YSaC, Vol. 768: Where do ninjas shop?

2010 August 24
by drmk

These two ads are cut from the same cloth, and that cloth is the “possibly awesome” tag.

Urban Ninja


I am looking for a partner (or group) for various urban ninja activities. I have very little experience, so I am looking for someone with little or no experience as well (although if you have a lot, I certainly would still enjoy the company). I am looking for someone that I can learn and train with. Gender is irrelevant.

Daytime activities may include:
- Climbing trees and buildings
- Ranting about capitalism
- Practicing balance and agility
- Sword fighting
- Other fighting
- Playing ninja video games
- Crafting or purchasing gear
- Free running

Nighttime activities may include:
- Going unseen
- Exploring the urban landscape
- Watching ninja movies

I’m looking to have fun, get my adrenaline pumping, and increase my self-reliance and self-defense.

I am generally law-abiding and moral, so I will not do anything that will harm another person unwillingly (either physically, economically, mentally, or otherwise) unless significant arguments can be made that others will benefit more from my actions, although this is a decision not to be taken lightly.

Let me know if you’re interested, and let me know your experience, what sorts of additional activities may interest you, or if you have any issues with any of the activities I mentioned or anything I said.

Believe it or not, this post is serious :)

I’m all for moral urban ninja-ing. I can see it now … groups of ninjas roaming the streets, putting quarters into expired parking meters and helping little old ladies cross the street. Obviously they’d simultaneously be fighting evil, because that’s what ninjas do — and believe you me, they wouldn’t top off the parking meter for anyone evil!

Jedi Warrior seeks Same


Wanted one Jedi warrior (Sith or otherwise) to participate in ongoing and constant lightsaber duels. Must be tireless, willing to fight with second or third best light saber and never take the wrong guy. If my 5 year old Jedi wants to be Darth Vader then you have to be someone else. Must be able to make many cool noises and introduce cool movies without being overbearing or intimidating. Must expect to fall down on the floor and die many times. Must never stop playing. Must never show in interest in something that occurred anywhere except a long time ago in a galaxy far far away.

No weirdos.

Damn. I was good up until that last sentence.

Thanks for the Jedi ad, Monica!

259 Responses leave one →
  1. 2010 August 24

    I think there is a store in the mall called Urban Ninja. Their slogan is “Gender is irrelevant.”

    Adores: 12
    • 2010 August 24

      I’m an urban ninja. I shop at Target.

      Adores: 8
      • 2010 August 24
        TacoMagic permalink

        I’m an Urban Ninja, and I made Windows 7.

        Adores: 9
        • 2010 August 24

          I’m Windows 7 and Urban Ninjas was my idea.

          Adores: 13
        • 2010 August 24

          [kindasortacoreyish]Actually, somehow, I don’t think an urban ninja who dislikes capitalism would be doing much shopping at Target these days, all things considered.[/kindasortacoreyish]

          In Soviet Russia, Urban Windows Ninja your idea 7s!

          Adores: 8
        • 2010 August 24
          sarajean80 permalink

          I’m the 7th Urban Ninja and my ideas are all windows!

          Adores: 10
        • 2010 August 24

          Ima li’l teapot…

          Adores: 26
        • 2010 August 24

          CJ wins this round of Urban Ninja. Seriously, who is going to expect the tea pot?

          Adores: 12
        • 2010 August 24
          sarajean80 permalink

          Sounds like a ninja movie in the making.

          Ninja Teapot 3 – The Silent Whistle of Doom!

          Adores: 14
        • 2010 August 24

          Fine, I steal from Target…. I just didn’t want to publicly admit it because unless you’re an urban ninja, stealing is difficult and bad, and there are children on the internet who are easily influenced by snark. THINK OF THE CHILDREN.

          Adores: 8
        • 2010 August 24
          Lola permalink

          Oooh, I didn’t know there were urban ninjas (or any, really) involved in the matcha tea ceremony! Good hiding.

          Adores: 6
        • 2010 August 24
          Grampdaddy permalink

          Ima li’l teapot…

          CJ, Hate to brew up a storm, but before I believe you’re a little teapot, you’ll have to show us your handle and/or spout.

          As Richard Nixon once said, “I am not a little pufferbelly, and I am not in a row. I’ll pull my own little handle, thank you very much.”

          Adores: 7
        • 2010 August 24
          Addicted Reader permalink

          “I’m a little teapot, short and stout
          here is my handle, here is my … other … handle.
          Oh, shoot, I’m a sugar bowl!”

          Adores: 13
        • 2010 August 24

          Tempest in a teacup?
          And think of the children… The tasty, tasty children.
          Allegedly.

          Adores: 4
    • 2010 August 24
      Grampdaddy permalink

      If “gender is irrelevant”, does that mean Ninjas are Bi? I’m willing to accept anything on this – bi-sexual, bi-racial, bi-polar, bi-cycle, bi-lateral.

      Believe it or not, this comment is serious.*

      *This may not be entirely true.

      Adores: 9
    • 2010 August 24
      CapnMac permalink

      Gender may be irrevelent (especially in English as currently abused), but Sex is not.

      Which can be tested by simply walking in the wrong bathroom (which will tend to defy even “mad urban ninjuh skilz”).

      Adores: 9
      • 2010 August 24
        kelli permalink

        [slightly off-topic] Last Saturday, a female co-worker was using the public bathroom, she heard someone come in and turn on the water in one of the sinks. She looked through the crack between the door and the rest of the stall and saw what seemed to be a male at the sink with his trousers slightly down. She finished her business in the stall and walked over to the sink where, yes, this man was urinating in the sink. She asked if he knew he was in the women’s room. He said, “Yeah, the men’s room is full.”

        Adores: 3
        • 2010 August 24
          Whirlwitch permalink

          If that guy was employed at that location, I hope your co-worker had a word with HR. His “excuse” doesn’t hold…well, we’ll leave it at that.

          Adores: 0
  2. 2010 August 24
    mudslicker permalink

    Sounds alot like these guys should get together with the Summoner guy:

    I am not insane nor stupid. I am in need to solve something. This is not a WoW quest nor a RPG.

    The Magic of the Interweb. Gotta love it.

    Adores: 5
    • 2010 August 24
      Kae permalink

      Stupid Interweb. I keep getting stuck in it.

      Adores: 6
  3. 2010 August 24

    - Ranting about capitalism

    I see these people support the socialization of Ninjutsu. The poor should be able to be Ninja’d just as much as the rich.

    Adores: 4
    • 2010 August 24
      mudslicker permalink

      Maybe they can get Green Day as their spokesband. Can you talk to your sister?

      :)

      Adores: 3
    • 2010 August 24
      CapnMac permalink

      Have to [nippon corey] here.
      The ninja were a product of a stratified feudal society.
      But, capitalist industry was tolerated and encouraged, as long as one remembered that merchants ranked under rice farmers in the system, and that all profits were “kicked up” in the system.

      Now, ronin, dismissed samurai, could lament a capitalist system, since they were jobless, and you only eat if you can pay. But, ninja are rarely ronin, they’d have to be not very stealthy, for one. They’d have to have fealty to a single master, to later become master-less, too.

      O the things teenaged boys and self-estranged scions of the upper-middle class of America can come up with!
      ([double-deep corey] This is the same segment of the population that will form anarchist “communes” and completely ignore the irony that these “anarchists” can only exist by the theft of the porductive society they lampoon. Still gets “the violence inherent in the system” demonstrated upon them, having cuffed such a time or two.[/corey])
      [/corey]

      Adores: 2
    • 2010 August 24

      “Just don’t go Ninjin’ nobody who don’t need Ninjin’”.

