spork. You get the jabbing and scooping action together! So efficient, cheap, and user-friendly!
Spam Spam Spam Spamity Spam Spam Spam Spamity Spamity spam, spamity spam spam spam spam spam spam spam spamity spamity spam spam spam…
But I don’t want any spam!
Unless it’s spam, egg, sausage, and spam. That doesn’t have as much spam in it.
How about green eggs and spam? Would you could you with a fox?…..
Would said fox enjoy romantic candlelit dinners and long walks on the beach under in the moonlight?
‘Cause I’m not much for all that sissy crap.
Yes!
People demanding that spambots not spam them is pretty much my favorite thing.
“Do NOT spam me, spam machine! YOU HEAR ME?! You take down my anonymous e-mail and remember that CL543934#2-02_@craigslist.com is NOT TO GET SPAM!!!”
It’s like asking the terminator not to terminate you. I mean really, it’s what a terminator does.
Don’t know why I thought of that…
Ah, but has anyone ever tried asking the Terminator not to terminate them? Nicely, I mean. Say, with a plate of cookies?
Maybe this is all just one big misunderstanding.
Me neither.
Bathroom Break!
I’ll be back…hmmm, that sounds oddly familiar…
Please, Terminator, don’t hurt ’em.
Great, now I’ve got the Terminator theme stuck in my head.
I wish there was a spambot that would send extra spam to the emails of the posters who put in the “Don’t spam me, bro!” messages.
It’s kind of like the “serious inquiries only”.
I mean, really? Do you think people simply run amok on CL responding with what…hilarious inquiries?
“Hi, saw your ad for the WOOD table? Could you possibly put wheels on the legs, and maybe a rocket engine underneath? Oh, and could you ad a harness to one of the chairs, and hand holds to the table? That’d be swell, thanks!!! Oh, and I’ll give you 10$ or a FANtastic science project my daughter did!”
I wish there was a spambot who sent actual spam. And eggs.
There’s the one that sends Spam, eggs, sausage, and Spam. That’s not got much Spam in it.
Edited to add:
Whoops. Now I see Sarajean and I suffer from the same affliction.
See…that is just too much protein, for me. I’m looking for a nice slice of pan-seared spam, with a side of scrambled eggs. If the eggs had cheese, that would be okay.
Isaac – Did you do the voice in your head,too?
During my adolescence that sketch wormed into my head to the extent that now I often say, “I love it” with the same intonation (and accent) that Michael Palin’s character (I think it’s Michael Palin) has when he says, “I’ll have your Spam, dear. I love it.”
This is the worst haiku I’ve read in a while.
Really? I do so love a challenge.
Squeeze the thin plastic
between your fingers, pinch-pinch,
bubble wrap. Pop! Pop!
No haiku could be
More self-referential than
This terrible one.
Oooh. Meta.
Nicely done, Isaac.
How can anyone top that?
With a minty shell.
@ Isaac
Really?
Me me me me me
Me me me me me me me
Me me me me me
Meme-tastic, B.
You Suck at Craigslist
Brings me joy every day
Where is my coffee?
Penguin’s haiku is going on SOMETHING. I don’t know what yet.
Also, I might be drunk.
DRNK DRMK!
Cheers!
drmk, shot glass or coffee mug?
Yes, please.
Penguin’s haiku definitely belongs on a coffee mug. I would buy one.
my self-referential haiku was worse
HellHathNoFury
like a woman scorned for his
Sega Genesis
This reminds me of a shirt I saw a guy wearing in a college bar, that said something like “Playstation is better than girls.” My friend and I looked at him and said “And he wonders why he’s going home alone?”
(He was next to a guy wearing a shirt that said “Drink ’till I’m cute.” I wondered if that was intended for his friend and maybe it wasn’t girls the friend was interested in anyway.)
I saw a shirt recently that said “English Major: You do the math”
Er, Steve? I own that shirt.
