You Suck at Craigslist

Tag: trying too hard

  • YSaC, Vol. 1794: I gotta crow.

    Sleeping Beauty: Crow Edition – w4mm (My neighbor’s house)

    Maleficent has struck again. Princess Aurora (or prince, not yet verified) has yet once again been cursed and has been in a deathlike sleep for the past 4 days. Maleficent has kicked it up a notch this time. Aurora is trapped in the body of a crow, sleeping peacefully on a tree swing in my neighbor’s front yard. So, I am now seeking a Prince Phillip to provide a true love’s kiss. Looking for someone with a good immune system, just in case this is just a random dead crow that happened to die in a really cool way. Yet, I’m pretty sure it’s Aurora. Kinda.

    To apply, just show up to my neighbors house and start kissing the dead crow, I mean Aurora, and hopefully you’ll have the magic touch!
    (If an older man comes out of the house and starts shooting at you, you didn’t get the job).
    Good luck!

    Most of the time, we don’t use this type of post on YSaC. This type of Sparky doesn’t really *suck* at Craigslist, they’re just trying a little too hard to be funny. It raises the question of why they pick Craigslist as their medium of choice in the first place, instead of a bathroom wall or the New Yorker, but whatever.

    In this case, however, I am intrigued by their choice of category. “w4mm”, as far as I can figure it, is intended to be used by women looking for two men for a threesome, and not, for example, for people seeking romance with a dead crow. I’m pretty sure I don’t WANT to know what category that goes in, and if you bring up rule 34, I will punch you in the neck.

    Thanks for the post, Zippy!

  • YSaC, Vol. 1783: The May Queen is spring cleaning early this year. Or late.

    Stairway to Heaven- FREE

    50% of the official ‘stairway to heaven’ and it’s free for the taking. Certificate of Authenticity available upon request. [location] at my curbside

    There’s a Sparky whose stairs
    Are outside growing mold
    And he’s selling the stairway
    on Craigslist.

    When he posts it he knows
    Before they decompose
    With an ad he can get
    Them all taken.

    Thanks, Ralph!

  • YSaC, Vol. 1748: Bricks are Heavy

    free crap!!

    Moving and have plenty of stuff we no longer need.
    Kitchen table….made of lovely wood like substance…has stains and scratches
    Eight toaster ovens
    Three foot tall green glass duck, head is broken off, currently has a smaller wooden duck mounted in its place
    Old potting soil
    Broken Microwave oven (Kenmore brand, very good quality, lasted many years before it died)
    Large pile of old clothes.
    Canned Goods…most expired.
    Diapers
    First aid kit
    At home std test kits (at least a dozen)
    Bricks
    Front seat from a honda (large cigarette burn)

    too many more items to list
    All items are in the middle of ### road, near ###. Im sure they wont last long

    OK folks – today’s homework assignment is to design a Rube Goldberg machine using all of these items. It should accomplish a very simple task in a needlessly complex way. But please hurry – either the potting soil or the duck is starting to smell funny.

    Thanks for the post, Matty!

  • YSaC, Vol. 1742: Two out of seven’s not bad.

    [Warning: if you are easily offended, you’re on the wrong website AND you might not want to read the post below.]

    Free frig

    I’m giving my frig away. It’s really the only frig I’ve ever given. If you’d like to frig, its free to pick up, outside of [location]. Please, come get it, its the only frig I have

    I’m not really looking for a frig right now. I’ve been looking for a damn for a while, but nobody ever seems to have those to give away. Or a shit. I’d settle for a crap, but even those don’t get given very often. There’s lots of fucks out there though, and unlike shits and craps, nobody ever seems to take those.

    I’ll show myself to the corner.

    Thanks, Ralph!

  • YSaC, Vol. 1734: One without so much strawberry tart in it.

    Do you want a pet, but don’t have time to deal with all those pesky needs they have? Here’s two possibilities that might be right up your alley:

    Frozen Meduim Rat

    condition: new
    Its a gray frozen rat we recently sold our snake and we had a extra frozen rat, if any one wants it we dident want to throw it away.

    Now, to my mind, “new” condition for a rat is probably still breathing, but whatever. It’s low maintenance! It doesn’t need food! It doesn’t need water! It doesn’t even need oxygen! It does, however, probably need a cool place to keep the smell down.

    Still too much work?

    Free to a good loving home


    Free to good home, “Boulder” has been a wonderful companion.

    However we are forced to downsize and are moving to an apt.

    They do not allow Boulders on the premises

    Boulder is very quiet, he will just sit with you for hours on end.

    Please give Boulder a good home.

    Boulder doesn’t need refrigeration, so you could start here, and when you feel prepared, work your way up to dead rat.

    Thanks for the posts, Michael and Alisha!

  • YSaC, Vol. 1655: I can swing my sword.

    Sword (cursed) – $100

    Looking to sell my sword. The power and temptation are too much to bear anymore. Here’s a little bit about the sword:

    42″ blade, Cursed so that it will kill a man every time it is used and will be the cause of three great evils.

    * Forged by magic, handle carved from the tree Barnstokkr.
    * Cutting strength and durability beyond that of an ordinary weapon.
    * Unbreakable by anything but wrongful acts of its wielder.
    * Bursts into flame when wielder is challenged or in danger.
    * Under the correct circumstances can sever its victim’s head in one blow!
    * Frightens unworthy opponents and the elderly.

    $100 or best offer. Also willing to trade for other cursed items.

    Hmmm. I don’t know if I’ve got anything cursed lying around here, but I have some haunted furniture and a haunted painting you might be interested in.

    Wait, I’m trying to understand this sword’s special powers. It’s cursed so that it will kill your opponent? Isn’t that a good thing, assuming that your opponent isn’t Joey from down the street? And apparently it kills your opponent by … bursting into flame. Now, I’m no Medieval specialist, but I was under the impression that swords were supposed to be more on the solid spectrum than the fire spectrum. It seems it is also responsible for the three great evils of Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo, Miss Congeniality 2: Armed and Fabulous, and Titanic 2: Mermaid Saviors. Okay, now we’re talking power.

    Although, I think I’d like a sword that would not break when I rip the tags off my mattress with it.

    Thanks, Angel!