YSaC, Vol. XXVIII

2008 September 8

not sure how to word this – m4w – 29


like the title says, not sure how to word this.

I’m looking for a girl who wants more in her sex life. I guess thats what I’m looking for. I’ve been married for a few years now, but our sex life seems dull and lacking.

are you in the same position?

Maybe we could help each other out. obviously must be discrete.

Here, let me help you figure out how to word that:

I want to cheat on my wife with someone who will do the freaky things she won’t do.

Does that help?

And damn it, it’s discreet. Why do so many people misspell that one?

44 Responses leave one →
  1. 2008 November 24

    No, he’s saying that he doesn’t want it to be continuous. [/geek]

    Dropped in from PAN and cracking up as I work my way through the archives, in case you were wondering.

    Adores: 5
  2. 2008 November 24
    drmk permalink

    Welcome! Make yourself at home.

    I was trying to figure out how to make the “discrete from what?” joke myself when I posted this, but couldn’t get it to work out.

    Adores: 3
  3. 2008 December 30
    Liz permalink

    “Why do so many people misspell that one?”

    Must be mathematicians.

    Adores: 3
  4. 2009 January 7

    All of my sexual encounters are discrete, in the sense that they use only arithmetic and algebra (I am still quite afraid of calculus sex).

    Adores: 17
  5. 2009 January 7
    drmk permalink

    That’s because calculus sex is derivative. *nods wisely*

    Adores: 36
    • 2011 July 26
      Dete permalink

      I sadly admit: this made me laugh out loud.

      Wear the nerd flag proud.

      Adores: 1
  6. 2009 January 17
    D / DM permalink

    @drmk:

    I have my limits.

    (God, I’m a nerd.)

    Adores: 13
  7. 2009 May 8
    Alx permalink

    This is the nerdiest thread ever. It pains me that I understand you. *sigh* Fine, here goes: I always thought sex is about integrating two lovers.

    But to give the guy some credit, he at least used a word that exists, unlike “deescrete” which I’ve actually seen published in a company’s monthly newsletter.

    Adores: 4
  8. 2009 August 30
    DaddyPro permalink

    At least there’s no dissection assured in this relationship.

    Adores: 6
  9. 2011 January 29
    sarajean80 permalink

    :tries desperately to think of math-related sex joke:

    :fails:

    I’m gonna need one of my snark pills for this.

    :todders off to find expired cold medicine:

    Adores: 8
    • 2011 January 29
      Astrognash permalink

      .5∠YAM+7∠CHS=4*∠CAT

      Kinky. I also think I may need a lowercase m in front of the angles to denote “the measure of angle AMC”, etc.

      Adores: 2
      • 2011 January 29
        Astrognash permalink

        By the way, that’s just supposed to be math related. I don’t know calculus.

        Adores: 2
        • 2011 January 29
          Windrose permalink

          It’s okay, you’re in the box for your wit, not your math skills. 8)

          Adores: 2
  10. 2011 January 29
    Groupie123 permalink

    We do the weird stuff.

    Adores: 15
    • 2011 January 29
      Windrose permalink

      A Brazillion Adores, Groupies!

      Adores: 3
    • 2011 January 29
      Moira permalink

      Am I allowed to have crushes on sock puppets?

      Adores: 5
      • 2011 January 29

        Well, if you do it might be more of a shirt puppet.

        Adores: 4
      • 2011 January 29

        Yes.

        Adores: 1
  11. 2011 January 29
    Windrose permalink

    [Bouncy Bouncy]=/A[-Quiet Shirt Time] = 4x(STD) /trapeze and mirrors

    Wow, calculus just makes it all so complicated.

    Adores: 3
  12. 2011 January 29
    christina permalink

    Math on a Saturday? Oh hell no! Let’s try word association with a little cat math thrown in:
    calculus: catculus: Caligula
    There, now I understand.

    Adores: 7
    • 2011 January 29
      Windrose permalink

      Caligula — Funicular

      Little Cat — Munchkins

      Hell — Helsingborg

      Adores: 2
      • 2011 January 29
        Astrognash permalink

        Helsigborg – Helsinki
        Helsinki – Fink
        Fink – Mink
        Mink – Bungee Cord

        Adores: 2
  13. 2011 January 29
    Mindfield permalink

    Well that’s just plain discriminatory. Why couldn’t Sparky be an electronics engineer, huh? He could just be a bored resistor looking for a transistor* to make a discrete circuit with.

    * Trans-sisters also welcome.

    Adores: 7
    • 2011 January 29
      Windrose permalink

      If he finds someone with too much current, she could light up his life.

      Adores: 4
      • 2011 January 29
        Mindfield permalink

        Only if he has the capacitance for it.

