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YSaC, Vol. 412: It’s not like the name is on the box or anything.

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drmk

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Trogan Magnum Condoms

I recently decided to get brave and see if I fit into these bad boys. I bought 2 boxes and decided I didn’t “measure” up. So I’m giving the other box away to the lucky person who is responsible enough to not want to soak up all of the tax money that I am currently spending on people that “slipped” up and now rely on the state to help them out with their situation. Send me an email and they’re yours!

As Martha points out, this ad has it all: Illiteracy! Condescension! Self-emasculation! Superiority complex! Free condoms!

Thanks, Martha!

Comments

54 responses to “YSaC, Vol. 412: It’s not like the name is on the box or anything.”

  1. Wings Avatar
    Wings

    I can’t be the only one who read this and thought, “he’s poked each one with a needle…”

    He bought these condoms, found he doesn’t “measure up,” and even mentions it in the ad. This is a guy who is gunning for those who DO “measure up,” by giving them condoms that are going to be an uber fail.

    Just watch… some guy with a big willy is going to be on CL R&R’s in a few months… you’ll see.

    1. drmk Avatar
      drmk

      Nope, that was my first thought too … except for the rant about responsibility and welfare. It seems like the last thing this person wants would be more kids running around (that he would have to pay for via his state taxes, of course).

    2. Count Blah Avatar
      Count Blah

      Looks like he’s only giving away the second, untouched/unopened box, though.

  2. mudslicker Avatar
    mudslicker

    Not to mention they’re one of those off-brands made to “sound” like the real thing. Trogan Condoms – on sale at the Dollar Store — get ’em while they’re/you’re hot!!

    Besides, we all know that the regular “Trogans” should be plenty big enough for anyone with a lack of hubris because Howie Mandell wears them on his head all the time. All I can say is you get what you pay for.

    And WHO buys TWO boxes when they want to “get brave” and just want to test them out? He should all do us a favor and mail them to that Dugger family dad.

    1. SoundsLikeVla Avatar
      SoundsLikeVla

      Well the Duggar comment seems unfair since he’s not using public assistance and since his wife homeschools, they aren’t using our tax dollars for that either. Yeah, shame on him for paying in taxes and not using his share of public assistance! And another boo for raising straight-laced kids taught from birth to never borrow money. They’re debt free and seemingly nice people who vote and pray for the president. Yeah…what a horrible thing to have more Duggars. Why don’t you go after the Suleman lady who is all over public aid like white on rice.

      1. vickie Avatar
        vickie

        not to start a flame war or anything (fingers crossed), but in this day and age 19 children is much too much. and don’t the Duggars have a reality show and corporations giving them free stuff?? that’s as bad as if they were on welfare. Yes, they’re doing a wonderful job raising responsible kids from what the public sees, but humanity has done a fine enough job populating this planet.

        1. Mrphysic Avatar
          Mrphysic

          19 kids – Dude, it’s a vagina, not a clown car…..(quote from Awkward family photos)

        2. MoxieHart Avatar
          MoxieHart

          Plus, there’s the fact that they’re a Quiverfull family and raising what they think is God’s army. Not creepy at all…

        3. Linnee Avatar
          Linnee

          Actually, I think the older girls are doing a wonderful job of raising the kids.

        4. SoundsLikeVla Avatar
          SoundsLikeVla

          We’re Quiverfull but I’m college educated, have a BA and MA, I’m working on my PhD, have my own business, and my husband is not the stronger of our two personalities. We only have 2 children because that is all we’ve been blessed with. Just because we believe that God determines how many children we have doesn’t mean we’re literally raising an army nor am I degraded. I love my life and my freedom to interpret the Bible to the best of my ability. Please get your facts right before you start throwing names. Quiverfull refers only to the belief about no contraceptives and children as blessings from God. Though people who practice it are Christian and mostly conservative and seek to honor their husbands, we aren’t a second class gender. Read Proverbs 31 and you’ll find only positive attributes for a Godly wife.

      2. pixie721 Avatar
        pixie721

        And the misogyny. Let’s not forget that they are raising the girls to think of themselves as second class citizens who are good for nothing but cooking, cleaning, taking orders from men, and having babies until their uteri fall out or menopause begins. The boys are being raised to procreate like mad and dominate over the “weaker sex.”

        Plus, the overpopulation issue mentioned by another poster is also a good argument for why they’re hardly model citizens.

        1. KatieMB Avatar
          KatieMB

          But think of all the placenta smoothies Mrs D gets to have, pixie! 😉

        2. pixie721 Avatar
          pixie721

          I prefer to think of her having a placenta pinata filled with poopberries to entertain all the little ones. But, KatieMB, I’m sure she’d save a piece for you to make a smoothie. I know how much faith you put in the scientific validity of placentas to ward off PPD. What was the control they used on that double-blind study?