      Adores: 3
  4. 2010 August 24

    The first ad is…well, it’s just miraculous that’s all…

    The poster knows the proper usages of “your” and “you’re”.

    I weep…

    Adores: 11
    • 2010 August 24
      Addicted Reader permalink

      The first post truly deserves the “possibly awesome” tag.

      Adores: 1
  5. 2010 August 24

    Since I live with a 3-yr. old these days let me translate ad #2:

    HELP!!!! THIS SPAWN OF SATAN HEATHEN MINION OF EVIL CHILD IS DRIVING ME INSANE!!!!!! IT’S ALWAYS SAYING, “PLAY! PLAY! PLAY! LET’S PLAY! COME PLAY! I WANNA PLAY! PLAY NOW! PLAY SOME MORE!!”

    AND.IT.NEVER.STOPS.

    Adores: 17
    • 2010 August 24
      Adranth permalink

      You know, that’s what I thought at first, too. But the more I read it, the more I’m convinced that the poster really just thinks that himself and needs someone to, er, satisfy him.

      Adores: 7
      • 2010 August 24

        Oh geez, Adranth…..did you have to totally squick me out so early in the morning? Light sabers and….sweet clothespin Jeebus…

        Adores: 2
        • 2010 August 24
          Adranth permalink

          I try! -bows-

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 August 24
          Addicted Reader permalink

          Nice lion avatar!

          Adores: 10
  6. 2010 August 24

    The second ad is the best “I need a free babysitter” we’ve seen yet. Honestly, if I had kids I’d be more likely to leave them with the Jedi than faux grandparents…if I didn’t like them much and I was too cheap to pony up for day care.

    Adores: 15
    • 2010 August 24
      sarajean80 permalink

      More like “I need a free babysitting robot.”

      Must be able to make many cool noises and introduce cool movies without being overbearing or intimidating. Must expect to fall down on the floor and die many times. Must never stop playing.

      I bet R2 and C3PO are free now.

      Adores: 14
      • 2010 August 24
        Kae permalink

        Oh, no. They’re still a buck.fifty an hour.

        Adores: 3
  7. 2010 August 24
    Windrose permalink

    I feel a disturbance in the force, as if a million brain cells cried out at once, and were silenced. I think I’ll go have a lie-down.

    Adores: 17
    • 2010 August 24
      Grampdaddy permalink

      Windrose, don’t be distraught – it was only two brain cells, and they were VERY lonely.

      Adores: 4
  8. 2010 August 24
    SilvaNoir permalink

    I suggest the first poster go to Anime Boston. Lots of friendly city ninja kids there.
    I’d almost qualify (hey, I have little to no experience being a ninja and can rant about capitalism.. and I can go unseen at night by hiding under my covers) but I’m not very good at videogames (unless it has Mario in it, I’m somewhat decent at those)

    To the second poster… they want to hire a random Star Wars obsessed adult to play with their kid? Really? Hey, how about taking your kid to the playground and let him (or her) play with the other kids.

    Adores: 7
    • 2010 August 24

      There’s also the t-shirt ninjas. I wonder if Mr. Winkey would be on board for some capitalism ranting.

      Adores: 3
      • 2010 August 24
        TacoMagic permalink

        Damn capitalists! They never brush their teeth before having lunch with me!

        *Shakes fist*

        Adores: 6
        • 2010 August 24
          Litarider permalink

          You mean before having you for lunch—never mind, I shouldn’t say things like that to you.

          Adores: 4
    • 2010 August 24
      Whirlwitch permalink

      The other kids won’t settle for always getting the second or third best lightsaber. And sometimes they want to be Vader.

      Adores: 0
  9. 2010 August 24

    I have yet to meet a ninja that doesn’t rant about capitalism…but hey, there’s hope yet. This is the first grammatically correct post I’ve seen!

    Adores: 4
  10. 2010 August 24

    ughhh, ya. If your 5 year old wants to be Darth Vader, then they must also relinquish the Jedi title. Sorry, can’t have both. L2P – QQ

    Also, I’m not playing if you’re sticking me with the crapsaber…Let’s play duck duck goose for choosies.

    Question: Would I fall under the category of “weirdo” if I cover myself in Crisco proceeding each epic battle?

    Adores: 7
    • 2010 August 24
      Adranth permalink

      That depends, how old is the crisco?

      Adores: 5
      • 2010 August 24
        sarajean80 permalink

        And will you require the aid of a five year old Jedi to apply it?

        Adores: 4
        • 2010 August 24

          Line…line….LINE!!!!

          Adores: 13
        • 2010 August 24
          sarajean80 permalink

          I didn’t even see it go by.

          Must be a ninja line.

          Adores: 16
        • 2010 August 24
          Lola permalink

          *drags in Michael Jackson cutout*

          Now the line has definitely been crossed. 8)

          Adores: 5
        • 2010 August 24

          lol…we have already established that the spoiled 5 year old gets either the 1st or 2nd best lightsaber, and is not a Jedi if they’re going to be Darth Vader.

          What a great morning:
          Grammatically correct post – check
          Comments that cross some intangible line – check check check
          Candorman <3'ing Sara & Adranth – CHECK

          (exact age – unknown…my crisco predates the Mesozoic era)
          btw adranth…the crisco I use is special ordered from Guadalupe. It has trace amounts of spice christ, fairy dust, and when you open it you hear the theme song to Ducktales!

          yes…this is from memory, enjoy!
          (Life is like a hurricane here in duckburg, race cars lasers airoplanes, it's a duck blur. Might solve a mystery, or rewrite history. DUCKTALES, WOOO OHH. Tales of daring do bad and good luck tales, AHH WOOO OOH.)

          Adores: 6
        • 2010 August 24
          sarajean80 permalink

          Now do Darkwing Duck!

          Adores: 5
        • 2010 August 24
          TacoMagic permalink

          *Pulls out his DuckTales DVD Special Edition Box set*

          Guess I’ll be watching these again tonight.

          *Adds Darkwing Duck and Rescue Rangers to the pile*

          It’s going to be a fun week for Tron and I. Everyone may take a few momements to feel sorry for TacoMa’am.

          Adores: 12
        • 2010 August 24
          sarajean80 permalink

          I think we’ve all felt sorry for TacoMa’am at one time or another.

          Adores: 5
        • 2010 August 24

          My new favorite word is “momements!” It’s like special moments with added extra zing. Thanks, Sexyfingers!

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 August 24
          TacoMagic permalink

          You can also have: “Worchestershershire Sauce.” That remains one of my favorites.

          Adores: 4
        • 2010 August 24
          EclecticBlue permalink

          I’m pretty sure I’ve said almost exactly that at one point or another. Stuff like that comes out of my mouth a lot more than it comes off my fingers.

          What?

          Adores: 7
        • 2010 August 24

          We should lobby to get Ducktales back…cartoons these days are terribad, discustable, and detestafail.

          Have you seen the Tom and Jerry edits? WTF!?

          Raise your hand if you’re going to watch some DT this week!

          **raises hand, oh shit, drops candy on ground, but is too lazy to pick up**

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 August 24
          sarajean80 permalink

          It’s referred to as “wooster” sauce around my neck of the woods. When I was little I thought it was made from roosters.

          Adores: 4
        • 2010 August 24
          TacoMagic permalink

          That’s even stranger for those of us who love the show “Jeeves and Wooster.”

          Adores: 5
        • 2010 August 24
          sarajean80 permalink

          And Darkwing Duck. I loved Darkwing when I was little.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 August 24
          sarajean80 permalink

          Multi-syllable words like “Worchestershire*” are not kind to those with heavy Southern accents.

          *Hey, I spelled that right!♥!

