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YSaC, Vol. 606: It’s the most remarkable word I’ve ever seen!

Written by

drmk

in

,

A lurning tool for your child – $12

You are buying a tool to lurn by. Call xxx-xxx-xxxx or e-mail me. I will mail to you. It’s ok to contact me about similar items.

399

You know, I’m glad to see this. Rarely is the questioned asked: Is our children lurning? This proves that our children is lurning! Or, at least, they can if you buy them this tool to lurn by. Look, everyone, it lurns you cat math! 3+5 = 13!

I keep trying to read the letters on the bottom and make them into a word. I vote for “APQXRYSFN” as the band name of the day.

licenced child care provider has 2 opening’s

Hello, my name is [name] i am a licenced child care provider i have 2 child care spot’s available.
INFANT SPOT UNDER 2
TODDLER SPOT 2 AND OVER
I have been doing child care now for over 4 year’s i am liceneced thru the state and the Airforce i have a 4yr old daughter of my own and i have 3 other children enrolled.
I do have references available upon request i have a daily schedule i try to stick to i do have plenty of fun time in my schedule but i also have an hour a day set to “school” type learning we work on all kinds of thing’s sign language letter reconition spelling of there name’s and shapes color’s numbers etc i offer a fun clean loving enviroment and i do serve breakfast am snack lunch and afternoon snack we go outside almost daily weather permitting we do craft’s and baking activites etc there are plenty more things we do but to much to write if you are interested please shoot me an e-mail or feel free to call me personally @ xxx-xxx-xxxx Thank’s so much and have a great day!!!!

Just as long as she’s not teaching punctuation, capitalization, homonyms, and pluralization.

Here’s how you know I’m a gigantic geek (other than the myriad other ways you know I’m a gigantic geek if you read this blog on a regular basis): I spent way too long trying to decide what she thinks the rules for pluralization with an apostrophe are. For example, why do spot’s, opening’s, year’s, thing’s, name’s, color’s, craft’s, and thank’s get apostrophes to make them plural, while references, kinds, shapes, numbers, and the second occurrence of things not get subjected to her wanton use of apostrophes to create plurals? After careful consideration, I’ve come to the conclusion that SHE HAS NO IDEA WHAT SHE’S DOING. She’s been huffing the finger paints.

Thanks for the submissions, ochoco and backlitleo!

Comments

149 responses to “YSaC, Vol. 606: It’s the most remarkable word I’ve ever seen!”

  1. CJ Avatar
    CJ

    The “lurning” tool is lacking vowels…explains soooo much.

    1. Camille Avatar
      Camille

      Except for that “A.”

      1. Tacowagic Avatar
        Tacowagic

        “A” hasn’t been a vowel since the ’70s.

        1. Camille Avatar
          Camille

          No wonder people have such trouble pronouncing my name.

        2. sarajean80 Avatar
          sarajean80

          “KEH-mee-lee”
          “KEM-eel-ee”
          “kah-MY-lee”
          Wow, that is a tough’un.

        3. HellHathNoFury Avatar
          HellHathNoFury

          I refuse to write out the HHNF pronunciation of your name.

        4. Camille Avatar
          Camille

          I get ka-MILL-ee, ka-MILE, car-MEL, CA-mel. It’s mostly the damned telemarketers.

          Just for the record, I am Not.a.Camel.

        5. penguin Avatar
          penguin

          Where’s Vanna White when you need her?

        6. sarajean80 Avatar
          sarajean80

          She’s off selling yarn.

          (Seriously, she has her own line of yarn. I’ve seen it.)

        7. jackie31337 Avatar
          jackie31337

          I’ve seen the yarn, but I didn’t realize it was named for THAT Vanna. Eek!

    2. Isaac Avatar
      Isaac

      Fewer vowels means more points in Junior’s Scrabble hand! Start those Achievers young, and they’ll be maxing the Triple Word Score in no time.

