You Suck at Craigslist

YSaC, Vol. XXVIII

Written by

drmk

in

not sure how to word this – m4w – 29

like the title says, not sure how to word this.

I’m looking for a girl who wants more in her sex life. I guess thats what I’m looking for. I’ve been married for a few years now, but our sex life seems dull and lacking.

are you in the same position?

Maybe we could help each other out. obviously must be discrete.

Here, let me help you figure out how to word that:

I want to cheat on my wife with someone who will do the freaky things she won’t do.

Does that help?

And damn it, it’s discreet. Why do so many people misspell that one?

Comments

44 responses to “YSaC, Vol. XXVIII”

  1. Nick Kiddle Avatar
    Nick Kiddle

    No, he’s saying that he doesn’t want it to be continuous. [/geek]

    Dropped in from PAN and cracking up as I work my way through the archives, in case you were wondering.

  2. drmk Avatar
    drmk

    Welcome! Make yourself at home.

    I was trying to figure out how to make the “discrete from what?” joke myself when I posted this, but couldn’t get it to work out.

  3. Liz Avatar
    Liz

    “Why do so many people misspell that one?”

    Must be mathematicians.

  4. D Avatar
    D

    All of my sexual encounters are discrete, in the sense that they use only arithmetic and algebra (I am still quite afraid of calculus sex).

  5. drmk Avatar
    drmk

    That’s because calculus sex is derivative. *nods wisely*

    1. Dete Avatar
      Dete

      I sadly admit: this made me laugh out loud.

      Wear the nerd flag proud.

  6. D / DM Avatar
    D / DM

    @drmk:

    I have my limits.

    (God, I’m a nerd.)

  7. Alx Avatar
    Alx

    This is the nerdiest thread ever. It pains me that I understand you. *sigh* Fine, here goes: I always thought sex is about integrating two lovers.

    But to give the guy some credit, he at least used a word that exists, unlike “deescrete” which I’ve actually seen published in a company’s monthly newsletter.

  8. DaddyPro Avatar
    DaddyPro

    At least there’s no dissection assured in this relationship.

  9. sarajean80 Avatar
    sarajean80

    :tries desperately to think of math-related sex joke:

    :fails:

    I’m gonna need one of my snark pills for this.

    :todders off to find expired cold medicine:

    1. Astrognash Avatar
      Astrognash

      .5∠YAM+7∠CHS=4*∠CAT

      Kinky. I also think I may need a lowercase m in front of the angles to denote “the measure of angle AMC”, etc.

      1. Astrognash Avatar
        Astrognash

        By the way, that’s just supposed to be math related. I don’t know calculus.

        1. Windrose Avatar
          Windrose

          It’s okay, you’re in the box for your wit, not your math skills. 8)

  10. Groupie123 Avatar
    Groupie123

    We do the weird stuff.

    1. Windrose Avatar
      Windrose

      A Brazillion Adores, Groupies!

    2. Moira Avatar
      Moira

      Am I allowed to have crushes on sock puppets?

      1. TypoMagic Avatar
        TypoMagic

        Well, if you do it might be more of a shirt puppet.

      2. Mr. Winkey Avatar
        Mr. Winkey

        Yes.

  11. Windrose Avatar
    Windrose

    [Bouncy Bouncy]=/A[-Quiet Shirt Time] = 4x(STD) /trapeze and mirrors

    Wow, calculus just makes it all so complicated.

  12. christina Avatar
    christina

    Math on a Saturday? Oh hell no! Let’s try word association with a little cat math thrown in:
    calculus: catculus: Caligula
    There, now I understand.

    1. Windrose Avatar
      Windrose

      Caligula — Funicular

      Little Cat — Munchkins

      Hell — Helsingborg

      1. Astrognash Avatar
        Astrognash

        Helsigborg – Helsinki
        Helsinki – Fink
        Fink – Mink
        Mink – Bungee Cord

  13. Mindfield Avatar
    Mindfield

    Well that’s just plain discriminatory. Why couldn’t Sparky be an electronics engineer, huh? He could just be a bored resistor looking for a transistor* to make a discrete circuit with.

    * Trans-sisters also welcome.

    1. Windrose Avatar
      Windrose

      If he finds someone with too much current, she could light up his life.

      1. Mindfield Avatar
        Mindfield

        Only if he has the capacitance for it.

