You Suck at Craigslist

Tag: MF

  • YSaC, Vol. 412: It’s not like the name is on the box or anything.

    Trogan Magnum Condoms

    I recently decided to get brave and see if I fit into these bad boys. I bought 2 boxes and decided I didn’t “measure” up. So I’m giving the other box away to the lucky person who is responsible enough to not want to soak up all of the tax money that I am currently spending on people that “slipped” up and now rely on the state to help them out with their situation. Send me an email and they’re yours!

    As Martha points out, this ad has it all: Illiteracy! Condescension! Self-emasculation! Superiority complex! Free condoms!

    Thanks, Martha!

  • YSaC, Vol. 387: Hand me that bag, I’m going to puce.

    2 Lazyboy recling chairs like new! Must sell ASAP!!!! want gone today – $150

    I am selling 2 lazyboy recliners, these are like new! One of them swivels, rocks, and reclines and the other one rocks,and reclines. I want theses gone ASAP!!!! Iwould like them gone today!!! both are the same color ( light kacki ) Please let me know if any questions. Please if interested make a reasonable offer and there yours!!!

    Naomi sends in this ad, with the following commentary:
    “Now, there are a couple of things you should notice about these chairs.  First, of course, is that they are recling.  So if you have ever wanted to recle in a chair, now is your chance.  You might not know about recling, but it is what you are doing when you are not being reckless, of course.

    “Second, there are two chairs, but they look like three, and they all take up the exact same space in the seller’s living room.  Don’t ask how — they are trained professionals; don’t try this at home.

    “Then, of course, there is the lovely kacki color.  If you’re not familiar, this is the color you turn on a bumpy plane ride, as in ‘Are you OK?’  ‘No, I’m feeling a little kacki.’

    “Apparently, the sale of these magical kacki recling chairs has something to do with the seller’s frustration over graduate school, because s/he wants theses gone as soon as possible.”

    Recling. Surely that’s just someone making a one-off typo in the title, right? I mean, they got it right in the ad itself, so surely nobody else would make that mistake, right?

    I have recling and other chair and 5 bucks for you

    hurry wont last at this price

    Oh. So, wait … I’ll get a recling, and a chair, AND $5? Is there any chance the recling is kacki?

    Second post courtesy of Martha F., who destroys my faith in humanity once again.

  • YSaC, Vol. 338: Then again, my baby pictures ARE kind of embarrassing …

    Old photos and letters (home)

    Possablly free please since its for school and work. I need old photos for a project and i would take care of them. I mean old letters and photos from before 1980’s. I am hoping i can get for free and possablly keep if that be ok. If not i would give back. Please tell me in an email what you got and how many. and if you want them back or not. P.S.
    If you dont let me use them and possablly keep them for free i cant work with it sorry i dont have money to spend thats why i hope free please.
    P.S.
    Photos of the items in an email first so i see if it is usable. I need these so bad. My HS grade depends on them plus my college grade.

    A couple of things here:

    1. Since when did pre-1980s become OLD? [Now get the hell off my lawn, you damned kids.]
    2. How can both a high school grade AND a college grade depend on whether or not you can find someone to give you/loan you old photographs and letters? How can it be for school and work? What kind of project is this?
    3. How can someone possibly spell possibly as possablly? And possibly more important, how can that person possibly go to college?

    I can just see someone thinking to themselves, “You know, we don’t actually USE those letters that Grandpa wrote to Grandma while he was in the Army during the war … let’s let this nice kid have them for his project so he can pass high school and college.”

    Thanks to Martha — seriously, Martha, WHAT is wrong with people where you live?

  • YSaC, Vol. 305: The heartwarming story of a woman, her kayak, and central air.

