YSaC, Vol. 395: Fun with midgets, part 2.
Need Midget To Drink With
Group of single male/females that party together on a regular basis are seeking a person of short stature (midget) to hang out with. Do not get us wrong…. This is purely for novelty purposes, but if you’re cool you can really be our friend. Total plus if you are an Asian Midget, with a drinking problem, who has no issues being referred to as Godzilla.
P.S. We will buy all the beer.
Translation: We’re asshats.
Topless Poker Dealer
Looking for one topless female poker dealer for a house cash game on Saturday July 18th, 2009. We are looking for someone who is hot, so if your old and washed up please don’t even bother applying for this gig. We want a hot, 21-32yr old female with a fabulous rack, nice features and a good sense of humor. Im not going to be rude and put a weight limit in this post but you know who are you, so don’t apply. If your not exactly sure how to deal poker its okay as long as your smoking hot with nice tits we can work around that part. It will pay $10 per hour plus tips and free drinks, shots, etc.
If you are a Midget you will get front of the line consideration even if you don’t want to go topless.
Please apply via email with a photo and contact info.
-Brad P.
Translation: We’re asshats too, but for additional reasons beyond our midget fascination.
midgit for birthday party
I am looking for a midgit for Wednesday night July 29th 2009 to appear at [place] in [location]. All drinks will be provided and a minimum of $50 in tips. A party attitude is a must! We are nice people and are just looking to have a good time with you!
I’m still a little unclear on when having a token midget friend became the the holy grail of hipsterdom. Then again, I’m most definitely not a hipster.
Thanks, Lindsay O., Tyler, and Josh, for more midget mania!
I can not even fathom the circumstances that lead to that first ad. And I don’t really want to. Asshats, indeed.
Dont blame the asshats. midgets arent people. ther live dolls. were supose to have fun with them ass long as we dont go too far.
noooo. most official vegas people make eight tops.
I blame Verne Troyer.
I blame TLC..
I don’t mean to be pedantic, but I don’t think the word hipster applies to anybody throwing a topless poker party or using CL to find a drinking buddy/marginalized other. I think “asshat” covers it pretty well, but I’m guessing “frat boy” will also do.
@Laszlo: you don’t mean to be pedantic, yet you have no problem over-generalizing frat boy? c’mon.
No, but they THINK they’re at the cutting edge of hip.
$10/hr.??!! Last time, I only got paid $6/hr. Bastards!
I wonder if the success of TLC shows “Little People, Big World” and “The Little Couple” has anything to do this. Or a revival/fetish showing of “The Wizard of Oz”.
Either way, asshats…headpanties?
It might also be due to this: http://www.cracked.com/blog/i-love-tiptoes
…although that movie was released in 2003, the blog post saying how awesome it is is from April 2010.
$10 an hour? Don’t regular dealers earn way more than that without having to meet the added qualifications of being “smoking hot” with “great tits”? In fact, if you look like that and you don’t mind disrobing in front of asshat strangers, can’t you make about four times as much working as a stripper?
In other words, they’re not just entitled little mama’s boy asshats, they’re STUPID entitled little mama’s boy asshats.
But the fact that they use the evil phrase “smoking hot” without irony is enough proof that they are asshats. That phrase needs to die in a fire.
$10 an hour? Don’t regular dealers earn way more than that without having to meet the added qualifications of being “smoking hot” with “great tits”?
One would think so, but after doing a quick search via the Google, $10 an hour, plus tips, is actually a decent salary outside of Vegas and Atlantic City. Granted that’s not the wage of a smoking hot topless dealer, let alone a vertically-challenged dealer, but it’s more than the $5-$9 (plus tips) I saw for poker dealer positions in places like Biloxi and Beaverton.
Also: real dealers don’t drink on the job. You can forget if you burned a card or not when dealing the only poker game those twits seem to know how to play.
Damn, the wages haven’t changed much since my ex-wife was a Keno runner in 1980! At least the Nevada casinos have insurance and 401k plans.
It’s possible that regular dealers earn more than $10/hr; I have no idea. But unlike our smokin’ hot topless chick here, the regular dealers have to, like, know how to deal.
The first ad is obviously a group of hermaphrodites (male/females) who are having self-esteem issues, and are looking for someone whose differences are more obvious to hang out with.
The other two ads are from asshats, no question.
I think we’re going to need a midget tag soon…
The first should read “Need a Midget with whom to drink”.
There was a dwarf at my high school with whom I was kind of friends, and he got asshat requests like this all the time, so I don’t think this fascination is a new thing.
People with dwarfism LOVE to be called midgets. FYI.
I had a friend in high school who was technically a dwarf (she was 4’7″). And she was gay. You can imagine all the “parties” she got “invited” to.
So midgets are the new party favor? Nothing says party like poking fun at minorities.
Little People are the new Chihuahuas. Don’t be seen without one!
Sorry to rain on the parade, but these ads just make me sad. Sad for the idiots who got lost on the Twisted Path to Total Bliss and placed them, but even sadder for the people who answer them. If anyone does. I hope not.
Guess I forgot to pick up my party attitude at the dry cleaners.
I used to live in an “intentional community” in Southern California and one of our members was a dwarf. He lived in the attic room, with its sloping ceiling, because–I am not kidding here–he was the only one who could stand up in all parts of the room.
Once a girl was interviewing for a vacancy we had. We told her that Jake (nhrn) would be down from the attic in a minute. Because of an earlier awkward and unpleasant incident, we also let her know he was a dwarf.