      1. sarajean80 Avatar
        sarajean80

        I can’t wait for the CraigsList version of Scrabble to come out. I plan on using Cat Math to calculate my score.(I’m already up to elebenty-seven and three rutabagas)

        1. CJ Avatar
          CJ

          Note to self: Do NOT engage in YSaC Scrabble with sarajean…

        2. sarajean80 Avatar
          sarajean80

          Aww, come on. I’ll spot you a radish and three Sno-cones.

        3. develish1 Avatar
          develish1

          What if we don’t like radishes? do you have other salad type alternatives?

          We need to know what we’re getting into here, right CJ?

        4. CJ Avatar
          CJ

          Right you are, develish1…and I just don’t see how we can possibly beat the rutabaga…I mean, c’mon…have you ever?

        5. HellHathNoFury Avatar
          HellHathNoFury

          Don’t know about the rutabaga, but sarajean can squeeze blood out of a turnip. Don’t try cheating.

        6. sarajean80 Avatar
          sarajean80

          In the event of a radish mishap, you have your choice of cauliflower, hot fudge body paint, or one small Bacontini.

          (P.S. I think “Radish Mishap” would make a great band name.)

        7. develish1 Avatar
          develish1

          I suppose I can accept cauliflower as an alternative option, no cheese though, I prefer to add my own thanks.

        8. HellHathNoFury Avatar
          HellHathNoFury

          I think I would need several bacontinis before being interested in the hot fudge body paint.

        9. sarajean80 Avatar
          sarajean80

          The trick is tempature control. Nothing ruins “business time” like a trip to the burn ward.

        10. Oh-Steve Avatar
          Oh-Steve

          Amen sister.

        11. trinket Avatar
          trinket

          Sno-cones?! Count me in! Do I get a whole sno-cone if I only play half a game? Is the cone always whole?

  2. CJ Avatar
    CJ

    Daycare Ad + “Lurning” Tool = Head.Desk.

  3. PrincessLuceval Avatar
    PrincessLuceval

    Heh.
    “Mommy, I made this card for you at daycare!”
    “Oh, how nice!”
    DEER MOM, YOUR THE BEST MOM IN THE HOLE WURLD. LOVE, YOU’RE DOTTER.
    “Oh, did you make that yourself?”
    “No, the teacher helped me. She corrected my spelling.”

    1. Tacowagic Avatar
      Tacowagic

      I think these posts actually explain the current state of the teenage and sub-teenage gramatical world. I mean seriously, those Hannah Montana forums are horrible. You go there to seriously discuss the recent news about… uh….

      Err, I mean my wife tells me that the grammar over there is atrocious and that she’s worried about the next generation.

      1. Artsy Computer Geek Avatar
        Artsy Computer Geek

        Keep her away from my kids!!! I worked very hard on their “spilling” — she’d just mess it all up.

      2. Colleen in MA Avatar
        Colleen in MA

        Don’t get me started on how I believe that texting is warping kids’ spelling and grammar today. This list pains me. Somewhat off-topic, but I’m grumpy because we’ve had 5 inches of rain here in Boston. Or … “GMAB 5in H2O in C-T”

        IITYWIMWYBMAD

        1. sarajean80 Avatar
          sarajean80

          The fact that there is a blinkin’ acronym for the American Association Against Acronym Abuse makes me so very, very sad.

        2. Tacowagic Avatar
          Tacowagic

          It’s even more sad that the acronym for AAAAA was shortened to 5A because it was felt to be too long.

          Err:

          its evn sadr that teh acrnym 4 5A was short’d 2 5 ‘cas it was felt 2 b 2 long.

          There I saved a whole 20 characters without sacrificing the integrity of my sentence.

        3. HellHathNoFury Avatar
          HellHathNoFury

          Yeah, you sure didn’t sacrifice the integrity…of your sentence.

        4. Oh-Steve Avatar
          Oh-Steve

          Is your integrity a minty DA chassis, per chance?