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 August 24
          SilvaNoir permalink

          In my Boston accent, it ends up as WOOSTA-SHEA sauce.

          Also, many many doors for Ducktales. I watched that show as a kid, bought it on DVD a year or so ago, and it’s STILL good.

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 August 24

          My mom calls it what’s-this-here sauce.

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 August 24

          Mama Eyebrows always called it “worst of chester” sauce. I remember asking her one time when I was little, “Mommy, why do we have his worst sauce? Why don’t we get the better one?”

          Adores: 4
        • 2010 August 24
          Addicted Reader permalink

          TM – “for Tron and *me.*”

          I just wanted to make sure all your intentional* typos get appropriate attention.

          *This is almost certainly not true, unless TM claims it is, and then who am I to argue?

          Adores: 2
  11. 2010 August 24
    sarajean80 permalink

    Believe it or not, this post is serious :)

    Because nothing stresses the seriousness of a post seeking a companion ninja like a smiley face emoticon.

    Adores: 16
    • 2010 August 24
      Lou Stool permalink

      Which raises the question, “when will someone crreate a ninja emoticon?”

      Adores: 3
      • 2010 August 24
        sarajean80 permalink

        Maybe they already have, but it’s practising being unseen.

        Adores: 13
      • 2010 August 24
        SilvaNoir permalink

        not on this site, but deviantart has a few.
        here’s one: http://www.deviantart.com/download/161317749/Ninja_Emoticon_by_GhostlyDragonInvader.gif

        Adores: 6
        • 2010 August 24
          SilvaNoir permalink

          and a ninja battle
          http://e.deviantart.net/emoticons/n/ninjabattle.gif

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 August 24
          TacoMagic permalink

          Rawr, that’s a nice massive link you have there Silva…

          Adores: 7
        • 2010 August 24
          Lola permalink

          Don’t be jealous, Taco. Your massive link is still the most famous one. :)

          Adores: 5
      • 2010 August 24

        It’s a little abstract, but how about this:
        ):(

        Adores: 7
        • 2010 August 24
          TacoMagic permalink

          Ninja Emoticon:

          Hmm… that’s strange, it was there just a few seconds ago. Damn ninj

          Adores: 4
        • 2010 August 24
          CapnMac permalink

          Dunno, kind of like

          (:(|

          Adores: 0
    • 2010 August 24
      SilvaNoir permalink

      Ninja friendship= serious business.

      I’m thinking this guy is a geek who is the least ninja-like you can possibly imagine.

      Adores: 5
      • 2010 August 24
        TacoMagic permalink

        Is “ninja friendship” the same as when you get friend requests on F/B from people who you remember hating your existence in high school? I’ve gotten at least 20 friend requests from people who, at best, I shared a mutual loathing with.

        I guess they were ninja friends with me the whole time. I wish I’d have known, I wouldn’t have taken their seething hatred of me so personally had I known they were just trying to hide the fact that they considered me a close friend.

        Go figure, eh?

        Adores: 6
        • 2010 August 24
          Lola permalink

          So that’s what they are! I’m up to now I’ve been like, “You used to/used to try to taunt and/or torture me. Word from excellent sources is that you are still a douchetool. Ignore.”
          Now I will friend them and congratulate them on their ninja skills!

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 August 24
          TacoMagic permalink

          From my standpoint I’ve continued to pretend to loath them. If we’re going to be ninja friends, I believe in going all the way. I think them trying to friend me is just them testing my ninja resolve.

          I won’t be tricked into blowing our cover so easily though. You have to get up pretty early* in the morning to fool ol’ Taco.

          *7am or earlier.

          Adores: 7
        • 2010 August 24
          Lola permalink

          Actually, I won’t start friending them, but to do so and then congratulate them on their ninja skills would give me a tiny bit of mindf*** satisfaction after enduring their adolescent nastiness. With any luck, the “WTF?!?” that would ensue would ensure they left me alone in future. 8)

          Adores: 4
        • 2010 August 24
          TacoMagic permalink

          With any luck, the “WTF?!?” that would ensue would ensure they left me alone in future.

          Woah, Lola, I think you just pulled off a hypothetical future past tense there!

          Adores: 10
        • 2010 August 24
          Camille permalink

          At your 25th high school reunion, they will come up to you and tell you how much they wish they’d been your friends in high school but they were scared of your superior intellect and razor wit. It’s complete crap, of course – in high school they wouldn’t have been caught dead talking to a geek like, oh, say, me – but it’s still sort of entertaining when it happens.

          Adores: 8
        • 2010 August 24
          TacoMagic permalink

          My ego is already bolstered by the fact that some of the biggest asshats in high school are now some of the biggest losers (The biggest of which is now the assistant manager of the Burger King where he worked part time during HS… I feel sorry for his employees). If only they didn’t also have to weigh down everything with their 7 kids who require substantial state funding in order to bring up to be as dumb as their parents are.

          I’m having another Idiocracy flashback. Logan’s run is looking like a more positive future outcome.

          I need more coffee to shake off the sudden surge of pessimism.

          Adores: 4
        • 2010 August 24
          CapnMac permalink

          Well, in a fair and just universe, there’d be a f/b app that would allow a “ninja” approval for such “well, it’s years later, and it’s all Different! now” friends.

          Ideally, the ‘ninja friend’ would see your profile, but would be ramdomly linked to some (any) other profile every time they clicked through or sent a message or the like. Given that group’s tendency to mistake their own gluteae as a beret, they’d probably assume, they had done something wrong.
          Therefore, we, who had consigned the fanny-fez-ed to that oblivion could then live our lives in relative peace.

          Ki-do 34 waza des.

          Adores: 4
      • 2010 August 24

        I know ninjitsu, kung fu and several other vaguely Asian words. ;)

        Adores: 3
        • 2010 August 24
          TacoMagic permalink

          Wasabi!

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 August 24
          sarajean80 permalink

          Noritake!

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 August 24

          Kawasaki!

          also…

          Jingre Berrs!

          Adores: 7
        • 2010 August 24
          EclecticBlue permalink

          Sushi!

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 August 24

          Mushi mushi

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 August 24
          Lola permalink

          Hello Kitty

          Adores: 14
        • 2010 August 24
          Grampdaddy permalink

          Ki-a-ris-co!

          (Use for making vintage fried rice)

          Adores: 7
        • 2010 August 24
          Lou Stool permalink

          Somewhere, the Asian Al Sharpton is picking up a phone

          Adores: 4
    • 2010 August 24
      mudslicker permalink

      :)

      Adores: 2
  12. 2010 August 24
    MandaB permalink

    I can’t help but love ad #1. It makes me laugh and wish I had the kind of free time that it would require to be a truly kick ass urban ninja. Not to mention “Urban Ninja” would be a pretty cool nickname.

    Adores: 5
    • 2010 August 24
      TacoMagic permalink

      Apparently it requires at least 10-15 hours a day of playing ninja video games while watching ninja movies.

      Funyuns, official snack food of the Urban Ninja.

      Adores: 8
      • 2010 August 24
        sarajean80 permalink

        Funyuns don’t seem like they’d be a stealthy enough snack food for the silent merchants of death who hide in the shadows waiting for unsuspecting victims expired parking meters.

        I think Ding-Dongs would be more appropriate.

        Adores: 7
        • 2010 August 24
          EclecticBlue permalink

          It depends on how good you are–some people who play Ding Dong Ditch aren’t very stealthy. The giggling in the bushes is a dead giveaway, for starters…

          Adores: 5
        • 2010 August 24
          LimeLolly permalink

          And the twitching from the sugar crash is another reason.

          Adores: 2
    • 2010 August 24
      MandaB permalink

      And free running while ranting about capitalism. Oh the possibilities are endless!

