YSaC, Vol. 394: That would go under ‘Special Skills’.
2009 August 15
HELP Need HR Prof Consult to update resume = $75?
Seeking a ‘quick’ consult with an experienced “Human- Resource- Group” professional.
Concerns ‘possible’ risks of submitting resume when could ‘likely’(?) be vetted with a ‘significant’ blot in the public records.
Let’s say, ‘hypothetically’, that I accidentally ‘killed’ a guy while I was in ‘prison’ for child ‘pornography’. Is that something I should mention in my cover letter, or do I wait for the interview?
Thanks for the submission, Aubrey!
Right, because “changing” your resume will “totally” solve the problem of your “potential” employers doing a “background check”.
“People” have-also; warned me’ to/check my “resume” because I may[?] or may-not[?] throw “Punctuation” around-care-lessly (?!*)
In “other words”, how do I explain the “gap” in my employment-history where I was “imprisoned” for knocking over the Kwik-E-Mart while under the influence of liquid stupidity (?) and dressed as a “gorilla”.
I wonder what the ‘difference’ is between single quotes and double quotes in the seller’s “mind”…
the difference of taking all that energy to hit the shift key??
I’ll consult you for free. If, indeed, you have a significant blot on public record; don’t worry about your resume. Just practice asking, “Would you like fries with that?”
More like usted dice “Sí, soy un trabajador buena para Sheetrock”
I was “born” in 1975 in Long ‘Beach’ Calif. I graduated with “honors” from Woodrow Wilson “High” School and then “earned” a “Bachelor’s” degree from UC Berkley.
Heeee this is fun– I could do this all day!
Ah, now this is where all those “creative” writing classes come in “handy!”
You’ve got that wrong. It’s “creative” ‘writing'(?) classes, which come in”handy”(!)
I am finding it impossible to read the ad and comments without putting a ridiculous amount of emphasis on the “quoted” words, even in my head.
And now I have a headache.
I can picture all of you talking and making ‘bunny ears’ with your hands in the air – I love it LOL
Damn. Really wish I had a face for camera work…I would TOTALLY be putting this ad into video form right now.
I’ll “consult” with you, “Sparky”. I’ll even do “it” for”free”.
:loads “cannon” with “quotation marks”:
That’s so “sweet” of you “Ghostcat”.
Resume = $75?
That just doesn’t seem right… *Pulls out Catulator*
Resume times George Burns, subtract the Theory of Relatives, add Pie… take the square root of nebraska and convolute with the population of Rhode Island. Dump it all in a pile, blend on medium speed until smooth and bake for 30 minutes at 400 degrees (or 6.98 radians).
Serve with the associative property of addition and fresh derivatives. Serves a harmonica band.
So there you are: Resume = Harmonica band. Sparky wasn’t even close.
Mrrroww…. mew. *nods sagely*
Don’t forget it’s May Day! There have to be rose petals somewhere. 8)
Sure, I’ll ‘help.’
First ‘give’ me the money.
::counts:: …73, 74, 75 dollars, good.
Ok, ‘Sparky,’ here’s the ‘deal:’
There is ‘no’ way to make your ‘resume’ look “good.”
Too ‘bad,’ good bye.
Sparky, before we go any farther, please write out in “explicit” detail the ‘blot’ that concerns you, and “sign” and date it on the bottom. Good. Now, I will use my”contacts” to eliminate the record of you actions from the public domain. And you will continue to “pay” me $75 (?) thousand every ‘month’ to keep this signed “confession” out of the ‘newspapers.’
A “pleasure” doing “business” with you, Spark!
Maybe Sparky is applying for a job as a Rorschach tester.
Sounds ‘fine'(?) to me. While we’re at it, I can “help” you with your ‘ethics’ class.
I’m ‘having’ trouble posting this ‘in’ yesterday’s ‘comments,’ so ‘to’ Silva:
Haeoppyyy Beoulaieteuod Biaorthdaeiyyy!!!
I am a “time traveler” who can “help” you with your “blot.”. Simply put $75? on a red table for sale take it for free last thursday and I will “take care” of “you.”
Kitties!
http://nonadventures.com/
More Kitties!
http://www.questionablecontent.net/#
And the nomination for ‘Where the hell did my afternoon go?!’ goes to Questionable Content.
One of my very favorite webcomics, that.
Jeph Jacques and his lady Christie are two of the sweetest, most enjoyable web cartoonists I ever met. Very close to Rich Stevens and Randy Milholland.
I’ve made it to the upper 400’s today. I swear I blinked and lost an hour to the comic at one point. I was fully intending to do some writing and possibly waste some time in Sims. I got nothing done except dinner, and even then I had to drag myself away from the comic to accomplish it.
It is posts like these that make me yearn for an Excessive Air Quotes tag.
Question: Are they considered air quotes if they are in print?
I think that tag should be called “Excessive” “Quotes.”
“I” ‘concur’.
Well, from the future, it’s sounding like Sparki Sparkilevitch has realized that claiming to have a PhD in Soviet Studies is not quite the same as seven years inside Lubiyanka Prison, even if it is May Day . . .
Nice try СПРКЯ
I’ve deciphered the subtext:
$75? = your percentage of the going rate for a healthy liver is $75. It’s questionable because you may have some liver damage, in which case Sparky won’t fetch as much for it on the black market.
‘quick’ consult = Sparky will lock you in his basement for <3 days
"Human-Resource-Group" professional = anyone who isn't an officer of the law
'possible' risks = Sparky put this whole liver-selling thing on his resume
'likely' (?) = Sparky would go to jail for a loooong time
'significant' = dead bodies in the basement of other "HELPers"
Typo, Punchity punch punch!
G’Night, Cornwall!