        Adores: 4
    • 2011 January 29
      CapnMac permalink

      Refraining from asking where the bridge lead of the diode is expected to be lead (or to insinuate microfarads or Faraday cages [No! he said it!; now i've said "it"! eow! neuw! "eee!"])

      Adores: 2
      • 2011 January 29
        Mindfield permalink

        Making a circuit in a Faraday cage? Now that’s the kinky stuff.

        Adores: 3
        • 2011 January 29
          CapnMac permalink

          Ni!

          Adores: 1
  14. 2011 January 29

    Obviously, Sparky needs someone discrete. He needs someone with a finite difference from his wife. All in all, this is a very calculating ad.

    [/desperate geek-wannabee]

    Adores: 8
    • 2011 January 29

      Integer? But I just met ‘er.

      Adores: 13
  15. 2011 January 29
    ToBScholarly permalink

    I have less than nothing to add at this function. My math puns are absolute zero.

    Adores: 9
    • 2011 January 29
      Windrose permalink

      I posted a link to Calculus Rhapsody yesterday, I should have waited for today. My timing is off these days.

      Adores: 4
      • 2011 January 29
        Moira permalink

        Or you may have helped inspire this one!

        Adores: 2
  16. 2011 January 29
    Moira permalink

    I thought guys just wanted some great tangents and a lovely asymptote.

    Adores: 7
    • 2011 January 29

      You ever feel like people only love you because of your derivation?

      Adores: 4
      • 2011 January 29
        Windrose permalink

        But he said he’d integral me in the morning!

        Adores: 2
      • 2011 January 29
        Mindfield permalink

        Only the squares looking to sin.

        Adores: 3
  17. 2011 January 29
    Windrose permalink

    There’s a big calculus party, and all the functions are invited. ln(x) is talking to some trig functions, when he sees his friend ex sulking in a corner.
    ln(x): “What’s wrong ex?”
    ex: “I’m so lonely!”
    ln(x): “Well, you should go integrate yourself into the crowd!”
    ex looks up and cries, “It won’t make a difference!”

    (Yes, I found a page of calculus jokes. This one at least I sort of understand. The x should be small and above the e, as in e to the x power)

    Adores: 4
  18. 2011 January 29
    SilvaNoir permalink

    So he wants someone who has left a Greek island?
    (Dis-Crete)

    Adores: 10
    • 2011 January 29
      LurkRealClose permalink

      Thank you, Silva, for making a joke that I could understand. :)

      Adores: 6
  19. 2011 January 29

    Apropos of nothing, today is Tommy Ramone’s birthday, the sole surviving Ramone (other than Marky, who came later).

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MWHAL_q1ne8

    If you do care to look at the link, notice that they got it done in less than a minute thirty. Ah, memories.

    Adores: 2
  20. 2011 January 29


    I was tired of my lady; she wouldn’t get freaky with me.
    Like a worn-out needle in my Ortofon.
    So while she lay there sleeping, I read Craigslist in bed.
    And in the personals column, this is what I read:

    If you like penis costumes, and raw pubic hairs in your rice.
    If you’re a zomb, if you like to eat brains.
    If you like male Shiatsu dogs, exploring urban landscapes.
    I’m in the same position, write to me, and escape.

    I didn’t think about my spelling, I know that sounds kind of dumb.
    But me and my old lady, had worn out all our stripper clothes.
    So I wrote to Craigslist, took out a personal ad.
    No sure how to word this, like the title says.

    Yes, I like penis costumes and raw pubic hairs in my rice.
    I’m not much into vintage food, point, laugh at me, feel my pain.
    I’ve got to meet you by tomorrow noon, and dance on my red table.
    At a bar called 40 watt, where we’ll plan our escape.

    So I waited high on dope, then she trotted into the place.
    I knew her poncho* in an instant; I knew the bedazzle on her hooves.
    It was my own cyoty ugly lady, and she said, “Oh, it’s you.”
    And we laughed for a moment, and I said, I never knew…

    That you like penis costumes, and raw pubic hairs in your rice.
    And the smell of the low tide, and the taste of brains.
    That you like male Shiatsu dogs, homosexual cassette tapes.
    I’m in the same position come with me, and escape.

    *Pre-LRC avatar reference ;-)

    Adores: 8
  21. 2011 January 29
    LimeLolly permalink

    Ah, now I get why I never understood calculus. I always had to use graphing paper instead getting hands-on, practical use.

    Adores: 4
  22. 2011 January 30
    Windrose permalink

    I know it’s late, I know you’re weary,
    I know your night won’t include me,
    Still here we are, both of us snarky,
    I’m gonna punch you, but you can’t punch me.

    Caro and Astro, Punchity Punch Punch!

    G’night, Zero, My Hero!

    Adores: 2

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