{"id":1096,"date":"2009-02-02T08:06:45","date_gmt":"2009-02-02T13:06:45","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.yousuckatcraigslist.com\/?p=1096"},"modified":"2009-05-06T18:38:12","modified_gmt":"2009-05-06T21:38:12","slug":"vol-cxcix","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.yousuckatcraigslist.com\/?p=1096","title":{"rendered":"YSaC, Vol. CXCIX"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Having a hard time in the grocery store – 36<\/h2>\n
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I have alot of grocery shopping to do and the last time I went there I felt uncomfortable pushing the cart around because women are supposed to push the grocery cart. So being a bachelor I’m trying to stack everything in my arms and it isn’t working very well and I’m dropping things and grunting through the store hauling way too many groceries by hand. It was awful and I had to come back two days later and dop it all over again. (I’m a big fellow who eats alot of food.)<\/p>\n

I’m looking for an attractive lady to push my cart in the grocery store while I shop. You must be attractive because people will think you are my wife or girlfriend if you are pushing my grocery cart. And while I do enjoy being a bachelor and dating freely, if you are really good at pushing my cart I’d be glad to keep you around for a while and possibly even sleep with you or take you out for burgers. So please no one older than 25 and no larger women.<\/p>\n

As compensation for your time I might buy you a few loaves of bread or something from your grocery list.<\/p>\n

Please reply with a pic so I can see if you are good looking enough to play the part of wifey while I shop. Also I’m white so unless maybe you are some kind of Asian it wouldn’t look right for you to be pushing my cart around for me. People would talk if I was with a darker girl. Also I usually date women with a bigger bust so unless you have a really pretty face and a really petite figure you should probably have a decent bust size. And no kids please, I wouldn’t want anyone thinking they were mine. Plus I just don’t date women with kids for obvious reasons.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

So many offensive assumptions and stereotypes, so few brains.<\/p>\n

I’m almost tempted to respond to this and offer to be his cart lackey just so I can “accidentally” clip his ankles with it as I dutifully follow closely behind. Besides, I might get a loaf of bread, a burger, and\/or some crappy sex out of it.<\/p>\n

That’s it. I’ve threatened to do it before, but I have to now. I’m adding an “asshat” tag.<\/p>\n

Sent in by Catherine — thanks!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Having a hard time in the grocery store – 36 I have alot of grocery shopping to do and the last time I went there I felt uncomfortable pushing the cart around because women are supposed to push the grocery cart. So being a bachelor I’m trying to stack everything in my arms and it […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[18],"tags":[58,38,43],"class_list":["post-1096","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-general","tag-asshat","tag-humanity-is-doomed","tag-unrealistic-expectations"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.yousuckatcraigslist.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1096","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.yousuckatcraigslist.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.yousuckatcraigslist.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.yousuckatcraigslist.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.yousuckatcraigslist.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1096"}],"version-history":[{"count":7,"href":"https:\/\/www.yousuckatcraigslist.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1096\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2277,"href":"https:\/\/www.yousuckatcraigslist.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1096\/revisions\/2277"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.yousuckatcraigslist.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1096"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.yousuckatcraigslist.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1096"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.yousuckatcraigslist.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1096"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}