You Suck at Craigslist

Tag: maybe it’s just me

  • YSaC, Vol. 1797: Gotta get movin’ to a clown that’s right for me.

    safety issue

    Is it safe, to allow your kids to eat candy flavored chap stick?

    My son, eats about 3 containers a day, of various flavored lip balm sticks. He particularly likes the blueberry flavored chap sticks.

    He says they give him super powers. So idk? He did survive being hit by a moped, and he didn’t break a bone. And the clowns moped was totaled. So I’m beginning to wonder.

    Chapstick Connoisseur is my Lipps, Inc. cover band.

    What super powers would chapstick consumption convey? The ability to …

    Okay, wait a minute. Seriously — you just know that the dancers in that video have had nightmares about this gig ever since, especially the poor girl designated the lead funky-seeker. I mean, she is not in any way funky, and she could really use an escort to somewhere that would provide her with the recommended daily allowance of funky to ameliorate her funkyless condition, but I’m not sure this was the best way to entice someone who has an excess of funky and the means to provide transport to allow her to accompany them on their journey.

    I seem to have gotten distracted. Look, a clown on a moped! *crash* oops.

    Thanks, mc l!

  • YSaC, Vol. 1792: Sithi uhm ingonyama.

    Japanese rickshaw

    Small cellulite rickshaw good condition

    I … ew. I had no idea this was a thing. I wonder if I can get someone to carve something out of my cellulite? You could probably end up with a replica of Michelangelo’s David just from my thighs, and have enough left over for a Lionel Richie bust (which is totally apropos, since it was probably cream cheese dip that created the cellulite in the first place). Ah, the circle of life continues …

    Placenta – $40

    My wife just gave birth to a beautiful baby girl and I have heard a lot about people taking the placenta and eating it. It really doesn’t sound that good to me, but we are strapped for cash and it is being properly refrigerated. Please email me if you’re interested, the doctor said it should last a few days.

    Gah. No. Also, no. It’s a thing, I get it … but no. And I’m definitely not eating someone else’s. I’m also terrified that my Google history now has the phrase “eating placenta” in it — in all caps, no less, because I accidentally hit the caps lock button so now Google thinks that I REALLY WANT TO TRY eating placenta. No thank you — THAT circle of life is ending.

    Thanks, Lyle and Kristen!

  • YSaC, Vol. 1791: Was the immortal guy also Shakespeare? Because then we’d really have something.

    Reply,Reply,Me,Me,Me,Me Brilliant – m4w

    I love Shakespeare’s Sonnet 62, and in it’s irony, the poet’s partner has become part of the poet’s self and hence by praising himself he is in fact praising his beloved who is the source of beauty in the poet’s life.

    The person whom sent me this response. It is a honor to run into someone ,whom is even aware with Shakespeare!I am very impressed that you are out there,hoping that you have secured a viable minds to share your views,and opinions,certainty there must be a man who appreciates cultivation in a woman. I like the Dark Knight have elected to not seek out brilliance,knowledge,or wisdom;inside of s society primarily inspired by social cues. Only a few walk amongst us worthy enough to know the meditations of Marcus A.Not many even have a interested in poetry these days,rarely is one heard in public reciting it openly with passion. Nevermore,Nevermore, my poetic mystery lady,you definitely have revealed that “I am not Alone”/ May i suggest a movie which you might find extremely interesting, produced for philosophical minds like yourself. On a cold night in a remote cabin, Professor John Oldman (David Lee Smith of CSI: MIAMI) gathers his most trusted colleagues for an extraordinary announcement: He is an immortal who has migrated through 140 centuries of evolution and must now move on. he name of the movie is the”The Man from Earth”.

    I think these two lovebirds are made for each other. I mean, the poetic mystery lady who sent the response about Shakespeare’s Sonnet 62 clearly loves poetry enough to plagiarize an interpretation from a bizarre and questionable internet source, and our Dark Knight (minus brilliance, knowledge, or wisdom) has plagiarized the description of the movie he is so intent on having our heroine watch.

    So let’s see: woman responds saying she’s very fond of a sonnet that is apparently a justification for narcissism, and man responds favorably with a reference to a movie about an immortal man who reveals that he himself was Jesus. (Oh, sorry, spoiler alert.)

    Yup, I think these two crazy kids just might make it.

    Thanks, Beth P.!

  • YSaC, Vol. 1746: Hey Jack Kerouac …

    You know what’s always sounded like fun? Loading up everything I own into a motorhome and taking off. Just hitting the Eisenhower highway system, going wherever I want to go, with all the comforts of home right there behind me. These modern motorhomes are just amazing — they’re super efficient with space, and some of the newer ones are downright luxurious.

    The one thing I’d be afraid of is that in windy conditions, they’re pretty much a giant rolling billboard getting blown around on the road. All that surface area just catching the wind — it’s got to be pretty hard to keep it going in a straight line.

    So imagine my excitement about this:

    (more…)

  • YSaC, Vol. 1744: Iced Poky Mom.

    PODEYOM MICK TWO FEET TALL! -$20

    THIS IS A NICE FIND A MIKE THAT MOVES AROUND! CALL ME CHRIS HAS A HAVEY BOTOM! CALL ME CHRIS AT [redacted]

    “Podeyom Mick” is clearly an anagram for “My Cooked Imp”*, which is obviously referring to Mike, who is only two feet tall but agile. I’m not sure why we’re cooking Mike, though. He seems a little … wiry. Seems to me as though Chris is the one who has been hitting the food trough.

     

    *Or “Icky Demo Mop”.

     

    Thanks, BianchiSound!

  • YSaC, Vol. 1742: Two out of seven’s not bad.

    [Warning: if you are easily offended, you’re on the wrong website AND you might not want to read the post below.]

    Free frig

    I’m giving my frig away. It’s really the only frig I’ve ever given. If you’d like to frig, its free to pick up, outside of [location]. Please, come get it, its the only frig I have

    I’m not really looking for a frig right now. I’ve been looking for a damn for a while, but nobody ever seems to have those to give away. Or a shit. I’d settle for a crap, but even those don’t get given very often. There’s lots of fucks out there though, and unlike shits and craps, nobody ever seems to take those.

    I’ll show myself to the corner.

    Thanks, Ralph!