      Adores: 3
  13. 2010 August 24
    Not My Name permalink

    Isn’t an “urban ninja” someone who practices parkour? Just asking.

    Adores: 5
    • 2010 August 24
      mudslicker permalink

      I thought those were floors.

      Adores: 2
      • 2010 August 24
        Grampdaddy permalink

        No, No. Parkour – it thinks it’s butter.

        Adores: 5
        • 2010 August 24
          Camille permalink

          I was going to say that, but was afraid everyone hear would be too young to get it.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 August 24
          TacoMagic permalink

          Uhh, don’t you mean “here”? (Sorry, it’s so rare that I get to be on this side of the principles desk.)

          And we still have Parkay low fat butter substitute oil spread here in the Wisconsin.

          (And yes, [sic] on my previous parenthetical)

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 August 24
          Camille permalink

          Sorry, of course I meant “here.” Can I rely on the “I’m in a foreign country and have temporarily forgotten how to spell in English” defense?

          And even if Parkay still exists, I think those old “Butter!” commercials have been relegated to the Land of YouTube.

          Adores: 5
        • 2010 August 24
          TacoMagic permalink

          Sure you can use that excuse. I play the, “I’m an Engenier! I dun havta speel wright!” card all the time.

          And yes I remember the talking Parkay “Butter” commercials. Similarly I remember the Imperial Margarine “HOLY CRAP SUDDENLY CROWN!” commercials.

          Adores: 4
        • 2010 August 25
          Not My Name permalink

          That’s extraordinarily odd. I mention Parkour in the morning, and when I come back to this page eleven hours later, Parkour has suddenly changed to Butter.

          (By the way, I’m new to this site. It’s very funny.)

          Adores: 4
        • 2010 August 25
          Windrose permalink

          NMN, Stick around! We like noobs here. We treat them very gently. *tries to hide evil grin*

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 August 25
          Not My Name permalink

          By “new to this site,” I mean I’ve known about it for about two weeks. This is just the first day that I’ve actually bothered commenting.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 August 25
          Grampdaddy permalink

          NMN – please stick around and comment – we’ll be gentle….. You will, however, need to make a choice: Will you retain your sanity and be a model of propriety or will you lose your mind and join the rest of the inmates in the asylum.

          Adores: 0
    • 2010 August 24
      sarajean80 permalink

      I think you have to have the black pyjamas too.

      Adores: 5
    • 2010 August 24
      EclecticBlue permalink

      Parkour! *leaps onto refrigerator box, which then collapses*

      Adores: 5
      • 2010 August 24
        CapnMac permalink

        Just like my cat then (except it’s the box the xmas tree comes in).

        Adores: 2
        • 2010 August 24
          Whirlwitch permalink

          I seem to be having a particularly, um, gutteral day. The last seven words of CapnMac’s comment crossed the line for me.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 August 25
          CapnMac permalink

          ¿Parkay?

          O, wait, you said “gutteral” not “butteral”–never mind.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 August 25
          sarajean80 permalink

          My cat Fearless does the jump-and-collapse thing, but it’s one of those pop-up cat playhouses. She always looks so surprised that a flimsy construct of wire and cloth won’t support her twenty-odd pounds.

          Adores: 1
  14. 2010 August 24
    TacoMagic permalink

    *Runs into the YSaC lounge all bleary eyed and disheveled*

    I’m here, sorry Tron decided to spend the weekend and most of Monday screaming at the top of his lungs for no apparent reason. No sleep, me coffee need. Snarking may wait to need.

    Adores: 8
    • 2010 August 24
      MandaB permalink

      The sympathetic mom in me suggests the possibility that Tron may have an ear infection and wishes you a respite from screaming soon.

      Adores: 3
      • 2010 August 24
        TacoMagic permalink

        Nope, already took a trip to the ER. Ears are perfect, as is the baby.

        The best part was, we couldn’t get him to stop screaming, so we plopped him in the car and drove him literally 1/2 mile to the ER. By the time we got there, he was all happy and quiet again… just to make us look bad in front of the doctor who looked him over and couldn’t find anything. Verdict: “He may be teething, though I can’t really see any evidence of that.”

        Thanks Tron, you’re doing a fine job making the folks look like hypochondriac parents.

        Adores: 10
        • 2010 August 24
          Lola permalink

          There’s a penciled-in note on Tron’s chart: “Watch for further signs of possible Munchausen’s by proxy.”

          Adores: 8
        • 2010 August 24
          Grampdaddy permalink

          TM – buy him a thong so he’ll have something to cry about…

          Adores: 3
      • 2010 August 24
        MandaB permalink

        Glad he doesn’t have an ear infection but sorry there’s no explanation. The only other source of endless screaming with my kiddos as babies was due to food intolerances.

        The “happy for the doctor” trick is as old as the hills. There is nothing better for making you feel stupid. You will be able to pay him back during his teenage years. :)

        Adores: 10
        • 2010 August 24
          sarajean80 permalink

          I think all small mammals know the “happy for doctor” trick. Simon, one of my cats, was limping so I took him to the vet. We get there and the vet got him to walk around the exam room – no limp. Went home – limp. Go back to vet – no limp. The second time I was prepared; I had video of the limp.

          Adores: 6
        • 2010 August 24
          Artsy Computer Geek permalink

          Manda — they keep on doing it even through the teenage years. There are glimpses of a light at the end of the tunnel, I just can’t decide if it’s a freight train or not.

          Wednesday is a local celebration day here locally. “Kids go back to school”!!!!!!! Party’s at my house.

          Sorry Astro — we’ll talk about think of you.

          Adores: 6
        • 2010 August 24
          TacoMagic permalink

          We thought about food intolerances too, but other than Saturday night, he didn’t really eat anything odd or new, and as the screaming started Friday night *shrug*. We do plan to keep a closer tab on everything he’s eating, though, since he does beg food off us all the time. (I’ve had dogs who beg less at the table, talk about no shame).

          He was doing much better yesterday afternoon, and other than getting up earlier than usual this morning, he at least was only screaming because he wanted to get out of the crib and play.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 August 24
          Lola permalink

          Sarajean, your story reminds me of this dog that some family friends had. If it misbehaved and was scolded, it would feign a limp in a bid for sympathy.

          Adores: 5
        • 2010 August 24
          sarajean80 permalink

          He actually had a sprained muscle, which required that I keep him in a crate for over a month (so much fun)to keep him from jumping up and down off of things and making it worse. He’s better now but he still limps a bit if he overdoes it. And occasionally if I’m eating something he wants to “share”.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 August 24
          Grampdaddy permalink

          Hmmm, MandaB – that is spoken as though you have experience with the payback that comes during teenage years…..

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 August 24
          TacoMagic permalink

          My sister was way easier to “pay back” than I was. As a fairly zen teenager I was not nearly as easily embarrassed as she was.

          That’s not to say they didn’t find ways of getting the payback, but I was more of a challenge*.

          *Using the video they had of me devouring a fudge bar without regard for how much of it I was wearing on my face was just underhanded. I hope I capture such a moment with Tron.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 August 24
          EclecticBlue permalink

          Taco, the only problem I see with that video is the fact that there’s wasted chocolate involved. Unless, of course, this happened last week :-p

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 August 24
          TacoMagic permalink

          I was 15 during the filming of the video.

          Yeah.

          Adores: 4
        • 2010 August 24
          Windrose permalink

          Hey Artsy, is that event local? 8)

          Sarajean, Lola, a good friend of mine came from a hunting family, and her dad had labs. The male injured his foot out on a hunt, and for years after, would limp for sympathy. Unfortunately, he tended to forget which foot had been injured and would limp for a while on one, then change to the other. He was also a really sweet cool dog. He hated to eat alone. He would find someone, grab their hand gently with his mouth, and lead said someone to his dish, where his kibble awaited. Then he would let go and start to eat. Unless Said Someone left, then the ritual started over. 8)

          Adores: 4
    • 2010 August 24
      Kae permalink

      Have you tried our parenting trick with Stewie*?
      *No, not his real name.

