Category: personals

  • YSaC, Vol. 1798: It’s not how crazy you are, it’s how crazy you feel.

    Over the years, we’ve done our best to take care of our single readers. Specifically, we’ve tried to make sure they thank their lucky stars every day for that status. To that end:

    Single and looking for cuddle boddy – 37


    age : 37
    I am 36. Single and looking for a cuddle boddy or a friend to hang out get to know as friends have a good time. My name is #### you text me
    show contact info
    Okay In [location] any city s close by only. I am a good person trustful nice carving maybe something more in future see what can happen .

    This person’s interest in carvings would be terrifying, in the sense that maybe he’d do some carving on YOU after the ritual killing. Fortunately, he’s gotten a year younger just over the course of posting this ad, so the Benjamin Button syndrome’s probably eliminated the danger by now.

    Thanks for the post, SC!

  • YSaC, Vol. 1794: I gotta crow.

    Sleeping Beauty: Crow Edition – w4mm (My neighbor’s house)


    Maleficent has struck again. Princess Aurora (or prince, not yet verified) has yet once again been cursed and has been in a deathlike sleep for the past 4 days. Maleficent has kicked it up a notch this time. Aurora is trapped in the body of a crow, sleeping peacefully on a tree swing in my neighbor’s front yard. So, I am now seeking a Prince Phillip to provide a true love’s kiss. Looking for someone with a good immune system, just in case this is just a random dead crow that happened to die in a really cool way. Yet, I’m pretty sure it’s Aurora. Kinda.

    To apply, just show up to my neighbors house and start kissing the dead crow, I mean Aurora, and hopefully you’ll have the magic touch!
    (If an older man comes out of the house and starts shooting at you, you didn’t get the job).
    Good luck!

    Most of the time, we don’t use this type of post on YSaC. This type of Sparky doesn’t really *suck* at Craigslist, they’re just trying a little too hard to be funny. It raises the question of why they pick Craigslist as their medium of choice in the first place, instead of a bathroom wall or the New Yorker, but whatever.

    In this case, however, I am intrigued by their choice of category. “w4mm”, as far as I can figure it, is intended to be used by women looking for two men for a threesome, and not, for example, for people seeking romance with a dead crow. I’m pretty sure I don’t WANT to know what category that goes in, and if you bring up rule 34, I will punch you in the neck.

    Thanks for the post, Zippy!

  • YSaC, Vol. 1791: Was the immortal guy also Shakespeare? Because then we’d really have something.

    Reply,Reply,Me,Me,Me,Me Brilliant – m4w


    I love Shakespeare’s Sonnet 62, and in it’s irony, the poet’s partner has become part of the poet’s self and hence by praising himself he is in fact praising his beloved who is the source of beauty in the poet’s life.

    The person whom sent me this response. It is a honor to run into someone ,whom is even aware with Shakespeare!I am very impressed that you are out there,hoping that you have secured a viable minds to share your views,and opinions,certainty there must be a man who appreciates cultivation in a woman. I like the Dark Knight have elected to not seek out brilliance,knowledge,or wisdom;inside of s society primarily inspired by social cues. Only a few walk amongst us worthy enough to know the meditations of Marcus A.Not many even have a interested in poetry these days,rarely is one heard in public reciting it openly with passion. Nevermore,Nevermore, my poetic mystery lady,you definitely have revealed that “I am not Alone”/ May i suggest a movie which you might find extremely interesting, produced for philosophical minds like yourself. On a cold night in a remote cabin, Professor John Oldman (David Lee Smith of CSI: MIAMI) gathers his most trusted colleagues for an extraordinary announcement: He is an immortal who has migrated through 140 centuries of evolution and must now move on. he name of the movie is the”The Man from Earth”.

    I think these two lovebirds are made for each other. I mean, the poetic mystery lady who sent the response about Shakespeare’s Sonnet 62 clearly loves poetry enough to plagiarize an interpretation from a bizarre and questionable internet source, and our Dark Knight (minus brilliance, knowledge, or wisdom) has plagiarized the description of the movie he is so intent on having our heroine watch.

    So let’s see: woman responds saying she’s very fond of a sonnet that is apparently a justification for narcissism, and man responds favorably with a reference to a movie about an immortal man who reveals that he himself was Jesus. (Oh, sorry, spoiler alert.)

    Yup, I think these two crazy kids just might make it.

    Thanks, Beth P.!

  • YSaC, Vol. 1772: No weirdos.

