You Suck at Craigslist

Tag: speeling prolbems

  • YSaC, Vol. 1799: Paging Raven

    Iam looking for a editor

    Iam looking to find a editor to try to help me do my book. Its a fantasy series and I just found out its going to cost some gig bucks to get it done. what kind of deal could we work out Iam up to just about anything besides some gay guy trying to get something from me. I can do a lot of things paint,remodel,driveways,roofing,car work. Hay Iam a guy that can do a lot of things and have had ny hands on a lot of stuff. So with that can we work a deal

    OK, Iam (if that is your real name), let’s see if I can do some editing for you. You’re a homophobic jerk, so let’s see if I can make your post a little more hilarious:

    …I can “do a lot of things”: “paint,” “remodel,” “driveways,” “roofing,” “car work.” Hay, Iam a guy that can “do a lot of things” and have had my hands on a “lot of stuff.” So with that can we work a deal?

    There. Now to just repost this in “m4btwsami” (Men for biker types with serious anger management issues). Great – hopefully that gets you the attention your work deserves. Hopefully the btwsami doesn’t want apostrophes from you.

    Thanks for the post, TLS!

  • YSaC, Vol. 1796: Deck Us All With Boston Charlie

    scaffaling – $450




    3. Sets. With. Planks. ..2. Sets. AR.e. 5. By. 5. Tall … 1. Set. Is. 49. By. 6. Tall….3. 10. Ft. Planks. Aluminum. 4. Wheels. Coupllers. . Has. Cross. Pieces. …Calls. Please. ###–####

    It’s the holiday season! And I HATE holiday music! But I still can’t help hearing this one to the tune of “The Twelve Days of Christmas.” (start at seven for best effect)

    “3 Sets with planks,
    2 Sets a-are,
    FIVE BY FIVE TALL!
    O-one set is four
    Nine by six
    Taaaaal.
    And the couplers has cross pieces.”

    In the holiday spirit yet?

    (Thanks for the post, Peter!)

  • YSaC, Vol. 1795: This monkey’s gone to heaven.

    One of the recurring themes on this site has been people who, when faced with a piece of furniture they’d like to part with, apparently just bash their hands on the computer keyboard in hopes that their frenzied actions will somehow miraculously spell the name of the thing they are trying to sell. I mean, it worked for Shakespeare’s monkeys, right?

    amoria!

    Very nice in good cond asking best offer

    I’ve been writing this site for long enough that when I got this submission (in 2010), I was actually relieved that there wasn’t someone using the toilet in this picture, and kind of mentally glossed over the spectacular attempt to spell armoire.

    vintage sofa chimpindale style

    this is a good looking soft i want to find a home.

    There weren’t any pictures with this one, so I’m taking bets at even odds that this ad was written by a person who is either trying to rehome a monkey or is in fact a monkey. But probably not one of Shakespeare’s monkeys.

    And just for good measure, sometimes folks get the spelling right, but get so much else so very, very wrong:

    wood stationary rocker

    wood rocker — back 39″ h x 25″ w x seat 15″ h front with cushions — great condition ——- $ 15.00

    A stationary rocker. You know, for those folks who can’t handle standard rockers because of nausea and vomiting because of that whole “moving” thing. Also known as a chair.

  • YSaC, Vol. 1793: Yo. I can do that.

    Do you like to do work? Preferably something which requires years of training, and expensive equipment that you have to provide yourself? Are you nonetheless morally opposed to monetary compensation for such work? Mike, one of our regular readers, lives in a city where you’ll have PLENTY of opportunities!

    REBRANDING! looking for VIDEO/PHOTOGRAPHER

    compensation: no pay

    GREETINGS!

    Male Socialite looking to rebrand myself and webpage in the upcoming new year! I am looking to grow into a self proclaimed “Creatif”! I have plenty of concepts, and I am open to yours also! I am looking to create images from outlandish to fashionable. I am a graphic designer so raw or edited images are fine! Looking to shoot sooner then later, but open to scheduling things further into the year! Dont hesitate to hit me up! Looking forward to hearing from you!

    Because helping you realize your dreams of becoming a modern day Oscar Wilde is definitely going to pay off down the road.

    Photographer for Exotic Fitness Model

    I’m beautiful and fit and I’m looking for a team of photographers that can capture my beautiful fit physique. I’m also building my brand so I’m interested in photographers that have great contacts in the health and fitness industry. I expect a full portfolio, I will provide my own wardrobe and makeup artist. You must have a professional portfolio of work before I will consider working with you.

    Serious inquiries only. Forward your info including contact info.

    No Pay. I provide you with a stunning model and you provide photos.

    How about I just provide you with “no?” However, I know someone who MIGHT want to photograph you, just not in the way you intended:

    A very particular kind of photography

    I am an extremely experienced photographer looking for help for a new body of work I am putting together. I am looking for people to model for me for pictures that could show your face your eyes, your mouth, or any part of your body being touched. Yes, I would want to touch you–perhaps very intimately–while I am photographing you. No, I would not try to have sex with you. If you are interested, please shoot me a note. I am very serious about this. You get copies of everything, and if there is any kind of picture you need, I will shoot it for you.