        5. Gail Avatar
          Gail

          How often could one possibly need an acronym for some of these things?

          Granted, I’m not sure I could make it through my day if I had to type out “Brazil, Russia, India, China” every time I wanted to text that to a friend.

  4. Tacowagic Avatar
    Tacowagic

    I think “lurning” might be a typo. I think it was supposed to be “Luring.”

    Now, some say it’s bad parenting to develop luring tools in order to increase the effectiveness of the traps you set for your children, but I say that those “some” are living in the past. My pit traps have never been more effective now that I own a full line of luring tools. Not only is it fun for the parents, but the children lurn… learn valuable life lessons.

    When I figure out what those lessons are, you people will be the furst… first to know.

    1. Isaac Avatar
      Isaac

      Lesson #1: Palm fronds may conceal a painful fall.

      1. kireina Avatar
        kireina

        Lesson #2: Games provide attractive bait. Especially shiny ones.

      2. sarajean80 Avatar
        sarajean80

        Lesson #3 – Pets and younger siblings make excellent mine-sweepers.

      3. Isaac Avatar
        Isaac

        Lesson #4: If you help Papa Tacow sharpen a stake, you’re probably only going to wind up stuck on it later at the bottom of a pit. (This lesson applies especially to Burmese Lions.)

        1. sarajean80 Avatar
          sarajean80

          Lesson #5 – You are never too young to learn, or need, first aid.

        2. mudslicker Avatar
          mudslicker

          Burmese what?

          *snort*

          Hey..there’s this place called Craigslist….

      4. Caro Avatar
        Caro

        With fronds like these, who needs anemones?

        1. HellHathNoFury Avatar
          HellHathNoFury

          Keep your fronds close, and your anemones within firing range.

    2. sarajean80 Avatar
      sarajean80

      Mini-Taco will have so many fun stories to tell their therapist.

    3. HellHathNoFury Avatar
      HellHathNoFury

      My pit trap caught a skunk and then a very irritable dad. Too bad I didn’t realize the skunk was in there before Dad came home. There was a lot of growling, unearthly screeching, stench and biting. Getting the skunk out was the easy part. Poor thing.

      1. sarajean80 Avatar
        sarajean80

        Poor traumatized skunk. Did it go completely white or did it have black stripes?

        1. HellHathNoFury Avatar
          HellHathNoFury

          It’s coloring was fine, but I think it went deaf from my dad’s girlie-screeches. I kept asking it if it was okay, but it just kept shaking.

  5. Isaac Avatar
    Isaac

    and i do serve breakfast am snack lunch and afternoon snack

    Of course, I’d punctuate this differently, but the real question here, I think, has to be Is our children learning cannibalism?

    How long does this person think she’ll last, giving of herself so generously?

    1. Tacowagic Avatar
      Tacowagic

      Soylent Green is made from people!

      1. Isaac Avatar
        Isaac

        Um, SPOILER ALERT??

        Meredith’s work computer didn’t let her see the ending!

        1. Tacowagic Avatar
          Tacowagic

          Crap, hold on I think I can fix this:

          Soylent Green might be made from people!

          There, that one doesn’t spoil the ending.

    2. Hartster Avatar
      Hartster

      That’s my mom who placed the ad! She has the checkers curriculum: “There! I ate your piece!”

    3. sarajean80 Avatar
      sarajean80

      The ad doesn’t specify solid food, it could be she’s a natural lactator.
      *(shudder)*

      1. develish1 Avatar
        develish1

        eeewww, thanks for the mental image sarajean.

        Who’s got the mind bleach?

        1. sarajean80 Avatar
          sarajean80

          *passes over simmering saucepan of bleach*
          Here ya go, dev dear. I made it extra strong.

      2. Isaac Avatar
        Isaac

        “Bring me your tired, your poor, your hungry…”

      3. Lola Avatar
        Lola

        Well, if chichi restaurants down in the Village can offer cheese made from the owner’s wife’s breast milk,* can your local economizing daycare provider be far behind?