          Did someone mention vagina clown cars? That makes me think of the Berenstain Bears. http://www.somethingawful.com/d/photoshop-phriday/childrens-books-all.php?page=3

      3. mudslicker Avatar
        mudslicker

        Sad to say, Octo-mom bypassed the “Trogan” factor by having another ace up her “sleeve” entirely.

        And I understand that here in the U.S. we have the right to pop out as many puppies as we want, but IMHO in this day and age there has got to be some responsibility in doing so. And don’t even think for one minute that the Duggers foot that massive bill for raising all those offspring by more than a fraction. The carbon footprint they leave just by getting into one of those Greyhound buses they call a “car” alone puts them over the top.

        The mere title of their show makes me cringe because it’s as if TLC is putting out some cutesy challenge to keep adding to their number.

        Okay! We get it! They can procreate, but just because they can doesn’t mean that the saturation factor they cause doesn’t bleed throughtout the rest of society. Some self control should be in order here people.

        1. My Evil Twin Avatar
          My Evil Twin

          I don’t think self control and anything to do with TV (or movies) can have anything but a diametric opposite association, can it?

          Then again, I sometimes wonder if that doesn’t apply to society in general.

      4. z0iid Avatar
        z0iid

        college educated doesn’t really mean anything… other than the fact that you were too afraid to face the real world out of high school. *shrug* although props to working towards your PhD while running a business.

        i wonder if your husband believes/knows he isn’t the “stronger of the two personalities”… and if so, does he resent you for publicizing that as if it actually were an important piece of information. (see, that fact that you feel it is necessary to divulge that bit of information leads me to believe you are insecure with your current situation…)

        interpreting the bible to the “best of your ability” is just an excuse to justify things that don’t sit well with own personal “moral-code” you have developed, and using the bible as your guiding light (or whatever you want to call it) is just a crutch to give you an excuse to hold on to your prejudices and bias’ towards “sinners”.

      5. oregonbird Avatar
        oregonbird

        The Duggars don’t pay taxes. They are registered as a church, and the money they get from TLC is paid to their personal “church”. So — you support them federally, and their neighbors pay for their fire/police/playground/etc. And they get medicaid, too — you didn’t think they could/would pay for medical insurance?

    2. Sarah Avatar
      Sarah

      As a person who spent several summers working at a dollar store, I can say we (thank God) didn’t sell off-brand condoms. Though we did have $1 pregnancy tests. And yes, they were the number one stolen item in the store. On the upside, my mother gave me some good advice about that: “When you’re trying to figure out if you’re pregnant or not, spend the extra money to get a name brand tester. That’s one decision you should not be relying on the dollar store for.”

      1. Fraulein N Avatar
        Fraulein N

        I’ve actually read study results that say they’re just as good as brand name, as long as they haven’t expired.

        *I* wouldn’t risk it, though.

      2. MoxieHart Avatar
        MoxieHart

        The dollar store in my neighborhood, I think it was called Valu-Plus, sold condoms called Ruff Ryderz or something like that. I’d always crack up when I saw them because they had this blonde, 80’s porn woman on the box.

    3. dan Avatar
      dan

      Erm… I have it on good authority that, Howie Mandel notwithstanding, there really are people who are more comfortable with the larger sizes of condoms. Just because you CAN pull the whole thing over your head doesn’t mean that it’s pleasant to do so.

      1. mudslicker Avatar
        mudslicker

        Touché dan. However there is definitely a lot of wiggle room between the size of Howie Mandell’s head and the part of the anatomy we’re talking about here [at least I want to believe there is]. If I ever see a guy walking down the street with what appears to be his junk the size of Howie’s head I’ll pop into the closest Catholic church and light a candle to the Magnum condom god [as well as Saint Jude] and admit defeat.

    4. beardplow Avatar
      beardplow

      Regular condoms can be stretched over your head and everything, but definitely not meant to.
      Magnums are generally meant for someone who has more girth than the average person.
      From me personally wearing a regular condom is uncomfortable, painful, and feels like it will break at any moment…rendering it useless.

      I don’t buy condoms off craigslist though, that’s for sure. haha.

  3. Colleen in MA Avatar
    Colleen in MA

    I’d like to be there when this transaction goes down. Scene at the local Starbucks: “Hey – are you the small pecker guy giving away the magnum condoms?” “Yeah, that’s me, here you go. Enjoy. Don’t slip up or I’ll have to kick your ass.”

  4. Mary Avatar
    Mary

    “I’m doing YOU a big favor because….I HAVE a small favor.”

    1. Mrphysic Avatar
      Mrphysic

      yes yes , har har – have a good cheap laugh at ‘Mr Small’ why don’t you – but there is no way on God’s green Earth that you guys will EVER understand how excruciatingly embarrassing it is when you fail to fulfill the simplest of limits you set yourself……
      .
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      .

  5. pixie721 Avatar
    pixie721

    I need another box of Trojan Magnums so I’d be happy to take those off of his hands. Those bad boys are expensive. Alas, he doesn’t have Trojans, he only has Trogans. I’m only interested in Trogans as water balloons.

