YSaC, Vol. 1793: Yo. I can do that.

2014 December 10

Do you like to do work? Preferably something which requires years of training, and expensive equipment that you have to provide yourself? Are you nonetheless morally opposed to monetary compensation for such work? Mike, one of our regular readers, lives in a city where you’ll have PLENTY of opportunities!


compensation: no pay


Male Socialite looking to rebrand myself and webpage in the upcoming new year! I am looking to grow into a self proclaimed “Creatif”! I have plenty of concepts, and I am open to yours also! I am looking to create images from outlandish to fashionable. I am a graphic designer so raw or edited images are fine! Looking to shoot sooner then later, but open to scheduling things further into the year! Dont hesitate to hit me up! Looking forward to hearing from you!

Because helping you realize your dreams of becoming a modern day Oscar Wilde is definitely going to pay off down the road.

Photographer for Exotic Fitness Model

I’m beautiful and fit and I’m looking for a team of photographers that can capture my beautiful fit physique. I’m also building my brand so I’m interested in photographers that have great contacts in the health and fitness industry. I expect a full portfolio, I will provide my own wardrobe and makeup artist. You must have a professional portfolio of work before I will consider working with you.

Serious inquiries only. Forward your info including contact info.

No Pay. I provide you with a stunning model and you provide photos.

How about I just provide you with “no?” However, I know someone who MIGHT want to photograph you, just not in the way you intended:

A very particular kind of photography

I am an extremely experienced photographer looking for help for a new body of work I am putting together. I am looking for people to model for me for pictures that could show your face your eyes, your mouth, or any part of your body being touched. Yes, I would want to touch you–perhaps very intimately–while I am photographing you. No, I would not try to have sex with you. If you are interested, please shoot me a note. I am very serious about this. You get copies of everything, and if there is any kind of picture you need, I will shoot it for you.

If you really insist that there be at least a possibility of compensation, there’s always THIS guy:

Wanted: Online dating Digital Voice

compensation: Compensation based either on a flat weekly fee or incentive program

Getting a lot of matches on Tinder and Hinge, but schedule does not permit to holla at bitches all day long.

Need someone to craft endearing and provocative messages through my online dating networks with the end goal of securing real world dates. In other words, I am looking to hire someone to be my online dating digital voice. No help needed once date is secured as my real-life pimp game is on point.

About me:
– Well-above average looking guy
– Normal Cat
– Sailor, cyclist, traveler, great sense of humor, outdoorsy, lover of life, and dog-lover

Ideal Candidate:
– Lipstick lesbian who understands women, but who enjoys the company of men
– Non-judgmental and believes in efficiency
– Great sense of humor and dog-lover

Will compensate based either on a flat weekly fee or a more lucrative incentive system based on number of dates acquired per week.

But for real certainty that you’ll be making money, I think it’s hard to beat this position:

Precision Artist


Needed a professional artist who is skilled in the art of fine detail. I am an ex-printer that specializes in making satirical knock-offs of various currency. This project is STRICTLY FOR FUN however. The artist should be skilled in rendering precision quality portraits of various popular deceased presidents. The artist needs to be thoroughly acquainted with color shifting inks and their application on various types of cloth paper stock and aware of the latest print technology including numerical type-setting. It would be of great benefit if they were familiar with new 3d technology such as making detailed holograms or at least willing to learn. This part is absolutely critical they must be willing to listen, pay attention, extremely eager to do a great job{PERFECTIONIST} and is willing to follow specific directions. Looking for that special person who is extremely motivated by company benefits {SPECIAL PERKS} and KNOWS exactly what he is doing. On a personal note no we don’t run background checks or use e-verify so we won’t know if you’ve ever been to a FEDERAL PENITENTIARY.

Thanks for all the material, Mike!

16 Responses leave one →
  1. 2014 December 10

    Photos for nothing and a grope for free.

    Adores: 8
    • 2014 December 10
      nojazzhere permalink

      “A very particular kind of photography”

      I have a particular set of photographic skills….and I WILL NOT have sexual relations with that woman!!!!!!

