You Suck at Craigslist

Author: drmk

  • YSaC, Vol. 911: Honey, I nuked the baby.

    Baby/Toddler toys

    We have a 2 year old boy, and have amassed a pile of his toys to give away. Most are in good shape, some need new batteries.

    We are on the westside of [location]. I also have cloth diapers to give away (separate posting)

    203

    Parent #1: Honey, where’s the baby?

    Parent #2: In the other room, playing with his new toy.

    Parent #1: That was a great find. Who knew that Playskool makes toys that teach toddlers about dielectric heating?

    Parent #2: Playskool? I thought it said Kenmore on the door.

    Parent #1: Hmm, must be some knockoff company. Well, I’m sure it will be fine. It is a baby toy, after all. The Craigslist post said so.

    [from other room]: Beep. Beep. Beeeeeep. <<<ZAP>>> … sizzle

    Parent #1: What happened to the lights?

    Parent #2: What’s that burning smell?

    Parent #1: Where’s Fluffy?

    Okay, okay, that’s morbid. I was initially hoping this would be an instance of reflectoporn, but no such luck.

    [edited by drmk: oops, I set this to publish in 2009, so it showed up way back in the archive. D’oh.]

  • YSaC, Vol. 606: It’s the most remarkable word I’ve ever seen!

    A lurning tool for your child – $12

    You are buying a tool to lurn by. Call xxx-xxx-xxxx or e-mail me. I will mail to you. It’s ok to contact me about similar items.

    399

    You know, I’m glad to see this. Rarely is the questioned asked: Is our children lurning? This proves that our children is lurning! Or, at least, they can if you buy them this tool to lurn by. Look, everyone, it lurns you cat math! 3+5 = 13!

    I keep trying to read the letters on the bottom and make them into a word. I vote for “APQXRYSFN” as the band name of the day.

    licenced child care provider has 2 opening’s

    Hello, my name is [name] i am a licenced child care provider i have 2 child care spot’s available.
    INFANT SPOT UNDER 2
    TODDLER SPOT 2 AND OVER
    I have been doing child care now for over 4 year’s i am liceneced thru the state and the Airforce i have a 4yr old daughter of my own and i have 3 other children enrolled.
    I do have references available upon request i have a daily schedule i try to stick to i do have plenty of fun time in my schedule but i also have an hour a day set to “school” type learning we work on all kinds of thing’s sign language letter reconition spelling of there name’s and shapes color’s numbers etc i offer a fun clean loving enviroment and i do serve breakfast am snack lunch and afternoon snack we go outside almost daily weather permitting we do craft’s and baking activites etc there are plenty more things we do but to much to write if you are interested please shoot me an e-mail or feel free to call me personally @ xxx-xxx-xxxx Thank’s so much and have a great day!!!!

    Just as long as she’s not teaching punctuation, capitalization, homonyms, and pluralization.

    Here’s how you know I’m a gigantic geek (other than the myriad other ways you know I’m a gigantic geek if you read this blog on a regular basis): I spent way too long trying to decide what she thinks the rules for pluralization with an apostrophe are. For example, why do spot’s, opening’s, year’s, thing’s, name’s, color’s, craft’s, and thank’s get apostrophes to make them plural, while references, kinds, shapes, numbers, and the second occurrence of things not get subjected to her wanton use of apostrophes to create plurals? After careful consideration, I’ve come to the conclusion that SHE HAS NO IDEA WHAT SHE’S DOING. She’s been huffing the finger paints.

    Thanks for the submissions, ochoco and backlitleo!

  • YSaC, Vol. 515: Wanna grow up to be a De Acer.

    I’m sure there are great deals to be found in the Computer section of Craigslist. These, however, are not two of them.

    Sony Vaio laptop,windows xp, wireless,dvd/cdrw,office – $275

    fabulous sony vaio laptop, with windows xp, wireless built in, dvd/cdrw, has office programs, antivirus
    works great , battery lasts close to 3 hours too !!!

    344

    Sony Vaio laptop, you say? Does Sony frequently advertise their products with their competitor’s name emblazoned across the screen? That wouldn’t happen to be a random screenshot you yoinked from a website, would it? No, of course not.

    Or how about this:

    HP 2Ghz Tower & Flat Panel System – $150

    2.0 Ghz Pentium 4, 1GB RAM, 80GB Hard Drive, DVD read, CD read-write drives, matching keyboard and mouse, 15″ LCD flat panel monitor, Windows XP Pro.