*blush*
Sweet. I thought it was funny. I used to get a catalog of funny shirts. One said “Compost: Because a rind is a terrible thing to waste”
As an aside: please allow me to recommend a book co-written by one of my poet friends that you can get for about a penny plus shipping, used, from Amazon.
Blood sport on the ice;
Hockey pucks at White Castle;
Frozen water kills.
My Haikus are bad
I’m not good at ending them
Canada has trees.
Haikus are easy
But sometimes they don’t make sense.
Refrigerator.
Shamelessly stolen from a Threadless shirt.
Hippopotamus;
Antihippopotamus!
Annihilation.
I’d be totally impressed if you had just made that up.
It’s vaguely familiar. I think it may be a quote. Even so, good Haiku.
As TmMm recognized, I have to admit, it’s not mine. Can’t actually recall the original source, either.
(And per comments below, apparently this is where I hold out my knuckles for Isaac to… OW! OK, done.)
It’s definitely one of my favorites, though.
Haikus are easy
but sometimes they don’t make sense
Refrigerator
*I don’t know who to credit, but this is not an original work. Isaac.
(It’s not even the first time you’ve posted it here.)
I posted it long, long ago in a thread far away, and both of you got on me for plagiarism and stuff.
I was only paying it forward. Isaac called me on it also a long time ago. My knuckles still hurt.
What do you mean, you knuckles…AH WTF ISAAC, That ruler hurts!!!
Oops. I posted that one too. Scroll up a bit and you’ll see where I got it from. No idea who came up with it originally.
My kitchen table
Is very stable
The spots are on the lens
Which I didn’t bother to cleanse
I also couldn’t trouble
Before I took the snap
To move any of the rubble
So I scribbled out that crap
If you need a table, Sammy
And a spot free chair of wood
Email please don’t spam me
Or I’ll report your ass but good
Those aren’t scribbles, those are smell waves. Most likely from the decomposing hostage corpse.
“What are we looking at around that table?”
“Pure energy, Captain. Waves of pure energy. Pure stink energy.”
20 quatloos for the stink energy!
Now appearing at the 40-Watt: Stink Energy!
With openings by Hostage Corpse and Meta Haiku!
If I had a band called Hostage Corpse, I would try to get about half of the gigs booked as Hostage Corps instead, to confuse people.
…Sort of like David Byrne’s band before the Talking Heads, which was either called The Artistics or The Autistics depending on the gig.
I keep reading Meta Haiku as Metal Haiku; perhaps they could go on a double bill with the Hostage Corps.
SO is $35 the going rate for wood these days? *innocent look*
I get offered wood all the time, and for free, too! Guys seem to be desperate to get rid of it, all of the sudden.
It’s almost always the wood you don’t want, however, that they want you to take for free.
Hence turning down the “favors” to the boss, as mentioned in yesterdays comments.
:::shudder::: uuuuugggghhh
{/snark}
I’m really sorry to hear that Meredith; you’ve alluded to it before, and I’m depressed on your behalf that it is continuing. It’s disgusting, to say the least. Is there any way you can blow the whistle on this piece of feces and not have it threaten your continued employment?
{resume snark}
Meredith, I know the economy isn’t conducive to finding a new career path, but honestly, you are worth too much to put up with that crepe! Call the labor board, get a lawyer, and get out.
Meredith: Have you insinuated that you used to be a man yet?
When all else fails, remember that creepy guys who make inappropriate passes at women are usually extremely homophobic. I’d test the waters a little to make sure he’s in that group.
If he is, I have crafted the following line that is like the atomic bomb for homophobe creepies: “Well, I’m sorta in a relationship right now, but if you don’t mind my bisexual boyfriend/husband having sex with you I’d be willing to consider a threesome.”
If you want to be more specific, you can toss a word before “sex” to remove all doubt as to where you want him to take it.
Get a pair of these and put them on your desk.
Shoot, I forgot to say what “these” were.
Goat castrators, in case anyone was wondering.