      Adores: 4
  2. 2014 December 10
    camille permalink

    Allow me to show you my precision quality portrait of Millard Fillmore. Wait, Mr. President, please stop touching yourself there!

    Adores: 2
  3. 2014 December 10
    Ralph permalink

    These photography business plans have been badly developed.

    Adores: 5
  4. 2014 December 10

    Looking to shoot sooner then later..

    *grabs trusty .38*

    How ’bout now, dumbass? Does now work for you? Cuz it works fine for me, and yes I will do it for free.

    Adores: 5
  5. 2014 December 10
    HamCan permalink

    knock-offs of various currency

    I just applied for a job at a new health club.
    Bubba, the boss, said it was called counter-fit…

    Adores: 5
  6. 2014 December 10

    No help needed once date is secured as my real-life pimp game is on point.

    Not if I sound like Barry White when I return her call, and you sound like PeeWee Herman in real-life. Dude.

    Adores: 3
  7. 2014 December 10

    Oh yeah, business. Ninja, Meg, Capn: Line up against the wall and smile at the camera. Punchity Punch Punch.

    No compensation. Ever!

    Good Morning, Over Compensators!

    Adores: 0
  8. 2014 December 10

    I’ll holla at some bitches for you. How about this?

    Ladies, you would benefit greatly by directing your attention to someone more worthy of your time. This fellow here can’t even be bothered to respond to you and has hired me to seduce you into his pimp-game. In other words, he’s a world class douchebag and I can’t believe any of you are so lonely as to waste a moment of your lives on him. (this would all be in lady speak of course, because Mr. Douchebag doesn’t speak lady speak – and that’s the least of his problems)

    Adores: 4
    • 2014 December 10
      Demon Duck of Doom permalink

      I’d say that qualifies as endearing and provocative.

      Adores: 2
  9. 2014 December 10
    Ninja Chow permalink

    Digital voice guy says he has a normal cat? Is that a thing, all the cats I have ever met have been Abby Normal.

    Adores: 2
  10. 2014 December 10
    Brer Fox permalink

    I love you Okey Dokey, but that last ad looks like Wonderworld all over again.

    Adores: 1
  11. 2014 December 10
    Brer Fox permalink

    I am an ex-printer

    ‘Ello, I wish to register a complaint.
    ‘Ello, miss.

    What do you mean “miss”?

    I’m sorry, I have a cold. I wish to register a complaint!

    We’re closin’ for lunch.

    Never mind that, my lad. I wish to complain about this printer what I purchased not half an hour ago from this very boutique.

    Oh yes, the, uh, the Currency II…What’s,uh…What’s wrong with it?

    I’ll tell you what’s wrong with it, my lad. It’s dead, that’s what’s wrong with it!

    No, no, it’s uh,…it’s buffering.

    Look, matey, I know a dead printer when I see one, and I’m looking at one right now.

    No no it’s not dead, it’s, it’s bufferin’! Remarkable peripheral, the Currency II, idn’it, ay? Beautiful logo!

    The logo don’t enter into it. It’s stone dead.

    Nononono, no, no! It’s buffering!

    Well, I’m sure you get the idea.

    Adores: 3
  12. 2014 December 10
    Not-a-[censored] Lion permalink

    “Yes, I would want to touch you–perhaps very intimately–while I am photographing you.”

    Um, no. When it comes to Sparktographers, I have voluntary haphephobia.
    You know, because, haphephobia is better than none.

    (haphephobia: fear of being touched)

    Adores: 3
  13. 2014 December 10
    One Moving Violation permalink

    Sparky 1 wants to be rebranded.
    Sparky 2 is building a brand.
    Let me build a fire…

    …right on the left buttock.

    Adores: 2
  14. 2014 December 10
    One Moving Violation permalink

    “No, I would not try to have sex with you. If you are interested, please shoot me” a note.

    Adores: 1

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