    2. CapnMac Avatar
      CapnMac

      Refraining from asking where the bridge lead of the diode is expected to be lead (or to insinuate microfarads or Faraday cages [No! he said it!; now i’ve said “it”! eow! neuw! “eee!”])

      1. Mindfield Avatar
        Mindfield

        Making a circuit in a Faraday cage? Now that’s the kinky stuff.

        1. CapnMac Avatar
          CapnMac

          Ni!

  14. Dave and the ferret Avatar
    Dave and the ferret

    Obviously, Sparky needs someone discrete. He needs someone with a finite difference from his wife. All in all, this is a very calculating ad.

    [/desperate geek-wannabee]

    1. TypoMagic Avatar
      TypoMagic

      Integer? But I just met ‘er.

  15. ToBScholarly Avatar
    ToBScholarly

    I have less than nothing to add at this function. My math puns are absolute zero.

    1. Windrose Avatar
      Windrose

      I posted a link to Calculus Rhapsody yesterday, I should have waited for today. My timing is off these days.

      1. Moira Avatar
        Moira

        Or you may have helped inspire this one!

  16. Moira Avatar
    Moira

    I thought guys just wanted some great tangents and a lovely asymptote.

    1. TypoMagic Avatar
      TypoMagic

      You ever feel like people only love you because of your derivation?

      1. Windrose Avatar
        Windrose

        But he said he’d integral me in the morning!

      2. Mindfield Avatar
        Mindfield

        Only the squares looking to sin.

  17. Windrose Avatar
    Windrose

    There’s a big calculus party, and all the functions are invited. ln(x) is talking to some trig functions, when he sees his friend ex sulking in a corner.
    ln(x): “What’s wrong ex?”
    ex: “I’m so lonely!”
    ln(x): “Well, you should go integrate yourself into the crowd!”
    ex looks up and cries, “It won’t make a difference!”

    (Yes, I found a page of calculus jokes. This one at least I sort of understand. The x should be small and above the e, as in e to the x power)

  18. SilvaNoir Avatar
    SilvaNoir

    So he wants someone who has left a Greek island?
    (Dis-Crete)

    1. LurkRealClose Avatar
      LurkRealClose

      Thank you, Silva, for making a joke that I could understand. 🙂

  19. jg Avatar
    jg

    Apropos of nothing, today is Tommy Ramone’s birthday, the sole surviving Ramone (other than Marky, who came later).

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MWHAL_q1ne8

    If you do care to look at the link, notice that they got it done in less than a minute thirty. Ah, memories.

  20. HamCan Avatar
    HamCan


    I was tired of my lady; she wouldn’t get freaky with me.
    Like a worn-out needle in my Ortofon.
    So while she lay there sleeping, I read Craigslist in bed.
    And in the personals column, this is what I read:

    If you like penis costumes, and raw pubic hairs in your rice.
    If you’re a zomb, if you like to eat brains.
    If you like male Shiatsu dogs, exploring urban landscapes.
    I’m in the same position, write to me, and escape.

    I didn’t think about my spelling, I know that sounds kind of dumb.
    But me and my old lady, had worn out all our stripper clothes.
    So I wrote to Craigslist, took out a personal ad.
    No sure how to word this, like the title says.

    Yes, I like penis costumes and raw pubic hairs in my rice.
    I’m not much into vintage food, point, laugh at me, feel my pain.
    I’ve got to meet you by tomorrow noon, and dance on my red table.
    At a bar called 40 watt, where we’ll plan our escape.

    So I waited high on dope, then she trotted into the place.
    I knew her poncho* in an instant; I knew the bedazzle on her hooves.
    It was my own cyoty ugly lady, and she said, “Oh, it’s you.”
    And we laughed for a moment, and I said, I never knew…

    That you like penis costumes, and raw pubic hairs in your rice.
    And the smell of the low tide, and the taste of brains.
    That you like male Shiatsu dogs, homosexual cassette tapes.
    I’m in the same position come with me, and escape.

    *Pre-LRC avatar reference 😉

  21. LimeLolly Avatar
    LimeLolly

    Ah, now I get why I never understood calculus. I always had to use graphing paper instead getting hands-on, practical use.

  22. Windrose Avatar
    Windrose

    I know it’s late, I know you’re weary,
    I know your night won’t include me,
    Still here we are, both of us snarky,
    I’m gonna punch you, but you can’t punch me.

    Caro and Astro, Punchity Punch Punch!

    G’night, Zero, My Hero!

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