        *No, not making this up, not for a second. Wish I were, except I’d worry about the stuff my brain was coming up with.
        http://www.nytimes.com/aponline/2010/03/09/us/AP-US-ODD-Breast-Milk-Cheese.html?_r=1&scp=1&sq=breast%20milk%20cheese&st=cse

        *Passes pan of boiling bleach to Dev.*

        1. HellHathNoFury Avatar
          HellHathNoFury

          Not too long ago, there was an entire uprising of people wanting Ben and Jerry’s to make their ice-cream with human breast milk. That put me off ice-cream for awhile.

        2. sarajean80 Avatar
          sarajean80

          Ugh. I’m having second thoughts about the Phish Food I bought this weekend.

        3. develish1 Avatar
          develish1

          and I was sooo looking forward to the tub of Hagen Daz I’ve got for later….

        4. christina Avatar
          christina

          Thank heavens for Soy peanut butter zig zag!
          Unless of course, the soy milk came from a lactating tofu beast.

        5. Ravyncrow Avatar
          Ravyncrow

          ICK! ICK! ICK! ICK! ICK!
          *dives into the vat of bleach*
          ICK!

        6. jackie31337 Avatar
          jackie31337

          HHNF: having lactated, I actually think breast milk would make excellent ice cream, although I’m not sure anyone over 2 would want to eat it.

          Also, to everyone grossed out by the thought of breast milk ice cream: your ice cream is made of out a secretion squirted out of a cow’s udder. How is that any better?

        7. HellHathNoFury Avatar
          HellHathNoFury

          Jackie, I, too have breastfed *TMI alert* and yes, it’s good. HOWEVER, this is the defining point of my argument:
          we have all been preached to about the fact that what you put into your body comes out through your breastmilk as well. Cows eat almost exclusively grass and hay. I cannot bring myself to think of drinking breast milk from some women just based on the things they put into their mouths on a regular basis. I would rather have recycled grass than recylced cigarattes, McDonalds, friend food, alcohol, cheetos, etc. See my point now?

        8. Yancy Avatar
          Yancy

          I wish there were negative points. Reading Lola’s post made my brain shudder a little.

        9. jackie31337 Avatar
          jackie31337

          Good point HHNF. Although as a child I had a weird aversion to milk because I was worried that the cows might not have chewed the grass well enough before they turned it into milk, and I would find a piece of grass in the milk. I worried about weird things as a kid.

    4. Hartster Avatar
      Hartster

      My other thought is that tunafish as well as red snapper is on the menu.

      1. Isaac Avatar
        Isaac

        NO NO HARTSTER NOT FOR THE KIDS. NOT FOR THE KIDS!

  6. sarajean80 Avatar
    sarajean80

    Yep; another ‘satisfied’ user of the Punctuation Shotgun!. Thats’ right; the “World Famous” (Punctuation) Shotgun!. Perfect for all occasion’s, such as birthday’s, bar mitzvah’s, and Secretary’s “Day”! Show you’re “loved” one’s how much you “care” with the Puctuation Shotgun!. Act now and I will include the Speeling “Correction” feature at no additional cost!. Just pay additional shipping & handleing.?
    Remember, The Punctuation Shotgun!; Perfect for every “occasion”. I’m not only the (“Inventor”), I:m also a “user!”.

    ( That hurt. I need a nap and a drink.)

    1. Tacowagic Avatar
      Tacowagic

      That; punctuation gun! sure, changes “the” ¿meaning? of “‘Beer and a Shot”’!?.

    2. CJ Avatar
      CJ

      My eyes! MY EYES!!

    3. HellHathNoFury Avatar
      HellHathNoFury

      Why do I get the feeling that the lady that needed a roof a couple days back was your first customer/endorsement?