      When we ascertained he was in no real pain, not hungry, not emotionally distressed, not wet, and that there was no blasted thing we could do for him…we would put on a movie where a lot of things that blew up, and turned on the bass really high. Worked like a charm. Couldn’t hear him any more.

      Adores: 11
      • 2010 August 24
        TacoMagic permalink

        Noise canceling headphones work using a similar principal.

        Adores: 6
        • 2010 August 24
          Grampdaddy permalink

          I’m gonna leave ‘principal’ for Isaac – it’s the principled thing to do.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 August 24
          TacoMagic permalink

          Yeah, I debated that one for a while. In the end since both had definitions matching my meaning (principal idea vs. principle), I just went with the first one I typed. I figured either way I was gonna be wrong, so I might as well be wrong with style.

          Adores: 2
      • 2010 August 24

        When I was much smaller, there were only two things that would shut me up once I started, apparently:

        Car Rides and watching Gulla Gulla Island.

        Adores: 2
        • 2010 August 24
          TacoMagic permalink

          For Tron it seems to be:
          Car Rides
          Being carried
          The Mean Kitty Song on YouTube.

          Adores: 4
        • 2010 August 24
          EclecticBlue permalink

          Maybe I should have tried YouTube videos with MiniEB a couple weeks ago. Woke several times a night, screaming for no good reason (for 30-45 minutes at a time) even when being held or offered a bottle -_-

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 August 24
          sarajean80 permalink

          According to Mom, the sure-fire cure to get me to sleep was to either put me in my car seat on top of a running dryer or play The Beatles’ Rubber Soul. It’s still my favorite album.

          Adores: 6
        • 2010 August 24
          TacoMagic permalink

          *Installs a seatbelt on the dryer and hooks up Tron’s car seat to it*

          Adores: 5
        • 2010 August 24
          Moira permalink

          Mom would rub my back until I quieted some and then put a book on me to fool me into thinking her hand was still on my back.

          Having one’s back stroked releases dopamine, creating a feeling of well-being. Hugs also release dopamine.

          Adores: 1
      • 2010 August 24
        Whirlwitch permalink

        When my baby sister got into a cranky mood, she was soothable only by being wrapped in one of my Dad’s sweaty t-shirts while the stereo blared the Goldberg variations.

        Strangely, during her teen years she did go through a period of wearing my father’s clothes if she possibly could. She also learned to play the piano, although mostly Beatles tunes.

        Adores: 3
    • 2010 August 24
      EclecticBlue permalink

      I donno, Taco, most of the comments that have made me giggle this morning have been yours. Either they were post-coffee posts, or you’re funny when you’re sleep-drunk :-p

      Adores: 1
      • 2010 August 24
        TacoMagic permalink

        I think SJ and Mudsy can tell you about the non-coffee’d Taco more than I can. He’s like my Dr. Jekyll.

        Adores: 1
        • 2010 August 24
          sarajean80 permalink

          Most of your speeling miztakes unique word choices seem to happen pre-coffee.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 August 24
          TacoMagic permalink

          Pre-coffee Taco probably can’t be bothered to spell check. I know this because post-coffee Taco can barely be bothered to spell check.

          Adores: 2
  15. 2010 August 24
    TacoMagic permalink

    increase my self-reliance

    Translation: I’m sick of living in my parents’ basement! I need some ninja friends to split the cost of an appartment so I don’t have to mow the lawn every Saturday. Ninjas won’t have a curfew either!

    Also, if any of the ninjas are hiring fellow ninjas for ninja jobs, they’ll be able to hit me up.

    Adores: 7
  16. 2010 August 24
    Lou Stool permalink

    Best. Ad. Ever. I got Super Mario, Peter Griffin, Bart Simpson, and Miley Cyrus! Woooo!

    EDIT: In a strange twist, the next ad was for “Want to learn a martial art?”

    Adores: 4
    • 2010 August 24
      Lola permalink

      Lou, I am also sleep-deprived (not because of a child, though) and not yet caffeinated, and I read your sentence as “marital art.”
      My brain just kind of stopped there.

      Adores: 5
    • 2010 August 24
      kelli permalink

      I’m getting an ad for a Samuri RPG.

      Adores: 2
      • 2010 August 24
        sarajean80 permalink

        I’m getting a rather imposing one for something called 3B Fight Gear.

        Adores: 2
        • 2010 August 24
          kelli permalink

          And now I’m getting one on “How to Knock a Man Clean Out Without Touching Him.” I have questions, so many questions.

          Adores: 6
        • 2010 August 24
          sarajean80 permalink

          I only have one question; “Luxury Woman’s taking out Google Ads now?”

          Adores: 7
        • 2010 August 24
          Lola permalink

          Kelli, I think Luxury Woman No Touching’s husband does that when he comes home and finds her not touching other guys.

          Adores: 5
        • 2010 August 24
          TacoMagic permalink

          Damn, now all I can think about is the movie “Demolition Man” for some reason.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 August 24
          kelli permalink

          And here I had almost forgotten Luxury Woman. Thanks sj and Lola

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 August 24
          EclecticBlue permalink

          Movie times on your phone, for me. I guess it’s for those times when you’re out ninjaing, and you really really really need to know when the next showing of Karate Kid is! (Is that still in theaters? I haven’t been paying attention….)

          Adores: 6
        • 2010 August 24
          TacoMagic permalink

          I got an advert notifying me that Uncharted Waters Online has finally been released in North America.

          I squeed a bit, and then signed up for the 10 day trial.

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 August 24

          Mine’s now trying to sell my software by which I can record sound.

          That actually makes sense, because I spent the last half hour on google figuring out how to enable the stereo mix thing as a recording device on Vista so I can record wav files out of Finale NotePad, instead of having to be stuck with midis that won’t utilize Human Playback.

          In related (but off-topic*) news, I’ve done more work on arranging Malagueña, and I am (mostly) satisfied with it as it is.

          Ernesto Lecuona’s Malagueña arranged by Astrognash for Brass Ensemble and Mallet Percussion

          *Topics are for the weak!

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 August 24

          *the word “my” in the first sentence should in fact be the word “me”.

          Adores: 2
    • 2010 August 24

      I’m getting an ad to create a free flash website.

      Adores: 2
  17. 2010 August 24
    Mindfield permalink

    Ikaru squats precariously on the corner of the rooftop three floors up, as ninjas are wont to do, and surveys his surroundings. Danger of every kind lurked everywhere, even under the stark curtains of street lights and silhouetted against the warm glow of shop windows. It was a constant threat, and one must never cease to be vigilant against it. Ikaru knew all too keenly how peace can turn to chaos in the space between heartbeats. His own brother was killed when, in the narrowest of gaps between a construction worker’s wolf whistle and entertaining the notion that it might be directed at him, he failed to notice the piano plummeting down from above.

    Ikaru was a study in careful and persistent observation even as he engaged in reverie, a fact so perfectly exemplified in the fact that even as his mind pulled back to the task at hand, he had already spotted the imminent threat. It was just down the street, not fifty feet from where he was perched. Silently, clad in his stealth-black tights, his katana sheathed and strapped fast across his back, he slunk along the ledges, careful to avoid stray roofing pebbles and pigeon droppings, closing in on his enemy meter by swift meter. In mere seconds he was upon him, three stories up, looking down at his prey, savoring the moment only long enough to withdraw a small metal object from his waistband and wrap his palm around it. His weapon of choice for stealth attacks. Swift. Silent. Deadly.