    I kind of liked his anti-procreation dickery.

  6. SoundsLikeVla Avatar
    SoundsLikeVla

    Yep-he poked them all with a needle and glued the box shut. I won’t even buy a squished looking box at the pharmacy b/c it might be tampered with. Second-hand condoms would only be bought by a first class asshat.

  7. Lola Avatar
    Lola

    This guy doesn’t *have* a big c*ck, but he *is* one.

    And he can’t spell. All-around fail …

  8. o rly Avatar
    o rly

    I’m thinking this is his clever ruse to meet a hung man. Who is into poorly endowed “bottoms”.

    1. dissimilitude Avatar
      dissimilitude

      Oh, good, I’m not the only one whose mind went there….

    2. Tankerbell Avatar
      Tankerbell

      Apparently there is a crowd of us, because that is exactly what I thought. And, truthfully, I thought it was kind of genius.

  9. Rachel Avatar
    Rachel

    “Illiteracy! Condescension! Self-emasculation! Superiority complex! Free condoms!”

    Sounds like college.

    1. erin Avatar
      erin

      hahaha heyooooo!

    2. LurkRealClose Avatar
      LurkRealClose

      Comment of win!

  10. frigglesnitz Avatar
    frigglesnitz

    Was he or his partner more dissappointed that he couldn’t fill these out? Inquiring minds, you know?

    1. david Avatar
      david

      he didn’t mention a partner. only that he doesn’t think he’ll be growing into those anytime soon.

      1. corn flakes Avatar
        corn flakes

        I think he was pretty ambitious to buy 2 packs, especially not knowing if they’d work.
        Personally, i buy smaller quantities. Nothing makes a bad dating streak feel worse than a Sams Club 72 pack of condoms taunting you.

  11. Mrphysic Avatar
    Mrphysic

    I decided to be brave by writing a long hilarious comment – turns out I don’t “measure” up either…

  12. casualencounters.com/blog/ Avatar
    casualencounters.com/blog/

    I love it when people use scare quotes inappropriately. You “know” what I “mean”?

  13. dogface Avatar
    dogface

    So I was reading the title of the ad and thought it was a misspelling of “trogon” at first (it’s a kind of bird) and was wondering why these birds needed such large condoms. I mean, all their junk is shriveled up and on the inside when it’s not the breeding season. :O

    1. MoxieHart Avatar
      MoxieHart

      Someone should reassure the guy who posted the ad that he’s not the only one with embarrassing genitals.

    2. Count Blah Avatar
      Count Blah

      Yeah, but what about in breeding season? Sounds like these birds might just be “growers” instead of “showers”.

      1. dogface Avatar
        dogface

        They’re pretty small birds. I’m not sure that they could grow that much, y’know?

  14. cleaseltheweasel Avatar
    cleaseltheweasel

    Dear sir:

    Where do you live that taxpayer money is used to fund abortions? Please let me know so I can move there. I am tired of paying for border walls and highway pork projects.

    Sincerely,
    Bleeding-heart kid-hating liberal

    1. Olson Avatar
      Olson

      I’m pretty sure that he, at no point, mentions abortion in this ad. It kind of sounded like he was referring to welfare.

      –Cold-hearted, family-values loving conservative

      1. cleaseltheweasel Avatar
        cleaseltheweasel

        Maybe I misread that. I thought his reference to getting the state to help with one’s situation meant getting help with cleaning up after a condom fail.

        Hey, I’m a values voter too, awesome!

  15. queensbee Avatar
    queensbee

    thank you for thinking about NOT reproducing. the rest of us appreciate it…

  16. Julia Avatar
    Julia

    “Illiteracy! Condescension! Self-emasculation! Superiority complex! Free condoms!”

    Wow, American foreign policy to Africa in a nutshell!

    1. cleaseltheweasel Avatar
      cleaseltheweasel

      Except we don’t give them free condoms anymore, since condoms cause AIDS, as we all know.

  17. Katy Avatar
    Katy

    I believe we found the only man on the planet who would be giving away the big condoms and saying “it’s cuz I’m too small” instead of “my massive jackhammer of a sex organ will not fit in those puny condoms”. You have to give him credit for that.

  18. Serious Replies Only Avatar
    Serious Replies Only

    Do you think someone will actually go through the trouble of “claiming” the condoms? I would love to be a fly on the wall when that happens!

  19. Martha Avatar
    Martha

    I was sure this had a photo of said box o’ treats when I sent it off….which makes the poster even more dumb. How did he ever search for the photo when he can’t spell the name right.

    Oh, and I believe he was giving them away free, since that’s the section I most frequently troll.

    Oh well, it’s been ages. Perhaps my memory fails me.

  20. bonni Avatar
    bonni

    well, at least he didn’t misspell it as “mangum” condoms, because that would sort of be gross and wrong.

    (Plus, like mudslicker said: there’s no way he bought TWO boxes of condoms he’d never tried before. So that means he acquired them some other way. That’s not good.)

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