YSaC, Vol. 305: The heartwarming story of a woman, her kayak, and central air.
Martha is a regular and long-time contributor to YSaC (she has her own tag!), and she sent in this account of her real-life adventures on Craigslist:
So I’m actually trying to barter my ridiculously expensive kayak for central air. Here’s the ad I found…
BARTER ****You need a CENTRAL A/C or FURNACE ? (Rosemount , Farmington, Hampton)
********BARTER HVAC SKILLS for cash **********Or ?
Heating , Venting , Air Conditioning
Central Air —- 13 seer 2 ton Central Air Unit $775.00
A-Coils as low as $195.00
Furnaces — 80% 70,000 Btu $578.00 FREE DELIVERY , FREE DISPOSAL with install Ready to ——– ” GET ER DONE ” ——- CALL xxx-xxx-8082
So I email the guy, and here’s the ensuing email trail:
Hi,
I have this ad out on Craigslist (http://minneapolis.craigslist.org/bar/xxxxxxxxxx.html) and am interested in bartering for C/A installed on my (small) home. All ductwork is in place, all that would be needed is a slab and unit.
Please let me know if you are interested, it seems like it would be a fair trade.
Thanks,
Martha
— On Mon, 4/27/09, CentralAirAsshat@juno.com wrote:
From: CentralAirAsshat@juno.com
Subject: Central Air Our Reply ! !
To: xxxxxxxx@yahoo.com
Date: Monday, April 27, 2009, 4:15 PM
Barter my CENTRAL AIR SKILLS for CASH.
Really have no need for a KAYAK.
When you sell your KAYAK then email.
Your Phone Number and City you live in.
So we can get your CENTRAL AIR installed.
Looking forward to serving you.
Thanks
From: “Martha F”
To: “CentralAirAsshat@juno.com”
You do know that BARTERING means for goods, not cash, right? You should really remove your ad from the barter section, since you are really just advertising your services for CASH ONLY (which is selling).
http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/barter
Looking forward to not doing business with you.
Martha says, “I really had to hold myself back from calling him a moron. And I never heard back from him, but this jackhole is still posting the same ads. Apparently he didn’t check the dictionary link.”
Thanks, Martha! I hope you get your kayak bartered AND your central air installed.
I think the AMAZING Thing.
He CORRESPONDS in email like AD.
THERE was no NEED to cap for importance.
And COMPLETELY disregard complete SENTENCES.
Well, the thing is, if he doesn’t want or need a kayak, then he doesn’t have to barter, right?
Right. A simple ‘no thanks, not interested in a kayak’ would have been great. However, he states “Barter my CENTRAL AIR SKILLS for CASH.” as if I was a complete idiot who couldn’t read that he was only bartering for cash (which is not bartering).
Plus, he says in the ad “barter…for cash…Or ?” which implies that he is open to accepting other items for barter.
Ah, I see! I guess I am so used to rudeness from CL people that it went over my head. How sad is that??
Dude’s insane in the membrane. Or possibly the author of a brilliant new spam technique. Cornering the market in the markets without corners?
This one doesn’t seem like it merits the “asshat” tag…
Even though he’s determined that he’ll only ‘barter’ for cash?
Dearest Sparky,
Since you only barter for cash, I have the perfect deal for you. I will barter you twenty dollars if you come to my family reunion and let us throw raw meat at you. My cousin was going to do it, but he chickened out at the last minute.
Ghostie, you have earned a day in the box with Bea Arthur.
I’m … honored.
I wonder what advantage there is to advertising his business in the barter section and then insisting on cash only. Seems he would be alienating his customer base, as with Martha. It must be a tax dodge, he writes it off as a loss every year.
Words are hard.
PECIL!
Happy Holiday Weekend Sunday, snarkers!
Sparky is a moron. What more need be said?
I would LIKE TO barter my HALF-EATEN pickle for the ability to NOT write random words IN ALL CAPS. $50 or BEST offer.
I’ll trade you $50 TO EAT the OTHER half…
*Hi corner!*
“LIKE TO barter.
HALF-EATEN pickle.
For the ability to NOT write.
Random words IN ALL CAPS.
To write in FULL sentences.
And to not insert PERIODS.
And line BREAKS in random places.
$50 or BEST offer.”
Fixed it.
1. Barter KAYAK for money.
2. Barter money for CENTRAL AIR SKILLS.
3. Replace money-based economy with “barter-based” economy that SUSPICIOUSLY RESEMBLES the money-based economy that you replaced.
4. ?????
5. PROFIT!
6. Or maybe not.
Dear SPARKY,
I will BARTER COMPOSTION SKILLS for cash***************or?
Got nothing. Nothing in trade, and less in cash.
He doesn’t want to barter an airconditioner for a kayak, he wants to “barter” for cash or a question mark
See if he takes any exclamation points !!!!!!!!
Nope. But interrobangs might be acceptable.
I have an or but is slightly worn.
Ghostie, here’s the rest of your honor. Punchity Punch Punch!
G’Night, Amphoe Kut Chum!