    It was time. Summoning the courage found in the spirits of his ancestors, Ikaru leaped. The air rushed past his ears, whispering encouragement, affirming his righteousness, making his lobes flap. The target loomed ever closer, yet time was malleable and moved only at his will. He knew he would find his his mark with a truth few could lay claim to. The bit of metal in his hand glinted as he dropped below an awning, exposing himself to the light. With a triumphant thrust, he buried it deep within the chest of his unsuspecting target.

    The meter was paid.

    Adores: 43
    • 2010 August 24

      That.Was.Awesome.

      Adores: 7
      • 2010 August 24
        TacoMagic permalink

        Seconded!

        Adores: 6
        • 2010 August 24

          Mindfield, you are a patron dog of prose.

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 August 24
          Mindfield permalink

          So, what you’re saying is, I am a fair hand at doggrel? :D

          *bows*
          *curtsies*
          *throws himself a rose*

          Adores: 4
    • 2010 August 24
      Addicted Reader permalink

      Wow. Just wow.

      Adores: 1
    • 2010 August 24
      Windrose permalink

      Oh, Mindfield! When will you give up the small time snark and show us what you are really made of? *No, really, you are TALENTED!*

      Adores: 1
      • 2010 August 25
        Mindfield permalink

        Why thank you! If you liked that sloppy bit of completely un-copy-edited purple prose, you’ll LOVE my Twilight slash fic. :D

        But on a more serious note (I guess this is where I get to be “Corey”?), I have done some writing in the past. Nothing particularly professional (except for an obscure tech rag years ago), but it’s a bit of a hobby. It’s just one I unfortunately don’t have much time for these days, between the day job, extra-curricular work as a freelance musician, former blogger, attempting to get back into games development, etc. I wear way too many hats. They make me sweaty. :)

        Plus, I like snark. We get on quite well.

        Adores: 5
        • 2010 August 25
          CapnMac permalink

          Well, as a failed (or incomplete) author, color me jealous.

          I was busy trying to assemble a character. One pudgy, soft, learned-everything-on-tv-&-web. Still living at home, hikimori, 25 still trying to be 15, with an obviously Chinese name (ostensibly to show how the chains of parental chattel servitude are thrown off–how dare they name their warrior-child Rudolph Kevin!).

          While also seeking an aliteration to neatly encompass the feeling of being winded in the “stealth” needed to cross the street, to some moralistic good.

          Which you then flat-out trumped with the parking meter.
          Curses.
          I was going for the “picked up dropped napkin of the girl with the Vuitton handbag at the coffee joint.”

          Adores: 1
  18. 2010 August 24
    kelli permalink

    Let’s examine this “ninja’s” activities.

    Daytime activities may include:
    - Climbing trees and buildings

    Somewhat ninjalike so far and it’s definitely a great idea to go climbing buildings during broad daylight. The police love to see the urban ninja scale office buildings in particular.

    – Ranting about capitalism

    The age old ninja custom started in Ancient Japan of complaining about political and financial matters.

    – Practicing balance and agility

    Mental balance and agility not included.

    – Sword fighting

    Now Sparky is wandering into pirate territory. A ninja pirate would be interesting; would he have to constantly fight himself?

    – Other fighting

    I will not make a Lost reference.

    – Playing ninja video games

    Nothing says, “I’m a ninja” like mad button mashing skills.

    – Crafting or purchasing gear

    I’m not sure I’d trust any of Sparky’s “crafted” gear.

    – Free running

    I know I hate paying for running.

    Nighttime activities may include:

    So what does the urban ninja do at night?

    – Going unseen

    While going unseen is a ninja trait, most ninjas engage in this activities not only during the night (when it’s easier) but also during the day (when it actually requires some real skill). And Sparky? You’re not going unseen, no one *wants* to see you.

    – Exploring the urban landscape

    Sparky just wants someone to go with him to that new club.

    – Watching ninja movies

    Watching ninja movies is kind of fun; watching them with urban ninja Sparky, not so much.

    Adores: 11
    • 2010 August 24
      Litarider permalink

      “A ninja pirate would be interesting; would he have to constantly fight himself?”

      Aks a Ninja would probably tell us that a pirate ninja would self destruct before existing because a ninja will destroy a pirate every time.

      Adores: 5
      • 2010 August 24

        Chris the Ninja Pirate would tell us differently.

        Adores: 2
        • 2010 August 24

          That’s what I thought of too!

          Adores: 2
    • 2010 August 24

      [corey]from Wikipedia:

      Free running or freerunning is a form of urban acrobatics in which participants, known as free runners, use the city and rural landscape to perform movements through its structures. It incorporates efficient movements from parkour, adds aesthetic vaults and other acrobatics, such as tricking and street stunts, creating an athletic and aesthetically pleasing way of moving. It is commonly practiced at gymnasiums and in urban areas that are cluttered with obstacles.

      [/corey]

      Adores: 5
      • 2010 August 24
        kelli permalink

        Astro – I knew about free running, but decided to play with the pun.

        Adores: 2
        • 2010 August 24
          TacoMagic permalink

          I guess that means Astro correctly used the corey tags then.

          Adores: 1
      • 2010 August 24
        TacoMagic permalink

        We had a guy do free running through our neighborhood a while ago. He learned a valuable lesson:

        Free running WILL get you over fences and through back yards. It will NOT help you run from a much faster doberman. He ended up trapped on a roof while he waited for the owner to come home.

        Adores: 11
    • 2010 August 24
      EclecticBlue permalink

      Maybe it’s just me, but I thought these two lines stood out:

      – Playing ninja video games

      – Watching ninja movies

      I’m thinking these are the only two ninja activities NinjaSparky has practiced, and would really end up doing…

      Adores: 5
      • 2010 August 24
        sarajean80 permalink

        That’s what all stereotypes do! I’m sure after a hard day doing whatever it is they do, cowboys head home to watch Westerns, eat cowboy food while listening to country music and wearing uncomfortably pointy-toed boots, and then relax with few hours of Red Dead Redemption.

        Right?

        Adores: 5
        • 2010 August 24
          TacoMagic permalink

          I’m sure after a hard day doing whatever it is they do

          I’m pretty sure it’s: Making out with other Cowboys.

          If the movies are to be believed anyway, which I’m sure they are.

          Adores: 4
        • 2010 August 24
          sarajean80 permalink

          You’re thinking of sheepherders, not cowboys.

          Cowboys sit around on horseback, looking tough and smoking Marlboros.

          Adores: 5
        • 2010 August 24
          EclecticBlue permalink

          I think he was just trying to sneak the truth in there, because he wanted someone to share his ninja obsession with, but doesn’t want to look completely pathetic. :-p

          Adores: 7
        • 2010 August 24
          sarajean80 permalink

          NinjaSparky has access to the internet, therefore he/she(most likely “he”) has access to a whole wide spectrum of kooky people with which to share his/her obsession without sinking to subterfuge.

          I would suggest to NinjaSparky that he/she try the nuts over at TV Tropes, they will obsess over anything.

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 August 24
          EclecticBlue permalink

          {*whispers* Thank you for not including a link to TV Tropes. I really do need to get some work done at some point today…}

          Adores: 4
        • 2010 August 24
          sarajean80 permalink

          I’m a closet troper. It’s a ridiculously easy obsession.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 August 24
          Lola permalink

          Sarajean, I believe it’s cowboys, too. Why else would Pansy Division write “Cowboys Are Frequently Secretly Fond of Each Other”? (And yes, Willie Nelson did cover that for the “Brokeback” soundtrack.)