      1. sarajean80 Avatar
        sarajean80

        One of (MY) best “CUSTOMERS”!, actually. How; did you {know}?

    4. develish1 Avatar
      develish1

      I so wish I could share with you a post at one of the forums I help to moderate. I’ve never seen so many “words” emphasised or CAPITALISED in my life, apart from in here of course.

      1. Supreme Ruler Avatar
        Supreme Ruler

        Try reading some James Patterson dreck. (shudder) Writing by a functional illiterate for the masses who call a novel a ‘chapter book’.

  7. Feyn Avatar
    Feyn

    wait wait wait…..
    She is licensed by…the Airforce?
    I’m not sure how it works in the USA, but…..I can’t see any logical connection between childcare and … well the Airforce……
    EXCEPT:
    -“Oh look! A shiny plane! Come on, George, say ‘plane!’”
    -“APQXRYSFN”
    -“Good boy!”

    1. Camille Avatar
      Camille

      If she’s providing child care on an Air Force base to children of Air Force personnel, or if she’s near a base and provides care that may be reimbursable by some Air Force program, being Air Force approved is probably important to her customers. (The parents, not the kids.)

      Sorry, am I being too logical today?

      1. CJ Avatar
        CJ

        Corey? Is that you?

      2. Feyn Avatar
        Feyn

        OK, I think you’ve got a point there.
        (But one might think she could at least mention that in the text, so that even I can see what’s going on there.)

        1. Isaac Avatar
          Isaac

          Not only does Camille have a point (+1), she has a Corey Cred as well.

      3. HellHathNoFury Avatar
        HellHathNoFury

        I am absolutely terrified that anyone even breathing the same air as this woman and letting her ‘care’ for their offspring would be flying or working on airplanes loaded with weapons of mass destruction.

  8. W Avatar
    W

    I see what you did there, drmk!

    1. lost_compass Avatar
      lost_compass

      Are you saying this is the pilot program for Every Child Left Behind?

      1. mudslicker Avatar
        mudslicker

        I’m thinking more like Not Such a Head Start program.

  9. Hartster Avatar
    Hartster

    To everything lurn, lurn, lurn
    This Craigslist ad spurn, spurn, spurn
    Don’t trust your child to this poster.

  10. Isaac Avatar
    Isaac

    Since Graham and HHNF haven’t shown up yet, I’ll say it:

    licenced child care provider has 2 opening’s

    Heh heh heh huh huh. “Openings.” Heh heh.

    1. HellHathNoFury Avatar
      HellHathNoFury

      Dammit. I was going to say that she’s missing at least one, but two out of three ain’t bad, especially if she’s still lurning.

      1. BigUncleJohn Avatar
        BigUncleJohn

        Yes, but I’m curious as to the cause of her diminished number of openings.

        The possibilities are frightening…

        1. sarajean80 Avatar
          sarajean80

          Perhaps she had an accident with a mechanical rice picker and there were no American missionaries/former plastic surgeons around.

        2. BigUncleJohn Avatar
          BigUncleJohn

          Explains the hat.

    2. CapnMac Avatar
      CapnMac

      Given the rest of our “liceneced” persons evinced skills, the inability to self-identify more than two “openings” might almost be QED. And that before quibbling over fossae, foramenae, and oraficae (egads, that sounds like an engineering firm).

      Lice-necked? Beggars imagination, yes?
      Liken-ess-ed? Sketch artist or wants more “S” shapes?
      Licene-ced? Well, we had pseudo-Czech the other day; pseudo-Serbian today? (Any know if “ced” scans in Serbo-Croat?)

      1. sarajean80 Avatar
        sarajean80

        Maybe she’s a licensed lice eliminator (say that ten times fast)

        1. Isaac Avatar
          Isaac


          I am the very model of a licensed lice elim’nator;
          I’ll pluck the nits from scalp or pits; from centaur, nymph or sa-atyr;
          No cooties ever slip my grip, from Nome to the Equa-ator;
          In Wonderland, I met Alice, and by mistake I a-ate her!

