YSaC, Vol. 335: Who you gonna call?
Oh you didn’t know? (your ass better call somebody)
Like fingerprints, everyone’s tongue print is different.
… and just like fingerprints, there’s a gigantic nationwide database of tongue prints. That’s what the doctors are doing when they press on your tongue with that wooden stick — it’s taking your tongue print, and they are required by law to file those with the federal authorities. You don’t ever see anyone on CSI: Omaha getting identified that way because it’s a SECRET nationwide database, and they don’t want anyone to know it exists. You know, THEY. THEM. THE MAN, who has been keeping everyone down. Except James Brown. He gets up, get on up! Get up, get on up! Get on the scene, yeah, like a sex machine, yeah.
Oh, erm, sorry. Just got done playing that song on Rock Band 2. CAN WE TAKE IT TO THE BRIDGE? (Yeah!) TAKE IT TO THE BRIDGE? (Yeah!) HIT ME!! (Da DUM DUM DUM DUM DUM!)
Anyway, I’m terribly amused at trying to figure out the backstory behind this post. I think that the culprit got into the poster’s stash of Fun Dip, and left a grape tongue print on the Lik-a-Stik.
Thanks to Pam for the submission!
I got nothin’.
But you can Get up! Get on up! …. can’t you?
Oh, sure! Although, by this time of day (3:00pm) I’m more of a napping machine. Coffee has worn off. Get down! Get on DOWN! Like a zzzzz machine …
My ass can’t figure it out either. Like fingerprints, every craig’s list crazy person is different.
I’m guessing it’s an inside joke between poster and the person they’re looking for.
“CSI: Omaha” I laughed so hard my cat left the room 🙂
That is one of the greatest lines I have read in a while. Thanks for making my day!
I’m unsure about this: having done the crime, is my ass now supposed to drop a dime?
i’m going to burn my tounge print off today after work. i don’t want the people in the black helicopters to have another way to track me.
I think that’s for the best. I’ll meet you in Rio.
“But officer,” SockHead pleaded pathetically, “how do you know it was me that licked the toad? It could’ve been anyone. Anyone, I tell ya!”
“Save it for the judge,” the officer snorted. “We got your tongue print on file.”
Edit: The edit button works! 😀
Awesome! Thanks!
And lay off the toads for a while, mmmkay?
My ass isn’t allowed make calls any longer. It used to take qualudes and dial people at wee hours of the morning and I had to put a stop to that.
Your ass made booty calls?
Well, you know, an ass’ gotta do what an ass’ gotta do.
Your ass can actually use the phone? I’m impressed with its talent. Mine has no limbs, digits or talent (aside from getting bigger) that would assist it in telephonic communication.
… Which is probably for the best for all concerned.
The James Brown reference is making me think of the film of “The Commitments” … “I’m black and I’m proud!”
“Oh, you didn’t know? Your ass better call somebody!” is something the WWF wrestler Road Dogg used to say over the entrance music of his tag team New Age Outlaws. I don’t remember him ever talking trash to his opponents about tongue prints, but then I haven’t watched wrestling since I was a kid, so maybe I missed that episode.
I caught that too.
It really scared me.
I don’t trust anyone who still uses a wrestling catch phrase from the 1990’s.
(unless it’s old Macho Man Randy Savage Slim Jim commercials)
hoooooooooo yeah.
Maybe he hit it and quit it.
But is everyone’s ass print different? Your tongue better call somebody.
No… I didn’t know, and please don’t call my parole officer. My ass made it safely back in one piece, and no harm done. I swear!
You know, the fact that sparky was probably licking paint in order to get a good look at his tongue print in order to determine that it is unique explains a whole hell of a lot.
Especially those pretty swirly balloon thoughts…
That owl is kinda scary.
Really, AR? I find them disapproving. Like they are saying, Pigeon, Please.
Tongue Print is Different is IF’s KISS cover band.
Ass? Life is all about ass! You’re either covering it, laughing it off, kicking it, kissing it, busting it, or trying to get a piece of it.
My ass is currently confined to a big-ass tank, and the phone doesn’t reach that far. So, no, my ass better not call somebody.
This is a fancy way of telling someone to sit down.
You know, so they will butt-dial somebody.
Or they want somebody to dial the phone with their tongue…
New comments in the box, what could go wrong with an owl and a bunch of ferrets in there?
If my owl-pellets come out suspiciously ferret colored tomorrow, I’ll have no idea what you’re talking about.
*Gets out tongue print dusting kit*
Hmm, this print seems to be from the infamous Swedish lickawates walltrus-sucka.
Get thee on the ass-hotline
hot-ass line?
It’s a hot ass-line!
Good to know dear sparky…
When I suspect that you took the cookie from the cookie jar I guess I will make sure to get the cops to check for tongue prints.
Or maybe I should just call you, since you ask me to butt-dial “somebody”.
Uncle Google says that Sparky is correct about everyone having a unique tongue print. I guess my ass better start dialing.
For some reason I hear Sean Kingston’s ‘Fire Burning’.
Somebody call 9-1-1!
Good Punchity Punch Punch, Lyle and Dave!
Here’s your night, Mr. Brown!