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 August 24
          sarajean80 permalink

          The Divine Wikipedia just says “ranch hands”, which could be either.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 August 24
          TacoMagic permalink

          [matt]Whatever they’re called, they should keep those ranch hands to themselves! They’re destroying the moral fabric of the ranch, the mystique of cowboyity, the lush full bottoms of horsemen, the rugged unshaven chins of goat farmers that tickle the back of my neck so wonderfully… is it getting hot in here or is it just me?[/matt?]

          Adores: 9
        • 2010 August 24
          sarajean80 permalink

          Well, that veered quickly into a very odd place.

          Adores: 7
        • 2010 August 24
          TacoMagic permalink

          I do one thing and I do it well.

          *Looks at what he typed*

          Uhh… awkward.

          Adores: 3
        • 2010 August 24
          Lola permalink

          Not sure what you mean, sarajean. Wyoming’s not thatstrange.

          What?

          Adores: 4
        • 2010 August 24
          CapnMac permalink

          Well, having “ridden fence” professionally, it depended. My run of fence was only 100 miles or so.
          If I was sleeping under the stars, there was a conundrum, take off boots to ease achy feet, which then made them available for temporary habitation by spiders, ticks, scorpions, or the like. Or keep them on with the dubious luxury of a saddle for a pillow. This latter was often easier, though, for the number of things that go just “bump” enough in the night to rile a dozign string of horses (Murphy insisting that this occur when the soil was at its flintiest, non-picket pin holding least and a person were sleep-deprived enough to not hobble all the horses).

          Now, once back to the line cabinm then there were serious luxuries. Like a bed. Actual pillows. Food cooked on a stove. Not having the wind shift just as the horses went gassy. Tack that actually dried of horse sweat, or was not down in the dirt with the rest of us (and the fleas and ticks and flies and the like). If a person remembered to bring batteries, there was an AM radio. You could listen to preachifin’ from Abilene, a TexMex station from Wichita Fallsm, and a Western/BG station in Portales. If the “bounce” was right, you could get WBAP out of Dallas, or even WSM, but the sunspots had to be riled up for that.

          After two weeks, I’d ride the 2 days back to the Operations HQ where I got a paycheck, and had access to an actual hot shower. And could hand over pack horses to an actual ferrier or v-e-t for the work they needed. Usually I was too tired to muster up a ride to WF or Plainview or the like (Guthrie being a bit too much like Archer City in Last Picture Show).

          Been, done, perfectly willing to let others be equestrian. Makes my neck stiff just writing about it.

          Adores: 0
  19. 2010 August 24
    dan permalink

    “Ninjas can breathe underwater! They can dodge bullets at point blank range! They can walk up the sides of buildings! They can install telephones!! I thought they just hung around airports and got sucked up into jet engines.” –The Tick

    Adores: 13
    • 2010 August 24
      kelli permalink

      “Spoon!”

      Adores: 5
  20. 2010 August 24
    Litarider permalink

    Combine the two ads and you can live out Lone Wolf and Cub. That would entertain a kid for a while.

    Adores: 3
    • 2010 August 24
      CapnMac permalink

      FTW (Missing my Saturday night movies on AZN still . . . )

      Adores: 0
  21. 2010 August 24
    Lola permalink

    I’m still imagining the issues stemming from drmk’s reference to ninjas helping little old ladies across the street. Isn’t one of the big deals about ninjas (about whom I know next to nothing, I fully confess) that they are essentially unseen? I’m just thinking how confusing this would be for the little old ladies. Unseen forces are getting them across the street. Little old ladies get scared, health complications ensue. I think they might be better off ranting about capitalism while they play ninja video games, watch ninja movies, and buy gear.

    For the second ad, I actually used to know a guy who would probably take the job because he would think it was awesome. However, if I had a kid I would never leave him alone with the guy, but not because of any pedo issues; I just would want to keep children (or anyone I care about, really) away from douchetools in general.

    Adores: 6
  22. 2010 August 24

    I think someone has been watching too many YouTube Videos.

    Adores: 1
  23. 2010 August 24
    kelli permalink

    Slightly off topic, but my daughter’s shirt is internet famous now.

    Adores: 2
    • 2010 August 24
      sarajean80 permalink

      That is a creepy-looking star.

      Adores: 1
      • 2010 August 24

        It just looked angry to me until others started calling it PedoStar.

        Adores: 2
    • 2010 August 24
      Pedobear permalink

      I approve of that shirt.

      Adores: 1
      • 2010 August 24
        TacoMagic permalink

        Strange things happen when you try to use a gravatar account that’s already had a picture associated with it astro PB.

        Adores: 1
      • 2010 August 24
        PedoBear permalink

        I also approve of that design.

        wink, wink

        Adores: 3
        • 2010 August 24
          Mr. Winkey, the Six Dollar Shirts Hobo permalink

          **squints at them**

          Don’t I know you three from somewhere?

          **giggles; winks**

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 August 24
          TacoMagic permalink

          Did you know that Mr. Winkey is the name I gave to…

          Gotta go.

          Adores: 6
  24. 2010 August 24
    Kae permalink

    If the 5-year-old wants to be Darth Vader, can I still be Anakin Skywalker, or does that start crossing into some kind of weird Star Wars time warpy thing that collapses the universe?

    Adores: 3
    • 2010 August 24

      No. Just be careful about dividing by zer

      Adores: 1
  25. 2010 August 24
    Ninja Bianchi Sound permalink

    I’m not here…

    Adores: 5
    • 2010 August 24
      LimeLolly permalink

      Who said that?

      Adores: 3
      • 2010 August 24
        EclecticBlue permalink

        What?

        Adores: 2
        • 2010 August 24
          Mr. Winkey, the Six Dollar Shirts Hobo permalink

          Come again?

          Teehee.

          **winks at Bianchi and all of his ninja godessness.**

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 August 24

          I want to shave Mr. Winkey. I think a decent looking human may be under all that hobo hair.

          Adores: 1
        • 2010 August 24
          Lola permalink

          kelli, I think it’s just Robert Pattinson. 8) Don’t waste your time.

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 August 24
          Ninja Hobo permalink

          That you, Wink? I thought you greased the track when that bull busted our flop back in aught 4. You been hidin’ from them Ninjas too?

          Adores: 8
        • 2010 August 24
          EclecticBlue permalink

          Ninja Hobo’s sign is a great example of one of my biggest signage pet peeves. I thought that he needed $4 to pay for karate lessons.

          Adores: 5
        • 2010 August 24
          TacoMagic permalink

          To me the sign says that he wants a Karate lesson that only costs $4.

          Adores: 5
        • 2010 August 24
          EclecticBlue permalink

          Oh yeah, I can see that, too…

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 August 24
          Mr. Winkey, the Six Dollar Shirts Hobo permalink

          NH!

          **winks at NH**

          I haven’t seen you since…

          …ever! It’s great to meet you again!

          **teehee**

          Adores: 2
        • 2010 August 25
          Ninja Hobo permalink

          Oh, and I spose you done forgot about that sawbuck I done loaned you back then too, eh, Winky? You lousy good fer nuthin’ jug heister!

          Adores: 2
    • 2010 August 24
      sarajean80 permalink

      AHHHH!

      A ghost!

      AHHHH!

      Mr Winky!

      :flees in terror:

      Adores: 1
      • 2010 August 24
        KittyShark permalink

        *SniffSniff*

        MMMMM, terror!

        Adores: 2
        • 2010 August 24
          Kae permalink

          You know, I’ve come to the conclusion that Fiji Mermaid might just be desiccated KittyShark…

          Adores: 5
  26. 2010 August 24
    Grampdaddy permalink

    Ooh, Ooh – I’m in the box!