[corey]
Sarajean, that size burdizzo clamp is used for calves! That’s the most common use, at least. Though with burdizzos you can really use any size on any animal, provided it can effectively crush the vas deferens. There’s a goat and sheep farmer up here that uses a much smaller size for his guys.
[/corey]
Also, they terrify men once they’ve seen (or heard) them in action. It makes a godawful crushing sound.
I couldn’t find a picture of the smaller ones :} I had a neighbor who used them on his goats, he just called them “goat castrators.” The sound is unmistakable.
Also:
Hehe *looks around shiftily* Hey Meredith… you wanna check out this hunk of Rosewood? It’s really hard and smooth. Yeah, that’s it baby, rub some linseed oil into it before sanding; that’s how I like it. Now take it over to the bandsaw and make some veneer. Oh yeah, nice and thin. Aw damn, I just spilled walnut stain all over my ash.
(As an aside, my father and I used to do a LOT of woodworking together in his shop. The euphamisms used to fly and get progressively more abstract the longer we were out there. This one was the most common: “Pass me that piece of [wood type].” “Ok, here you go. You know I’m always happy to give you wood.” I miss that shop.)
It’s got Windrose’s name on it, Meredith! It’s a trap!!!
Oh iiiiiiiiiikkkkkky
Meredith! Did you say, ‘all of the sudden’?! The sudden did what? All of them?
Please watch.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=StJ-OK4jiSY
Irregardless of her choice of words, we should be working on constructing a Haiku expository on a whole nother reason her boss all of the sudden finds one of the wood chairs planted firmly in his nether regions. Or maybe we could just squiggle line the whole thing out of any incriminating police photos.
bwahahaha. I got over Family Guy a long time ago, but Stewie NEVER gets old.
Tiger will take whatever he can get these days.
I’m sure you meant ‘Not. A. Lyin’
Everyone is ignoring the obvious question here. What was so wrong/illegal/disgusting that the poster felt he needed to squiggle it out? Is the garage filled with dead hookers? Were we catching a reflection of his meth lab in that super shiny concrete? Is all other available space around the table filled with Twilight books? What could cause this deep, squiggly level of shame???
The poster didn’t squiggle anything out, those white things are his giant pipe cleaners.
Kelli, I’ve seen bigger.
Was that a reference to my link?
Probably not, the pipe cleaners are giant, whereas your link is massive. Or so you say. 😀
Yes; even a giant pipe cleaner isn’t all that massive. They’re mainly fluff.
Funny, I’ve heard the same thing about the link 😉
Get.
A.
Rume.
Miki, clearly they were making meth from dead hookers and copies of Twilight – triply embarrassing. Scribble, scribble!
Good to know Twilight’s good for something.
Ok the graphics geek (back to days of DOS and 286 processors) has to wonder how they missed the part where the brush size can be increased. Or, failing that, you paint a closed loop squiggle and use the “paint bucket” tool to fill it?
Not like this requires color separation or massaging histograms (they broke up, so they are not opening for anybody).
Oh well, graphics, like so much else in life–the simplest things amaze and the complex things vex.
I know, the digital artist in me was silently screaming about the MS Paint scribbles too… it would have looked much better to select around it and press delete, give themselves a nice white background.
Also, they could have used their digits to pick up the freakin’ table and move it to a place with less crap around it!
I feel better now…
Bianchi, is that what it means to digitize something? Hey, I do that all the time! I also MOVE the crap from around the furniture. That might be a different function, though, huh?
Unless you’re Arsenio Hall.
“Hit me with the digits!”
I know I will regret asking, but why is round by high instead of across?
Well…have you ever SEEN Across high? It isn’t pretty, and frankly Round is just funnier high than not.
He HAS been paying attention, because he edited out all the dead bodies so we won’t get confused and try to buy their clothes. Or their hair. He is also using ONE picture of one chair…not three pictures of one chair.
I get all teary when they grow up.
Stephanie, come get your art degree punched! I mean, your Don’t Suck card. Yeah, that’s what I meant.
Punch me for getting an art degree!!!
