You Suck at Craigslist

Tag: speeling prolbems

  • YSaC, Vol. 217: A symphony of plaid.

    HIDEABED COUCH

    com in git dis couch pleeze
    oh, and itz got a bed in it
    it be on da sidewawk at 1702 Lincoln ave
    com git b4 it gitz wet
    oh, and it workz

    217

    All right, it is no longer cool or “1337” to substitute a “z” for an “s”. This makes it official.

  • YSaC, Vol. 216: But not cerise. Nobody uses cerise.

    Just in case you thought the last French Preventional entry was a fluke (which, I have to admit, I did!), here’s evidence to the contrary:

    French prevential 5 Drawer Chest-of-drawers / real wood – $35

    Five drawer,french prevential,real wood,chest-of-drawers.Needs a little TLC. Asking 35.00. If interested, please call [xxx-xxx-xxxx]. Please see piture.

    216

    At least they didn’t put “Chester drawers.” And that is a lovely piture.

    Mauve footstool – $20

    Mauve material, with brass button studs, wood legs. French preventional style.

    Those French Preventionists loved mauve. They weren’t afraid of color, like those French Prudentialists. The Prudentialists were all about being prim and proper and monochromatic — they were prudish with their colors, if you will. The Preventionists? They loved color. Mauve, puce, chartreuse, magenta, burnt umber — they used ’em all.

  • YSaC, Vol. 215: Who is Chester, and what is he doing in my lingerie?

    Variations on a theme:

    Antique Dresser and Chester Drawer – $500

    Moving must sell our antique dresser and chester drawer set. Purchased 20 years ago in an antique shop in very good condition.

    I’m not sure what the condition of the antique store has to do with it, but all right then. Surely this must be an isolated mistake, right?

    (more…)

  • YSaC, Vol. 213: I always thought that rye was a bully bread.

    one female american bull dog and one male pit bull both bleach white (sav free to good home)

    We are getting our house torn down unfortunitly and have 4 dogs 2 we are trying to keep atleast but 2 definitly have to go wich out of my husband and I would be my 2 and no apt is going to let us have 4 dogs let alone a bully bread I have pic of the 2 dogs imgiving away free to good homes the male (adonis) is death and is always at the vet for something and stays under weight no matter how much I feed him but the vet says he’s pretty healthy so that’s a plus just the non hearing part sucks cause u have to use your hands with him he recodnizes the shake of a finger as no and he will imidiatly stop what he’s doing if he sees u doing it you mite look like a mom talking to a 2 year old but hey it works my white female bulldog I got as a rescue I found an ad for a lost dog and kept walking by it for months so I called it and thhey gave her to me I got her as a companion for adonis and her name is apollo and she is fully trained sits paws talks rolls over these are both very long dogs not really huge in weight 50 to 60 pounds I will be conducting interviews with a good friend of mine at perferably your place if anyone can help or is the least bit intrestedd please call or ttext or email asapxxxxxxxxxx she is fixed he isnt

    The male is Death? Does that mean I have to beat it at chess? Can we make it best two out of three in Connect Four instead? Everybody knows that pit bulls are terrible at Connect Four.

    Okay, that’s it, I’m starting a tag for “punctuationally challenged”.

    Submitted by Kati — thanks!

  • YSaC, Vol. 211: Love is in the air, everywhere you look around …

    On this, the most romantic of days, I bring you some of the people out there who are wookin’ pa nub in all the wrong places, including Craigslist.

    Watched the news lately? – 48

    Seeking a lady that is aware of what the future will bring. A survivalist. I would like to find a lady who is under 50 and capable of growing a garden and first aid. A lady that can operate and take care of a horse, tractor, a truck, and an ATV. Must be capable of self-defense! Trapping, reloading and knife sharpening skill is a plus! Looks not too important besides being in good physical shape although big t*ts are a plus. Must currently be self-sufficient! If you have any equipment, send photo and description. We’ll see about the relationship discussion after we get past these requirements. I hope you like the smell of diesel! Smoke or drink, OK. No drugs! Don’t be scared, reply back to me! Criminals, gays and blacks need not apply. Not my flavor

    What flavor are gays? To me, it seems like they’d be minty.