    Hey gentlemen! Are you looking for that special lady? Well, keep looking, because I doubt you can meet THESE high standards:

    Seeking a prince with valor and loyalty – 35


    35/F, Christian, does not fornicate. Looking for man who does not have sex unless he is in love, married, or someone who is a virgin. NO SEXUAL HOOKUPS. NO HOOKUPS AT ALL.
    Looking for a friend. Semi-attractive, used to be more attractive female, need to work on myself, get in shape. Not a relationship based on looks or lust. Real friendship and connection, best friend, loyal, honest, non-sexual relationship. Friends, then maybe romance later. NO HOOKUPS, NO SEXUAL RELATIONSHIPS. Contact me if you are a Christian, celibate, looking for something real, no booty calls, no lustful relationships. Please do not send any sexy photos or half-naked photos. Please do not reply and send me any photos. Only reply if looking for a long term relationship, a serious friendship, a soul mate. Do not reply if you do casual hookups, date more than one person at a time to try to weed out those you don’t like, if you date a few or several girls at once and are intimate with more than one person during that time period, if you have casual sex, if you do oral sex, if you have one night stands, if you go out to bars and try to pick up women, if you lust after women, if you watch porno, if you love breasts or love vaginas and desire to get lucky and score, if you rack up the notches on your bedpost, if you think that sex is a commodity, if you think that lustful sex is not immoral, if you think cheating is not immoral, if you care more about the physical looks of someone than who they are as a person, if you do not desire a personal connection built on trust and loyalty. If you are the type who is commitment-phobic, afraid of love, run away if a girl says she loves you, if you reject women after you sleep with them, please don’t e-mail me. If you are interested in being with someone, anyone because you desire to touch someone, but it’s just for here and now, don’t contact me. Don’t contact me if you think that women are like 31 flavors. Don’t contact me unless you value one person, monogamy, and unless you can cherish a person and don’t want anyone else. Don’t contact me if you want a physical relationship. If you try to wait to have sex until you find someone you love and/or you will marry, then contact me. If you believe in fornicating with anyone and it’s not a sin, don’t contact me.

    So none of those things are OK. On the other hand, run-on sentences seem to be just fine. I think if we can find her a nice coma patient, she’ll be in good shape. Otherwise… good luck there, Sparkette.

    Thanks for the post, Mike!

  • YSaC, Vol. 1764: I’m too sexy for correct spelling

    Sexy woman at western [state] fair pink shirt – m4w


    I seen u u smiled I asked how u was doing u walked off and I seen u look back while I was checking u out.im bald white guy with a green shirt on … Probably a long shot but u was very sexy so worth a shot… If this was u hit me up and tell me what I was doing when I seen u

    So what do we think Mr. Clean here was doing when he seen her?

    • Picking fried butter out of his teeth?
    • Trying to pry off the GPS anklet?
    • Attempting to secure his party’s 2016 presidential nomination?
    • Yoga?

    What do you think?

    (Thanks for the post, OMV!)

  • YSaC, Vol. 1750: Sorry for exploding.

    Who’s ready for a wall of crazy?