You deserve it. That was some funny postin’.
Those squiggles – they remind me of an ’80s video that featured them around the dancing singers. I can’t think of which one. But I didn’t like it then, and I don’t like it now. That is all.
You’re probably not thinking of “Take On Me,” but now I’m wondering whether you have seen the “Literal Lyrics” version of the video.
It does contain “Lots of squiggly lines.”
Band montaaaaaaage!
That’s the same one I was thinking about…!
A-ha!
“Take on Me” is one of my favorite videos, and the literal lyrics version had me in hysterics.
Yes!! I used to love that video.
Never saw the literal lyrics version – thanks!
“I’m handsome either way.”
LOL!
Many of the literal lyrics videos are hilarious. My favorites are “Total Eclipse of the Heart” and “Penny Lane.” Both on YouTube.
James Blunt: You’re Beautiful [literal]
“Should have worn socks today.”
MWAAAAHAHAHA!
On a side note, if anyone is inspired to do a literal lyrics video for a song with a female singer, let me know. I’m not clever enough to write all the lyrics myself, but I would happily sing them.
How amazing is it that the friend’s camera had a bunch of squiggly crap on the lens that covered everything but the table? Too bad it started snowing in the garage after they took the table photo and cleaned the lens.
Squiggly crap? I thought those were just people from the Hyperfunk Zone.
It’s ghosts! Actual photograhic proof of supernatural entities!
Quick, some one call the SyFy Channel! We could get our own show out of this!
“Hyperfunk Zone” sounds like a club out of “Krush Groove” or something.
I think I figured out the squiggles. They couldn’t afford a new floor so took some white-out to it to give it a fresh look. I don’t have enough white-out on hand to do that with mine but child has a lifetime supply of crayons. I wonder how my floor would look re-done in Fuzzy Wuzzy or maybe Electric Lime?
I’ve heard of paint that you can color on, and clean easily for walls. How cool would it be to paint an entire room floor to ceiling in it, and get out the crayons every time you feel like updating the decor?
Looking at the picture again, I hope that the white lines were made by someone moving around a flashlight really fast while the person taking the picture set the camera lens to stay open for several seconds. That just makes it seem arty and cool.
Otherwise, I have to assume the bad Photoshop is hiding the HYPNO-DOGS.
OK, obsessing on this one, but did you notice that they seemed to have started on the left hand side of the picture with the squiggles, where it’s pretty well filled in. The middle gets pretty half-assed. And by the right side they’re just, “Ah, the hell with it, just post the goddamn thing. No one’ll notice.”
That and they totally neglected to squiggly the chair shot at all. They must have passed out from all the flashlight dancing by then.
I noticed.
and there’s an edge on the top left that they forgot.
Holy crap! That’s the exact same kitchen table and chairs we had when I was little! Where was this ad?!
I had the same one too, except on mine the accordion was on the right-hand side.
Dang. I actually went and looked for the accordion.
(That was from the sofa-with-the-millyard-scene-upholstery post a couple of months ago.)
What do you do with a drunken llamanun?
What do you do with a drunken llamanun?
What do you do with a drunken llamanun?
Posting in the evening.
Ho, hey, up she rises,
Ho, hey, up she rises,
Ho, hey, up she rises—
Posting drunkenishly!
Put her to bed with the Ostrich/Emu,
Put her to bed with the Ostrich/Emu,
Put her to bed with the Ostrich/Emu,
Posting in the evening!
The ostrimu is up to his eyeballs in tech week at the moment, and is barely getting to bed at all.
That doesn’t rhyme!
[corey]
DRMK, don;t worry, it’s well-known sea lore that singing a shanty ashore is even worse luck than singing one while not laboring to line and cable.
That, and the rhyming ones go well to the bizarre
“Them Cape Cod girls, Bake no pies;/’Cause all they got, Are codfish eyes!”
[/corey]
Photoshop is fine
but M S Paint is better
Do you not agree?
I have nothing to add here.