You Suck at Craigslist

Tag: humanity is doomed

  • YSaC, Vol. CXC

    Wanted Editor For My Book

    I am in process of writing and publishing my frist book. I need an experience editor who willing to do it for free. Since I don’t have much money. It about helping people to understand about pit bulls and others breeds how they can make great pet etc and common myths about them. Thanks.

    It’s certainly hard to argue that they desperately need an editor. Let’s start with an editor for their Craigslist post and then work our way up …

    Wanted: Editor For My Book

    I am in the process of writing and publishing my frist first book. I need an experienced editor who is willing to do it for free. S since I don’t have much money. It‘s about helping people to understand about pit bulls and others breeds; I want to show how that they can make great pets etc and discuss common myths about them. Thanks.

    Actually, I would rearrange the paragraph so that the third sentence is second, since the word “It’s” is referring to book, and not editor.

    On second thought, no thanks. Something tells me that book would be a lot of work.

    Submitted by Sara from over at It’s Lovely! I’ll Take It!, which I must admit was one of the blogs that gave me the idea for this one. Thanks, Sara!

  • YSaC, Vol. CLXXXIX

    need female to impersonate old girlfriend

    looking for petite/attractive late 20’s/early 30’s female to impersonate my old girlfriend to get me out of a pickle with my current one…would require only 10-15 minutes at most

    Leslie sends this one along, saying, “This one mystifies me.  I want to respond just to see what it is he needs someone to do.  Clearly, there will be lying involved.  What kind of woman would be INTERESTED in doing this, anyway?  Given that it’s listed under “Etc. Jobs”, is he paying?  What is the going rate for impersonating an ex girlfriend for the purposes of lying to your current girlfriend?  Truly a niche market if ever I’ve seen one.”

    In my mind, he killed his ex-girlfriend and his current girlfriend suspects him of it, and he needs to prove that she’s still “alive”.

  • YSaC, Vol. CLXXXVIII

    1/9-1/20: daughter and friend for sale

    just bring cash alot of it. not that their worth it but i am at the end of my rope car is totaled DAUGHTER fired from subway cause car is totaled pimple on her nose bumped my HEAD was fine before they got here selling totaled car on craigslist.AFTER I FIGURED THE CAMARA OUT FOR 2.5 HOURS, BOYFRIEND NOW ASLEEP COME GET THEM PLEASE!!!!*** 1999 MONTE CARLO GOOD ENGINE MAKE OFFER xxx-xxx-xxxx

    Katie sends this one in, saying, “Honestly, I’m not sure what it means– is she trying to sell her daughter and her daughter’s friend, as the title would suggest? Because her (presumably) teenage daughter got in a wreck and has acne? Or is she trying to sell the car? I just don’t know. And I don’t think I’ll ever know. This listing made me straight up existential.”

    All I can think is that it must have been one hell of a pimple if it was able to total a Monte Carlo just by bumping into it.

    Even stranger: it was listed under “Events”.

  • YSaC, Vol. CLXXXV

    Broke assed limp *ick burned out washed up dead beat stoner seeks

    youngish female for making babies and living happily ever after..

    The good folks from Dating is Weird send along this one, saying “I’m all for truth and honesty but jesus christ man. Seriously? Your dick doesn’t work and yet you want to reproduce? How do you plan to do that? No no, wait. Actually I don’t want to know. Yuck.”

    I have to agree — the honesty is simultaneously refreshing and abhorrent. Although I have a sneaking suspicion that this ad was posted by my ex.

  • YSaC, Vol. CLXXXIV

    mustang 1997 – $5500

    Date: 2008-12-30, 2:48AM PST

    im sellin my 1997 mustang for $5500 obo runs great its green srry for the pics i took them at nite but if u wanna c the car give me a call at xxx xxxx ask 4 cris

    Leslie sends along this posting, noting: “Really?  You couldn’t wait until morning to list your car? You took the pictures in the DARK? Really?” (Indeed — look at the time stamp for the posting. The mind boggles as to why this linguistically-challenged individual couldn’t have waited a mere five hours to take the picture in the dawn’s early light.)

  • YSaC, Vol. CLXXI

    shitzu – $200

    selling an 8 month old shitzu pup.
    shes very friendly and loving.
    shes very good with kids. shes black and white.
    was born on april 1st 2008.

    im asking $200

    you can reach me at xxx xxx-xxxx
    names ivan

    keywords:: mastiff,saint bernard,rottweiler,husky,labrador,jack russell terrier,reptiles,snakes,monitors,pets,cars,b16,b18,type r,gsr,ls,zc,integra,civic,crx,accord,rsx,tl,k20,h22,infinity,ford,chevy,dodge,chrysler,pioneer,kenwood,alpine,

    “Shitzu”? Really? You know, I think there should be a spelling test for prospective dog owners. Can you spell the name of the breed you’re adopting? No? Then no dog for you.

    That’s quite the keyword list for a “shitzu”. I wonder how many people start off looking for a Saint Bernard and end up buying a Shih Tzu instead because it popped up in their keyword search. Probably about as many as start off looking for Chryslers or Kenwoods, I suppose.

    Keyword spammers deserve to die. As do people who post ads selling animals on Craigslist.

    (In a rare moment of seriousness for me: I’m disturbed by the number of people who are already selling the animals they got for Christmas because they “just can’t take care of them anymore”. Seriously — don’t advertise that you can’t take care of an animal for more than five days and then insist that it go to a “good home”. That’s just stupid and wrong. Grrrrr.)