YSaC, Vol. 1010: Able was I, ere I saw Craigslist.
(Camera opens on a happy family getting ready to go out on some sort of wholesome family outing, probably involving running about in a field, slightly out of focus.)
Voiceover: “Are various symptoms preventing you from living life to the fullest?”
(“Dad,” played by an avuncular community theater actor who’s been trying to earn his SAG card for four years, pauses on his way out the door to look vaguely discomforted. “Mom” looks at him sympathetically, while mentally deciding whether or not to have Thai for lunch.)
“Symptoms are now the number one result of medical conditions in America. Fortunately, now there’s NAPLONENEtm! Naplonenetm has been shown to be effective in clinical trials* against many common symptoms. Except for the ones where it isn’t. Ask your doctor about Naplonenetm!”
NAPLONENE Oil Painting
(Not an original)
Very Large- Bonaparte crossing the Alps cavalry in a fancy frame
excellent shape, minus a little nick in the lower side left part of frame.
“Ask your doctor about NAPLONENEtm today!”
(Wide shot of “Dad” playing with a couple of rented ten-year-olds who are starting to realize they can start telling mom they don’t want to do these commercials OR the stupid child pageants any more.)
“Please note: Naplonenetm may not actually cure symptoms. Naplonenetm is not for internal use. Possible side effects include mild nausea, severe nausea, crippling nausea, mild fondness for Klezmer music, itching, swelling, a not-so-fresh-feeling, colorblindness, luposlipophobia, loss of appetite, loss of libido, loss of car keys, marmots, and death. Naplonenetm is for internal use only. Do not taunt Naplonenetm.”
*conducted on Thompson’s Gazelles in rural Kyrgyzstan.
Thanks for the post, Lisa!