    Martha is a regular and long-time contributor to YSaC (she has her own tag!), and she sent in this account of her real-life adventures on Craigslist:

    So I’m actually trying to barter my ridiculously expensive kayak for central air.  Here’s the ad I found…

    BARTER ****You need a CENTRAL A/C or FURNACE ? (Rosemount , Farmington, Hampton)

    ********BARTER HVAC SKILLS for cash **********Or ?

    Heating , Venting , Air Conditioning

    Central Air —- 13 seer 2 ton Central Air Unit $775.00

    A-Coils as low as $195.00

    Furnaces — 80% 70,000 Btu $578.00 FREE DELIVERY , FREE DISPOSAL with install Ready to ——– ” GET ER DONE ” ——- CALL xxx-xxx-8082

    So I email the guy, and here’s the ensuing email trail:

    Hi,

    I have this ad out on Craigslist (http://minneapolis.craigslist.org/bar/xxxxxxxxxx.html) and am interested in bartering for C/A installed on my (small) home.  All ductwork is in place, all that would be needed is a slab and unit.

    Please let me know if you are interested, it seems like it would be a fair trade.

    Thanks,
    Martha

    — On Mon, 4/27/09, CentralAirAsshat@juno.com  wrote:
    From: CentralAirAsshat@juno.com
    Subject: Central Air Our Reply ! !
    To: xxxxxxxx@yahoo.com
    Date: Monday, April 27, 2009, 4:15 PM

    Barter my CENTRAL AIR SKILLS for CASH.
    Really have no need for a KAYAK.
    When you sell your KAYAK then email.
    Your Phone Number and City you live in.
    So we can get your CENTRAL AIR installed.
    Looking forward to serving you.

    Thanks

    From: “Martha F”
    To: “CentralAirAsshat@juno.com”

    You do know that BARTERING means for goods, not cash, right?  You should really remove your ad from the barter section, since you are really just advertising your services for CASH ONLY (which is selling).

    http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/barter

    Looking forward to not doing business with you.

    Martha says, “I really had to hold myself back from calling him a moron.  And I never heard back from him, but this jackhole is still posting the same ads.  Apparently he didn’t check the dictionary link.”

    Thanks, Martha! I hope you get your kayak bartered AND your central air installed.

  • YSaC, Vol. CXCVI

    Wanted Raccoon meat

    I want to buy a couple of dressed raccoon carcasses for a outdoors banquet. call Don xxx.xxx.xxxx

    I’ve never been so happy to not be invited to something in my entire life. You see, this ad comes from a state that has recently been (and was currently, at the time this was posted) experiencing high temperatures of something like minus eleventy. An “outdoor banquet” doesn’t sound particularly appealing, much less one involving raccoon carcasses. In the meantime, there’s always this. Sure, you can’t eat it, but it would look nice and fluufy on the table!

    Submitted by MF — thanks!

  • YSaC, Vol. CLIX

    FREE STUFF… ALL GOOD STUFF..COME GET IT!!!

    I PUT OUT SOME STUFF THAT YOU CAN HAVE FOR FREE. THERE IS A ROSE COLORED CHAIR. EVERYTHING ELSE IS GONE. IT IS LOCATED AT [location redacted]. WE ARE NEXT TO JOHN’S AUTO PARTS IN THE MOBILE HOME PARK. WE ARE IN THE VERY BACK, 2 BLOCKS FROM POLK. IT IS IN THE FRONT OF MY HOME ON THE CURB, SO YOU DON’T NEED TO COME INTO THE YARD. IF YOU NEED HELP LOADING IT, JUST KNOCK ON THE DOOR. I WILL DELETE THIS POSTING WHEN IT IS GONE. ITEMS HAVE BEEN SITTING OUTSIDE AND MIGHT NEED SOME CLEANING, BUT OTHER WISE IT ALL WORKS FINE. THANKS FOR LOOKING…..SEE THE PICTURE…..

    159

    What amuses me about this is that by the time she got around to taking pictures of the free stuff on the curb, it had already been sitting outside long enough to have accumulated a thick layer of snow. And who wouldn’t want an upholstered chair that has had four inches of snow on it?

    Submitted by Martha — thanks!