HELP Need HR Prof Consult to update resume = $75?
Seeking a ‘quick’ consult with an experienced “Human- Resource- Group” professional.
Concerns ‘possible’ risks of submitting resume when could ‘likely’(?) be vetted with a ‘significant’ blot in the public records.
Let’s say, ‘hypothetically’, that I accidentally ‘killed’ a guy while I was in ‘prison’ for child ‘pornography’. Is that something I should mention in my cover letter, or do I wait for the interview?
Thanks for the submission, Aubrey!
Wedding Invitations (Blank) – $100
5×7″ pink and brown cardstock ready to be made into wedding (or other) invitations. Paper has pretty butterfly and flower design. I have enough materials for approx. 150 invitations, including ribbon to assemble, as well as blank white response cards.
I think the email exchange between Leslie and me is the best possible commentary:
Leslie: BLANK wedding invitations, you say? Blank, that is, except for the NAMES boldly emblazoned across the bottom – “Becky and Tim”.
I’m getting married soon, and this seemed like such a good deal. Being cautious of those kooky Craigslisters out there (thanks to your blog), I thought it best to first inquire as to this young ladies definition of “blank”. You guessed it – blank means “blank except for our names on the front”. She was quite the “Helpy Helperton”, though. She offered several suggestions as to how I might overcome this very minor issue. After asking if it was possible that my name was Becky and my fiancee’s name was Tim, she informed me I could either cross it out and write our names underneath or simply put a sticker over it and write our names on that.
Yeah, this seems like just the right way to start out your new lives together. Maybe we should just change our names to Becky and Tim.
YSaC: Please tell me that the “blank” response cards also say “Becky and Tim” on them … because that would be awesome.
Leslie: Well, I suppose if you’re already crossing out the names on the front….what’s a few hundred more on the “blank” response cards?
My aggravation got the better of me, so I opted to send Becky the link to the Webster’s definition of “blank”.
She responded with “so you aren’t interested in the invitations? This is a real money saver.” I pray my sanity holds fast so I don’t have to use my daily allotment of curse words on one person. I don’t even think I need to ask why it is that things didn’t work out between with she and Tim’s nuptials. I’m sure your IQ must fall a few points each day when you live with someone like that.
Team Tim!
YSaC: Hang onto her email address. You’ll need it when you send her a link to the entry on the blog!
Leslie: Oh, I fully intend to link her to the posting. I’m from the South, so anytime we do/say something about someone else that’s not so kind, we just begin or end the sentence with “Bless Her Heart”.
Yes, bless her heart. Bless her sweet, sweet, unsure of the meaning of “blank” heart.
We’ve had a few posts from kijiji.com in the past, and today I’d like to share a couple of posts from other online classifieds sites.
From backpage.com comes this help wanted ad:
… Aggravated Office Manager
posted: May 22, 2009, 03:02 PM
We need an office manager for local retail store. Good verbal skills are necessary, great starting wage, potential for advancement, no certification required.Great opportunity for someone who is outgoing with a pleasant personality. We will provide all required training for our staff.
Salaries start at $750 to $1,000 per week.
I can’t even think of what word they meant to put in the title. Motivated? Sure. Ambitious? Makes sense. Aggravated? (But with a pleasant personality, of course.) Are they going to train me to be aggravated? Or do they expect that skill set already and will train me to be outgoing and pleasant? If it’s the latter, my mother has been trying to do that for years and it’s not gone well.
And then, from OLX.com:
Suddenly, shots rang out…
in the food court of one of the area’s busiest shopping malls. It was Saturday afternoon. Hundreds of people, consisting mostly of kids and women, were chaotically scrambling for cover. When the smoke had cleared, it looked like the scene from a movie set. Lots of bloodied bodies, muffled moans of pain, and cries for help. Can you imagine yourself, or your loved ones, caught up in such a nightmare? I can’t, which is where the concept of [Crappy online mall aggregator, or COMA for short] originated. [COMA].com is a web-based mall, consisting of a virtual hodge-podge of stores, which, unlike conventional malls, specializes in wholesale items, great deals, bargains galore, discounts, low prices, and great selections. You’d be hard-pressed to find a bricks and mortar establishment with more varieties of stores ( and more are being added daily ). I put [COMA] together with the hopes of keeping my loved ones out of the malls ( and my nightmare ) as much as possible. It has been pretty effective so far. The kids have been the hardest sell, probably so because their main reason for going to the mall is to socialize. I’ve gotten rave reviews from them about the site, however, so it has been somewhat effective on them. So take a tip from the kids. Take a trip to www.[COMA].com. You’ll be glad you did. You’ll not only save money on items that you purchase, but you will save gas, because all of the stores deliver to your door. So come see why, at [COMA], our name says it all.
Well, maybe the name I gave you says it all — your store is a crappy online mall aggregator. It’s poorly designed, and whoever is writing your copy has no idea about the proper use of apostrophes or conjunctions. (Seriously: “You’re childs toy’s”? Really? Apparently the online bookstore in this COMA doesn’t have any dictionaries or writing books.)
Worst of all, you’re preying on people’s fears to drive business to your site. “Shop with us, and you won’t get gunned down in Abercrombie & Fitch like a commerce-driven dog!”
Maybe not, but I also won’t get that guy standing in the food court offering me samples of bourbon chicken, now, will I? Until you figure out how to offer free samples of bourbon chicken through the internet, I’ll take my chances in the mall.*
*Though I’m not going into Hot Topic. You can’t make me.
[Thanks to Sarah for the “Aggravated Office Manager” listing, and thanks to the folks at OLX for calling my attention to their site by offering me money [which I didn’t take] to promote them here. (I’m too damned ethical — I also didn’t take a free piece of jewelry from some site that wanted me to link to them.)]
Need Pet sitter maybe 2 nites a week
I’m a sales guy that travels about 2 nites a week for work. I am looking for someone or preferably a couple that loves dogs and would like my dog Forest’s company. He is ZERO trouble, sits on your lap like your best friend and only wants his tummy scratched as much as he can get it done lol
If your going to reply with how much does it pay, don’t reply, i need someone to watch him that isn’t looking to make money off him
a retired couple would be best as he loves being outside walking if possible or a fenced yard. Also he’d prefer no children.
thanks,
jeff
xxx-xxx-xxxx
Translation: I need a pet sitter, but I’m not willing to pay for the service.
What’s awful about this is that I can think of a lot of ways he could have spun this request that would have made it slightly less asshattish. For example, he could have said, “I know that elderly couples enjoy having animals around, so I would be willing to leave my dog with you a couple of nights a week while I am at work.” It still has the same meaning — i.e., I’m not willing to pay for a sitter — but it’s not as bad as “Don’t reply if you want pay because I’m not paying you.”
[Thanks for the submission, Jen!]
Hi. Welcome to You Suck at Craigslist, a site where I make fun of poorly constructed Craigslist ads.
What? What’s that you say? You’re wondering why I’m stating that, when it’s perfectly obvious what the site is?
As it turns out, perfectly obvious might not be obvious enough to some people, as evidenced by an email I got (exchange is behind a cut, as it’s relatively long):