“You have a dwarf in the attic?!?!”
She did not get in.
“You have a dwarf in the attic?!?!”
I spit water everywhere.
I guess it was the tone in which she said it…maybe not horrified like I would, but with excitement? It’s kind of an expected thing to say in that situation, though.
Nathan, I don’t think you want to start down this road of ridiculous preposition-ending-fear. Do you have any idea how awkward “with whom I was kind of friends” sounds? You may not know this, but most people who consider themselves linguists think the idea that a phrase can’t end in a preposition is totally prescriptivist and impractical. To illustrate: “This is the sort of English up with which I will not put.”
If you look at posts from Language Log (a well-known linguistics blog) categorized as “prescriptivist poppycock”(http://languagelog.ldc.upenn.edu/nll/?cat=5), you’ll find many examples of things we were TOLD (often in school!) were the rules of English, but they are in fact quite arbitrary.
I love starting my day with Winston Churchill quotes! 8)
OH WOW – there’s a family near me that would be awesome for this. The guys are all midgets (7 of them) and they always bitch and moan about how boring their mining jobs are (boring! – we have a good laugh on that pun). Also the chick they are flatting with is fairly smoking hot (although a bit of a narcoleptic) – and she just seems to stay at home all day and do the cleaning.
I’ll mention it to them but some of the midgets are a bit quirky to say the least (surly, narcoleptic – again, shy, euphoric, dim-witted, allergic……but one of them has a PhD).
They would be ideal for these ‘jobs’ but they do often have this irritating habit of whistling while they work………
Seriously. I was skimming your response until the second paragraph. LMAO.
LMAO…just beware of ugly chicks selling apples door to door..
Midgets.
*Homer drool face*
The last two are lame, but the first one seems like these guys just want to live the dream. Unfortunately, you should not go about it through CL, but to have a small asian friend nicknamed Godzilla would be one of the best things you could possibly have going for you. Hate on me if you want…that would be awesome (looking for it on CL instead of letting it happen naturally is the asshat part).
I can come, but only if they’ll let me wear my sombrero.
LOL. You’ve been around here….
Didn’t anyone learn anything from Seinfeld? It’s little people!
Maybe everyone wants to live out their Jackass fantasies.
What is the height requirement to fill the midget role. I’m 5 ft 2, is that close enough? Oh, and I can handle my drink if that helps any.
Somehow all three ads convey a certain menace to me. A strong sense of “this can only end badly.”
Fortunately, I’d say the odds are good that all three will be ignored. So disaster will hopefully be avoided.
I’d honestly like to know if this approach ever works.
…for research purposes, I mean.
Unless you’ve spent time around rowdy midgets, you’ll never understand.
And as one who understands, I would opt *not* to hang around rowdy midgets.
I’m sure most little people are fantastic folks … but the f’d-up ones are really f’d-up. It’s sad. And stinky.
Yay now human beings are wacky accessories yaaaaay!
Actually, I think the fascination might be because of the Chelsea Lately show. Her sidekick is a little person named Chuy who she banters with and pokes fun at. Seems like the right target market for the ads.
Um…”novelty” reasons?
For serious. They want to hang out with a “person of small stature” for novelty reasons?
I have only close white friends right now. Would I be racist for asking for “people of dark complexion (“blacks”) to hang out with as a “novelty”?
Oh, I would? Hmmm…who woulda thought?????????
The whole intelligent world? Really? Guess I learn something new every day.
NO F&*CKING KIDDING!!!
I (almost) hesitate to write this, but I was just thinking about the use of the term “midget”, which has become unacceptable because of the way it has been abused, and I started thinking about other terms that have become unacceptable because of abuse. Anyway, long story almost unnoticeably shorter, I eventually was thinking about the use of the “n” word (if you don’t know what I’m referring to — good for you!), and how it can be a good or bad thing, depending on who is saying it and how and in what situation (not entirely sure that is still true, but it was at one time), and suddenly my mind associated it with the Smurfs. For those that are not aware, the Smurfs have a word, “smurf”, which could mean potentially anything and everything (IIRC).
OK, I realize that that is either funny or offensive (or neither), depending on how sensitive you are.
I don’t understand why height, skin colour, or ethnicity is even vaguely important to anything but a physical description (which is partly what got me thinking about “coloured”, “black”/”white” (I’ve never met anyone that was either of those colours, but I digress), and then to the “n” word), but it isn’t just the subjectifying group that uses the terms (in many cases, anyway); people categorise themselves in these ridiculously arbitrary ways.
Anyway, “little people” doesn’t sound much better than “midgets” to me. How about just “people”? Or am I expecting too much (he asks, as if he didn’t already know the answer)?
What a bunch of dumb asses for these dumb postings! I’m not a fan of the “M” word. “Dwarf” is kinda ok and “little person” seems like a put-down sometimes. I know some people with dwarfism use “L.P.” for short but it’s entirely up to the affected individuals to determine which term they prefer. I’ve had various friends under the 4’9″ mark since my early teen years (I’m not much taller) and seem particularly aware of their feelings.
PS:I have a nice rack and know nothing of poker so am I hired? I’ll do it for drinks only!
I’m sorry, but the word midget is something that really irks me. I personally prefer vertically challenged. Also, I am not classified as such medically, but I know how to deal and have a rather large rack, my girlfriend thinks I’m smoking hot. Do I get the job?
ANY POKER DEALERS NEED TO KNOW HOW TO DEAL