You Suck at Craigslist

Category: rants & raves

  • YSaC, Vol. 1797: Gotta get movin’ to a clown that’s right for me.

    safety issue

    Is it safe, to allow your kids to eat candy flavored chap stick?

    My son, eats about 3 containers a day, of various flavored lip balm sticks. He particularly likes the blueberry flavored chap sticks.

    He says they give him super powers. So idk? He did survive being hit by a moped, and he didn’t break a bone. And the clowns moped was totaled. So I’m beginning to wonder.

    Chapstick Connoisseur is my Lipps, Inc. cover band.

    What super powers would chapstick consumption convey? The ability to …

    Okay, wait a minute. Seriously — you just know that the dancers in that video have had nightmares about this gig ever since, especially the poor girl designated the lead funky-seeker. I mean, she is not in any way funky, and she could really use an escort to somewhere that would provide her with the recommended daily allowance of funky to ameliorate her funkyless condition, but I’m not sure this was the best way to entice someone who has an excess of funky and the means to provide transport to allow her to accompany them on their journey.

    I seem to have gotten distracted. Look, a clown on a moped! *crash* oops.

    Thanks, mc l!

  • YSaC, Vol. 335: Who you gonna call?

    Oh you didn’t know? (your ass better call somebody)

    Like fingerprints, everyone’s tongue print is different.

    … and just like fingerprints, there’s a gigantic nationwide database of tongue prints. That’s what the doctors are doing when they press on your tongue with that wooden stick — it’s taking your tongue print, and they are required by law to file those with the federal authorities. You don’t ever see anyone on CSI: Omaha getting identified that way because it’s a SECRET nationwide database, and they don’t want anyone to know it exists. You know, THEY. THEM. THE MAN, who has been keeping everyone down. Except James Brown. He gets up, get on up! Get up, get on up! Get on the scene, yeah, like a sex machine, yeah.

    Oh, erm, sorry. Just got done playing that song on Rock Band 2. CAN WE TAKE IT TO THE BRIDGE? (Yeah!) TAKE IT TO THE BRIDGE? (Yeah!) HIT ME!! (Da DUM DUM DUM DUM DUM!)

    Anyway, I’m terribly amused at trying to figure out the backstory behind this post. I think that the culprit got into the poster’s stash of Fun Dip, and left a grape tongue print on the Lik-a-Stik.

    Thanks to Pam for the submission!

  • YSaC, Vol. CLXIV

    what kind of guy rejects a married woman??

    just curious

    The kind of guy who doesn’t want to have to sneak out the back door with his pants around his knees when the husband/family member/friend comes home unexpectedly?

    Wouldn’t the more appropriate question be, “What kind of guy doesn’t reject a married woman?” And luckily, we’ve seen the answer to that question.