  11. christina Avatar
    christina

    Sadly, I can’t snark bout this after spending the day with my husband’s godchildren who informed me that they don’t have books at their school. Add to that the pending changes the Texas Board of Education is likely to pass. I had always thought that each successive generation is supposed to be smarter than the last. Humanity is indeed doomed.

    1. Dan Avatar
      Dan

      As someone who just spent the weekend grading 120 or so papers from alleged college students, I have to agree.

      1. Isaac Avatar
        Isaac

        Alleged?

        —Who made those allegations? says Alf.

        —I, says Joe, I’m the alligator.

        (My favorite joke in Ulysses.)

        1. Tacowagic Avatar
          Tacowagic

          Jeez, it’s been forever and a half since I read Ulysses.

          *digs through the Guttenburg archives for an e-copy*

          Wow, they actually had it!

        2. Ravyncrow Avatar
          Ravyncrow

          There are jokes in “Ulysses”? Are we talking James Joyce here, or the Greek one?

        3. Isaac Avatar
          Isaac

          In Greek, he’s called Odysseus. I’m talking about the Joyce novel, and you bet there are jokes in it. It’s a rollicking good time.

    2. penguin Avatar
      penguin

      And people want to know why we homeschool.

    3. Tacowagic Avatar
      Tacowagic

      Yeah, I heard about the Texas thing. This of course comes in the wake of Fox News whining that liberals are indoctrinating the youth against republicans in an effort to destroy America. Something that the CNN marionettes were whining about from the other direction during the Bush administration if memory serves.

      Let’s all be realistic here: Any government agency whining about attempts at indoctrination by their opposition is doing so out of jealousy, not concern for their country or the citizens thereof.

      Taco is feeling particularly cynical today.

  12. CJ Avatar
    CJ

    Why do I keep getting “Cougar Life” ads? I find that disturbing…on so many levels.

    1. sarajean80 Avatar
      sarajean80

      I am alternately getting the cougar ads and ads for children’s clothing. I’m not sure I want to know how those would go together.

      1. Tacowagic Avatar
        Tacowagic

        I’m getting these too. The stranger part is that said “cougar” is obviously younger than the dude she’s straddling.

        Maybe there’s a younger guy trapped behind the action.

      2. jackie31337 Avatar
        jackie31337

        Well, to be a MILF, you have to be a mom, so I guess the children’s clothing ads make some kind of sense, in a cat math way.

  13. thecarie Avatar
    thecarie

    drmk – I have to both thank you for the title, and un-thank you for the title, because that will be stuck in my head all day.

    dan – I commiserate on the grading (but at least I only have 45 “alleged college students”); there must be something in the water that prevents the alleged college students and other adults from learning how to use apostrophes. No matter how much I jump around and flail about and explain apostrophe use to them, they still turn in “essay’s” with remarkable punctuation nonsense.

    Maybe I just need to integrate that lurning tool into the English 101 curriculum…. 3+5=13…. sounds about right for AZ standards….

    1. Tacowagic Avatar
      Tacowagic

      For Alabama standards the equation is:

      3+5 = War of Northern Aggression.

  14. mudslicker Avatar
    mudslicker

    there are plenty more things we do but to much to write

    Is this anything like “too many to list?”

    Btw, I nearly passed out trying to read this thing in one breath! I wish they would have at least “BORROWED” some air quotes from “TEENA” the “ROOF OVER HEAD” girl. Can I get some “OXYGEN”..?

  15. CapnMac Avatar
    CapnMac

    I vote for “APQXRYSFN” as the band name of the day.

    Which would be slick for controlling who gets backstage, they’d have to know the correct pronunciation for access.

    Tho- I am afear-ed of what the crowd chants would be like.

    Maybe Radish Mishap could open for Lürning Tüul at the 40 Watt

    1. Mxyzptlk Avatar
      Mxyzptlk

      It’s clearly pronounced “APP-kicks-RISS-finn.”