    And you know, if your t*ts are too big, you won’t be able to sharpen knives very well. They also seem like they might be a hindrance in the whole “tractor and ATV” thing.

    All right, ladies, maybe he’s not your type. Let’s try this one:

    Would you like to star in an episode of “Cheaters”? – 26

    Things are nonexistent in the bedroom with my wife. I’m looking to have a little fun, and maybe even my 15 minutes of fame. You could get your 15 minutes too. Not from me, I don’t last that long. I mean on camera. Think of how fun it will be meeting for coffee early in the morning, sneaking away from work or school for a secret “lunch”, and meeting late at night in the parking lot of the Kroger or HEB. All the while, we can play “spot the camera” or “spot the night vision goggles”. If you’re worried about how the wife will react when she sees us fooling around, don’t be. Her wrath will be directed only to me. While I’m getting my ass kicked, you can use that time to pose for the camera or tell your story of how you were the real victim in all this. The only requirement is that you are a woman over 18. I want to be on “Cheaters”, not “To Catch a Predator”.

    Morally corrupt, but not bankrupt. At least the man has ambition.

    No? Wow, you folks are picky. Okay, how about this one?

    29 Guy looking for a good friend – 29

    i like to stay in shape.treat girls to a very nice dinner.i like to do lots of outdorrs things since im a surveyor.i been so many places.i have been to almost every amusment park in the usa and one in tokyo.you name it i done it.i dont have no tatoos and dont drink but will go to clubs.i dont do drugs.i like to keep my bills caught up 2 months ahead.im just looking for some company and a good friend.on another note i do get girls starring at me all the time so you can not get mad if they look but i never cheat and never will thats my moddle.my sis says im to sweet to girls.i just say i want to the girl to feel like a princess when she is with me.i never hit a girl and never will.feel free to email me and ill give you my number and we can talk and if we hit it off just maby you might be dating me.please send me a picture with your email to my email.

    v-day1

    Girls, if you’re lucky, you might be dating him. And his ego. But at least he has a moddle. I had a moddle once, but it got muddled. Once you get your moddle muddled it’s all over.

    All right, gentlemen, all right, I hear you saying, “But what about us? Help us out in the romance department too!” Ask, and ye shall receive. For you, I have selected this fine young thang:

    Looking for love, in the world… of warcraft – 18

    I am 5’9, green eyes, have dirty blone hair, 110 pounds, full c cups, and an applebottom ass. I enjoy world of warcraft and rap music. Looking for a cool and funny guy with atleast a level 80 World of Warcraft toon. If you wanna hook up send me a pic and a link to your armory page.

    She knows what she wants, and she knows how to get it.

    And in the spirit of inclusivity (unlike our first potential love match):

    To The Girl Whose Vagina I Saw – w4w

    Hey baby, I saw your vagina at my house once.
    Ditch my brother and get with me 😉
    I’m only a room away, you know where to find me!

    v-day2

    This was posted under “Missed Connections.” I always thought lesbian mating rituals involved cats, not piglets. But hey, that’s a really nice carpet; I wonder if it matches the drapes.

    So there you go, folks; a cornucopia of romantic possibilities. No need to thank me: I’m a matchmaker at heart. Happy Valentine’s Day!

    Thanks to the submitters: jwc, trueredtx, Lesley, and Kim.

  • YSaC, Vol. 209: Shouldn’t we have prevented the Germans, instead?

    4 pcs french preventional dining room set – $275

    China cabinet and serving/buffet table in great condition
    table and 6 chairs.
    the table has a leaf, the chairs all need to be re-apolsterd.
    cash and carry xxx-xxx-xxxx

    That “thud” sound you hear is me banging my head on the desk. Repeatedly.

    As if French Prudential wasn’t bad enough, now we have French Preventional. What, exactly, are they preventing? Whatever it is, they’re French — it won’t work! It will be like the Maginot Line of furniture. The chairs will launch an aerial assault on the china cabinet and the buffet table will surrender immediately.