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YSaC, Vol. 1797: Gotta get movin’ to a clown that’s right for me.

Written by

drmk

in

safety issue

Is it safe, to allow your kids to eat candy flavored chap stick?

My son, eats about 3 containers a day, of various flavored lip balm sticks. He particularly likes the blueberry flavored chap sticks.

He says they give him super powers. So idk? He did survive being hit by a moped, and he didn’t break a bone. And the clowns moped was totaled. So I’m beginning to wonder.

Chapstick Connoisseur is my Lipps, Inc. cover band.

What super powers would chapstick consumption convey? The ability to …

Okay, wait a minute. Seriously — you just know that the dancers in that video have had nightmares about this gig ever since, especially the poor girl designated the lead funky-seeker. I mean, she is not in any way funky, and she could really use an escort to somewhere that would provide her with the recommended daily allowance of funky to ameliorate her funkyless condition, but I’m not sure this was the best way to entice someone who has an excess of funky and the means to provide transport to allow her to accompany them on their journey.

I seem to have gotten distracted. Look, a clown on a moped! *crash* oops.

Thanks, mc l!

Comments

23 responses to “YSaC, Vol. 1797: Gotta get movin’ to a clown that’s right for me.”

  1. Dave and his tap-dancing ferrets Avatar
    Dave and his tap-dancing ferrets

    Dear Sparky:

    Have some of the green apple Chapstick. Someone on Yahoo! Answers said that it’ll give you the superpower of super intelligence.

    1. nojazzhere Avatar
      nojazzhere

      I don’t know about Chapstick and super powers, but I’ve found that eating the strawberry/banana Preparation H definitely helps with weight loss….don’t ask how I found this out…..

  2. Yancy Avatar
    Yancy

    My wife has a super power. She can cradle our hungry daughter in her arms for a while and when she puts her down, our little girl isn’t hungry any more. I don’t know how she does it. Maybe she eats some of that diaper cream we put on babby’s bumbum.

  3. Windrose Avatar
    Windrose

    Did that video seem to go on forever and ever? Almost four minutes of my life I won’t get back, and it seemed like years.

    In other news, WHY would you seek medical advice on CL? Go to your doctor, call Poison Control, act like an adult!

    TGINS. (Thank God I’m Not Sparky)

    1. Yancy Avatar
      Yancy

      I don’t think Sparky asking for medical advice from CL is the biggest concern. I think the biggest concern is that this person is beginning to wonder if the son surviving with no broken bones a hit from a moped is due to consumption of chapstick.

    2. Demon Duck of Doom Avatar
      Demon Duck of Doom

      At least take it on Facebook like the rest of us.

      I don’t know if Sparky Jr’s lack of broken bones can be attributed to his Chapstick diet, but I’ll bet he’s not constipated.

    3. Capn Mac Avatar
      Capn Mac

      Uhh, three per day?
      At about a buck each.
      So sparkiimom has noticed spending $21 ($25 in sparikiimaths) a week on her kid’s beeswax habit?

      1. Irregular Fractal Avatar
        Irregular Fractal

        Well, the upside is that kid’s got a digestive track that’s greased better than the engine of a new-off-the-line Corvette.

    4. drmk Avatar
      drmk

      Dan said the same thing when I showed him the video! He said, “At first I thought, ‘I don’t remember this song being that long.’ Then I looked at the progress bar and realized it wasn’t really that long …. the video just makes it SEEM that way.”

    5. Meg Avatar
      Meg

      I liked Towlie’s version on the keypad better…

  4. Windrose Avatar
    Windrose

    Dave, put your cat snakes back in your trousers, and take this token of my affection. Punchity Punch Punch!

    Put a little Chapstick on that, and it will heal faster.

    Good Morning, Funky Chickens!

  5. MissMommyNiceNice Avatar
    MissMommyNiceNice

    Craigslist medical advice. When you’re too dumb to go to Web MD and self-diagnose with cancer like the rest of us.

  6. C"From Behind.....Suddenly"J Avatar
    C”From Behind…..Suddenly”J

    Worst. Music. Video. Ever.

    1. Demon Duck of Doom Avatar
      Demon Duck of Doom

      Oh CJ, you’ve led such a sheltered life.

      Here ya go.

      1. C"From Behind.....Suddenly"J Avatar
        C”From Behind…..Suddenly”J

        Nope. Still worse than that.

    2. ratwoman Avatar
      ratwoman

      That’s fighting talk where I come from.

      (Funky Town. Obviously.)

  7. Brer Fox Avatar
    Brer Fox

    Maybe Sparkette should stop buying candy flavored Chapstick…

    …and send me all of the chicken flavored Chapstick.

    1. Ninja Chow Avatar
      Ninja Chow

      Chicken flavored Chapstick? Is this like the create a new flavor of Lay’s contest? Hm, steak, lobster, turkey dinner? I think I’ll just submit my idea for poutine flavored Chapstick.

      1. AJ Avatar
        AJ

        Like baby food. They make some really horrendous baby foods these days. “Turkey dinner” “Tuna salad.”

  8. ratwoman Avatar
    ratwoman

    That’s not how you get super powers. You get them by – oh, just a moment, the minions are trying to get my attention…

    *frantic whispering*

    Sorry, I could tell you, Sparky, but then I’d have to kill you. You know how it is.

    1. Irregular Fractal Avatar
      Irregular Fractal

      I know, right? Now if it were radioactive chapstick…

      Perhaps I’ve said too much.

  9. Jeanann Avatar
    Jeanann

    Why was the clown on a moped?

  10. Ralph Avatar
    Ralph

    lipbalmanonymous.com

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