    GrampDaddy – the old codger who’s been around for ages.

    Adores: 5
    • 2010 August 24
      Windrose permalink

      And since I know you old folks like to go to bed early and forget what you used to do there, I’ll give ya what’s comin’ to ya now! Punchity Punch Punch!

      Adores: 1
      • 2010 August 25
        Grampdaddy permalink

        Darn it, Windrose, now I’m going to have to give away the secret: The REAL reason we old folks go to bed early is because we not only remember what we used to do there, but we do it better and take our time to enjoy. You know the old saying, “Early to bed, early to rise, means you’re gettin’ some while everyone else is watching TV….

        Just sayin’.

        Adores: 2
        • 2010 August 25
          Addicted Reader permalink

          Good morning Gramps. That’s a lovely mental image to take with me to work today. I’ll be back later.

          Adores: 0
  27. 2010 August 24
    Meredith permalink

    WORST. DAY. EVER. To miss the post!!!!! I can’t believe I’ve been such a slacker!!! AAAARRRRGH. That’ll teach me to be too lazy to snark. I will be back later to read all the amazing comments I can feel up there.

    Adores: 2
    • 2010 August 24
      Grampdaddy permalink

      Meredith – it is never too late to jump in! Remember – a day without snark is like a day…. ummmm….. a day without…….. oh, I know – a day without Urban Jedi Ninja lightsabers.

      Adores: 5
    • 2010 August 24
      SilvaNoir permalink

      Or maybe you were here, but had such Ninja Skills no one could see your comments before now

      Adores: 7
    • 2010 August 24
      Moira permalink

      You have a better excuse than I. I was here a few times but only handed out doors.

      Adores: 2
    • 2010 August 24

      Meredith, I assign voices to all of you based on your avatars. Your last one was Mae West-ish with a touch more class. This one, I’m afraid, is a cross between a Peanuts adult and Gilbert Godfried.

      Adores: 4
      • 2010 August 24
        kelli permalink

        What must my demon child sound like?

        Adores: 1
        • 2010 August 24
          Whirlwitch permalink

          I’m imagining “cooo-kieeee” with that classic toddler warbling, but with some maniacal giggling added in.

          Adores: 0
        • 2010 August 25

          Kelli, believe it or not, your demon child looks a lot like I did at that age so it sounds like me when I was young. That would be a bossy, nasal voice with a slight lisp.

          Adores: 2
  28. 2010 August 24
    Jedi Bianchi Sound permalink

    These aren’t the comments you’re looking for.

    *Waves hand slightly in front of face.*

    Adores: 6
    • 2010 August 24

      **blank stare**

      These aren’t the comments we’re looking for.

      Adores: 2
  29. 2010 August 24

    Frank Sithninja


    Me and my ninja
    Free runnin’ down the avenue
    Me and my ninja
    Come watch a kung fu movie or two

    And when it’s twelve o’clock
    We make some gear
    We never talk
    For nobody can see us here

    Just Me and my ninja
    All alone with our issues

    Me and my Jedi
    Havin’ a light saber duel
    Me and my Jedi
    Tireless and not a tool

    And when it’s twelve o’clock
    We turn to Vader
    He starts to talk
    He tells us he is our padre

    Just Me and my Jedi
    All alone with our issues

    Adores: 3
  30. 2010 August 24
    TamaleIllusion permalink

    Hi everybody! Wanted to thank you for putting me in the box yesterday, and especially Windrose. The Punchity,Punch, Punch was divine and only left a few small bruises.

    Adores: 3
  31. 2010 August 24
    Addicted Reader permalink

    - Climbing trees and buildings
    - Ranting about capitalism
    - Practicing balance and agility
    - Sword fighting
    - Other fighting

    ::singing:: One of these things is not like the others…

    Adores: 4
    • 2010 August 24
      kelli permalink

      one of these things just isn’t the same.

      Adores: 3
      • 2010 August 24
        Windrose permalink

        Can you guess before my song is through?

        Adores: 3
  32. 2010 August 24

    And 50 years later…


    Catnap Ninja
    ________________________________________
    I am looking for a partner (or group) for various unhurried activities. I have very little energy, so I am looking for someone with little or no energy as well (although if you have a lot, I certainly would still enjoy… Zzzzzzz, what huh?). I am looking for someone that I can lean on and snooze with. Gender is irrelevant.

    Daytime activities may include:
    - Watching trees and buildings
    - Ranting about social security
    - Eating bland and soft food
    - Power napping
    - Other napping
    - Playing checkers
    - Crafting wallets
    - Free lunch

    Nighttime activities may include:
    - Going to sleep
    - Wearing depends
    - Watching 10 minutes of movies

    I’m looking to have a BM, keep my heart pumping, and decrease my reliance on prescription meds.

    I am generally depressed, so I will not do anything unless significant arguments can be made that there will be cake.

    Let me know if you’re interested, and let me know your Alzheimer stage , what sorts of additional things you have forgotten , or if you have any issues with bedpans.
    Believe it or not, this post is…Zzzzzz huh what?

    Adores: 13
  33. 2010 August 24
    Whirlwitch permalink

    Hey! I got honorable mention! Cool! Does Windrose give me a light tap for that?

    Adores: 2
    • 2010 August 24
      Windrose permalink

      Double Double, you get an Honorary Punchity Punch Punch! It could be a tie-breaker when we tally up the Don’t Suck-Off at the end of the quarter. 8) I’ll be back later to catch you unawares.

      Adores: 2
  34. 2010 August 24
    Mel permalink

    What is this? An internet comments thread with actual wit? And camaraderie? I may have to hang around.

    Adores: 10
    • 2010 August 24
      Windrose permalink

      Mel, welcome, please hang around! Please ask about any odd things we do that you don’t understand. Register in the Fora and get an avatar of great personal meaning, and let us know more about you!

      Adores: 2
      • 2010 August 25
        CapnMac permalink

        Yes, please do stay, hang around a bit.
        Flamers and trolls wind up imortalized, reduced to satire as mock code tags (a la [corey] or [matt]), when they are not made into sock puppets.

        We are the erudite among the illiterate; the learned amid the “learnt’; if you will, the gourmands surrounded by the gluttons. We welcome our own. Even if your geek is not our freak, it gets embraced–but, nerdom is like that, it can be encompassing. If you have not seen every Monty Python episode (and movie), you might have seen all of Arrested Development. Or read all five books in Doug Adams’ hichhiker trilogy. It all works.

        Of course, it is easier here, our kind and benevolent hosts–bees be upon them–offer up a cretin du jour (that last for dear Bridgete, off in Paris) waering their fanny for a fez, as if at a driving range, for the rest of just to swing clubs ‘at’.

        Adores: 5
  35. 2010 August 25
    Windrose permalink

    Here it is, Whirlwitch! Your honorary Punchity Punch Punch!

    G’Night, Tatooine!

    Adores: 3
  36. 2010 August 25
    Acey permalink

    NOOOOoooooooooooo [/Vader]

    Adores: 0
  37. 2010 August 25
    EclecticBlue permalink

    Hey look, I found some urban ninjas!

    Adores: 0
  38. 2011 April 12

    i,m a urban ninja end a ninja spion

    Adores: 0
    • 2011 April 12

      ,gkxdoooooooooooo

      Adores: 0
      • 2011 April 12
        Lola permalink

        Or a child, or a troll, methinks.

        Adores: 0
        • 2011 April 12

          Troll or spambot.

          Adores: 0
        • 2011 April 12
          mudslicker permalink

          pffffffft

          Adores: 0
        • 2011 April 12

          It does look like the guest post MiniEB did on my blog :-p

          Adores: 0

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