      1. CapnMac Avatar
        CapnMac

        What, not one “It’s pronounced ‘Throat-wobbler-mangrove’ “?

      2. HellHathNoFury Avatar
        HellHathNoFury

        Must be Scandinavian.

      3. Hartster Avatar
        Hartster

        And if you pronounce it backward, you’ll send yourself back to the 5th Dimension…

        1. sarajean80 Avatar
          sarajean80

          …or summon a magical wish-granting elf.
          Or a demonic hellspawn that will flay the skin from your bones.
          Depends on your pronounciation.

        2. CapnMac Avatar
          CapnMac

          What’s poor, old, Kenny R done to deserve that

      4. Isaac Avatar
        Isaac

        I finally figured out what is going on with the letters at the bottom of the machine. They’re set up so you can spell out the alphabet. Each of the seven blocks has four sides, so I’m not sure what’s in the last two positions, but my theory is that if you rotate all the blocks the right way, you can spell out the first seven letters of the alphabet. Presumably a single turn in the same direction gets you the letters H-N, and so forth.

        All of the letters seem to be in the right place for that. And I’m only a couple of days late with my cryptology. Or is that cryptography?

    2. sarajean80 Avatar
      sarajean80

      I think I sneezed once and made that noise.

  16. Bianchi Sound Avatar
    Bianchi Sound

    “APQXRYSFN”

    It’s my personalized license plate. It means “A Picky X-Ray Is Fun.”

    Duh.

    1. HellHathNoFury Avatar
      HellHathNoFury

      A Piqued Xerxes Fan?

      1. Isaac Avatar
        Isaac

        They never really got over the sinking of the fleet at Salamis.

        1. CapnMac Avatar
          CapnMac

          Been a sore subject of sub warfare ever since. Or hoagie I’m told, genoa speaking

      2. penguin Avatar
        penguin

        It’s a message from the seller: All Parents Quit eXamining Reasons Your Son Failed Nursery(school)

    2. Isaac Avatar
      Isaac

      And what, Bianchi, makes a finicky radiologist such a barrel of laughs?

      1. HellHathNoFury Avatar
        HellHathNoFury

        He knows what hits your funny bone?
        Ugh, not funny.

        1. sarajean80 Avatar
          sarajean80

          YOu know who’s funny? Anesthesiologists.They’re a gas!

        2. Tacowagic Avatar
          Tacowagic

          My proctologist is a funny guy too. He always makes me laugh my ass off.

        3. sarajean80 Avatar
          sarajean80

          I know what you mean, the last time I went to my gynecologist he tickled me pink 😉

        4. Isaac Avatar
          Isaac

          Sarajean FTW.

        5. Tacowagic Avatar
          Tacowagic

          My osteopath is always humorous…

          You’re right Isaac, I can’t come back against a genital reference.

          I have met the enemy, and I am hers.

        6. develish1 Avatar
          develish1

          I’m not even going to attempt this, sarajean has a total win with that “tickled” one.

  17. penguin Avatar
    penguin

    I’m going to guess that since she mentions Air Force that she is on or near an Air Force base. I was an Air Force brat. I attended regular public school, schools on bases, public school heavily populated with Air Force kids and, finally, a DoDDs high school when we were stationed in Europe. If her daycare kids will be eventually attending a DoDDs type school, they’ll be just fine.

    1. HellHathNoFury Avatar
      HellHathNoFury

      As long as it’s not McChord or Fairchild

      1. Oh-Steve Avatar
        Oh-Steve

        I second that.

  18. Alexis Avatar
    Alexis

    Psssh. I’m currently in a search for home based daycare in my area and I see this type of ad all the time. Add that to the fact that I’m a middle school reading specialist, and I know exactly where our future is headed.

  19. BigUncleJohn Avatar
    BigUncleJohn

    I blame Methamphetamine.