    344a

    Michael sent this one in, saying, “Ok, I’m all for trying to make your posting look good, but… when the headline says “Flat Panel System” I expect a flat panel monitor. I don’t even see a flat SCREEN there. It’s not an LCD, it’s a CRT, with a curved surface. I’m not sure if I should flag it for false advertising.. but anyone who will see that picture and think “flat panel” deserves it, I suppose.

    Also, that’s not an HP. I don’t know what it is, but it’s not an HP. If it IS, it’s FAR older than a 2ghz model, more like 200mhz model. And for $150? I can go to walmart and buy a laptop with a dual core Athlon and 3gb of RAM, double the hard drive size, and an actual FLAT PANEL (it’s a laptop after all) for $250. Why…

    My head hurts. Remind me to never look for computer parts on Craigslist again :(”

    I’m going to have to trust Michael’s commentary here, since I’m a Mac girl myself. (Dan is a PC, which means we’re a mixed marriage. We’re raising the cat platform-independently. She can make her mind up by herself when she’s ready.)

  • YSaC, Vol. 503: I see a red pew and I want it painted black.

    In my delirious stream-of-consciousness holiday survival mode, these things go together:

    Free pain! Lots of it!

    Now I know some folks are into that kind of thing, and that’s fine. I just want to point out what a difference a “t” makes. It seems like something you might want to include in your title.

    FREE OIL-BASED PAIN

    @ [Name of] Church.

    No thanks, I’m not Pomponio Algerio. It’s nice to see that religion is sticking to its traditions, though.

    And while we’re on the topic of churches …

    Free Church pews…please them.

    Amanda sends this one in, saying, “The church pews are not pleased by your offering. The church pews demand a tribute of bedazzled Jesus belt buckles.”

    Make it so, or you know what will happen!

    Thanks to Kevin, Jen, and Amanda!

  • YSaC, Vol. 477: Giggety giggety.

    4.2 Lbs Quagmire – $18000

    I have 4.2 lbs of quagmire selling for 1/2 price. Be the first to have your own to mount over your fireplace. One of a kind, never before offered.

    This is perfect! I’ve been looking for 4.2 pounds worth of soft, spongy wetlands to hang over my fireplace. And it’s on sale for half price!

    It will complement the mange I’m using as curtains and the sofa I just got:

    BEAUTIFUL VIBRANT orange sofa and loveseat

    I am moving from my house to a small pop up camper and must sell my beloved sofa and loveseat. Brand is Cashley. The fabric is textured , feels similar to sandpaper, and the color is a rich bright orange. This set was $2,000 approx 8 years ago. Now asking $1000. Kept in kid/smoke free environment, yet was a cozy napping place for my 5 long haired cats and 1 sheepdog with a skin condition. I will include the 4 hot pink throw pillows. No email scams please.
    477

    My living room is complete.

    Thanks, sara and renabean!

  • YSaC, Vol. 475: No pants, no service.

    Gas station – m4w

    I should of came over and got your phone number. How about giving me another try? Could u tell me what gas station we where at 2 let me know it’s u?

    Hey, it’s me! Remember me? I was the guy with the car at the gas station. I was at the one pump, and you were at another one. Remember? I knew you would. I was wearing that shirt, and shoes. Oh yeah, and pants. Name’s Billy. I can’t wait to hear from you.

    And regular readers might recall the saga of 37, who appears to post creepy missed connection/stalkerish things about every woman he encounters during his day. Liz is kind enough to send us another episode:

    girl at Fatz – m4w – 37

    x/xx/09 i went to Fatz to eat lunch at 12:00.the host that seated me.sorry didn’t get you name or # or anything.she was very pretty and sexy and nice.really would like to get to know you more.next time you should take a break and join me.we made eye contact several times.she had on black shirt and pants.she had med lenght blondish brown hair.hope the girl see this.if you are the girltell me what i said to you or what i look like.far as that goes Fatz has all pretty and sexy women working there.if any of the girls works at Fatz see this and interested.please let me know.i’m just looking for a good girl.

    I want to meet this one girl specifically. Or any of the other girls there. Hope the girl see this. Or any girl. Any girl at all.

    Thanks for the submissions, April and Liz!