    saw big (now huge) jon from blue bird taxi wed – w4m


    Just saw big jon from blue bird taxi at ingles parking lot. I saw him the 1 day my feet hurt too much to drive. He looks like he put on about 100lbs. He was all smirk probably cause he had always told me id never drive. So that was probably a “see I told u you’d never drive,here u r taking a cab again” smirk,smile&look. I feel so uncomfortable&mixed up right now. Could really use a hug. It took me this long to sorta start getting over my friendship with him&now this. I kinda want to show him that I can drive,but don’t know if I can handle being next to him without the company of a big guy,I’m kinda scarred of him. I do want him to know I do drive,but at the same time show him see how much business u r loosing by not being my friend any more,how much business u&blue bird taxi r loosing. I am kinda happy he gained weight,means he didn’t do so good loosing the friendship either. Ok so person I sometimes ride with now,doesn’t walk my dog while I shop or make out with her or litterally take her on a date with a buy one entree&get1free coupons,both going to resturants where she gets second entree. Caby,I ride with now doesn’t do any of that,but also doesn’t try to” buy “my classic chevy impala “with a kiss” after purposely crushing my van in junkyard&keeping the money for their rent. I guess he was hoping if he gave me a kiss id sign what will be my daughters car over to him(most likely for his daughter. I did lent him both my cars for almost3yrs,but no way I was gonna sign it over to him,esp not for a kiss.Ok,so the ppl I ride with now don’t give me big hugs like big jon used to&honestly,I really do miss that&could really use a huge hug right now,but atleast they r not grroming me to be their next financial victim for2plus yrs. Sorry,just ranting. Could totaaly use one of big jons hugs now,but haven’t found a replacement for that yet. His hugs r awesome,but even they r not worth my classic chevy.
    I told todays caby about what big jon from blue bird taxi was probably thinking. He said not to worry about it. I can take a cab when I want to take a cab. Ya,but still I want to proof to jon that I do drive&use less cabs then b4,but my doggy needs a new friend&I just sometimes need anyones company&jon knows I used to pay him just so id have someone to talk to b4 we became friends. My cabby thanked me for our buisness. He should be thanking big jon,cause had big jon from blue bird not broke off our friendship after he crushed my van id still be riding with them&I still would probably not have the heart to ask for my2nd car bk&definatly still be riding with blue bird taxi.Cabby I ride with now from an actual competitor company may not walk my dog&may not give me hugs,but would never take advantage of a disabled lonely single mom like that. Ok,got it out of my system,but really could use company. Anyone up for company? Any church ppl. Ok,just ranting,used to do this w big jon when something was upsetting or sad,but now just throwing it out there in the wind. Its just a lil therapeutic for me. I know this will get flagged&its ok,its already helped me therapeutically just to write this. I used to be the one bragging about big jons petfriendly service&he used to thank me everytime he got new regular customers for him&for blue bird taxi cause of my brags. I’m not gonna mention names of company or ppl I ride with now cause I don’t want anyone to pull a big jon on me in a few yrs blaming it on my compliments about them. Blue bird used to be rated one and a half stars b4 I started raving about big jon,soon after I started they were rated four and a half stars&probably stayed that way. I don’t want to do this for another company&take a chance on it backfiring on me. Seing big jon was awkward,but since we r almost neighboers(did this unpurpose,moved a wk from eachother within a few miles so we can help eachother without waisting gas),it was bound to happen,was just hoping it wouldn’t happen til I was emotionally stronger. Boy am I glad we didn’t have my dog with us. She really was in love with him,the way they acted around eachother,but she may have finally forgotten,although she was&may still be heartbroken. Big jon used to say any man who hurts a woman in any way physically,financiallyor emotionally which includes breaking her heart is not a man,but a scumbag. He did appologize to me cause he was tired of feeling like a scumbag&cause he wanted to be a good example for his sons,how can he expect them not to hurt woman when he as their dad does not practice what he preaches. Ok,now,i’m really done ranting&if big jon sees this telling him how I really feel. Ya,I miss u,your fam&your hugs,but I don’t miss basically supporting u,(ya,I know everytime u asked for money for repairs on a car I never drove,car may not really needed repair,but u obviously needed or wanted money for something&I don’t deny my friends what I have&ofcourse I want u to be able to comunicate with ur fam even when u r tight on cash for ur ph bill&ofcourse I want your wife&son to be healthy&get any sergerys they need even if money for deductable is tight. I don’t miss not having the heart to ask for my cars back cause u needed a 2nd&3rd car for your fam&when I went on most of ur . . ..,I now know the real reason why u wouldnt(or couldn’t)set foot in a church to come to my baptism. I do miss the rest&being able to help someone in other ways,like sharing my freebees and helping someone I care about never go hungry. Now,I have almost everything I want to say out of my system,will write what I wanted to write long ago. But thatlll be a few wks or a few months.
    Then ill stop for good. Meanwhile happy bday to one of ur2older girls. And happy aniversary to u in august. Still love u like a brother,but working on not feeling that way.glad I atleast enabled u some nice father son summer vaccation memories with the councilman&what was it your son said “the stop in arizona where the preetiest girls r”. Ok,I need to be done.I think its finally out of my system except the one thing ive been saving in my drafts&gotta find when I feel like it. It won’t be posted on cl. Oh incase ur thinking of scarring me,I won’t be traveling alone,caby u saw me with is almost ur size. But other then that it was nice seing u.ya,I was intimidated,but hey it doesn’t take much for a 6’9,by now 600lb guy to intimidate a 5’2,by now 144lbs handicapped lady using a walker. Also regret not wearing my jeans that make me look hot cause everyone likes having hot friends,even hot platonic friends. Anyway someone like big jon,his size,with his former jobs prowrestler etc,marine etc,well someone like him intimidating someone like me does not take that great of a feat,but if that makes u proud..ok I better stop. Maybe something good will come from this. Couldn’t hold this part in any more,sorry for exploding.

    ps, I wrote this on wed,but wasn’t able to post it til today,dont know if I would have been able to face big giant jon alone had I been driving that day. im glad we didn’t have our dog with us that day,that would have broke her heart all over again,she has actually started acting old since than,didnt eat for a few wks after the incident in 2012,the crushing my car and after I forgave him crushing my furbabies heart by ending the friendship. ok now I need to be done except for one thing which will take a while. still love u,but was never in love with u and never will be,that was my dog and sorry but even ur kiss wasn’t good enough for me to fall in love with u or to give u my classic car for. besides there is a very lovely lady in your life I would never hurt like that,several actually(I wouldn’t have lent u our back up phone for her to use or for u to use to communicate with her or paid for her surgery deductible if I didn’t care about her or not said anything when she drove my van when the deal was between u and me for driving my car as a loan til I get my dl and relearn to drive in the mountains,which I just did,had u not crushed my van,u would still be driving the second car until my daughter gets her licence and since we are almost neighboers we would still let u barrow one when we don’t need it,heck we might have taken ur advise and moved next door so whoever needs the cars first could use it. and since I cant do some things I would have paid ur son and daughter to do them like trash paid ur son for that and paid ur daughter again for petsitting,ask her how much I gave her last time,more than I would give most petsitters and more than most charge cause I wanted to). sorry for ranting.
    oh ya, happy mothersday to your wife and probably also to your daughter in law, u did always say your biological son would make u a grandpa too soon. personally I think he is a very nicepolite responsible young man.

    Well good. Glad we got that cleared up. I just have a few questions:
    1. What was the elephant doing in the grocery store in the first place?
    2. Why didn’t this person just have the badger laminated?
    3. Shouldn’t the notary public lose their job for that?

    Thanks for the post, HML!