    In my unfortunate experience, people whose brains are over-clocked produce this stream-of-semiconciousness drivel, which, I am certain to their addled brain is Meville-esque prose that needs no retouching.

    Should you have the audacity to point out their error, they will be suddenly struck with “German Sheparditis” (that look that the dog gets — head cocked sideways, puzzled expression on face — when you ask it why it just ate your new shoes). In their world, they are just fine; it will be you that has a problem.

    Imagine that horrible driver who camps in the center lane doing 5mph less than everyone else, who never signals, and who moves to the center lane in one smooth motion from the on-ramp – in their world, half the drivers on the road are belligerent meanies who flash their gestures, lights, and fists constantly. It is useless to rage at them, they will just cock their head to one side and look at you quizzically.

    Unless, of course they are on meth, in which case they will never STFU.

  20. tdactyl Avatar
    tdactyl

    I love cat math.

  21. Lola Avatar
    Lola

    Windrose: Jay needs punchety for yesterday. Just a note.

    1. Windrose Avatar
      Windrose

      One Jay-Shaped Punchity-Punch on its way! 8) (Thanks, Lola!)

      1. Lola Avatar
        Lola

        No problem. Just thought I’d put the reference in in case you didn’t get here until it changed.

        Overindulged entirely too much yesterday on top of being sick, and that seemed about the only way to contribute … think I lost my snark in an empty bottle somewhere … too many about to figure out which. 8)

  22. Amaia Avatar
    Amaia

    When I first glanced at the title for this ad, I thought it said, “A turning tool for your child” and I thought the title for the post said, “It’s the most remarkable world I’ve ever seen!”

    So I thought somehow that this was going to be about a Disney wood carving set for toddlers.

    It’s been a long day.

    1. Isaac Avatar
      Isaac

      When I first glanced at your comment, I thought it said, “A Turing tool for your child,” and I thought you were imagining that the toy would help a young robot study for the big test. No Automaton Left Behind!

      1. CapnMac Avatar
        CapnMac

        I’ve met too many toolish youth of late, many of whom would be hard pressed to pass a Turing test.

        For a while, I had a notion of campaigning to have a Turing test added to the driver’s license test, but, all that would do would be to let loose herds of under-sentient pedestrians wander about to no good end.

  23. Windrose Avatar
    Windrose

    I just lurv the first ad. Lurv it to deaf!

    PS Wish the server would catch up with Daylight Saving Time, so that I can snark in a post before heading off to work in the dark. 8/

  24. JAMen Avatar
    JAMen

    I think “APQXRYSFN” is what they gave me when I left the hospital. Stopped the heaving, but made me really tired. An ideal child care tool.

  25. roteg Avatar
    roteg

    I just wanted to thank all the snarky commenters in here. I just ran home from the creepiest late-night walking alone encounter ever, got online, and YSACed (is that a word? it should be) until the icky feelings went away. This is my favorite community online, even if I’m too chicken to join the discussions.

    YSAC: spreading laughs, nose snorts, and anti-ick for over 600 volumes!

    1. Lola Avatar
      Lola

      You’re always welcome here, and I hope we can always make you laugh. Please chime in any time, too!

      1. CapnMac Avatar
        CapnMac

        Ditto Lola.

        Also, “I just ran home from the creepiest late-night walking alone encounter ever” could make for a fascinating Forum topic, if it want’s sharing less publicly.

  26. Amanda Avatar
    Amanda

    The first lady is from my area. You could fill your website with JUST her postings and it would still be hilarious. Every now and then I search her phone number and HUNDREDS of posts come up, they all say that “you are buying a…. It is OK to contact me about similar items” LOL

  27. D / DM Avatar
    D / DM

    HOW IS BABBY TEACHD? HOW TOY SMART BABBY?

  28. Eating Disorder Treatment : Avatar
    Eating Disorder Treatment :

    i like body paints because it could be used to portray art using your own body*:~

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