You Suck at Craigslist

Author: drmk

  • YSaC, Vol. 230: Let my Cameron goooooo ….

    need to barrow a ferrari for date

    dont have too much to barter. i can fix things around your house or make a kick ass meatloaf. just need the ferrai for one night. promise i will try not to get oral sex in it.

    thanks

    Heather sends this in, saying, “They post it in “barter,” yet they admit they have nothing to barter. Oh, and how exactly does one “barrow” a Ferrari? It seems that “barrowing” carries a high chance of oral sex. Hm…”

    The wording of the “promise” is amusing, also. Notice that it’s not, “Promise I will not try to get oral sex in it,” it’s “promise I will try NOT to get oral sex in it.”

    In other words, there’s going to be so many people offering him oral sex that he will have to try really hard to avoid them all.

    This just has “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off” written all over it. (Minus Cameron, which is too bad. Cameron is the heart of that movie. Yeah, yeah, I know, it’s about Ferris, but Cameron is the only one who grows as a person and learns anything about himself over the course of the day. Plus it’s Alan Ruck, and he’s just cool.)

    Anyway, for those of you with Ferraris, this young man with nothing to offer you but breaded meat would like to barrow your car, probably take it for a joyride, and try not to get oral sex in it. What could possibly go wrong with this plan?

  • YSaC, Vol. 229: Pssst … hey! Wanna borrow a kid?

    This was posted in the m4w personals section:

    Want a baby? Me too! – 28

    I know this may sound odd, but I’m being real. I want a kid. It tax time and I want to pay less and not play the let me borrow your kid game. If you are of age and think you can handle having a kid with me, then hit me up. Maybe we can have a relationship maybe not. We may not even get to that point but lets start with lunch and meet face to face. We can do a verbal and or written agreement about me taking care of our child. I know this seems like a crazy idea, but atleast this is a real honest ad on craigslist. let me know what you think.

    I can’t think of a better reason to have a child than to get a tax break. I mean, they don’t cost anything the rest of the year, so why not? It’s a win-win proposition.

    Actually, if he really wants a kid, maybe this will suffice:

    Child for sale – $100

    Child Mannequin – about 4 ft. tall. Good shape except missing two fingers.

    Maybe he could claim that his “child” is disabled and get an even bigger tax break. And maybe, if he buys enough illegal organs off of Craigslist, eventually he can make a real child!

    Thanks to ekkelly and Maria for the submissions!

  • YSaC, Vol. 228: Profound, or just stupid?

    Black Volvo XC 70 – $4300

    Engine is in Excellent Shape, does not smoke, does not leak, nice and quiet. email for more pics and details. Leather seats.

    Against this choice walks each incorrect gang. A gutter lurks across every undone fiddle. The benefit resists the faced shorthand over an adviser. Should a terminology peer near a spiral skin?

    OOOooooh, goody, it’s Mad Libs time! Here’s the format:

    Has a/Is a/Did a/Will a (noun)  (verb) across/near/over/with/by/for each/every/a/an/the (adjective) (noun)?

    Play at home. Report back. Here’s one of my results:

    Is a penchant enrolling over every ashen trickle?

    It’s also nice to see that the Volvo engine has kicked that nasty nicotine habit. I would get really tired of shoving the cigarettes into the radiator.

  • Update to YSaC, Vol. CLVIII: The mountain WAS made of pure snow after all!

    Hmmmm … Caroline sends along this link to a news story, saying, “This is a follow up to the person “looking for a ski ticket“…she should probably stop looking now.”

    Six arrested in California ski sting

    MAMMOTH LAKES, Calif., Feb. 25 (UPI) — Police say six California residents have been arrested in a sting operation that offered ski-lift tickets in exchange for drugs.

    Mono County sheriff’s deputies told The Orange County (Calif.) Register Wednesday that the suspects were busted after answering an ad posted on Craigslist.com that offered to swap ticket vouchers for the Mammoth Lakes ski area for narcotics.

    Department spokeswoman Shannon Kendall told the Register that the operation netted a pound of marijuana and quantities of cocaine, ecstasy and prescription pills.

    Four Orange County residents and two people from San Luis Obispo and Highland Park were arrested Friday and were in jail Wednesday on various drug-related charges.

    Original news story available here.

    Thanks for the tip, Caroline!

  • YSaC, Vol. 227: Does it come in green?

    Need to sell ASAP

    I will take 200.00
    Price Reduced

    Tan color
    Very sturdy
    3 years old

    Call today xxx xxx xxxx

    Emily sends this one along, saying, “A tan what? This was not accompanied by a photograph or explanation. We figured it was a stocky toddler.”

  • YSaC, Vol. 226: Don’t cry, emo boy.

    Happy HOUSE is Coolest Place! Handyman Hippie or Party Animal WELCOME!

    House has basement, fenced yard, half bath in basement and full bath upstairs, possibility of making two apartments in the house if done right, with shared kitchen. WOW! WHERE ELSE can you be yourself? Most “landlords” or roomrenters require you to be well behaved, no noise, no pets, no parties, no fun, right? NOT ME! I’m sick of the bullsh*t, aren’t you? Read carefully, and I’ll explain. I’m a liberal libertarian type. I fix up places and HELP people who are likeminded, who have been abused by the SYSTEM for just being a social outcast, rude crude and socially unacceptable! YOU ARE WELCOME here! You must be HONE$T, a HANDY person (because house needs fixed up) and able to pay your share MOSTLY on time ( I am understanding when SH*T happens ). Just DON’T try to play me for a fool! YOU will agree to fix the place up, paint the insides ANY COLOR you like (except black or dark, no Goths accepted, sorry!), put up sheet rock or paneling or whatever you like, but FIX IT UP nicely, (use cheap or surplus materials to save) and you will also pay at least $300 to $450 a month, depending on HOW MUCH WORK and MATERIALS you have put into the place. I HOPE it’s fixed up enough where you only pay $300 a month, because I HATE high “rents”! I don’t want someone who pays $500 a month and does nothing to improve the place. Nice big fenced yard, basement, and NO NEIGHBORS to the right or left for a LONG WAY, and COOL neighbors across the street! SO this means Privacy, Parties, and FUN to the right FRIEND who wants to start something COOL! WANT to plant a veggie garden this spring? COOL! (I want some!) Want to throw a party (and sometimes invite Me?) COOL! Want to play music LOUD? Go ahead, sometimes the neighbors and I do! Have a dozen of your friends over for a BBQ! Have two dogs in the backyard, or in the house! I don’t care, as long as you clean up your (and your pet’s) messes! NO Rednecks, or Crybabies or if you didn’t vote for Obama, DON’T apply! All other COOL people can write me, the coolest person with the coolest ideas and best written reply AND you have at least $500-$600 cash to throw in (first/last months), may win! House is for sale as well, ($10K cash asis) but I don’t know when it will sell, and I may decide to keep it if you’re cool enough and you may be able to lease to own or something after 6 months of good sharing!
    I ALSO have another LARGE building to rehab with at least 6 apartments in it, so I am taking replies for that as well. (Same kind of deal per apartment).
    The apt. building is for sale too, but at least $50-75K is needed on that place. (open to offers and possibilities). Email me and tell me what you wish an owner would LET you do, and something about who you are, and who knows, you just might win! Peace Out, brothers and sisters!

    You know what amuses me the most about this? That this guy will consider “renting” his house to people who are social outcasts, rude, crude, and socially unacceptable, but won’t consider renting to Goths. In fact, Goths get thrown into the same “uncool” category as rednecks, crybabies and conservatives.