    If you really insist that there be at least a possibility of compensation, there’s always THIS guy:

    Wanted: Online dating Digital Voice

    compensation: Compensation based either on a flat weekly fee or incentive program

    Getting a lot of matches on Tinder and Hinge, but schedule does not permit to holla at bitches all day long.

    Need someone to craft endearing and provocative messages through my online dating networks with the end goal of securing real world dates. In other words, I am looking to hire someone to be my online dating digital voice. No help needed once date is secured as my real-life pimp game is on point.

    About me:
    – Well-above average looking guy
    – Normal Cat
    – Sailor, cyclist, traveler, great sense of humor, outdoorsy, lover of life, and dog-lover

    Ideal Candidate:
    – Lipstick lesbian who understands women, but who enjoys the company of men
    – Non-judgmental and believes in efficiency
    – Great sense of humor and dog-lover

    Will compensate based either on a flat weekly fee or a more lucrative incentive system based on number of dates acquired per week.

    But for real certainty that you’ll be making money, I think it’s hard to beat this position:

    Precision Artist

    DETAILED ARTIST

    Needed a professional artist who is skilled in the art of fine detail. I am an ex-printer that specializes in making satirical knock-offs of various currency. This project is STRICTLY FOR FUN however. The artist should be skilled in rendering precision quality portraits of various popular deceased presidents. The artist needs to be thoroughly acquainted with color shifting inks and their application on various types of cloth paper stock and aware of the latest print technology including numerical type-setting. It would be of great benefit if they were familiar with new 3d technology such as making detailed holograms or at least willing to learn. This part is absolutely critical they must be willing to listen, pay attention, extremely eager to do a great job{PERFECTIONIST} and is willing to follow specific directions. Looking for that special person who is extremely motivated by company benefits {SPECIAL PERKS} and KNOWS exactly what he is doing. On a personal note no we don’t run background checks or use e-verify so we won’t know if you’ve ever been to a FEDERAL PENITENTIARY.

    Thanks for all the material, Mike!

  • YSaC, Vol. 1789: Bad Title! No Title Biscuit!

    We haven’t done a “Bad Titles” medley for a while. Here’s some winners that don’t really gain anything by including the rest of the ad:

    message chair

    I think I’ll Skype the credenza instead.

    Mental Filing Cabinet

    Sadly, I can’t figure out if “car keys location” is filed under “c” for “car” or “k” for “keys” or “l” for “location” or “w” for “where are my keys” or…

    Ass Moldings

    That’s probably what happens if you sit in the message chair for too long.

    Insulted Pipings

    Not galvanized? Well I never!

    Varity wood mirrow and jew

    Even WITH the rest of the ad, I still can’t figure out what the “jew” part means. Maybe Sparky is mispronouncing “you?”

    Hole grage full of assorted tools

    As far as I can tell “grage” is not a word in ANY language, not just English.

    SLAY BED FRAME/BEST OFFER

    DIE BED FRAME DIE!

    Antique dresser buff-aye

    However, the merely vintage nightstand votes nay, and the barely retro coffee table abstains.

    free crip infant for kids

    Boy, this gang violence is just starting earlier and earlier, isn’t it?

    Thanks for the posts, Mackenzie, Christine, sd, Ralph, robot@craigslist, Eleanor, and Jason!

  • YSaC, Vol. 1787: Much invested! So Truck! Wow!

    @@!!!! 99. LIFTED. TAHOE. MUCH INVESTED. NEEDS. REAR END WORK $3450 – $3450

    SELLING. A TAHOE. THATS. HAS. A CUSTOM LIFT. WITH. SUPER NICE. RIMS. & TIRES. ALSO. HAS. SPRINGS. SHOCKS. UP GRADED. STEREO. POWER AMP. CD. CHAGER. CUSTOM. PUSH. BAR. KC. POWER. LIGHTS. SOME. EXTRAS. PLEASE. READ. I. HAVE. INVESTED. 8 K IN. IN. NEEDS. A. REBUILD. REAR. END. BAD. GEARS. IN IT NOW. HAS. LO MILES. 350/V8. VORTEC. ENG. LOOK AT PIC. SELLING. $3450. IN. RENO. PLEASE. NO. TRADES. NO. TEX. I WILL NOT. RESPOND. TO. TEX. HAVE. NO. ROOM. TO. STOR. THIS. TAHOE. GOT. A. SMALLER. TRUCK. JUST. CALLS. THANKS. IN. [LOCATION].





    “Howdy, Tex – how’s your truck search going?”
    “Well pardner – not so good. I found a truck I like, but the owner won’t respond to me.”
    “Who’s the owner?”
    “I think it’s William Shatner.”
    “Jerk.”

    Thanks for the post, Mike!